† RIP Renfield #642 – SUPER BOWL †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 642 – SUPER BOWL  †

February 4, 2012

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I heard a few years back
that media that doesn’t pay-up

are NOT allowed to use the term
SUPER BOWL in their broadcasts…

BIG GAME, CHAMPIONSHIP GAME, YES !

I can’t see how you can ‘own’
the name of the event out-right !
BUT… it must be enforced, since it IS honored !

Since the NJ team, the Giants are involved…

I guess I’ll tune in for a bit…
If it’s an ‘excitement’ that ‘reaches’ me…
or a close, or bloody, game…
I MAY WATCH MORE…
but it won’t effect my bedtime…
and it ain’t an eatin’ day for us…

I STILL DON’T GET THE ALLURE OF THE GAME !
Or why the S-Bowl is a ‘family affair’ that’s a cross between…
NEW YEARS & THANKSGIVING celebrations !
(drink, stuff yerself, cheer, throw-up)

Funny how you can watch movies on tv for hours without eating,
but if you set foot in a movie theater for 1 1/2 hours ?
(or watch the game on tv?)

OH MY GOD… GET THE SUPPLIES !

I always figured FOOTBALL to be a gov’t plot
(other sports for other times of the year)
to keep ‘idle’ minds occupied with nonsense
instead of giving thought to over-throwing the gov’t !

An event where cellular-memory takes over
and ‘activates’ an instinctive need for war & aggression !

Leading to a season ending championship ‘battle’,
with the mob using it as ‘FOREPLAY’…
hoping-the-hope it will result in a
gladiatorial-group-orgasm !

(LIKE SEX, IT LEAVES THEM ‘SPENT’ !)

THEY’VE IGNORED ‘HOW MISERABLE THEY ARE’ !!!
We may be miserable… but hooray… we got football !
EVEN THE SICK & UN-EMPLOYED GET A RESPITE
AND CAN FORGET LIFE & CHEER !
(over-seas soccer is the same ‘brain-number’)
((they can kill other fans, just leave the gov’t alone))


OKAY.. THAT’S MY INSIGHT TO THE GAME…

Doesn’t thrill me, doesn’t excite me…
just a regular day with an effed-up tv schedule…
The game isn’t over as this is posted,
so no updates or opinions on play…

Well one… from a restauranteur in New Brunswick, NJ…

He just doesn’t like areas in Massachusettes…
(and their sports teams)

AND A REGIONAL TEAM ?
EVERYBODY GETS TO CLAIM THEM ?

C’mon !

I’m thinking of creating a team I call…

THE ‘LOWER 48′ – REAPERS
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He’s Sooooooooooooo, DEAD !

R.I.P

Don Cornelius

“Soul Train” host Don Cornelius was the arbiter of cool,
a brilliant TV showman who used his purring, baritone voice
to seduce mainstream America into embracing black music & artists.

But the “love, peace, and SOUL!”
he wished viewers as he closed each show
for decades escaped him as his life descended into marital trouble,
illness and, finally, a fatal self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Police said they went to his Mulholland Drive home around 4 a.m.
after receiving a call from one of his sons,
who became concerned after being contacted by his father.
Cornelius, 75, was found shot and was pronounced dead an hour later.

THE TRAIN HAS LEFT THE STATION !

(love that Shirley Hemphill hair-do)
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There was an episode of a tv show called

A GIFTED MAN

(super-surgeon, lousy human, ghost wife helps him)

Where an artist had so much inspiration,
and so many picture in his head,
that he had to draw at all times to get them out of his head !
(and it was good stuff that was selling, as opposed to his
lifetime of shitty work that was ingored)

Turns out he had a brain tumor
that was causing the creative flow…
(tumor out? he went back to ‘normal’)

I KINDA KNOW HOW HE FEELS…
(minus the brain tumor)
I’M SITTING HERE, A DAY LATE…
THE RIP RENFIELD ISSUE PRETTY MUCH DONE
(I can get it out, and posted, in an hour at most)

BUT

I’VE BEEN WRITING ITEM-AFTER-ITEM !!!
They just keep coming to me…
THEY ARE ALMOST WRITING THEMSELVES !
(I have to get them out or they’ll ‘disappear’!)

