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† RIP Renfield # 677 – I’m ba-ack… sorta †
December 3 , 2012
YEP… MADE IT TO ANOTHER BIRTHDAY !
It was in October,
same time as the 14th ANNIVERSARY of RIP Renfield !
I kinda missed those issues between then and now
because of the STROKE I suffered !
Not really in the mood to write but bored as hell,
I decided to make use of the material
I had ready to go back then.
I’m responding well to therapy,
am getting around pretty well
with assorted aids (like a ‘walker’),
but expecting a full recovery in a few(?) months.
So, ‘old items’ but bear with me….
SAVED FOR A RAINY DAY…
(a good time to listen to music)
This is a list of musical deaths
from FORGOTTEN HITS
that I just never got around to tribute-ing…
If you’re goin’ to San Francisco…
…be sure to wear flowers in your hair…
long history with JOHN PHILLIPS,
took his stage name from Phillips’ daughter
Mackenzie Phillips (changed spelling).
I can’t imagine what the world would be
without his contributions…
AND… what the world needs now ?
IT’S STILL LOVE, SWEET LOVE
solo artist and one-time member of Fleetwood Mac
(”Sentimental Lady”, “Ebony Eyes”)
‘games people play’
‘down in the boondocks’
founding member of Orleans
(”Still The One”, “Dance With Me”)
(bass player extraordinare of Motown’s legendary Funk Brothers)
(keyboard player for Deep Purple)
compiled by, and quite the complete list
REST – IN – PEACE
oh wait… not THAT Marvin….
alot of nice things were said of Hamlisch…
at his star-stuffed funeral…
Hamlisch’s wife of 26 years, Terre, shared memories of her husband,
remarking that his “life force was huge”.
“Marvin taught me how to live life with gusto and magic”.
“He would order every dessert on the menu
so everyone could taste everything and miss nothing in life.”
Hamlisch wrote music for films including
The Sting and The Way We Were.
Across his career, he earned three Academy Awards, one Tony,
four Grammys and four Emmys, as well as the Pulitzer Prize.
(AND THAT ONLY SCRATCHES THE SURFACE)
GENIUS DOESN’T COVER IT…
at the funeral, Bill Clinton said…
“Genius is rare enough, but a good-hearted genius is rarer still.
A good-hearted, humble and hilarious genius is almost unheard of…”
On talk shows… he came across as awkward & douche-y,
but you can’t deny that he had the goods…. a super talent !
as BUFFALO SPRINGFIELD sang…
There’s battle lines being drawn
Nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong
Honest to God…
When I read the headline
that Madonna called Obama a
and would strip on stage
if Obama won a 2nd term…
I THOUGHT SHE WAS AGAINST OBAMA !!!
How she turned against him !
That the last thing she would ever do
would be to strip on stage ! (ugh)
I THOUGHT IT WAS PUNISHMENT FOR US ALL
FOR ELECTING HIM AGAIN !
Like some celebrity claiming that he’s
going to move out of the country if the wrong guy wins !
a few quick thoughts…
Grandpa wills gay grandson a ‘ton’ of money
with the stipulation that he marries a woman…
Awww… poor baby ?
The old man can do whatever he wants with his money…
want to give him another ‘fuck you’ ?
DON’T TAKE THE MONEY… DUH !
Wahhh… but I wanna be a ‘big boy’
AND get the money…
Either piss-on pop-pop’s grave…
sell out for the cash !
TIME TO MAN-UP !!!
POLITICAL MUD-SLINGING ?
How about what YOU are going to do
(and how you’re going to do it)
When you are on a ship that’s
that’s not the time to discuss blame !
IF YOU HAVE TO…
DO IT WHEN YOU’RE ‘SAFELY-ON-SHORE’ !!!
ANY DIETARY ITEMS ARE FOND MEMORIES
POST-STROKE I’M VERY LIMITED.
SALT SHAKER ?
I heard that a restaurant chain
will no longer put salt shakers on tables.
If you want salt on your food,
you have to do it 50 feet from the entrance,
to the right of the parking lot smoking area…
(just kidding.. or am I ?)
I heard someone comment on this crazy-ness
by saying that .. “how can you NOT salt fried chicken?”
HUH.. SALTED CHICKEN ?
It took me back… when I was very much younger,
a mere slip of a boy…
I very much over-used the salt shaker !
And, although it sounds disgusting to me now…
I think I used to be a chicken salter too !
Decades ago… I gave up salt completely for years…
then I eased it back into my diet…
and, although, I probably still use too much…
(or on too many foods)
it’s a small percentage of what I used to use !
My God man…
Imagine potatoes or eggs without salt !
but chicken or burgers or any beef ?
IT HASN’T ‘SNOWED
ON MY FOOD SINCE NIXON !
SPEAKING of FOOD…
I have a new favorite meal…
(I like breakfast ANY time of day)
We had some sliced pork roll (taylor ham) in the freezer.
I pried a few slices out of the package and since frozen,
I diced them into small squares so they’d cook evenly…
add eggs, cheese, splash of water.. scramble them up…
(in a hurry, or I’d have spelled out ‘delicious’)
Goes well with hot biscuits…
NOT the grandes… the ones from the smaller,
prepared roll of 10 you can buy anywhere…
(don’t forget the butter)
THROW IN A VERY HOT COFFEE
and anytime… I’d even have it for dessert !
