***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

+++++++++++++++++++

Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

**********************

† RIP Renfield  #567 – SUMMER – this is the END †

August  28, 2010

———————

IT MAY NOT BE THE ‘OFFICIAL’

END OF SUMMER…

(but close enough)

My summer vacation if over,
the kids are back to schook,
it’s getting dark earlier,
their has been some relief from the oppressive heat,
and even a few hurricanes are around…

ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE !!!

The calendar may say SUMMER,
even the weather might say it…

BUT YOUR BODY CLOCK IS SAYING ‘OVER’ !

—–

The vacation was running so smoothly,
I decided to put off the inevitable laptop reformat to factory new…
(I have a few days off in october, maybe then)
So I didn’t do it in my leisure…
and 3 days before I go back… BOOM !!!
The aol copy that holds my life & RIP crashed !
(almost taking the computer with it)
I did a SYSTEM RESTORE, a SCAN DISK,
DELETED 13 GIGS (of backed-up stuff)
and took an older, saved version of the AOL I use,
and recreated the PFC (personal filing cabinet)
to the form I use and keep standard templates
and backed-up fodder items in…
(plus my purchase folder & contact addresses)

SO I AVOIDED THE REFORMAT AGAIN,
BUT IT’S ONLY BEING DELAYED !

At least I’ll be able to find out HOW
to hook up with a NORTON SUITE I pay for,
that can be used on multiple computers…
I couldn’t use it because of using
WINDOWS SERVICE PACK 1
(don’t ask)
I need to use at least SERVICE PACK 2 for the Norton Suite…
but why not go to SERVICE PACK 3 ?
I’m not sure I can, I’ll check into that too…
(16 vs 32 bit stuff, I can’t find it)

ONE GOOD THING ?

I was fortunate to have saved the entire
PFC from AOL8 to file the nite before…
SO  I  LOST  NOTHING !!!  NADA !!!
But I have to use a few extra clicks to get to it…
(NOT A PROBLEM, A GOD-SEND)

I GUESS IS PAYS TO BE ‘ANAL’
WHEN IT COMES TO BACKING UP FILES !
(I’ve already multiply backed up my ‘new’ necessities)
(( OFF THE COMPUTER  ))

Well… that was excitement I didn’t need
right before a RIP issue needed writing,
and didn’t need at the END of a vacation.

and on top of that I picked up a cold somewhere…
a deep, hacking cough…
(better now than when back to work)
and feel like shit in the later part of the day…
(percocet helps)
but still could manage some yard work in the hot sun
in the earlier part of the day….

Hmmmm…

That should take up some ’space’ to fill out the issue…

NOW … ON TO THE ENTERTAINMENT !!!

_____________________

AND NOW..

MISTER ENTERTAINMENT…

R.I.P

MITCH  MILLER

An american icon of early 60’s television…
who knew he was still alive at 99 ?

An original, enjoy-able alternative for the folks
who never ‘got’ rock-and-roll !
A mostly male chorus, singing fun songs
and standards, while Mitch ‘woodenly’
conducted them… as did all his ‘imitators’…
and you could ‘follow-the-bouncing-ball’
and sing along with Mitch at home !

REGULARLY A TOP 2O SHOW !!!
(hey, look how long Lawrence Welk lasted)

But if you didn’t know…

he was a key executive at Columbia Records,
both producer and arranger…
and was largely responsible for the ’sound’
and the fame of some really big names of the day…
Tony Bennett, Patti Page, Rosemary Clooney,
Frankie Laine, Jo Stafford,
and was responsible for switching
Johnny Mathis from jazz to romantic ballads !

Miller’s square reputation in the post-rock era brought
his name and music to unexpected places.
In 1993, one of his “Sing Along” records was used by the FBI
to drive out the Branch Davidian cult from itsTexas compound.

In recent years, Miller returned to his classical roots,
a frequent guest conductor with symphony orchestras.

In 2000, he won a Grammy Award for lifetime achievement.




ALL-IN-ALL A GREAT LIFE !!!

(he had his mind & wits to the end)

((if you plan to be around, that’s the way to do it))

_____________________________

Interesting arguments

from the pro-mosque at Ground Zero camp…


Re:  the ‘victory’ symbolism ?

NOT AT ALL…

“To me and many Muslims, this mosque is like
any other mosque in any part of the world,”
said Houriya Baleegh, a 55-year-old Cairo housewife.
“It does not mean much to Islam having a mosque at ground zero.”

IF THAT’S THE CASE…

Build it at another (nearby) location !
It ‘does not mean much’ to YOU…
but it does to others…
THE WORD ‘COMPASSION’ COMES TO MIND !

Re:  a ‘bridge’ to better understanding & relations ?

I think this ‘bridge’ is pretty well tainted…
YOU want to appear to be the ‘voice-of-reason’ ?
YOU can show US(A) that YOU are the
BIGGER, BETTER PERSON !
Much like the Pope moving a nun’s convent
away from a nearby NAZI conentration camp.


The PR move would have been

to show-up the barbarians !

(and find your victory there)

Now the USA appears to have joined
the growing list of countries
that sees a fanatical religion that doesn’t get along with others !


THIS IS A CLUSTER FUCK

AND NO ONE IS GOING TO COME OUT OF THIS
LOOKING (or smelling) GOOD !

(and THIS created MORE discrimination, NOT less)

BUT WASN’T THAT THE PLAN ALL ALONG ?
TO JUSTIFY VIOLENT ACTIONS AGAINST US ?

JUST WONDERING?

THEY USING UNION LABOR ON THIS PROJECT ?

____________________

tiger’s ex-wife…

WHAT DID HE EVER SEE IN HER ?

Anyway… I’m at the cash register in a pharmacy & see
the EX pasted all over the magazine covers telling HER story !

WHAT’S WITH HER ?

Everybody knows the story, it’s yesterday’s news…
They are divorced, she probably got a half billion dollars,
WHAT IS THE REASON FOR THE PUBLIC DISPLAY ?

(since she’ll be soon crying about her privacy being invaded)

THERE IS NO REASON FOR HER TO BE OUT THERE,
IS SHE LOOKNG FOR TV OR MODELING WORK
TO SUPPLEMENT HER BANK ACCOUNT ?
AND MORE IMPORTANTLY,
THER IS NO NEED TO DRAW ATTENTION TO THE KIDS !

SHAME ON HIM ?

SHAME ON HER TOO !!!

______________________

TASTE vs. the RIGHT TO BE AN A-HOLE…

A video game that allows players to adopt the role of the Taliban
is a “tasteless product,” Britain’s defense secretary said Sunday,
calling on retailers to show their support for troops by not selling it.

Liam Fox said he was “disgusted and angry” by “Medal of Honor,”
produced by California-based Electronic Arts Inc.

“At the hands of the Taliban, children have lost fathers and wives
have lost husbands. It’s shocking that someone would think it acceptable
to recreate the acts of the Taliban against British soldiers,”
he said in a statement. I would urge retailers to show their support
for our armed forces and ban this tasteless product.”

PRESIDENT OBAMA & NYC MAYOR BLOOMBERG
MUST THING THE BRITS ARE BEING
A LITTLE TOO SENSITIVE…
(So ?  It’s a slap in the face of victims… deal with it)

ELECTRONIC ARTS IS IN BUSINESS TO SELL…
SELLING TO THE TALIBAN SUPPORTERS
IS JUST ‘BUILDING-A-BRIDGE’…
(more like blowing up that bridge)

IT’S NICE TO SEE A SOMEONE OF HIGH POSITION,
A NON-PUSSY,
EXPRESSING SOME OUTRAGE OVER
A TASTELESS SITUATION
IN A COUNTRY THAT ALSO HAS
‘FREEDOM of SPEECH’
but who is excercising HIS own use of ‘free’ speech
to tell-it-like-it-is !!!

THE ‘ELECTED’ OFFICIALS DISTANCED THEMSELVES
AND BACK-PEDALED…
BUT WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ?
(the taliban have rights that don’t exist in their own countries)

BUILD A MOSQUE, PRACTICE YOUR RELIGION
AND STOP HIDING (incorrectly) BEHIND
THE FIRST AMDENDMENT !!!
Just build it a half-mile away…

THE ‘VOICE OF REASON’ FOR THE MOSQUE
(the ‘holyman’, project spokesman),
BLAMED THE USA FOR THE ATTACK
(a justified reaction from the taliban)
AS RECENTLY AS 5 YEARS AGO…
(well AFTER the bombing)

At least they can’t blame us for ’stoning to death’
a rape victim, inflicting paralysis as punishment, etc…

A VERY REASONABLE PEOPLE, NO ?

(YOU REALLY DON’T HEAR AN OUTCRY
AMONG THEMSELVES FOR CHANGE)

__________________

JACKIE (The Joke Man) MARTLING

is ‘aces’ with me these days…

www.JokeLand.com

The legitimacy he gave to my many years
of writing crap was totally un-intended by him…
but, in my delusions ?

I’M WALKING ON AIR !!!


I just picked up my ‘gifts’

(or as I like to call it PAYMENT for jokes)

and Jackie definitely has some great merchandise !

INCLUDED IN MY PARCEL…

His NEW comedy CD… SNART

also … HAPPY ENDINGS…
the comedic, musicial musings of a true entertainer…
(including my favorite… THE BEER SONG)

A copy of his…
DUSGUSTINGLY dirty JOKE BOOK

And a great promotional item…
A BUSINESS CARD WITH 4 PUSH-OUT GUITAR PICKS.



(I might have to get-onboard with these for RIP)

AND SOMETHING I’VE WANTED FOR 20 YEARS…
ONE OF HIS T-SHIRTS (he got a RIP one)…
that clearly states…

” I STUMPED JACKIE THE JOKE MAN !! ”


(usually given at night club appearances)

It’s like an AWARD…

YOU HAVE TO EARN IT !
(okay… you can buy one for $20,
but I didn’t have to)


I’M TOTALLY IMPRESSED WITH JACKIE’S GENEROSITY…
(and the great laughs he’s provided for decades)

GO VISIT JOKELAND

CHECK OUT HIS MERCHANDISE
AND JOIN THE REST OF US
THOROUGHLY ENTERTAINED FANS !

___________________

While wasting the days away…

I found myself watching alot of cable court shows…
(or the ‘chase’ and trial of the criminal)

AND I HEARD THIS
MORE THAN A FEW TIMES…

OUR SYSTEM IS SET-UP SO THAT
IT’S BETTER TO LET 10 GUILTY MEN
GO FREE RATHER THAN PUNISH
ONE INNOCENT MAN !



