† RIP Renfield #637 – HOLIDAY AFTERMATH †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 637 – HOLIDAY AFTER-MATH †

January 2, 2012

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SPEAKING of HOLIDAY AFTERMATH !!!

sober up !!!
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IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN TODAY,
MAYBE NOT EVEN SOON…

BUT I THINK I KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO KILL ME !
Even if it’s 30 or 40 years from now !
(barring accidents or murderous actions)

This blood clot (legs & lungs) business ?
The doctor has been nothing but positive,
making me think that medication & time is all I need.

WELL… I wanted to put off some blood work,
and his nurse read me the ‘riot-act’…
I was using the phrase.. “it’s not life-or-death”
and, by her reaction, it sounded if it was L&D !

The ‘encounter’ got me around to ‘googling’
a few ‘letters’ they throw around about me…

DVT

Holy, jumpin’ Jesus !!!

I’m an effin’ sick mutha, pehaps a time-bomb !
The discoloration of ONE leg & the pic
convinced me that it was all about me !
AND THEY AIN’T TAKIN’ ‘EASY-PEASY’
LIKE THE DOCTOR, THEY MAKE IT SOUND
PRETTY DAMN DEADLY !
So, either from clots or blood thinners…
one day I’ll probably ’stroke-out’
and that will be that…
I gotta make arrangements with trusted ‘people’
that the RIGHT thing be done if I ‘veg-out’ !
Hopefully, I’ll go out clean & quickly !

but to ease my mind…

At Xmas, I ran into a nurse supervisor cousin.
(knows her stuff)
I mentioned my DVD & Pulmonary Embolism…
and her eyes went wide (saw ‘white’ all around) !
“YOU HAD A ‘P-E’ ?”
When I said I still do, the talk turned-to
stroke-and-death again !!!
GEEZ
(I’m not fakin’, I was hoping I was)

I’VE BEEN ‘FINE’ ALL-ALONG…
NOW I’m starting to feel sick !
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GOOD THINK I’M NOT HANGING ON TOO TIGHT !
(I’m sort-of curious & anticipating the experience of death)

oh.. by the way

YOU HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR TOO !!!
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LAURA NYRO

is LEGENDARY !

(and soon to be in the ROCK & ROLL Hall of Fame)



In music circles, a goddess…
Not only as performer, but as a writer
of many hits and standards.
(r&b, jazz, do-wop, pop, rock)
Wedding bell blues, Stoned soul picnic,
And when I die… you get the idea.

For some reason, I had always pictured her
in my mind as an aging dinosaur of long ago.
(probably from her staying out of the media)
I was shocked to find out that when she died,
she was ONLY 49 (1997) !
How did she accomplish every thing she did ?
HARDLY ANY TIME AT ALL,
AND NOT ENOUGH TIME TO REST ON HER LAURELS,
or for ‘lifetime-achievement-awards’…

She might have been bigger in the public eye
if she were marketed ‘properly’,
but she was a bit of a recluse…
She was reportedly un-comfortable with attempts
to market her as a celebrity & she announced her retirement
from the music business at the age of 24.
Over the years, she DID keep on recording and performing,
but when the BIG late night talk shows heavily pursued her…
she turned them down as well,
citing her discomfort with appearing on television.

REST-in-PEACE
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update on my k-mart adventure…
it worked just fine !

After the doctor, I dropped some cookies
for a couple of local businesses I deal with…
I then went to K-Mart to do the anonymous-donor
to the surprised lay-away customer(s).
The layaway counter was deserted !
No one working, no one waiting,
and everyone in the store was driving
a better car than I was ! (so I went home)

Later that night, my daughter needed an idea
for a Christmas gift for her mom…
I suggested she accompany me to K-Mart
and see if we saw something there…
(and do the donate-to-layaway thing)

We got there… found the perfect gift
10 feet inside the front door,
went to the layaway section, and viola !
A couple waiting and one middle-aged woman
with an empty shopping cart…

I split the money I had in half…
(from me and 2 guys I work with)
gave to the first people… who were over-whelmed !
THANKED ?
I even got a ‘god-bless-you’ out of it…
and I hadn’t sneezed !
The 2nd woman (distrustful?, apprehensive)
had a look on her face of..
WHAT’S GOING ON ?
(should I be afraid?)
When I handed her the other half of the money,
she didn’t know what was happening
and reluctantly(?) took the money… looking dazed !

