† RIP Renfield #643 – Be My Valentine †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 643 – Be My VALENTINE †

February 11, 2012

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Happy Valentines Day

Firstly, oops !

I skipped a few months last issue
when I dated it as APRIL 4th, instead of FEBRUARY 4th
(email subscribers only)

I guess it being the 4th
(plus the lack-of-sleep & the drugs)
made the connection in my brain
with the birthday of a ‘friend’

SUSAN  LUCKEY

Sorry for the ‘dis-connect,
but I’ve made date errors before,
and I promise to do so again !

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY SWEETIE…

(Don’t the rest of you guys have to be somewhere (else)?)

HOW COULD YOU NOT EXPECT COMPETITION ?
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I had to agree with Opie & Anthony
about the ‘crappy’ business they are in…
the radio business !

There was a death back in December
they had not heard about before
(it was news to me too, and I’m in the ‘dead’ business)
for someone who put in her dues for many years…
both on-air & in supporting roles in radio…
(producer, music director, engineer)

IT WAS SAD THAT SHE DIED
WITH SO LITTLE FANFARE !
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R.I.P

Lynn Samuels

A real character… a whiny sounding woman
who didn’t  come across as the brightest bulb,
but was entertaining in finding HER way & that of her listeners.
In essense… a REAL screwball !
She spoke without a filter with honesty, humor and passion…

Also, a talk radio pioneer !

Back in the day, I passed the day in work
by listenting to talk radio.
(music after a while just doesn’t engage your brain)
My radio reception was limited and there was no internet !
There wasn’t much to choose from…
(I even listened to Bernard Meltzer & Arlene Francis)

Lynn wasn’t necessarily my cup-of-tea
but she DID help pass the time of day…
Even if she was a progressive liberal
who could drive ya nuts with some of her wacky views !

SOMEHOW SHE HELPED TO KEEP ME SANE !
(both laughing & screaming at her and the radio)

I think it speaks volumes about
where the ‘human factor’ in the radio business is
when her passing can go as un-noticed as it has !

AT LEAST SHE CAN BE REMEMBERED HERE IN RIP !

HIGHLIGHTS OF HER on-air CAREER…

WABC-NY from 1987-1992
WABC-NY from 1993-1997
and again from 1997-2002
(including 2 ‘breaks’ where she was fired & re-hired)

A call-screener for MATT DRUDGE from 2002
and then hired by SIRIUS SATELLITE RADIO in 2003
That gig lasted until near her death until 2011 !

(she must have had SOMETHING going for her)

She also made appearances on…

Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, SALLY JESSE, GERALDO,
and POLITICALLY INCORRECT !

Rest-in-Peace
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getting noticed ?

I was watching an old MATLOCK re-run
and the accused murderer that Ben Matlock
was defending was named DREW CAREY !

(not played by the real one)

It got me to thinking that if you were an up-&-coming
actor, comedian, performer…

WHAT A GREAT WAY TO GET NAME RECOGNITION
TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC WITH LITTLE FUSS !

Name ‘dropping’ DOES get done…

Most of the time un-noticed…
as in STAR TREK example…
on the original tv series, they faced an ‘acidic’
burrowing rock creature they later found out
called itself a ‘HORTA’…
If you read the credits of the show,
it seems there’s a SAM HORTA that worked on the show !
(created the transporter sound)

I’ve tried a few times, offering my name for use
in either book or tv form…
The most recent was to creator DICK WOLF
of LAW & ORDER fame…
and a few months later blood drinking,
RENFIELD SYNDROME idiots were featured !
(they never mentioned the ‘renfield’ part though)
and once before…
I offered use of my REAL (last) name to
(sci-fi grandmaster) ISAAC  ASIMOV
thinking that with all the ‘product’ he’d turn out…
a ‘new’ name for a character or technology or MONSTER
might come in handy for him !
(he died before there could be any action on this)

oh well…

it would probably be easier thru agents,
and back-scratchin’, and payola !