WHEN DID THEY RE-DO THE MATH ?

I seem to remember the ’saying’ claiming
it was better to let 100 MEN GO FREE,
and I think I’ve heard it as…
better to let 1000 MEN GO FREE !

I GUESS THE ‘FIGURER’
FIGURES THE SAME WAY AS ME…

1000, or 100, CRIMINALS OFF THE STREET,
OR PUT TO DEATH,
AT THE COST OF 1 INNOCENT MAN ?
(10 guilty on the street I can live with)

KINDA SOUNDS LIKE A BARGAIN…

(unless YOU are the 1 innocent man, of course)

_____________________

from LAFFADAY…

My girlfriend and I were making love last night
when she looked up at me and said,
“Make love to me like in the movies”.
So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her ass,
pulled it out, flipped her back over
and came all over her face and hair.

She cried.

I guess we don’t watch the same kind of movies.

__________________

Rolling Stone’s Top 10 list

of Greatest Beatles songs are:

1. “A Day in the Life”
2. “I Want to Hold Your Hand”
3. “Strawberry Fields Forever”
4. “Yesterday”
5. “In My Life”
6. “Something”
7. “Hey Jude”
8. “Let It Be”
9. “Come Together”
10. “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”

GREATEST 10?

Seems more a personal list than a factual across-the-board one…

With no basis for choosing, EVERYONE’S TOP 10

would be unique…

Out of THEIR 10, Renfield would only include:


1. “A Day in the Life”
4. “Yesterday”
5. “In My Life”
6. “Something”


I’d add…

WHEN I SAW HER STANDING THERE
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET
I WILL
HERE COMES THE SUN
BLACKBIRD
I’LL FOLLOW THE SUN
I’M HAPPY JUST TO DANCE WITH YOU
THERE’S A PLACE

(and have trouble eliminating 2 to get to 10)

ADDITIONALLY…

I COULD COME UP WITH A FEW MORE…
THOSE WERE OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD.

_________________________

I’M   INNOCENT   OFFICER…

I heard this again…

During a TV show police investigation,
the police were very suspicious of a suspect’s alibi
because the story was…



WHO USES A CELL PHONE

TO CALL SOMEONE IN THE SAME HOUSE ?
(or apartment)

er.. well… ME !!!

I’M TOO LAZY TO GET UP

and

TOO POLITE TO YELL

so if I need to speak to my daughter,
I speed-dial her from my cell phone to hers…
(and since we’re both VERIZON… minutes are always free)

MAKES SENSE TO ME,
WHY WOULD A COP FIND THAT SUSPICIOUS ?

________________

from the
JOKELAND@aol.com
mailing list…

What’s the most disgusting thing
about eating while you’re taking a shit?
The look the waitress gives you.

A truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge.
He stops, gets out, goes up to her and says,
“What are you doing?”
She says, “I’m going to commit suicide.
My parents both hate me.”
He says, “Well, before you jump,
why not jump in the cab of my truck and give me a blow job?”
She’s so forlorn, she figures what the hell.
They hop in the cab of the truck, she sucks his dick,
and takes the whole charge with a huge glurrppp.
The trucker says, “Man. Now that’s talent. I sure hate
to see it go to waste like this. Why do your parents hate you?”
She says,
“They’re ashamed that I’m always dressing up like a girl.”



My ex-wife. What an asshole.

And her tits weren’t bad, either.

______________________

I CAN’T WIN (ever)…

MOWING THE LAWN…

I have a chain-link fence around my backyard.
They border my driveway on one side
and my neighbor’s driveway on the other…

I’ve ALWAYS been responsible for the grass
that grows along my NEIGHBOR’S driveway
(the far-side, not seen part of MY property along side of the house)
A little difficult to keep it trim close to the fence, but I manage.

Now, for the other side?
MY property ends at the asphalt (& fence) of the driveway.
HIS grass, not seen from HIS backyard,
but making MY driveway look like hell,
isn’t part of his grass cutting agenda !
So it’s a foot tall… grass & weeds… poking thru the fence !

IT WAS MENTIONED…
BUT IT SEEMS IT’S STILL MY RESPONSIBILITY
TO KEEP IT NEAT & TRIM…
(I guess because I get the benefit)
So I take my mower around to the other side of his house,
and find myself not only cutting MY side,
but having to cut the OTHER side too
since both neighbors see it as MY job, MY problem !

LIKE I SAID.. I CAN’T WIN…
(even on the little stuff)

Oh.. it’s easier just to do it, than wait,
or start a war !!!


(IT’S BETTER THAN HAVING ONE OF THEM
BUILDING A MOSQUE ON THEIR PROPERTY)

_________________

I THINK THE SECRET IS OUT…

A new sit-com-type show on the Fx Channel
was highly recommended to me
by Ron of RON & FEZ on satellite radio…
(Fx – tuesday nites – 11pm-12 – one new, one repeat)

I gave it a 2 minute look once and wasn’t impressed…
(they throw in a few minutes of comedy club stand-up by the star)
One sunday afternoon, with nothing on tv,
I found it on the ON-DEMAND menu & put it on in the background…

I MUST HAVE CAUGHT THE RIGHT SCENE…

IT TOOK ONLY ONE…

AND I WAS HOOKED !!!

LOUIS C.K. starring as LOUIE
is the best-est, funny-est thing I’ve seen in a long, long time !

If you have ON-DEMAND try one of these episodes…
THE ONE WITH HIS MOTHER (and mom’s new wife)
THE AIRPORT-AIRLINE-TRIP DOWN SOUTH

They all aren’t laugh riots like these…

but once you know the show…

IT DOESN’T TAKE A ‘SLEDGE-HAMMER’ !!!
(it’s adult, but not filthy… kinda like RIP Renfield)

I talked my daughter into watching the episodes
I had just seen… and SHE WAS HOOKED !!!
She now comes to find me on Tuesday nites
so we can watch it together !
(never happened before in her adult life)

AND NOW ?

She knows the show for 10 days
and all she hears (online & real life) is positive chatter
about LOUIE on Fx from her friends !

SEEMS HER OLD MAN HELPED HER DISCOVER A SHOW
BEFORE THE REST OF HER CROWD…
PUTTING HER ON THE CUTTING EDGE !!!

IF I’M REPEATING MYSELF
IT’S JUST SO YOU GIVE THE SHOW A CHANCE
TO WIN YOU OVER LIKE IT DID US !

(and I’m not a sit-com kinda guy anymore)

((never saw a FRIENDS & don’t care for SEINFELD))

THIS IS THE REAL DEAL !!!

_____________________

LOUIS IS THE REAL DEAL ?

I’M A PRETENDER TO THE THRONE
(the one in the bathroom)

Sorry for the lack of lovely ladies this week…
but I’ve been ‘hitting’ them pretty well lately…
and I don’t want to spoil you…

and with the aggravation of the last 36 hours…

I’M JUST GLAD TO HAVE THIS ISSUE DONE !!!

SQUEEZE IN AS MUCH SUMMER AS YOU CAN
IN THE LAST FEW DAYS TILL LABOR DAY….

but there is something to be said about day trips
once the little darlings are back in school…

I USED THE OPPORTUNITY A COUPLE OF TIMES…

Once.. I was finally able to get to the top of the
STATUE OF LIBERTY (the line was much shorter).
and another?
I went to a NJ Devils practice… empty of kid fans…
and was able to mingle with the guys…

THERE’S SOMETHING TO BE SAID

FOR ‘TRIPPING’ AFTER SEPTEMBER ARRIVES…

SO…

I’LL SEE YOU IN SEPTEMBER..

(unless I lose you to a summer love)

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

*******************************

OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
——————————

Still hot-as-hell outside,  so…

I’m glad I’m off work for 2 WEEKS !

BUT, I TOTALLY WASTED THE FIRST ONE !!!
Seems the first week I spent
sleeping late, listening to Ron&Fez, some TV,
staying up later than usual…

AND THAT’S ABOUT IT !!!

I already wrote out a schedule for next week,
giving myself something daily to do…
(I’ll force myself… hopefully)

One thing I did do ?

My wife cleaned out the basement…
left ALOT of wood on the side of the house…
We have the ‘2 can’, 1 man garbage truck now,
so you can’t pile stuff at the curb & have it taken away.
After confirming that all the ‘driveway’ stuff was trash,
I called my (nearby) nephew (with the pickup truck).
His garbage collection is still the old system.
We put a hutch, some big pieces of wood,
and some dresser drawers in his truck
and they were taken the next day.

The FOLLOWING day…
My wife asks me to bring in a ‘dresser’
she has on the driveway…
(one that is missing it’s drawers)
I ask if she has them in the car…

NOPE,
SHE LEFT THEM ON THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE !

(oops)


Hey… it could happen to anyone !

NOW I have to get rid of the dresser too !


I do ‘bad’ even when doing ‘good’ !

__________________

R.I.P

Patricia Neal was an American actress of stage and screen.
She was best known for her roles as
World War II widow Helen Benson in The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951),
wealthy matron Emily Eustace Failenson in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961),
and middle-aged housekeeper Alma Brown in Hud (1963),
for which she won the Academy Award for Best Actress

Neal was offered the role of Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate (1967),
but turned it down, feeling it too soon after her 1965 strokes.

She often appeared on the Tony Awards telecast,
she was the last surviving winner from the first ceremony.

__________________________

the man is just exasperating sometimes…

HOW CAN A PRESIDENT
WITH A DWINDLING POPULARITY
(due to inherited problems or whatever),
OFFER ANY KIND OF OPINION
ON THE GROUND-ZERO MOSQUE ISSUE ?

IT’S A NO-WIN SITUATION !!!
Either you offend the people of the USA
you are out of touch with,
or you may effect foreign relations !

BE VAGUE or KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT !
(or think it out better, too many ‘yes’ men ?)

Negotiating, or attempting,  a compromise
would have been the ‘politician’ move !
(like that idiot Gov.Patterson of NY did)

HOW CAN SOMEONE ALLOW HIMSELF
TO BE PUT IN SUCH A POSITION ?
BACKED INTO A CORNER !
Having to further explain what he meant
after the damage has been done !

The ‘LOCATION’ is creating a much larger bias
that wasn’t there before !

No one said NOT to build a mosque,
or practice your religion…
You were asked to spare feelings,
and we were given the ‘finger’ instead !