I had to go back twice to see if I could make it happen.

and

IT PLAYED OUT EXACTLY THE WAY I WANTED IT TO !
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addendum…

Must be years since I’ve been in a K-Mart…
I was very surprised at how up-scale the place
had become since SEARS took them over !
At the register, there was no line,
so I let the kid get me a K-Mart (barcode) shopping card…
(I keep my collection of cards in the visor of my car…
your phone number is just as good as carrying it)

ANYWAY…

I bought a few items and was VERY suprised to see
that I was emailed the receipt for the purchases I just made !
VERY convenient…for records, and for warranties !
RENFIELD  LIKES  IT !!!

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a couple of things…

While waiting for the doctor to enter the exam room…

IT  HIT  ME  !

In the MATRIX… why did the ‘rebels’
live in caves and dress in rags ?

Some, or most of them, had ‘jacks’ in their heads.
AND Morbius showed they had ‘matrix’ training rooms
outside the BIG Matrix… why wouldn’t the rebels
save space and have some comfort ?

I’m thinking they 8 hours they spent sleeping
on a rock,   but in their heads ?
Could have been in a lavish bedroom !  Or a dormitory?
What would be the harm?
Dining halls?  Give them slop,
but imagine it’s whatever they desire !

PUT ME IN ZION

and I’d be a ‘real’(?) trouble-maker !
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AMAZING !

They eliminate a congressional district in NJ
and the ‘bum’ just decides to move
to a district he has a good chance of winning !

ISN’T THAT WHAT THEY CALL

CARPET-BAGGING ?

Voters are stupid if they can be convinced
that this guy has THEIR interests at heart !

GOV’T SERVICE ?

more like

KEEP THAT EASY MONEY (and perks) COMING IN !
(for someone who may not make it in private industry)

What HE has to give is transferrable

to wherever he chooses to live ?
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addendum…

Voters ARE stupid !
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YOU CAN STILL GET AN AFTER-HOLIDAY BARGAIN !

Christmas trees at tree-stands?

THEY’RE PRACTICALLY GIVING THEM AWAY !

If you hurry, you can still get one

with most of its ‘needles’ intact !
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I GUESS THIS SUMS-UP
WHAT RIP Renfield IS ALL ABOUT…

(it’s basically… point-of-view)
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“The skill of writing is to create

a context in which other people can think.”
— Edwin Schlossberg

“A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude

without providing you with company.”
— Gian Vincenzo Gravina
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(I’m in there somewhere)
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MONDAY after CHRISTMAS ?

3 hours I’ll never get back !

My wife mis-placed her retainer…
(she’s having her teeth straightened a bit)
She swore she took it out to eat & it disappeared !
(we were blaming the cats towards the end)
We did the ‘easy’ search, then moved furniture,
and went under couch cushions…
then came searching rooms she wasn’t in,
the garbage, the laundry, her hair & clothes…
then out came the flashlights…
hoping the light would shing right
to make the damn thing visible !
She searched and gave up.
I searched and gave up.
(and went back 2 more times)

EVEN DID THE NITE SEARCH WITH FLASH-LITES !

I always blame those guys from the OTHER dimension
who experiment on us earth-lings…
after the frustration test, they usually put it
back right where it should be.

She DID finally find it the next day…
in a room it should not have been in…
(under & behind furniture)

GOOD THING SHE FOUND IT…
not only is the replacement a bit pricey…

I didn’t want the other kids
on the school bus teasing her !
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Incandescent light bulbs

to be phased out in January !!!
(no more manufacturing, just store stock)

The standard light bulb as you know it is about to be extinct.
Consumers may not be paying much attention to all the changes
in the light bulb industry, but you should
because your next bulb could cost you $50 !!!!!

Before you panic, listen to how long that bulb will last.
“These claim to last, some of them, up to 40 years !!!

FUCK YOU !!!

I don’t care how long they last !
I just loaded up with 75watt bulbs at Walmart.
($1.58 for a 4-bulb pack)
AND THEY LAST PLENTY LONG !
They expect us to put out THAT kind of money
based on FUTURE savings ?
What if you break a bulb?… NO savings at all !
Who are you going to trust
to get them from the car to the house ?
(keep a ‘leash’ on the kids playing in the house)

BUT SINCE THE ECONOMY IS ROCKIN’,
AND REGULAR PEOPLE HAVE MONEY-TO-BURN,
THE EXTRA MONEY CAN BE SPENT ON LIGHT-BULBS !
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An incandescent may be cheap,
but it’s not energy efficient.