I like my sleep… and it’s annoying when
something gets in the way
and I can’t wake up with a smile or well rested…
I woke hourly with the thought in my head that
‘no work tomorrow, you can sleep late’…
Uh.. it was wednesday nite
and the next day WAS a work day !
I WASN’T HAPPY AT 6AM WHEN MY ALARMS WENT OFF !
(I have 4… battery operated… don’t chance a dead battery)
I was driving to work one day…
and this phrase came to mind…
” TON of MONEY “
And the ‘origin’ of this ’slang’
hit me like a ton of bricks…
(I felt so smart)
From the ENGLISH…
where a POUND is currency…
A TON ? = 2,000 pounds, of course…
OF COURSE, I WAS WRONG…
(although brilliant thinking)
In England, a ‘ton-of-money’ is 100 Pounds.
SOME PRETTY COINS THOUGH…
and they got more slang for money
then you can imagine…
(biscuit, booey, bung, banana, batter, bender)
((and that’s just a few of the “B’S” !
TAKE ME SERIOUSLY ?
I was watching ‘proof’ of alien visitations
to earth over the millennia on the HISTORY CHANNEL…
(actually great arguments from ‘history’)
I’m sure I’m not the first one to make this observation…
but how does this guy think
that anyone takes him seriously ?
(publishes Legendary Times)
In case you’re not familiar with the classic sci-fi show…
(best show on tv for 5 years in the 90’s)
there was an un-like-able alien character,
dressed in a Napoleon-Bonaparte-type uniform,
with the strangest crown of hair…
ANY SIMILARITIES ?
It was cartoon-ish on BABYLON5,
it’s totally ridiculous to emulate on EARTH !
He’s got some ‘hair’ to overcome !
by the way…
Some Egyptian newspaper
(and their cartoonists)
are fighting cartoons-with-cartoons…
(instead of death, cartoons seem more appropriate)
In answer to disrespecting Mohammed…
they are running ‘cartoons’ themed with
hatred for america… and it works !
I WAS PISSED !
(the big one they featured was about the burning
WORLD TRADE CENTERS – those mother-effers !)
BUT ANY ANGER I MAY HAVE
WOULD NEVER RESULT IN RIOTOUS MURDER !
(name calling would be my limit)
I guess that’s what separates
the men from the barbarians !
TOO FAT TO FIGHT ?
Some generals came up with that summation
concerning america’s young people.
(25% of young people in fact)
Radio Host Ron Bennington
realizing that there was no ‘quick’ fix…
came up with this ’stop-gap’ solution…
BUY BIGGER PANTS !!!
Just happened to catch a new show…
MADE in JERSEY
Newbie lawyer chick moves to a big law firm
in the big city… New York City !
Bra off in corporate bathroom in first 5 minutes,
so I hung around for a bit…
AS A LIFELONG RESIDENT OF NEW JERSEY,
I HAVE A QUESTION ?
What kind of accent is she and her family using?
The only people I ever heard speak with that
affliction were characters on THE SOPRANOS.
DOES THAT NONSENSE PLAY IN THE REST
OF THE COUNTRY ?
If it’s a joke, they’ve succeeded !
That 2 headed girl REALITY show ?
It would be really sad if not for all the laughs…
(straight lines & situations abound)
WE HAD A BLAST !
I’M GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL !
‘They’(?) had an awkward moment
at high tea in a London restaurant
and made (2 headed) americans look like a-holes !
MY RESPONSE ?
” They don’t let you out much, do they? ”
Instead of a nice digital camera with a display window,
theirs was the old-style, with the one-eyed tiny, viewfinder,
theirs needed focus adjustment too (by the other) !
I imagined one taking a vacation pic of the other…
” that’ is… now just back up a little…”
Supposedly they hate England…
but go every year so that
the OTHER head gets to drive sometime !
I would have rather not survived had it been my birth…
but, to give them credit… great attitude !
They took lemons & made lemonade !
(more than many able-bodies idiots do with their lives)
Chris Montez classic the backdrop
to some cleverly edited old 60’s tv video…
Labor of love this one.. I really enjoyed it…
Barbara Eden could always ’shake it’…
and speaking of Barbara Eden…
Here’s a totally unnecessary submarine dance sequence
in the movie version of VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA…
(I think ‘guys’ were in charge of content)…
(Just a coincidence… not a ‘phallic scene’ at all)
Oh, and there’s a a trumpeter you may recognize too…
HOW’D I DO ?
(even with 2 month-old material… I STILL GOT IT !)
TRIED A NEW TECHNIQUE TO PASS THE TIME
I’M TRIPPIN’ BALLS !!!
Danny Devito on IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA
convinced me it was the way to go…
(the show? can’t enjoy more than one-at-a-time…
some are hysterical, others ordinary… worth the try-out …
Whoa… don’t ever ‘trip’ watching
Actually, if you’re looking for a strange & scary movie,
and you haven’t seen it…
RENT IT, STREAM IT…WHATEVER…
and watch it at nite, all alone in the house,
with the lights off…
DON’T WORRY… YOU’LL BE FINE !
(you won’t understand the movie, but you’ll be fine)
I HAVE TO GO NOW…
THE TREES IN MY YARD
ARE TRYING TO SCOOP UP THEIR LEAVES
AND PUT THEM BACK ON !
oh.. youtube to ‘trip’ by…
as STEVE MARTIN said…
” Let’s get ’small’ “
Okay… coming down…
er, I mean, ending this week’s issue…
COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???
Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you could be wasting your time…
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