(and the president ‘appears’ to side with you.. geesh)

I’M JUST NOT SEE-ING THE ‘LEADER-SHIP’ !!!
(or a ‘great compromiser)

__________________

TOO HOT FOR A BATHING SUIT ?

Geez… you think the photographer
would tell her there’s some ’sea-weed’
stuck to her ‘private’ area !!!

______________________

I just saw a TV commercial that asked…

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH THE MONEY
IF YOUR SCHOOL WERE GIVEN
A HALF-MILLION DOLLARS ?

Spend it on :

ART ?

SCIENCE ?

ATHLETICS ?

There’s only ONE place for it to go
if it comes to a vote by the school…

BONUS MONEY FOR THE TEACHERS !!!

I was ’round-tabled’ with several teachers
at a recent house-party…
and these teachers could not understand
why THEY should be effected by the economy !
WHY SHOULD THEY BITE-THE-BULLET
LIKE OTHER PEOPLE & INDUSTRIES ?
Not them… vital and hard working,
they should be above it all !
(and with tenure they are employed for life)

I pointed out they were off for 3 months every summer…

I WAS CORRECTED… ONLY 6 WEEKS

But they forgot to include…

FALL BREAK
XMAS BREAK
SPRING BREAK
JEWISH HOLIDAYS
SNOW DAYS
EVEN MORE FOR SICK DAYS !!!

I can understand wanting more, not less…
but I’ve had to take less.. others have had to take less…
and still others lost jobs completely !

POWERFUL UNION JOBS OF YESTERDAY ???
Be happy you got what you got when you got it…
FOR THE FORESEE-ABLE FUTURE ?
THOSE DAYS ARE OVER !
(and trashing the unions bring everyone down)

WELCOME TO THE CLUB
(none of us are happy to be members)

___________________

We ‘RIP-ed’ Judith last June… R.I.P

Did you see the pic of the Times Square 65th Anniv. of V-J Day ?
a 26 foot statue of the iconic sailor & nurse kiss…
and tons of people putting on sailor hats and nurses caps
and kissing inTimes Square… cool…



(sailor-nurse, sailor-sailor, nurse-nurse)

(( HEY.. IT IS, AFTERALL, NEW YORK ))

____________________

VISIT TO THE DOCTOR…

I had this bruise on my lower leg
that became infected, it was a little painful…

I went to see a doctor, he bent to look,
and I jumped & said “ouch” when he touched it…

while still bent, he muttered to himself…

” PUSSY “



“HUH?   ‘SCUSE ME ?”

” WHAT DID YOU SAY ? “

The doctor stood up,
looked me right in the eye,
and said…

” YEAH… PUSS-EEY…

YOU KNOW, FULL OF ‘PUSS’ ”

I apologized for my outburst

and he gave me a lollipop on the way out !

AUGUST 26th is the date for
the annual RENFIELD PHYSICAL EXAM !

Like some of my readers say…
YOU may ‘enjoy’ RIP Renfield, but it’s ‘killing me’ !!!

__________________



I’m scratching my head too…

I GIVE UP… WHAT’S SHE DOING ?


_____________________________

“You know those controversial

full-body scanners they use at the airports ?

Great.

Normally I take a Xanax before I fly,
now I have to take a Viagra.”

- Jimmy Fallon

__________________

HEADSTONES !

I just got a call…
the girls are having a family meeting
(mom & 2 sisters)
trying to decide what ‘adjectives’
to put on the new (larger) headstone for dad…

They needed me to tell them EXACTLY
what was on the current one…
(I have photos stored on my computer)

IT SAYS….   ” FATHER “



(I added the pic and color… and the RENFIELD)

For the new one, they want to include

BELOVED
FATHER
HUSBAND
GRANDFATHER
WW2 – ARMY AIR CORPS

(and they were throwing around son & uncle)

BEFORE THEY LET ME GO…

I was asked what I want on MY headstone…
(I’m being cremated)

So, of course, my request was…


RIPRenfield.com

(that says it all)

____________________

JACKIE  MARTLING

www.jokeland.com


The more I think about it, the more I feel that
I really should have asked THE JOKE MAN for
an 8 x 10 headshot and put it with my ‘gallery’…
(autographed to R.I.P of course)


LOOK AT THE COMPANY HE’D BE WITH….

RON & FEZ
ANN JILLIAN
JEFFREY ARCHER
E J PEAKER
CARO
VANNA WHITE

(and a couple KELLIE MARTIN’S that I purchased)


Hey… with MY life

I WAS LUCKY TO GET THOSE  !!!

(they only count if you get them personally)

___________________

the AIRLINE MELT-DOWN…

The rights to the story were purchased
by a major star who plans to star
in the production with himself as the main character…

A ‘treatment’ has already been written
about the BIG arrest scene at the suspect’s home…
Left the airport with 2 beers,
drove home to his gay lover,
and interupted in the ‘act’ by the arresting police…
(having exchanged his ‘HEINEKINS for another HINY)
the star is heard by police outside the home moaning…

” HEY YO… ADRIAN “
(over and over)

Casting is hoping to re-unite the stars of ROCKY 3 !!!
(with  MISTER T  taking over the Talia Shire role)


FLY ME…

PLENTY OF ROOM IN MY REAR COMPARTMENT !!!



” Go ahead & kiss me… you know you want to ! “

_____________________

STAY WITH ME HERE…

My wife visited the hospital for a sore shoulder.
While there, a hospital employee approached her,
and mentioned that she recognized the name…
and upon confirming it was me…
revealed that she knew the name because of her father…
Seems I worked with him for decades,
and he’s since retired…

The part I still don’t ‘get’ ?

She was probably born during the time we worked together.
I had never met her, never even knew he had a daughter,
and, although friendly with him, I never really ‘hung out’
with him or could be considered ‘close’ friends…
nice guy and all…
and we DID interact socially upon occasion…(rarely)
(I think I met his wife once in the 80’s)

The part I  REALLY don’t get ?

WHY WAS MY NAME THROWN AROUND
IN THEIR HOUSEHOLD ENOUGH
SO THAT DURING HIS DAUGHTER’S LIFETIME
SHE WOULD BE ABLE TO ‘LATCH’ ONTO MY NAME
AND HAVE IT ‘FILED’ FOR RETRIEVAL LATER ?

WHAT THE HELL WAS HE SAYING ABOUT ME !!!
WHAT MADE ME SUCH A TOPIC OF CONVERSATION ?

__________________

YOU SAW HER LAST WEEK ?

I JUST HAPPEN TO LIKE THIS PICTURE…

_________________________

A BIRTHDAY PARTY ?

I was received an invitation to a cousin’s
suprise birthday party !  (in a nice restaurant)
As one-of-six children, I’m sure that,
even if no one else shows up…
it’s going to be a very big affair !

I never go to anything, even miss half the funerals…
(and nearly ALL the weddings)
I don’t drink, I don’t dance,
& I don’t want to schmooze relatives !
(with family, I’m considered anti-social)

But it’s not that I don’t want to go to a party
for a cousin I haven’t seen since her father’s funeral,
and can’t think of the last time we spoke…
(I’m not going)
It’s actually nice that they waste a stamp
to invite me… (the proper thing to do)…

THIS IS THE MEAT OF IT…

I am VERY suprised that they are having

the party at all since it’s for a woman’s

60th BIRTHDAY !!!

Every other woman I’ve known that’s turned 60
has requested that there not be a party !
I guess it’s a HUGE reminder that
not only are you not young anymore…
but that you’re ‘crashing’ into senior citizen territory !
(smaller parties at home are the norm for number 60)

THIS SURPRISE COULD BE DEVASTATING TO HER !!!

Actually… I think most women would want to skip
the BIG party for 30, 40, 50, & 60 !

AFTER 60, WHO REALLY CARES ?

(you’re on your way out)

THEN IT’S REALLY ABOUT TRIBUTING YOU
WHILE STILL ALIVE, SO YOU CAN STILL ANSWER BACK !

____________________

SPEAKING OF ‘WHO CARES’ ?

I’m continue-ing my lazy, vacation ways
and just ending this issue here…

I’m surprised I got as much done for this issue as I did…

BUT.. I’M NOT CONFIDENT FOR NEXT WEEK !


So… here I am…

CHECKING OUT !!!

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

*******************************

OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
——————————

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

+++++++++++++++++++++

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

+++++++++++++++++++

Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

**********************

† RIP Renfield  #565 – VACATION – from work †

August  14, 2010

———————

I always threaten…

but this issue WILL BE shorter than normal…

Still extremely hot this week… humid too !!!
Thursday did turn out cooler…
and these strange droplets of water
fell out of the sky for a short time…
(haven’t seen them in a long time)

BUT…
I am officially on vacation (from work) for 2 weeks !!!
I’m not going anywhere except

CASA de RENFIELD

but it will be air-conditioned and out of the sun !

One of my excursions will have to be my yearly visit
to my hair stylist… my pony tail needs shaping…

IT’S QUITE UN-RULY THESE DAYS !


Nice to be away from work & people…

as ART LINKLETTER used to say…

” PEOPLE  ARE  PHONY “

(or something like that)

Phony? Of course… BUT…

Will include a few gratuitous girly pics
for your viewing pleasure…

____________________

Ohhh…

PEOPLE ARE FUNNY
PEOPLE ARE ALSO DEAD

R.I.P

ART  LINKLETTER



First of all… how does someone named
Gordon Arthur Kelly from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan
decide to dump that ‘neutral’ actor-type name for
ART  LINKLETTER ?

More famous & popular than younger people think…
His HOUSE PARTY ran (on radio & tv) for 25 years !
His PEOPLE ARE FUNNY ran for 19 years !
He also had time for 2 movies…
One, a favorite of mine…
CHAMPAGNE FOR CAESAR
where he played the love interest !!!

AND IF THAT’S NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU…
He became a major investor & promoter of the hula hoop.
Later endorsing Milton Bradley’s Game of Life…
with his picture appearing on the box
and also on the $100,000 bills featured in the game.

__________________

the MOSQUE at GROUND ZERO…

One thing that I’m especially ‘embarassed’ about
is that this damn mosque will probably
be built in the next year or so…

WHILE, AFTER NEARLY 10 YEARS,
GROUND ZERO IS MOSTLY
A HOLE (crater?) IN THE GROUND !!!


——–

THINKING TOO SMALL ?