I’m cool with that…

light bulbs were never a big bite out of MY budget !
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addendum…

When you run into an incandescent bulb years from now,
it’ll be like running into one of the Edison originals
that turn up in barns and antique shows !
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THIS JUST IN…

Congress decided to get-in-on feel-good
public relations by delaying the ban for 9 months !

SO DON’T PANIC… yet !

Is there an election coming up?
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There was a WINNING lottery ticket sold on Long Island, NY.
A quick-pick Mega-Game Winner for

$200 MILLION !!!

It’s the first time the ‘island’ has seen THAT BIG a winner !
The ’spin’ on the news report had me baffled…

They reported that not only
was the store that sold the ticket excited…
but the town was excited too !!!

HUH ?

The winner is probably thrilled !
The store will see $10,000…
so maybe the owner of the store might be happy…
BUT AN EMPLOYEE OF THE STORE ?
or THE TOWN ? or Long Island itself ?

Personally, I’d be pissed !

THAT close and NOT me ?

If someone in my town  were to win THAT BIG a prize…
I really don’t see any positive outlook on my part !
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Sunday Christmas ?

I thought it such a great day for Xmas,
that I wouldn’t mind it moved there permanently !
Worked saturday, but plenty of time for xmas eve
at mom’s house (she ‘owns’ it),  nice Sunday at home,
opening gifts & a turkey dinner, & left-over Monday?
I can’t think of the last time I had the day
after Xmas off work… it was nice !

THE PROBLEM ?

I hadn’t indulged in any extra-eating since
Thanksgiving day… but starting Saturday nite?
WHOA BOY !
My mother is 87, and has been claiming
(for the last 25 years)
that this might be her last Christmas !
SO SHE COOKS FOR AN ARMY !
(she could feed 50 or 60 people easily)
TURKEY, HAM, LASAGNA, PIEROGI’S,
2 or 3 more main courses, than the sides,
than more deserts than a bakery !
My stomach actually hurt when going to bed !
NEXT DAY?  CHRISTMAS ?
Skipped breakfast, at noon had a tea & cranberry cake…
then ANOTHER turkey dinner with all the trimmings !
(also ate half a pecan pie my wife made as a gift)
((did I mention the pistachio nuts & potato chips?))
NEXT DAY CAME THE LEFT-OVERS !

I WAS LIKE A GOLD-FISH !!!

(eat till I die, no control)

I LOST MY MIND FOR 3 DAYS !

(It was good to be back at work, away from food !)

I ENDED UP DOING A ‘NUMBER 6′
THE NEXT DAY !

kid bathroom code…
number 1 = pee            number 2 = shit

NUMBER 6 ?
That’s ‘NUMBER 2′ three times !!!
(2 times 3 = 6)
(instead of my usual once)

YEAH, YEAH… TMI

(too much information)
but accurate !
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I wrote a joke for New Year’s…

I went over to a 60-ish guy at work
and said that we should celebrate NYEve(early)
in work in a traditional manner…

HOW ABOUT WE DRESS LIKE…
FATHER TIME & THE NEW YEAR(baby) ?

With my white hair and beard,
I can easily be FATHER TIME…

and since you already wear a diaper….
(under your clothes)



(bazinga!)

(most people get it)

WHY DON’T THEY LIKE ME AT WORK ?

addendum…

internet (email) privacy sucks !
the day after I wrote the joke & emailed it to myself…
I started getting emails advertising both
adult diapers & every product I might need for a baby !
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My pony-tail is ‘getting-there’…

for Christmas (work & family get-togethers)…

I wore 3, count ‘em 3, hair ties…

I started with a red one,
then a green one,
and ended with another red one !

My hair is NOW officially long-enough
to get away with three !

In addition, no gel, but extra conditioner,
and I had one of the best ‘hair days’
I’ve ever had in public !

and it’s actually fun to be ’sporting’ a pony-tail
especially in a room full of aging relatives with comb-overs !
(or nothing to comb over)

GROWING HAIR, A PONY-TAIL ?

Them that can, DO !!!

ADDENDUM…

I got a Xmas gift from a friend in Brasil…
A shirt & baseball cap with local touches on it.
NICE STUFF
My daughter commandeered the hat already !
Looking the stuff over, she said…
” Wow… she must thing you’re cool, or something…”

Dopey kid…

So spoiled having me as a dad,
living with ‘cool’ everyday & not knowing it !