HOW MUCH ???
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I  almost NEVER buy the additional warranty
on electronic items… (occasionally, if the price is CHEAP)
I wear (and break) headphones constantly…
I buy them 3 pair at a time just so I have them…
(I’m happy to get 4-6 months out of them)

I BOUGHT THE $3.99 WARRANTY
ON 2 PAIR OF HEADPHONES (2 years worth each)
I explained how much I ‘go-thru-them’ to the salesguy,
but he encouraged me anyway…

I’D LIKE TO REPORT…

NO MUSS… NO FUSS…

Once quick phone call and a refund check
for $16.99 was put in the mail !
Mail back the bad ones? Nah, throw ‘em out !

NOT A BAD DEAL…

plus I got 1 more warranty to cash in on !
(bought it at BH Electronics.com)
Might be a bit more fuss for a more expensive item,
but looks like they’re good for it with no aggravation !

addendum…

Since I wrote this I’m down to 1 ear AGAIN !
Also… I’m not thrilled with TOSHIBA !
I DIDN’T get the extended warranty on the
2 dvd-vcr combo units I bought 14 months ago…
The VCR on one of them failed mechanically.
Once that happens a repair is a waste of time.
The store referred me to Toshiba customer service…
(perhaps they could do something for a good customer)
I went thru 3 levels… all the way to the top…
and NADA… NOTHING…
I WAS 2 months out of warranty…
but I thought they could have offered me
at the minimum a discounted replacement…
(as I type this on my Toshiba laptop)
THE BASTARDS !
I think I’ll be ‘brand’ shopping in the future !
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Had my ‘relatively’ new super-storm-door
damaged by the wind slamming it
against the railing…

It may be salvage-able
(if it can be bent back a bit keeing the glass intact),
I asked my wife, in her travels’ to pick-up
one of those spring-and-chaing things that keeps
the door from opening too far…
in describing the device to her,
I said…
” It’s like a storm door spring for wind…”

Later, she hands me something
and asks if it’s the right one…

THE ACTUAL PRODUCT NAME ?
(on the package)

THE STORE REFERRED ME TO THE MANUFACTURER.
THE MANUFACTURER IS SENDING A CLAIM FORM
(they want pics too)
I’m not holding up much hope…
The store, Lowe’s (who sent the installer) said a
‘wind-spring’ is ONLY installed if it looks like
wind will be a problem…
DUH… they were wrong and it could end up
costing me $300-400 to replace their ‘omission’ !
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REMEMBER WHEN THIS WAS THE ULTIMATE ?

You HAD to have one in your house !
(your mom’s house anyway)

The FIRST color tv my family owned was the center-piece
of this stereo-cabinet-furniture-piece like this.
(decades before remote controls… egad!)
It worked well, turntable on one side,
am-fm stereo radio controls on the other.
BUT, GOD FORBID, YOU NEEDED A REPAIR !
(like doctors, tv repair guys used to make house-calls)

My mother has a similar looking one in her basement
that my daughter has her eye on.
If we had a place to put it, it would be in my house now.
It came up because the kid is looking for a record player,
and the couple one-piece, bubble tops I’ve found?
Work fine, EXCEPT for the record player !
I’m sure I’ll find one for her at a garage sale,
or run into someone storing one and in the way.

I’M NOT INCLINED TO LET HER USE MY
AR-xa 1975 ,historically classic, manual turntable
that still ‘ebays’ for $250 !

BUT I MAY RECONSIDER
(she never heard of storing the cartridge(needle) separately,
boxed carefully in a cabinet in another room !)

GETTING BACK TO STEREO CONSOLES…

I believe they were ‘hot’ a few years before
everyone in the world had to own their own individual

HOT  COMB

(had to keep that ‘long hair’ groomed & curled under)

Just found out that they still exist !

I thought the fad was gone BEFORE disco !
About the same time I stopped using
ENGLISH LEATHER & ENGLISH LEATHER LIME
(cologne)

GEEZ… I USED TO USE COLOGNE ?

(must have been in my ‘pretty boy’ days)

GEEZ… I HAD ‘PRETTY BOY’ DAYS ???

Amazing how well I get along with a towel and brush now.
(and I’m a ‘pony-tail-kinda’ guy, NOT a ‘pretty boy’)
I even stopped using the ‘family’ hand-held hair dryer.
(in the day, the one hanging in the bathroom got used alot)

I GUESS I JUST LIKE ‘ROUGHING-IT’ !