I put forth the lack-of-sensitivity proposition
by proposing that a business
using ‘unclean’ pigs as a theme
and locate it next to the ground-zero mosque…


SEEMS THERE ARE ‘LIKE’ THINKERS OUT THERE…
I HEARD BACK EVERYTHING I SAID
about the mosque at ground zero by this guy…
but in addition he’s actually working on this…


Comedian Greg Gutfeld is planning to open a

gay bar

catering specifically to Muslim men
next to the Ground Zero mosque.
ALL IN THE NAME OF TOLERANCE
AND ALL OF US GETTING ALONG…
(I thought they claimed there weren’t any)

www.DailyGut.com

AND JUST TO SHOW ‘SENSITIVITY’…
it will be a non-alocoholic bar
in deference to their religion…

NO GIRLS ALLOWED !!!



GIRLS ARE YUCKY !!!

IT’S MORE THAN A JOKE…
THE MONEY IS THERE FOR THE ENTERPRISE !
(call it a first amendment issue)

—————

the website is looking for suggestions
for a name for the new bar…

THEY INCLUDE…

GagDad
Gay-had
The Pecca Mecca
Sandlicker’s
Git Mo’
In Fidel’s
Mayor Bloomburg’s Office
“Dude Drop Inn”
The Love Goat
You Mecca Me Hot
“The Queer’an”

and I find it funny that the notion of a ‘bar’
be criticized by ONLY a few at the site
for being insulting & insensitive…

SHOULDN’T IT GO BOTH WAYS ?


BUILT A HALF-MILE AWAY…
IT GETS NO NOTICE…

WHY IS THIS LOCATION
SO IMPORTANT TO THE BUILDERS ?

DON’T YOU THINK THEY COULD HAVE
ANTICIPATED THE REACTION AND AVOIDED IT ?

(unless it’s what they wanted?)

___________________

steve slater… folk hero !!!

I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore !!!



The offender was the rude, crude, a-hole
of a passenger who treated Steve like a servant !
(or worse)

Shouldn’t that woman who caused the ruckus
on the plane have been arrested by air marshalls ?
(a man would have been arrested for not obeying flight crew)
I can’t wait fo them to reveal her identity
and see the shit she gets from the public !!!

FLIES CHEAP & CAN’T BEHAVE LIKE A HUMAN BEING !
She should have at least been arrested for assault !
SHE KISS HER KIDS WITH THAT FILTHY MOUTH ?

addendum…

A woman witness spoke to the press
and claimed that SLATER was the rude one…
as an example?
He wouldn’t get a napkin to clean coffee off her seat !
Uh… seems he rolled his eyes as he said
(with a gash in his head),
” I’m going to take care of myself first, honey ! ”

Talk about rude…

HIS INJURY SHOULD WAIT
WHILE HE ATTENDS TO A COFFEE SPILL ?

(I have a feeling this woman was travelling with
the a-hole who started the whole thing)

THEY’RE HAVING TROUBLE FINDING SOMEONE
ON THE PLANE TO DEFEND STEVE…
BUT HEY… EVERYBODY HAS A BAD DAY !
You DON’T have to be an additional A-Hole !!!

___________________

RENFIELD

PROFESSIONAL JOKE SELLER !!!

I’m thinking that JACKIE (THE JOKE MAN) MARTLING
has better things to do than read RIP Renfield…
So, to toot my own horn (behind his back)…
I was thinking that his kind offer of his new comedy CD

SNART

was in return (I’ll consider it payment)
for a joke I sort of wrote and sent to him…

ONCE ‘compensation’ IS RECEIVED…

I’M A PROFESSIONAL WRITER !!!

Woo-hoo !!!

F. JACKIE ?

Hell… THANKS JACKIE !!!

www.JOKELAND.com

(check him out… SNART & other good stuff there)


addendum…

as a ‘PROFESSIONAL’ COURTESY…
My pal Jackie and I are exchanging
t-shirts with ‘OUR’ corporate identities !

(upon receipt, I’ll scan it for you guys)

______________

call the girls back in when the couch is ready…

COUCH COLOR BLINDNESS ?

Years ago when I was single & had my own ‘pad’,
I had a GREEN couch (fold-up bed inside)
that came with the apartment…
New enough to take it with us when I ’shacked-up’
with my wife just previous to our marriage.

ONE ARGUMENT WE HAD ABOUT THE COUCH ?

I called it GREEN, she said it was GOLD (almost yellow).
Although it seemed to amuse her,
I was FINALLY content to ‘disagree’ !!!

FAST-FORWARD 20-or-so YEARS…
THAT couch is long gone…
I’m in a position where I was ‘assigned’
my own room to keep my ’shit’
out of site from my ‘bare-bones’ house designer wife!

I call it THE MEDIA ROOM.

Two-TV’S (separate cable hook-ups,
computer, several vcr’s, dvd player, air conditioner,
lots of shelves and shelving units…
nicely stacked piles of audio cassettes,
video tapes, dvd’s, and audio cd’s…
my nearly full-sized keyboard, satellite radio,
RIP Renfield merchandise and choch-keys…
(everything in it’s place, not messy.. just alot of it)

and the room set up in more-or-less
BLACK & WHITE
Black couch, black curtains, room darkening shades,
lots of black pillows & cushions…
the ‘wood’ shelf units & dressers
in light colored wood…
VERY NICE, VERY COMFORTABLE

YESTERDAY…

MY daughter asked me why I call MY ‘futon-ey- couch,
the BLACK couch when it’s GREEN !!!
(she has no knowledge of the ‘old’ couch)

Where the ‘old’ couch was ‘GOLDEN’,
this one is BLACK, faded BLACK
(the slipcover faded like denim)

AND THE ARGUMENT STARTS…

She thinks I’m ‘goofing’ on her…
THAT THE COUCH IS ABSOLUTELY GREEN !
(the other end of the spectrum.. DARK green)

(I still can’t see it as anything but BLACK)

I asked her… if the couch is GREEN,
why did I buy BLACK hand-towels
to use as doilys on the arms of the couch ?

HER REPLY ?

SHE ALWAYS WONDERED WHY I USED BLACK ONES
INSTEAD OF GREEN ONES !!!

ARGHH !!!

I can see green grass, green trees,
I just bought 4 forest green t-shirts
(that’s what started the discussion)…

SO I CAN SEE GREEN !!!

I’m thinking I may have a ’selective’ form
of color blindness !  Or females related to me do !

EITHER THAT OR I’M JUST BEING FUCKED WITH !!!

___________________

I was sat,
waiting in the car on a residential street…

When an ‘older’ woman squeezes past my car
on the passenger size because of NO sidewalk…
She had her small, white dog on a leash.
In her leash hand she carried plastic bag for the dog shit
(that was probably the point of ‘walkies’),
in her other hand, she carried a paper towel
to pick the dog shit off the ground,
fresh out of the dog’s ass,

and immediately place it in the plastic bag
that she carried for later disposal…

OLD LADY WITH DOG SHIT NOT AS NICE A PICTURE
AS YOUNG LADY WITH DOG SHIT…

(not this young lady’s sexiest moment)


AND IT GOT ME THINKING…

IF I WERE AN ALIEN WHO JUST LANDED ON EARTH,
I WOULD HAVE TO ASSUME THE DOG WAS
THESUPERIOR FORM OF LIFE
IN CHARGE OF THE ‘ATTENTIVE’ DOG-SHIT TOTER !

(and CATS superior to BOTH of them)

((them & their ‘dean martin’.. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ATTITUDE))

_________________

DAMN…

I was so excited that

Jackie (The Joke Man) Martling
answered my original email
and kindly offered me his new comedy CD…

SNART

(available at www.JokeLand.com )

I forgot to ask him to autograph it
for my very ‘tiny’ RIP collection…

I have a few scattered around here
that are inscribed…

R.I.P

or

‘Rest-in-Peace, Gary’

or

‘To RIP Renfield’…

(with the autograph underneath)


___________

from the mailbag…



Speaking of Chelsea’s wedding,
the night before the wedding,
Hillary and Chelsea were having “the talk”
and Hillary asked “Have you and Mark had sex yet?”
and Chelsea responded “Not according to Dad.”

Mike (aka Daddyo)

________________________

http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/

GO TAKE A LOOK AT FORGOTTEN HITS…

(They’re not fussy… I’m even allowed to post with the BIG SHOTS!)

_____________________

So I’m at my online BBC news service…

The story is about ‘pierced’ tongues….
Seems a study has shown that ‘fiddling’ with the stud
results in front tooth gaps & also brain abscesses !

(ohhhh… that explains alot)

BUT WHAT CAUGHT MY ATTENTION ?
The TONGUE on the girl in the accompanying photo !!!

IF YOU SUSPENDED MY BY MY TONGUE ONLY…
(with my entire body weight pulling on it)
MY TONGUE STILL WOULDN’T BE AS LONG
AS THE TONGUE ON THIS WOMAN !!!

I CAN’T IMAGINE SHE’S EVER HAD TROUBLE
GETTING A DATE !!!

(the things you could do with a tongue like that)
((and not just lick your own eyebrows or clean your ears))

I THINK MY LIFE WOULD HAVE TURNED OUT
VERY DIFFERENTLY, HAD I A TONGUE LIKE THAT !!!

GREAT MAKE-OUT ARTIST ?

HELL, IN ONE EAR & OUT THE OTHER !!!



__________________

I ran out of stuff…

so the issue runs a bit short
(by my standards)…

The UPS guy just dropped off the new
Toshiba DVD-VHS recorder I ordered…
My wife blew thru 2 VCR’s in 2 weeks…
and suggested we join the 21st century & go DVR !

FINE WITH ME…
It’ll make it easier to convert old family movies to DVD.
I’m out-sourcing them now at a per-disk cost,
and I’m not able to edit… they roll the whole thing !

The TOSHIBA DVR620 is a pretty good deal.
No tuner.. but with cable, digital tv it’s a waste anyway.
Otherwise, the rest of the inards are state-of-the-art.
(I HOPE)
For $159 plus $10 shipping (JR.com – J&R MusicWorld)
it’s a deal I couldn’t pass up !
($229, same unit, but a fancy tuner)

I plan to spend a few hours today
reading the operation manual…
I need to know it well enough to be able to
operate it in it’s simplest form for my wife…
(she wants to use the DVR capability instead of tape)

SO INSTEAD OF ENTERTAINING MY READERS FURTHER,
I’LL HAVE MY NOSE IN A MANUAL,
HOPEFULLY ABOUT TO UNDERSTAND IT MYSELF !