Nothing I have notes on, nothing that was on my mind,
but I probably have another issue’s worth of material
because I can’t stop myself from writing…
one ‘thread’ leads to another, than another
that has no connection to the first thread,
and then I’m ‘running’ with that one…

KINDA LIKE THE RIDE YOU CAN TAKE
WITH YOUTUBE VIDEOS !

I promised myself that this is the last one
and then I get down to the ‘work part’
not the talent part of RIP Renfield !

I know… I know…

IS THERE REALLY A ‘TALENT’ PART ?

(I do the best with what I have to work with)

I’d like to think that at some level
I AM a ‘gifted man’ (yeah, in my dreams),
but at least I’m thinking myself a ‘LUCKEY’ man
since Christmas with no signs of my joy diminishing !

SOMETIMES LIFE DOESN’T SUCK !!!

ADDENDUM…

I’m going to miss the tv show   when it’s gone…

PAN  AM
minimally pre-empted for the super bowl…

I thought the show ‘retro-entertaining’, early 60’s era…
(and it had lots of hot chicks)

I liked it even BEFORE Christina Ricci’s lesbian kiss !

(ABC-tv tried EVERYTHING to save the show)
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by the way…

PAN AM MERCHANDISE IS HOT RIGHT NOW !

If you have ANYTHING Pan am,
Ebay is the place to be !
I managed an Ebay purchase (I’m cheap)…
the bag I bought (daughter’s birthday)…

The same bag has gone for $50-75 !

But I ‘watched’ and sneaked in a purchase
when the auction ended during a football playoff game !
($22)

FUNNY THING ?

I used to own the exact same bag back in the 70’s,
I carried a medium-sized reel-to-reel tape recorder in it.
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anybody remember a little ‘fad’ called

GLOBAL  WARMING ?

It was the cause-du-joir a few years ago.
You COULD NOT get away from it !

Although we’re only a month into a VERY mild winter,
it would seem a perfect time to drive home
any point the ‘warming’ people might want to make !

WITHOUT GETTING BEAT OVER THE HEAD
WITH THEIR ‘Public Relations Blitz’…
I’m even considering the possibility !

(nah… we’re just a ‘pimple’ on the world’s ass)

WHY ISN’T THE ‘GW’ ARMY
CHAMPING-AT-THE-BIT ?
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from Rinso-Don

Re: trying the ‘local’ honey to acclimate
you to the areas ‘pollen’ ?

Whenever I go to a new town,
I also check out the ‘local honey’…
but usually she’s a $30 dollar hooker,
it’ll clean your pipes,
but you still have the allergies !

renfield says…

Hey ‘big spender’…  for $30 ?

You should be glad if ALL you end up with is

ALLERGIES !
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Has anyone else picked-up-on

the folly of this offer ?

A car insurance company (probably more than one)
are such good guys that they offer the…

VANISHING  DEDUCTIBLE !!!

For every year without an accident,
your deductible (probably at least $1000)
will lessen $100 until it hits zero !

WOW… HUH ?

What a great deal ?

To cash in, YOU have to be at fault in the accident !

If it’s NOT your fault, the other driver’s insurance
picks-up YOUR deductible…
(happened to me last month, we were right, we collected)

In addition, if YOU DO get to make-use of this

VANISHING DEDUCTIBLE

It means that you had an AT-FAULT accident
and they’ll get back the part that ‘vanished’
in your increased insurance rate !

MY company… NJ Manufacturers

(only 2 states, consumer reports top company)
doesn’t do the ‘vanishing’ deductible…
For as many years as I’ve had them,
if you don’t have a claim in the previous year,
they declare a dividend and divide it among
the good (or lucky) drivers…
SO I get back a YEARLY CHECK (most years)…
on BOTH my HOME & CAR Insurance costs !
(not bad, huh?)
NO AGENDA, JUST A GREAT COMPANY !

addendum…

At least in NJ, insurance companies automatically
accept fault for accidents with police vehicles as a courtesy
(at YOUR expense)
My son found out the hard-way (he was innocent),
but we were helped by our mayor at the time,
a ‘gay-american’ who went on to higher office.
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THE ‘PUNCH’ JUST WASN’T ENOUGH…

R.I.P

to that damned driver’s-side headlight !