(I’m just a regular ‘BRUT’ & that’s another of my old colognes)
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from Jackie (the Joke Man) Martling
www.jokeland.com

Friedman’s sitting at the bar drunk & says to the bartender,
“Who’d you vote for in the last election?”
The bartender says, “It’s none of your business.
And besides, you don’t talk politics in a bar.”

A few minutes later, Friedman says,
“What church do you go to?”
The bartender says, “It’s none of your business.
And besides, you don’t talk religion in a bar.”

A few minutes later, Friedman says,
“Can I talk about sex?”
The bartender says, “Sure.
Sex is a great topic for barroom conversation.”
Friedman says, “Fuck you.”

another blonde joke ?

How can you tell if a house was landscaped by a blonde?
All the bushes are brown.

turn-about-is-fair-play…

What’s a slut?
A slut’s a woman with the morals of a man.

TRYING TO NOT PISS-OFF A PORTION OF READERS…
(short version)

A woman asks for both her ass cheeks to be tattoo-ed.
She wants the face of a Superbowl quarterback.
When done she complains they look nothing
like the guy she asked for…
The tattoo ‘artist’ disagrees and tells her that
if the next football-fan-customer doesn’t know who it is,
there’ll be no charge for his work…
SHE AGREES
A fan walks in, they show him her tattoo-ed ass,
and ask whose image it is ?
THE FAN SAYS…
I DON’T KNOW WHO THE 2 GUYS ON THE ENDS ARE,
BUT THE GUY IN THE MIDDLE IS
(the opposing superbowl quarterback)

Can also be told about bosses, family members,
or the original.. hockey… calling the ‘ends’ wingers.
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HALF-TIME-SUPERBOWL-SHOW ?

A walk thru, very wooden !

Maybe you had to be ‘high’ or 13 years old !
Madonna’s ‘cheerleader’ routine was done before,
and more appropriately by someone without grandchildren !
(I’d say Gwen Stefani a little too old now for ‘cheerleading’)

Un-inspired… no energy…
(’sanitized’ comes to mind)
bad selections (THAT was a ‘hit’s medley?)…

AND LIP-SYNCHING ?
Some do, some don’t… ALL shouldn’t !

It was all about MADONNA, not the SUPER-GAME !
It wasn’t the time to ’shill’ a world tour !

(IT WAS A GOOD TIME TO GO TAKE A PISS)

The pressure from ‘GAGA’ must be getting to her…
AND YOUTH IS ELUDING HER !
Recreating yourself for the kids ?
ACCEPT YOURSELF !

To be fair…
I guess you have to ‘wheel-out’ a ’senior’ occasionally…
(it was either Madonna or Joan Rivers)

For an OLD WOMAN (stadi baba)

MADONNA did okay, I suppose.

If you saw the show from a distance in the stadium,
it was probably a ‘mercy’ !

She kept her ‘creaking-old-body’ covered…
(thank goodness for make-up & tv magic)

And whatever became of sexy ?

(so ‘on’ that a SINGLE one-finger-gesture  by someone else
stole all Madonna’s ‘thunder & got all the press)

It was a revue… her voice so buried-in-effects…
some unknown young woman might have
just as well did the lip sync-ing !
WITHOUT Madonna on-stage !
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GOOD REASON FOR THE ‘LONG’ CAMERA SHOT…
(her high-collared under-shirt is wrinkled)



WAS MADONNA INTERVIEWED ?

I would not have listened to it anyway…
her ‘ENGLISH’ accent is so thick
it’s hard to understand her !

a very quick one…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWb2bhCqCUc

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INTERNAL CLOCK RE-SET ?

I was listening to a radio show
and the host referred to GENTLEMAN JIM
(errol flynn taking the title away from John L. Sullivan
whose era ends with his defeat at the end of the movie)
Gentleman Jim Corbett,
the man who ‘boxed’ instead of ‘fought’.

Anyway… explaining the movie to the young punks
on the show with him,  he said the movie
had to be 40 or 50 years old !

Uh… (I’m guilty of letting years slide too)…

40 years ago was 1972 !