SHORT TONGUE, BURIED NOSE

I HAVE TO GO CRY IN MY COFFEE,

BYE

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

*******************************

OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
——————————

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

+++++++++++++++++++++

DAMN…

I WAS HOPING SUMMER WOULD HAVE
LET UP ON US A BIT BY NOW…

IT’S STILL BRUTAL !!!

Days of mid-80’s are NOW the pleasant ones,
not the un-comfortably hot days !

I just read a weather advisory warning…
EVEN FOR US…
an extremely hot, humid, dangerous day !!!

NICE IF YOU CAN STAY INSIDE !
(I can’t)

I start vacation the 16th thru the 30th…
If I can just make it till then… whew !

HOPE YOU’RE IN A POSITION
TO TAKE ‘ADVANTAGE’ OF THE HEAT…
‘CAUSE I’M SURE NOT !!!

(also sorry if the issue runs short… I’m giving you all I got)


________________

a surprise !!!
Look in THIS issue for ANOTHER funny-man !!!
(I made a new friend)

R.I.P

ALLAN SHERMAN



An American comedy writer and television producer
he became famous as a song parodist in the early 1960s.
His first album, My Son, the Folk Singer (1962),
became the fastest-selling record album up to that time.
His biggest hit single was “Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh“,
a comic novelty in which a boy describes his summer camp
experiences to the tune of Ponchielli’s Dance of the Hours
(Ponchielli must be spinning in his grave)


Although known for other things…
Allan will always be known for his
stroke-of-genius parody, novelty song…
HELLO MUDDAH, HELLO FADDUH
(although I’m quite partial to SARAH JOCKMAN)
((sung to Frère Jacques))
HE HAD AN ALBUM’S WORTH OF MEMORABLE ONES !.

Sadly, his health went to hell from a bad lifestyle,
and he died just short of his 49th birthday (1973)


_________________________________

one more thing concerning…

CHARLEY  WRANGEL

I read that President Obama is gently
urging Wrangel to resign (retire)
so as to avoid any hearing or trial
that would most likely be-smirch his character…

HE DID ALOT OF GOOD WORK…
LEAVE WELL, NOT IN SHAME !


UH… IS THAT SLIMY OR WHAT ?

An elected official should answer to a higher standard !
Not weasel out of charges against him (or her).
The charges should follow them into retirement !!!

BREAK THE RULES
BUT AVOID THE CONSEQUENCES
BY RETIRING IN GLORY ?

How about making an example of of him ?

The IRS had no problem making an example
out of MARTHA STEWART !!!

To be fair.. for her?

Large fine, house arrest with an anklet,
probation for a few years….

NO JAIL TIME WAS NECESSARY !

BUT THEY NEEDED TO MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF HER !!!


WELL… MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF WRANGEL

It might keep some other criminal-politicians
(but I repeat myself)
from ‘thieving’ their way thru representing a constituency !

FAVORITISM ?

SPECIAL TREATMENT ?

Eff ‘em !!!

THERE SHOULD BE A HIGHER STANDARD !!!

__________________

THE GROUND-ZERO MOSQUE ?

Seems it’s going to get the go ahead…
and if it is a first amendment issue
(and ’sensitivity’ isn’t a concern)…
BUILT A HALF-MILE AWAY
WOULD IT HAVE CAUSED A STIR ?

I’m planning MY new project…

I want to raise money to buy the real estate
adjacent to the proposed mosque,
and open a store to sell PIG PRODUCTS !

or a restaurant… a franchise…

MEMPHIS PIG OUT

or a NON-Kosher deli with lots of ’smelly’ bacon !



SOUVENEIRS TOO !!!

Little statues, BIG statues, inflatables, T-shirts,
hats, pig noses, balloons, jars of pig blood, stuffed pigs,
pig toys, pig plushies, lucky pig’s feet, etc.


OH… THE PIG IS CONSIDERED UN-CLEAN
AND AN INSULT TO SOME ?

All I’m doing is taking advantage

of a capitalist society & the first amendment !

I’M BEING INSENSITIVE ?

IT GOES BOTH WAYS…

YOU’RE INSENSITIVE, I’M INSENSITIVE…

STALEMATE !!!

Will that be 1 quart of pig’s blood or 2 ?




WILL THE ‘OTHER SIDE’ BE AS UNDERSTANDING,
AND FIRST AMENDMENT LOVING,
AS THEY EXPECT THE REST OF US TO BE ?

____________________

ILLITERACY ?

I once said that I thought the home computer,
and the internet, was the greatest boon
to the fight for literacy !!!

YOU HAD TO READ & WRITE

TO USE YOUR COMPUTER !
(great carrot)

BUT SOMETHING THAT DWARFS THAT ?

TEXTING !!!

Imagine being a teen, and NOT being able to text !
It would be a major handicap…
all the more reason to learn to read & write
even at a basic level…




THE CHEAP CURE IS IN YOUR HAND !!!


TEXTING HAS DONE
WHAT GENERATIONS OF GOV’T MONEY
COULD NOT ACCOMPLISH !!!

____________________

another RIP celebrity…

I wrote to JACKIE (’The Joke Man’) MARTLING

(formerly of the Howard Stern show, I know him from
back in the ‘golden days’, when Stern was relevant).

JACKIE USED TO ‘KILL’ ON THE SHOW !!!

I emailed after a great OPIE & ANTHONY appearance…
I kissed his ass (reverently)… slammed Howard… plugged RIP…
sent him the ‘dream-ass hurt ’ joke from last RIP issue
and got this back from him….

SEEMS LEGIT…

But with a PO box & a non-de-plume, should I really care ?

Subj: hi

Date: 8/5/2010 4:29:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: JokeLand@aol.com
To: Renfield54@aol.com
Sent from the Internet (Details)


e-mail your street address and I’ll send my new CD,

———-


WOW… I’M AN EVEN BIGGER FAN NOW !
(even if he still has an affilation with Imus, er, I mean Stern)

I’VE PURCHASED IN THE PAST, BUT A FREEBIE ?
(it’s almost like a dvd ’screening’ copy from a studio for me)

RIP RENFIELD has ARRIVED !!!

The new CD is called

SNART
(as in ” it’s-an-art)

Not expensive and more than a few jokes
that you’ll be re-telling…
His site is  www.JOKEMAN.com
A really great looking site, a new joke every day,
appearance info, Sirius radio info,
and other assorted JACKIE info…

CHECK IT OUT

I got a lot of mile-age out of a ‘blond’ joke
‘appropriated’ from the site…
a ‘new’ one in my circle of friends…


I TOLD A BLOND SHE HAD A SPOT ON HER CHEEK.
SO SHE STARTS RUBBING HER CHEEK.
I TOLD HER…” NO, THE OTHER SIDE ”
SO INSTEAD OF GOING TO THE OTHER SIDE
OF HER FACE, SHE PUTS A FINGER IN HER MOUTH,
AND RUBS THE ‘OTHER’ SIDE.. THE INSIDE !!!
(it’s a ‘visual’…. try it on someone)

_____________________

THIS MAKES ME FEEL ALOT BETTER ABOUT MYSELF….


The power of accurate observation

is commonly called cynicism

by those who have not got it.

- George Bernard Shaw

____________________

OBAMA’s APPROVAL ?

It was pointed out to me that Obama’s
approval rating is in-the-ballpark
with early Ronald Reagan approval ratings…

MAYBE… BUT REAGAN HAD A LIFETIME
OF EXPERIENCE & ‘CHARM’
TO HELP SMOOTH OUT THE BUMPS…
(something to fall back on)
HE WAS LIKE A WISE GRAND-PA,
NOT A YOUNG, GREEN, WHIPPER-SNAPPER !

I just read that Obama grades himself as an

‘in-complete’

Seems he thinks he’s doing a kick-ass job,
but that no one recognizes him for it…

AMONG HIS ‘ACCOMPLISHMENTS’…

HE’S NOT BUSH
HE STAVED-OFF A WORLD-WIDE DEPRESSION
HE’S NOT BUSH
HE SAVED THE AUTO INDUSTRY
HE’S NOT BUSH
HIS HEALTHCARE BILL
HE’S NOT BUSH
HIS QUICK RESPONSE TO THE BP OIL SPILL…
(er… skip that one… he ‘WAS’ Bush on that one)


I guess if you’re okay with being
un-employed, or under-paid,
and don’t mind our ’slow’ military removal overseas,
and love talk, not action…

He IS doing a kick-ass job !!!

WHY ISN’T ANYONE ELSE

PICKING UP ON IT ?

(was he invited to Chelsea’s wedding?)
((very low-key if he was))


___________________

USUALLY GOING UN-NOTICED BY ME…
it finally sunk in…

SEEMS A CERTAIN BRAND OF TOILET (tissue) PAPER
was touting itself as better (or best)
BECAUSE it didn’t leave ‘little bits’ of paper
stuck to your ass after you wipe it !

I GUESS I WAS UN-KNOWING-LY EXPOSED
TO THE GOOD STUFF MY ENTIRE LIFE !

I WAS TOTALLY UN-AWARE THAT THERE
WAS A PROBLEM IN THIS AREA !!!
I always got away ‘clean’
even after a ‘dry’ wipe !

Actually, after the ‘paper’ wipe,
I’m a big believer in wet ‘baby’ wipes…
It’s probably like a woman ‘douching’…

I COME AWAY FEELING SO ‘FRESH’ !!!


___________________

the genius that is RON BENNINGTON
of the RON & FEZ sirius-xm satellite radio show…
had a great thought (in a throw-away comment)…

Ron had one of the long-time wacky listeners
in as a guest for a short visit…
and, in a conversation about THE NAKED COWBOY,
and his legal battle with THE NAKED COWGIRL,
started mentioning OTHER street performers
that she runs into and really enjoys…

RON suggested her asking her ‘favorite’ ones
if they’d like to get international radio exposure
by appearing on the show…

and adding….

Instead of STAR SEARCH,

it could be STREET SEARCH !!!

(and not for ‘googling’ individual streets)


WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA FOR A TV SHOW !!!
DO THE WHOLE 3 JUDGE PANEL THING !