I hit it back to life for a week…
but for $9 I ain’t playin’ with it no more !
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one more quickie…

I mis-judged… the person ’servicing’ CURTIS SLIWA
told me that Curtis is the nicest person you’ll ever meet.
Always ready to talk and shake-hands,
and always willing to take a photo with you !

I SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE GONE OVER & SAID ‘HI’ !
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a ‘winter’ tip…

Every winter, whenever I catch a nice day,
I ‘run’ my air-conditioner units
(ones that aren’t winterized or removed)
for 10 minutes or so, a couple times during the season,
to keep the machinery from ‘locking’ or rusting-up.

They way this winter is going,

I made need to used them for cooling !
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(non) PONY-TAIL NEWS…

I used to tell people that after I stopped cutting & coloring
my hair a few years ago… that I had a ‘look’ in mind…
From Harry Potter… the ‘LUCIUS MALFOY’ look…

I had un-done my pony-tail and was brushing out my hair
when my daughter walked in…
and without knowing the ‘look’ I was going for, said…

” YOUR HAIR IS KINDA LIKE DRACO MALFOY’S DAD’S HAIR ”

WHOA !!!

MISSION  ACCOMPLISHED !

My hair isn’t quite as long, and not as well groomed…
(wild ends and ends not shaped)
and I look NOTHING like him…
But since I ALWAYS do the pony-tail,
no one sees the ‘malfoy’ in me !

We decided to ’shock’ my family
at the next holiday or party gathering !

(and this year’s trick-or-treaters get to see it)
(I’m told I have a ‘young’ face, but old hair, like it’s not real)

Personally, I take it as a compliment…

the character’s an a-hole, but his hair ‘rocks’ !
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I’m sure it’ll work to their advantage one day soon…

BUT

in my own little survey…

Lottery agents are claiming (to me)
that since they doubled the price of
POWERBALL LOTTERY TICKETS

from $1 to $2

(with a larger opening BIG prize you’re not winning anyway)

Most customers aren’t buying as many tickets
as they did for $1 !   I’m sure the plan was for
all the ‘degenerate’ lottery players (that’s us)
would just suck it up and play their regulary numbers
at twice the price !   Seems people are budgeted tighter
than that and are spending the same amount of money
as before, but getting half as many tickets !
(I know I cut back and many others have the same idea)

MABYE PEOPLE JUST LET IT SINK IN THAT
YOUR ODDS OF WINNING WITH 100 TICKETS
ARE ONLY MINISCULE-Y GREATER
THAN WITH ONE TICKET !
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thought you heard it all ?

(hardly… I keep going & going & going…)

Police in the south of Chile have arrested a man
on suspicion of stealing ice from the Jorge Montt Glacier.

Officials in the town of Cochrane found
five tonnes of ice in the back of his truck.
Police suspect the ice was destined for the capital, Santiago,
to make gourmet ice cubes for upmarket bars & restaurants.

The paper says the ice in the back of the vehicle
was worth about 3 million pesos ($6,100; £3,900).
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THE OTHER NITE

I stopped at BURGER KING

for a few of their SUPERIOR dollar hamburgers !
(lettuce, tomato, cheese, bacon)

I NOTICED A ‘NEW’ MENU ITEM…

THE CINNABON !!!

I love a good cinnnabon… but I’m rarely in the mall.
A nice big sloppy one, an extra container of icing,
warm it when I get it home… hmmmmmm…

SO THERE IT IS (I’m at the drive-up)…

I order one for $1.99 (3 for $4.99).
I tell the guy at the ‘window’ something like this
could bring them alot of business !
(if good, he assures me they are.. he had 2 already)

I get home and am excited to see the LARGE
cinnabon box in the bag under the burgers !
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the disappointment ?

You could fit 4 of THEIR cinnabons
in the packaging the 1 came in !
It WAS good… a good 3 or 4 bites…
But I would have been alot happier
to pay $4 and get a regular-sized mall one !