50 years ago was 1962 !

(almost the demarcation line of exclusively color movies)

As far as movies go…
the 1960’s are pretty much modern times !

(the original Star Trek premiered in 1966 – 46 years ago!)


HARD TO BELIEVE WHEN IT SINKS IN…
but
GENTLEMAN  JIM was released in 1942 !

WHICH MAKES IT (egad) 70 YEARS OLD !

I’ll have to keep that in mind when I tell
young people ’stories’ my ‘grandfather’
must have told me about ‘old’ movies !

by the way…

THE MUSIC MAN is celebrating a 50 year anniversary in 2012.
And I can’t NOT imagine Susan Luckey not being
front & center in any recognition of the classic.
(ONLY 50 years? Gentleman Jim was classically old by then!)

(not many left… her, shirley jones, ronnie howard)
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Geez… The one time I made the ‘connection’
I’m trying to be respectfully ‘distant’…
(polite, low(no)maintenance))

I’m hoping to NEVER be perceived
on the CREEP-O-METER like this jerk…

I took my daughter shopping with me…
(she’s in her 20’s)

While in a Lowe’s Home Center,
some a-hole contractor (35?) brushed against her
and gave her a drawn-out  ‘nice’… (un-beknownst to me)
SHE SAYS NOTHING, JUST MAKES HERSELF SCARCE !

Next stop is a WEGEMAN’s Supermarket…
we shop separately…
at the check-out she’s trying to whisper something to me…
I can’t understand her, she gives up,
and tells me outside the store…

THE FRIGGIN’ JERK FROM THE LOWE’S
WAS IN WEGEMAN’S WITH US…
FOLLOWING HER AROUND AISLE-to-AISLE
AND ENDING UP AT THE CHECK-OUT
RIGHT NEXT TO US ON OUR WAY OUT !

PISSED ME OFF…

I’ve been known to ‘notice’ the pulcritude…
I look plenty myself.. but think I’m discreet enough
that it’s not all that notice-able, if at all…

FOLLOW HER AROUND ?
What’s the end-game?
Make yourself available so she throws herself at you ?

I WAS ALSO ANNOYED ABOUT THE WHISPERING !
What was she afraid of ?
EMBARRASSING THE JERK ?

I wasn’t looking for a fist-fight
(embarassing for ME to get MY ass kicked in front of her),
but I’m sure I could have stared-him-down
and used my ‘rapier-wit’ to slice-and-dice him a bit !

SHE KNOWS BETTER FOR NEXT TIME !
We fight, we’re not victims !
An initial look, even if caught? BIG DEAL !
Following someone like that is scary & creepy !
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addendum

I’ve been ’spotter’ for my kids on occasion…
If someone DISCREETLY checks them out
(especially if in their age bracket & good looking),
I’ve pointed it out to them….
Good for their self-image…
and as a ‘trailer’,  you get to see who’s looking.

THE KEY IS…

D-I-S-C-R-E-E-T,

MOTHER FUCKER !!!
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I’ve expressed my displeasure at the

ELLIOT & OLIVIA SHOW before…

(law&order:SVU)

I had the pleasure the other day to see the first show,
the premier show, of the series…
IT WAS NEARLY EXCELLENT !
They were introduced as a (more than 2) ensemble cast,
lots of snappy dialog… non-PC, double-entendre…
a collection of interesting characters
who were actually concentrating on the crimes
instead of their personal, private lives !
THE CRIME WAS DECENT TOO !

GOOD STUFF… HARD HITTING…

TOO BAD THEY MADE IT A COUPLE’S SHOW
that is still popular… only I can’t figure out why?
IT BLOWS (and has for many years.. un-watch-able)
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As I get ready to leave you

this Valentines Day Issue…

I’m reminded of the lyrics
from a great rendition by a great crooner…

ALFALFA

I’m in the mood for love,
simply becuase you’re near me…



” HEY, BACK-OFF FELLA !!! “

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuOsB4psC9E

I’m voting for Alfalfa too !!!

So good-nite, good-hunting…

and remember how a date used to go…

KISS KISS BANG BANG
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you could be wasting your time…

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