I’d line-up the ‘talent’ way before
announcing the creation of the show…
and keep off the phonies… 2 years on the street minimum…
AND I THINK YOU’D GET A BETTER SHOW
THAN THE ORIGINAL STAR SEARCH !
(although they’d probably ‘own’ the name
and would have to be involved in the show)

GOOD ONE RON !!!
(unless of course, I’m just ignorant of the fact
that this idea was already used, or soon to be, on tv)


__________________



OLD can be ANNOYING…

With all the talk of BETTY WHITE these days,
the darling of the media (tv especially),
and all the EXTRA attention seemingly brought
to the forefront because she is OLD !
(with a capital ‘O’)

I’ve always thought BETTY a talent,
and she’s been around MY whole life…
so she isn’t really among the
ESPECIALLY ANNOYING ‘QUEENS of OLD’
that gets ‘appointed’ for most every generation…

BUT JUST OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD…
I CAN THINK OF A FEW MORE
THAT HELD THE ‘DARLING’ POSITION
MAINLY BECAUSE OF AGE…
(and they friggin’ appeared EVERYWHERE)

Actresses I used to like (sometimes)
became annoying old ladies
you couldn’t get away from…

THEY’D TAKE EVERY TV APPEARANCE
THEY COULD GET, NO MATTER WHAT !


NANCY WALKER
(give it a break)

RUTH GORDON
(born old)

DORIS ROBERTS
(real light-weight given ‘old’ respectability)

and now

BETTY WHITE




Probably more, and obvious ones, I missed…
but there is usually only one QUEEN,
who out-lived the rest of the field & is still ready to work,
who becomes the ONE to focus on !

IS IT A PUBLIC DEMAND ?
or
IS THE MEDIA SHOVING THEM DOWN OUR THROATS ?


Like I said… they become annoying…
like when a ‘hit’ song gets played-to-death
until you can’t stand it anymore !

(ie… ‘girls just want to have fun’ that ENTIRE summer)


____________________

IT WAS BASIL RATHBONE DAY ON

AMERICAN MOVIE CLASSICS…

I got caught up in
THE LAST DAYS OF POMPEI
where he played Pontius Pilate
(a pretty minor role actually)

The story centers on a gentle blacksmith
who turns into a corrupt gladiator,
and later a gatherer-seller of slaves…
After his young son’s life-threatening injuries…
He goes to a ‘healer’ making the rounds…
(who is later to be condemned by Pilate & crucified)
who cures his son with a miracle…
Then it goes on & on till the eruption
of Mount Vesuvius that destroys Pompei…
(sounds like a poor-man’s Ben Hur)

I WAS AMAZED THAT I WAS NEVER TAUGHT,
OR FOUND OUT ON MY OWN,
THAT THE DEATH OF CHRIST
AND ERUPTION OF VESUVIUS
HAPPENED SO CLOSE TOGETHER !

I looked it up… they didn’t… poetic license?
I guess accuracy didn’t matter in 1935.

MOUNT VESUVIUS ERUPTED IN 79 AD
(for 2 days)

_____________________

get into…

RENFIELD’S  KITCHEN…

I don’t often bake brownies…
(from a mix of course)

and, I personally, like them warm-to-hot,
right out of the oven…
and more goo-ey than ‘cakey’…
In the past, I’ve been able to do this
with the introduction of chocolate chips to the batter,
and have often blamed ‘cakey’ brownies on the mix !

BUT I THINK I STUMBLED ON THE SECRET !!!

Seems no matter how well you follow baking instructions,
the ‘edges’ of the brownies cook first,
and ‘dry out’ by the time the middle is done,
cooking from the outside, in (to the center).

I accidentally used a clear, glass pan
just a little too deep.
(probably imposssible to bake correctly)
Checking on their progress after 25 minutes
(in a pre-heated 350 degree oven),
I saw, as expected, the ‘outside’ was looking done,
while the middle was MORE liquid than usual…

WHAT TO DO ?

I took a spoon and stirred the ‘done’ edges
into the middle, and repeated this
every 5 minutes until baked to MY satisfaction !
The appearance was not that of ‘normal’ brownies…
but more of a ’scoop-able’, looser, moist cake consistency,
and the consistency was the same from end-to-end !
(to be eaten with a spoon, not a fork)

THE END RESULT ?

DELICIOUS !!!

As moist (and fully cooked) brownie
the likes of which I never tasted before !
If I had the patience and let it cool a bit…
an ice cream topper would have been perfect !

___________________

I’ve been complaining about a

SLOW COMPUTER ?
(nothing I did to screw it up)

I got around most of the problem by
dis-abling my NORTON Anti-virus on shut-down,
and enabling it after booting up…
(sometimes I’m back to normal, other times not)
Once running for 6 or 7 minutes(max) no problem at all.

I GOOGLED another program name
that popped up on shutdown…
‘nsAPPShell:eventwindow’

and if I’m interpreting all the OTHER complaints correctly,
it’s a ‘problem’ with my firefox browser…
one of the updates… but it also sounds like
INTERNET EXPLORER updates are at cross-purposes
and ’sabotaging’ the competition !!!

ONE DAY BUSINESS AS USUAL,
THEN A CONTINUE-ING PROBLEM OUT OF NOWHERE !
The ‘googles’ sounded like a reasonable explanation
for problems emanating from a-hole companies !

THE BASTARDS !!!


__________________

OKAY…

THAT WASN’T TOO PAINFUL…

As cub reporter ‘SCOOP’ Renfield
used to say…

” Let’s put this issue to bed “

SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA…
(ahh… a real bed)

I’m not sure if me being off work for 2 weeks
is going to result in better items
or a struggle with fewer items…

On the one hand…
I have more time to dedicate to RIP.
on the other hand…
Getting out less, I have less to ‘bounce’ off !!!

Time will tell…
and if I have something to say…

RENFIELD WILL TELL !!!

I guess we’ll see in another week or so…

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO NUDITY IN RIP ?

I have to straighten myself out on that ‘crowd-pleaser’
before people STOP crossing the street to avoid me !!!

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

*******************************

OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
——————————

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

+++++++++++++++++++++

okay…

You may notice that the only thing

BASEBALL

about this issue of RIP Renfield
is the death ‘tribute’ to

GEORGE STEINBRENNER

(but doesn’t the pretty banner look nice?)

I WAS IN THE MOOD FOR SOME ‘GREEN’
and  ’tis the season !

JUST GO WITH IT…
maybe I’ll come up with some ‘baseball’
themed stuff off the top of my head !

STILL HOT AS A MOTHER-EFFER,
but mid-80 degree temps are the new 70 degree days !
Amazing how you can think you’re
getting away with something if it doesn’t hit 90-or-so !
The weather report noted that the over-nite temp.
in NY’s Central Park was 65 degrees on July 26th.
IT WAS THE FIRST TIME SINCE JULY 3rd
THE TEMP DROPPED TO THE 60’s !!!

EXCUSE THE CONTENTS OF THIS ISSUE OF RIP…
It was un-avoid-able…
I GOT MY HANDS ON A NEWSPAPER !



__________________

R.IP

YANKEES OWNER

George Steinbrenner



He never angered me (back in the day)
and I never really paid that much attention to him…
and I’m sure DEAD he’s being lauded by everyone !

NOT A HERO OF MINE, BUT THE GUY’S DEAD
(and I’m short on dead people),
HE ASSEMBLED GREAT PLAYERS & TEAMS,
AND HASN’T PISSED ANYONE OFF IN YEARS…
So I can find a place for him in RIP Renfield.

I got the news before all of ya…
Someone ‘tweeted’ Opie & Anthony
with the news that George Steinbrenner had died.
There was NO confirmation from any source…
except those ‘quoting’ RC from Florida,
the O & A source !!!   It could have been a fiasco
for the guys had it been a false rumor…
The RUMOR took off with lightning speed and
was EVERYWHERE within minutes without being confirmed
by a respectable source…
(it was hoped to be an ‘inside’ source)

BUT IT WAS CORRECT..
AND FIRST REPORTED THERE !



TIME TO STRAIGHTEN OUT HEAVEN !!!


__________________

Democracy is a device that ensures
we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
- George Bernard Shaw

AIN’T THAT THE TRUTH !!!

______________

This CHARLEY WRANGEL thing

has me a bit annoyed…

I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHO HE IS
or
WHAT HE IS ACCUSED OF DOING
but…

WHY DOES A CONGRESSMAN’S LAWYERS
GET TO NEGOTIATE A ‘SETTLEMENT’
WHEREBY THE ‘EMBARASSING’ DETAILS
OF THE OFFENSE WON’T BE MADE PUBLIC ?
(or a quick retirement BEFORE the trial ends it?)

(mcgreevey’s ‘crimes’ disappeared too, once he quit)
((to me? the ‘gay’ was his graceful way out))

ANYWAY…

I THINK THE CITIZENS, THE VOTERS,
EVEN THE ILLEGAL ALIENS
SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO HEAR ALL !!!

ALLOWED?  WE SHOULD DEMAND IT !

IT SHOULD NOT EVEN BE A QUESTION !


___________________

sorry… I just don’t get it…

“If I want to live in Fremont, and I want to rent,
I will have to prove my citizenship.
I believe that’s a violation of my civil rights.
I don’t think after two generations in this country
that I have to prove I am a U.S. citizen.”

THE PROOF IS NO MORE THAN SHOWING ID
AT  A TRAFFIC STOP !
AND CROSS THE CANADIAN BORDER
AND SEE IF THEY ACCEPT YOUR ARGUMENT !

MY ‘BORN-HERE’ CREDENTIALS
ONLY GO BACK A FEW GENERATIONS TOO…
I HAVE NO PROBLEM SHOWING PROPER ID !
It’s not to take-away my rights…
it’s protecting them !

MY SUGGESTION ?
A small icon on a driver’s license, or other ID card,
that quickly shows your status.
Make the CRIME any forgery of the icon !
You aren’t singled out for immigration violations,
but for the forgery crime !
You have to show ID for a job or rental…
if the person accepts your BAD ID ?

FINE THEM !!!

for the ‘icon-less’…

STAY OUT OF TROUBLE,
STAY OFF THE GRID,
AND THERE’S NO PROBLEM…
COME HERE AND COMMIT CRIMES,
CAN’T SHOW LEGAL ID ?

BYE BYE !

DON’T AIM FOR NATIONALITY, AIM FOR ILLEGALS…
TURN AWAY ALL WHO DON’T GO THRU THE PROCESS !
IRISH, ITALIAN, or ARGENTINIAN…
WHO-EVER… DON’T DISCRIMINATE !!!
If it makes everyone feel better,
request ID from 10 non-profile-type people
for every 1 of the stereo-typical illegal-type-person !