IT WON’T MAKE ME COME BACK FOR MORE !
(the dollar fries are another story… FANTASTIC)

addendum…

I’m quite the expert at the ‘value menus’
at the fast-food places !
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Just saw a commercial
for a heart-warming tale about kids
whose efforts turn to saving whales trapped by ice,
forcing the whales to stay at small openings in the ice.

CROWDS COME OUT TO OPEN A PATH IN THE ICE…
(based on a true story)
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FINE I GUESS…

but why screw with the cycle-of-life ?

Recently I’ve seen a show about the hunting habits
of polar bears.  (not much too eat on the ice desert)
Seems the bears depend on whales trapped in the ice.
As the whales come up to ‘breathe’,
the bears attack & swipe at the whales,
until they are hurt enough to become ‘floaters’,
so they bears can feed on it.

WHY ARE PEOPLE GETTING INVOLVED
IN THE NATURAL SELECTION OF THINGS ?

Whales live, Bears die ?

Why do people get to choose?
(especially when polar bears are the home team)

BUTT OUT !

A better movie would have been one about
polar bears feasting on people trying to free whales !
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ARE WHALES CUTER ?

LIKE THOSE ‘CUDDLY’ KOALA BEARS ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8oLu7znwQ0&feature=related

(if you try to pet one, you’d better count your fingers when done)

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another update  ?

Re: the ex-Mrs. Howard Stern toilet rim exhaust fan?

I mentioned this to my plumber (since I never saw one).
The only one he knew about was more of a bidet
toilet seat-type device… (sounds right to me)

IT DOES EXIST

HE’S INSTALLED ONLY 2 OF THEM IN MANY YEARS…

Most people balk at the $2000 price-tag !
(and that doesn’t include the toilet itself !

VERY UNDER-STAND-ABLE WHY

I’VE NEVER SEEN ONE IN PERSON !

BUT WHEN YA GOT ‘STERN’ MONEY,
PRICE IS NO OBJECT !

(especially for an ex-wife)
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the game is ‘a-foot’… again !!!

I had been disappointed waiting for new episodes
of a brilliant, well-received, modern-day, re-working of
the lengendary, fictional consulting-detective…

Sherlock Holmes
(computers, cell phones, texting, etc)

that the BBC had commissioned from Doctor Who people
(done in that same slam-bang style).
Fast, clever, great stories… at the final scenes in the
last of the 3 episodes in SERIES  1,
I SAT THERE WITH MY MOUTH (literally) OPEN !

SHERLOCK

already played to rave reviews & large audience in the UK
(just finishing the 3 – SERIES 2 episodes on Jan.15).

It’s going to take a few months…
BUT I’D LIKE TO ANNOUNCE
THE PREMIER OF THE NEW SERIES OF SHOWS
on Public Televison (PBS)  MAY 6th, 2012 !!!
(I may have dvd’s sent me, if I can’t wait that long)

I CAN’T THINK OF A SHOW
THAT EXCITED ME AS MUCH AS THIS
IN A LONG, LONG TIME !

addendum…

The final episode ends at REICHENBACH FALLS
and you know what that means (wink,wink).
BUT THEY’VE ALREADY ANNOUNCED
A 3rd SERIES when previous commitments
by HOLMES & WATSON are completed.

HOLMES – the villian in the new Star Trek movie.
WATSON – in New Zealand for THE HOBBIT.
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and to end the SUPERBOWL ISSUE

(please don’t turn-me-in for saying ’super bowl’)

I leave you with the NOTRE DAME fight song…

(words by Renfield, music by Michael & John Shea)
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Cheer, cheer for old Notre Dame,
If we got kid touchers, they get the blame,
Don’t you call the campus cops,
Call out the Bureau, call out the SWAT,
What though the odds be great or small
Old Notre Dame will prosecute all,
While her ‘pervy’ (ex)sons are marching
to their last taste of liberty !

Hey.. not bad… that took no time at all !
(told ya things write themselves!)
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Gotta go…

Have a party to go to !
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you could be wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist

TISH (PILLBUG)
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(or not, I really don’t care)

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