AND HOLD EMPLOYERS RESPONSIBLE !!!
(they take advantage worse than anyone)

_____________________

on-the-cutting-edge…

NEWARK INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

(the one that some of the 911 terrorists took off from)
is FINALLY getting those ‘fancy’ body scanners
that show your naked silhouette
to a minimum wager earning GED candidate !

I’ve heard of these scanners being installed & used
in various places around the country & world..
and I was wondering ?

WHY WASN’T NEWARK (5 minutes from ground zero)
CLOSER TO THE TOP OF THE LIST
FOR INSTALLATION OF THESE SCANNERS ?

Is there a more iminent threat in IOWA or SOUTH DAKOTA ?


EVER NOTICE THAT THE ‘BAND-AID’
IS NEVER PUT  ON THE PART THAT IS ‘BLEEDING’ ?


____________________

mosque at 9-11 GROUND ZERO ?
(still rubble & a mosque will be first?)

A tv news-show debate had one side
argue-ing the FIRST AMENDMENT…
Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religion
(I may not like it, but I’ll defend your right to say it)

BUT… I found there was NO way NOT to agree
with the opposing (sane) position…
The simple assessment by the ‘dissenter’ was that
IT IS NOT A FIRST AMENDMENT QUESTION AT ALL !!!
Being against the location of the mosque
is no ‘attack’ against any first amendment right !

IT’S MORE A MATTER OF SENSITIVITY !!!
How many times are we told that we should
be more sensitive to other peoples & cultures?
The same sensitivity was are told to have for others,
never seems to work in the opposite direction…
MORE LIKE IT’S USED AGAINST US FOR BEING CIVILIZED !

HOW ABOUT SOME SENSITIVITY
FOR A SHELL-SHOCKED CITY,
WHOSE CITIZENS WERE MURDERED
IN A MOST AGGREGIOUS FASHION !
AN ACT OF UN-DECLARED WAR… TERRORISM !!!

AS FAR AS ANY RELIGION…
They are STILL free to practice,
they are STILL free to build mosques.

THE ONLY QUESTION IS THE PARTICULAR
SITE YOU CHOOSE TO BUILD ONE !
and picking a location that can anger & insult,
isn’t exactly being ’sensitive’ to the LOCAL victims !

I UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE MEMBERS
OF THAT RELIGION, MABYE A VAST MAJORITY,
MAYBE NOT, I DON’T KNOW…
WHO ARE DECENT PEOPLE,
APPALLED BY THE ACTIONS OF A FEW RADICALS !

BUT, LIKE IT OR NOT…

THE COWARDLY, MUREROUS, TERRORIST ACT
WAS DONE IN THE NAME OF THEIR GOD,
AND IN THE NAME OF THEIR RELIGION !

the example used by the tv ‘dissenter’

is a valid comparion…

HE SAID THIS WOULD BE LIKE
BUILDING A RELIGIOUS SHRINE
TO THE ‘KAMIKAZE’ PILOTS WHO ATTACKED
PEARL HARBOR, ON THE SITE WHERE
THE USS ARIZONA MEMORIAL IS LOCATED !!!

SAME THING…

and it’s not a FIRST AMEDMENT ISSUE !
If it has to be built, build it in a less
controversial location…

If I wanted to build a HIROSHIMA carnival ride,
or video game, which glorified the killing…



I’D BE WRONG TOO !

(no one would stop me, but I’d be a pariah)

I’M FREE TO DO IT…

BUT OTHERS ARE FREE TO ‘ATTACK’ ME !
(freedom is a 2-sided coin)
IT BECOMES MY CHOICE WHETHER TO CONTINUE !
(I choose NO)

______________

I just went state-by-state

to read the APPROVAL RATINGS

(more like dis-approval rating)
of the job PRESIDENT OBAMA is doing…

Going thru them state-by-state
it’s hard to believe the dis-approval rate

is ONLY 58% !!!

(only a handful of states approved,
and then only slightly, except for the ‘crazy states’)

BUT ACROSS THE BOARD, MORE THAN HALF POLLED,
WANT THE HEALTHCARE BILL REPEALED !

I must hang out with the wrong people,
and run into the wrong people…
Because, according to the polls, here in NEW JERSEY,
‘we’ seem to love the job he’s doing,
AND I RARELY HEAR ANYTHING POSITIVE !
(except when they STILL blame BUSH)

REMEMBER HARRY TRUMAN ?

” THE BUCK STOPS HERE “

Even if you inherited problems,

you ran on SOLUTIONS…

HOW ABOUT IT ?

If this were BUSH years…
protests would be everywhere !

WHY IS EVERYONE STAYING HOME ?

In a waste-of-a-vote state if you aren’t voting democratic,
like New Jersey, even WE elected a rebpulican governor
this past election… kinda says something, huh?

THAT’S WHY THE POLL NUMBERS HERE
DON’T SEEM ALL THAT ACCURATE TO ME…
(and not in Obama’s favor)

The farther away, the more you ‘approve’ ?

HAWAII was 70% to the good…

‘They’ love him over-seas…

and the MOON approval rating was 80% !!!


____________________

so unlike my usual…

I HAD THIS DREAM THE OTHER NITE…
AND IT’S ‘BURNED’ INTO MY BRAIN…

IT WAS A SEX DREAM !!!

(a sweaty, grunting, all-in event)

As vivid & real as could be…
I think I could pass a lie-detector test
that it actually happened…

as real as any memory in my head…

IT WAS SO REAL

THAT WHEN I WOKE UP…

MY ASS WAS SORE !

___________________

GIVE BILL CLINTON HIS DUE…

He knew how to work the system !
His people would set up ‘focus-groups’
to find the popular, man-on-the-street best percentages
for whatever stand the administration would take…

OF COURSE, IT MADE HIM LOOK LIKE
A REED IN THE WIND…
No opinion of his own… but how could you argue with it?

I FIND IT MUCH SUPERIOR TO PRESIDENT OBAMA,
READING THE NEWSPAPER
(days after internet breaking news)
AND THEN HAVING HIS PEOPLE TO MEET
AND TELL HIM WHAT HIS OPINION IS…
WAY AFTER THE VOTERS HAD TIME TO ANGER !

for example…

HE TOOK HIS FAMILY ON A MAINE VACATION
(not a bother to me)
DURING THE WORST ECOLOGICAL OIL DISASTER
WE’VE EVER SEEN & PROBLMS STILL ABOUND !!!

But the criticism he seems to be reacting to…
IS HIS CHOICE OF VACATION SPOT,
NOT THE VACATION ITSELF AT AN INOPPORTUNE TIME !

SO… to make it all better…

ANOTHER vacation was announced for mid-to-late August…
this time to show support for the ‘harmed’
tourist industry in the Gulf Coast !

FIRST OF ALL…

FLORIDA’s Gulf Coast should have been
the ORIGINAL vacation location if showing support,
and then…
SUMMER IS NEARLY OVER BY THE TIME HE GETS THERE !

THE CLINTONS WOULD HAVE BEEN DOWN THERE
MONTHS AGO… SOAKING UP THE SUN & OIL,
AND ‘CANKLE’ DEEP IN THE TAR BALLS !!!


I MISS ‘FOCUS GROUPS’ !!!

and congrats to the Clintons for ‘un-loading’ Chelsea…
good idea for her to get married BEFORE
she loses her ‘looks’ !!!

oh.. Obama was VERY nearby the other day…

The sandwich shop is just down the road…
I didn’t know her was there at the time…
but the multiple military helicopters buzzing around
let you know something was up…
(could have been terrorism… should have given us a heads-up)

_________________



ONE MORE THING
ABOUT THAT GREAT SEX DREAM…

Yes, the dream really happened…
and my ass was fine when I woke,
I was with a WOMAN !


I WAS FANTASTIC !!!

I wish my wife could have been there !!!
(but then again…)

________________

why donating your body to science

is a less than noble affair…

THERE IS MONEY TO BE MADE
FROM YOUR ‘SELF-LESS’ DONATION !

…the truck contains human body parts as well as
body parts models the company’s using to
demonstrate it’s endoscopic surgery instruments at the
American Orthopaedic Society for Sports Medicine
meeting at the Rhode Island Convention Center.

YOU donate… how do body parts become part
of a ’sideshow’s demonstration for a company
that ‘obtained’ your charitable donation ?
LOOKING TO LINE THEIR POCKETS ?

IS THAT WHAT YOU HAD IN MIND ?
How about a portion of your medical expenses
being paid for when you sign the papers?
(especially in hospice cases)

I’m reminded of a ‘rocker’ being interviewed
and asked about his HUMAN TEETH jewelry…
He somehow was able to enter the warehouse
of a ‘parts’ supplier to a medical school…
said there were baskets of teeth there…
much the same way you’d see produce in a farmer’s market !

THERE OUTTA BE A LAW…

OR AT LEAST DIS-CLOSURE OF FINAL DESTINATION !
(with dignity)

___________________

an ODD COUPLE
(although not as odd as Shirley Jones & Marty Engels)

I thought that TOM POSTON and SUZANNE PLESHETTE
were a wacky match…
But, watching a TV scandal-type show (old re-run)…
they dropped the incredible ‘news’ that somehow…

SHELLY FABARES

(very cool in her day… acted for decades)

is married to… get this…


MIKE FARRELL !!!

(how he got on tv’s MASH I’ll never know…
perhaps hit ‘talent’ didn’t intimidate
any of the petty ’stars’ of the show)
((CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE OF NOTE HE DID))


I guess opposites attract…

SHELLY can come across as cold & stuck-up,
but you’d still ‘bang’ her…
FARRELL, on the other hand, always came across
as a tree-hugging, out-of-touch with the real world,
faux intellectual… with a very short range as an actor…
JUST SMARMY & ANNOYING MOSTLY !

(he couldn’t shine RADAR’S boots….
and they ALL had problems with RADAR)

OH WELL… SHE GOT HER NEW LIVER…
AND IF TOM POSTON & SUZANNE PLESHETTE
CAN MAKE A GO OF IT…

MORE POWER TO THIS ‘ODD COUPLING’ !!!


_________________

speaking of M*A*S*H…

the ‘looking-back’ scandal special
pretty much showed those actors appearing
as petty jerks (nee… a-holes)

the term PRIMA DONNA(s) comes to mind…
it seemed more than one person considered themself
the star, the straw-that-stirred-the-drink !

I THOUGHT THE FOLLOWING PARTICULARLY PETTY…
(geez… it was a long time ago, throw a guy a bone)

With HOTLIPS on screen, it was pointed out that
ONLY 2 of the shows stars were there
for the entire run of the show !
(hotlips & hawkeye)

UH… EVEN WITH THE MINOR CHARACTERS OUT…
(like the nurses)
I believe KLINGER & FATHER MULCAHEY
were there the entire time too…
and it might have been nice to mention
that RADAR was in the original movie version !
(instead of ’sniping’ at him, even if he was a prick)

KLINGER & MULCAHEY MIGHT NOT HAVE
BEEN OFFICIALLY ‘STARS’,
BUT GEEZ…
Take out ’stars’ and insert ‘people’ or ‘actors’
and you get a more accurate reading
of others who were as much a part of the show
as the tooting-her-own-horn HOTLIPS…

SIDE-STORY
I wasn’t there, did it happen?
HOTLIPS supposedly was at an autograph convention
(local to me),
at her table, charging for photos with her…
a passer-by snapped one of her from a distance…
and, the way I heard it, she chased the guy down
demanding her TEN DOLLARS !

WITHOUT MASH ?
NO TEN DOLLARS AT ALL !
Like Mike Farrell,
her after-mash career didn’t set the world on fire !

IT’S AMAZING MASH GOT DONE AT ALL,
SEEMS THERE WAS ALOT OF ANIMOSITY ON THE SET !

__________________

OKAY…

ANOTHER ISSUE PUT TO BED…
and if I do say so myself..

A HOMERUN !!!

The only question is either…

HOW FAR I HIT IT
or
WAS IT AN INSIDE-the-PARK HOMERUN !!!

But then again… I’m delusional…

(hey.. I need something to get me thru the day)

SO I’LL BE GOING NOW…

ME AND MY IMAGINARY FRIEND
(imaginary life?)

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

*******************************

OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
——————————

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

+++++++++++++++++++++

Back to work REALLY sucks !!!
(multiply that by 1000)
((I’m afraid to be away, I always come back to major changes))


I’M BURNING UP AS MUCH AS MY LAWN !
I’m really REALLY wanting to win that lottery !!!

THINK COOL THOUGHTS

weather       weather      weather…
EXTREMES !!!

IT’S FREEZING IN ARGENTINA !!!
To the point of people dying !

and it’s still HOT-AS-HELL HERE !!!
Dropping to 90 degrees is the ONLY break we’ve seen !
and that’s a rare occurence lately !!!

THE ONLY BRIGHT SPOT I SEE ?
(if we survive?)

IT CANNOT STAY HOT LIKE THIS TILL SEPTEMBER !!!
It’s gotta ‘burn-out’ in a few weeks…
and hopefully get a pleasant, or bear-able… AUGUST !!!

_____________________




Gone, Speed Racer, Gone

R.I.P

Peter Fernandez



Speed Racer has been silenced.

Peter Fernandez voiced the iconic character
in the American import of the 1960s Japanese cartoon
and also wrote the lyrics to the theme song.

Fernandez also voiced Racer X & minor characters on the show.
Also key parts in the English-language versions of
Astro Boy, Ultraman, Gigantor and Star Blazers.
He was given a cameo in the 2008 Speed Racer theatrical release.

______________________________

Obama Accuses GOP of

“Lack of Faith in the American People”

He’s almost getting it…
you could just as easily say…

“the american people have a
growing lack of faith in Obama?”

BP wants to play it safe (but spill more oil)
Administration wants to keep the bandage on the boo-boo…

SOUNDS LIKE ANOTHER ” CAN’T WIN ” !
(unless ‘luck’ is with you… we’re doomed!)

_________________

origin…

COVER-YOUR-ASS


ONE guess is that the lineage of the phrase comes from
“covering one’s rear” in the military sense
(protecting oneself from attack from behind),
because of the equivalence in colloquial language
between rear and ass, becomes “covering one’s rear end.”

ANOTHER? “Covering the rear” in the military sense is the phrase,
“I’ll cover your back” (I’ll protect you from attacks from behind),
which becomes “I’ve got your back.”

MY OWN NIGHT-TIME DREAM-LIKE PONDERING
CAME UP WITH ANOTHER ‘ORIGIN’…

It connotes ‘friendship’ or ‘loyalty’…
So if YOU were laying naked & un-conscious in the road…
people would either pass-you-by
or
stop-to-look…
A TRUE LOYAL FRIEND
would try to spare you further embarassment
and find a towel, or piece of clothing…
and
COVER YOUR ASS
(as long as you were laying face down)

OR

You walk out of the shower, into an occupied room…
dragging a towel instead of having it wrapped around you…
and your spouse yells for you to…
COVER YOUR ASS
(much more polite than… COVER YOUR DICK)

Hey… it’s happened to me…

after the applause & the looks of jealous awe from the women…

I TOOK A BOW & COVERED UP !!!


_____________________

WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE ?

Utah officials said Friday they have identified at least two state workers
who apparently accessed confidential documents to create
a list of 1,300 purported illegal immigrants that was mailed to
law enforcement officials and the news media.

Gov. Gary Herbert said the employees work for
the Department of Workforce Services,
which administers food stamp programs and other public benefits.
The employees have been placed on administrative leave.


INTERFERING WITH ‘ILLEGALS’ BENEFITS ?

HELL, WE SHOULD DEPORT THOSE STATE WORKERS !!!


_______________________

huh?

Men accused of beating Porky Pig at theme park

GURNEE, Ill. — Police said authorities at Six Flags Great America
ejected two off-duty employees from the theme park after they
allegedly attacked a female colleague dressed as “Porky Pig.”

I’m shocked !!!  I thought PORKY PIG was basically
banned from the PC world decades ago !
Cartoons are no where to be seen of PORKY !
Insulting to some ?  FAT, PIGGISH, STUTTERER ?
(not to mention lack of pants)
((even the Kool-Aid Pitcher wears shorts now))

BUT ALLOWED TO ROAM A THEME PARK ?

(personally, I miss Porky… but at a public venue?)

____________________

I went back to work on a Tuesday…
(from a 10 day vacation)
I was told that there was nothing ‘new’ going on…
or that would be of interest to me…

I go into a local deli a few hours later
and find out that a guy I’d known for 10 years…
and was not particularly close to…
but considered a casual friend…
(first name basis, mid-30’s tops, spoke nearly daily)

Went out the previous Friday afternoon…
parked near a SUBWAY SANDWICH SHOP…
went out behind the building…

AND STEPPED INTO THE PATH
OF A SPEEDING AMTRAK TRAIN !
(they had to identify him from fingerprints)

THERE WAS NO SIGN OF HIM BEING TROUBLED !
(he left a wife behind)
Always a smile and a joke or a story…
(usually from me)

IT’S ACTUALLY VERY TROUBLING TO ME…
and after initial shock of a friend’s death…
I usually get angry !

YOU STUPID FUCK !!!

THIS LIFE MAY BE ALL YOU GET…
RIDE THAT TRAIN TO THE END OF THE LINE
NO MATTER WHAT !
(okay.. bad choice of words… cross-out ‘ride-that-train’)

and I actually had it in my head that
contact that vacation week from ME
might have made the difference…

A GOOD DIFFERENCE…
Not pulling-the-trigger just before the train hit !

You never have to worry about me doing anything like that !
(even though people who know me try to encourage me)


REST-in-PEACE BUDDY…

…whatever was bothering you is moot now…

___________________

doctor who – matt smith



I’m still not enamored about the ‘new’ doctor…
or his ‘lightweight’ companion…

BUT THE 2 PART FINALE OF THE SEASON ?

SLAM-BANG-SUPER-COLLOSSAL EPISODES !!!
(catch them if you haven’t already)

I don’t know how the makers of the show do it !
Seems the stand-alone episodes converge
in seamless manner to create genius !!!

DON’T MATTER WHO PLAYS THE DOCTOR
FOR THESE KINDS OF SHOWS !!!

(and they do it year-after-year)

and the RIVER SONG mystery
is as enticing as THE BAD WOLF running theme…



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ONE END OF THE SPECTRUM TO THE OTHER…


I would have loved to give
a positive review to Kellie Martin’s new show…
(pilot movie to be series on nbc?)

THE JENSEN PROJECT

BUT I CAN’T !!!
(and I was always able to ‘lie’ in the past)

THE SCRIPT WAS AMATEURISH
(mistakes? defcon 1 = DANGER, defcon 5 = peacetime)

THE SCIENCE WAS CHILDISH & IN-CORRECT
(I didn’t even notice if they caught the mouse)



IT WAS OVERLY-CLICHED & UN-ORIGINAL
(actually ’stole’ the ‘gummy’ in kid’s nose from HOUSE)
You could pick-out & name the shows copied !

and, in 15 years, after having your science rejected,
you NEVER check RESULTS for yourself ?
Low-flying aircraft landing in Central Park
draws no attention from the military OR residents ?
Instead of destroying stolen technology when able,
you have to attempt to recover it ?
The ‘complex’ security only works against them,
while pursue-ing, one spy runs out the door & drives away?
Security shuts them off from all signals, inside & out,
but they can’t isolate Kellie’s 15 year old enough
to keep the bad guy from i-phoning the ‘death app’ ?
and, in her teacher role, in the early part of the show…
WHO GIVES A QUIZ ON 5 CHAPTERS ?
ISN’T THAT A TEST ?


ENOUGH HOLES IN THIS SCRIPT
FOR A SWISS CHEESE !
(kellie should go outside her circle of ‘friends’)


Nice for THE LIFETIME CHANNEL
(they’re not fussy)
or an AFTERSCHOOL SPECIAL
(target audience had to be 10-13 year olds)
but not for network tv !
I think most adult people want a ’solid’ story !
It’s a really bad EUREKA rip-off !!!

Is this the network that brought us ER ?
(Kellie’s best work)
Did they use consultants for hospital techniques,
or just make it up as they went ?

AND AN ODD CONCEPT…
The DVD of the show just broadcast on free tv
went on sale the next day at Walmart for $13 ?
Why not just tape, dvr, or dvd copy it right off air ?

ALTHOUGH, I CAN’T IMAGINE A 2nd VIEWING
THE FIRST WAS ‘PAINFUL’ ENOUGH !!!


(see what happens when my ‘tweets’ don’t get attention?)


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