SHE USED TO KNOW IT…



(they really were ‘classy’ items, out of my league?)
((she & I are T-shirt friends, not speedo-thong friends))
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the QUEST is over…(?)

I’m just a ‘LUCKEY’ guy !

My interest in Susan Luckey has spanned the decades,
my intense search for information about her,
that just isn’t all that easy to find,
took a long time to piece together…
(and there’s not much of it)
The LACK of information posted challenged me !

My posting of the ‘crumbs’ I came across…
and stumbling onto contact information…
ENDED FINALLY IN CONTACT !
A letter sent in October (my birthday)
didn’t end with a reply or an autograph…
<sniff>
BUT… FOR CHRISTMAS ?
A lovely note from a lovely woman
(with autograph)
that had me ‘giddy’ & walking-on-air !
(I don’t anticipate it wearing-off for quite a while)
Like the former Texas fat-girl on the Weight Watcher’s
commercial… my face “hurts from smiling” !

Although when I said that ‘my face hurt from smiling’ at work…
I was told my face was ‘hurting’ long before this !
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If any of my past ‘crumbs’ were not as accurate,
or as in awe, as they should have been…

I  APOLOGIZE

Suzie came across as a wonderful,
gentle, sensitive good-hearted person.

AND ANY OF THE CRAP, OR OPINIONS,
OF HER THAT DON’T REFLECT THAT,
ARE JUST IN-CORRECT SPECULATIONS
FROM FRUSTRATED, BLOGGY-CONTRIBUTORS !
(I might be a tiny bit guilty of that myself.. shame on me)

LOVE YA SUZIE…

for taking the time to give ‘lowly-me’ a thrill !
(I may never come down)

I may get brave again one day & write again,
but I’d probably be taking advantage of her ‘niceness’ !
(hoping to ‘take advantage’ anyway)
((or I might be put on the ‘kook’ list))

Maybe one day I’ll even let her know that I’m ‘RENFIELD’…
(the internet guy who writes about her)
I used my ‘real’ name in contacting her…
I ‘google’ as a ‘normal’ that way !
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addendum…

I read the note to my daughter.. Susie..
who ONLY wanted to know if Ms.Luckey used
an ’s’ or a ‘z’ for Suzie !
(my SuSie was named for SuZie,
different spelling makes it easier to tell them apart)
and now that we have a ‘family heirloom’,
the framed-letter can be her first ‘pick’ after I drop dead !
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You REALLY can’t imagine the smile on my face…
my cheeks (on my face) really DO hurt !
I’m not meant to be happy, if I smile too much I’m a target !
(but I can’t help it, for a brief moment, she actually knows I exist !)
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I had a nice xmas,

and a nice ‘pre-xmas’…

(by xmas day it was over johnny)

I had alot of tears for a touching xmas moment
on a MASH episode (damn you Winchester!)
and
the dutch girl in MIRACLE on 34th STREET
when she tells Santa (in dutch)
that she already got what she wanted for xmas,
a new adopted mother ! (awww)
and
I had a small part in one of those K-Mart layaway things.
IT WAS A ‘GIVING’ not ‘RECEIVING’ Xmas for me…
I was done being all ‘warm & fuzzy’ days before Xmas !
and
If Santa or God wanted to smile on me…
THIS WAS THE YEAR !

AND IT WAS A TREK THAT WENT FROM
Birthday to Christmas to New Year’s !

I get home from work, see the mail…
and an SASE envelope with MY info is sitting there…
took a few seconds for me to realize what it was…
and took more minutes to ‘enjoy’ the un-opened envelope,
in case the message was…

” LEAVE ME ALONE ! “
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IT TURNED OUT TO BE
A LOVELY NOTE FROM A LOVELY PERSON !

AND a personalized autograph !!!

(I kinda scanned it, fixed it up, & framed it already)
((and purposely shrunk & un-focused the above image
to keep her communication private… I’m like that))

Susan’s (or as I call her, Suzie’s) handwriting
is tiny, delicate, & elegant…
(as opposed to my illegible slop
that even I can’t decipher sometimes)

I’m just sorry there wasn’t enough DNA
on the envelope for my cloning experiments !
I would have loved to have a little
Suzie Luckey running around the house !

IN CLOSING…

I HAD THE BEST DAMN CHRISTMAS
I’VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE !

I couldn’t have asked for more,
and the timing of the arrival of the letter
couldn’t have been more perfect, right at the end…
for the after-Christmas let-down period ?
it was a real holiday crescendo !
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PeeWee Herman gave away his wish,
did the right thing expecting something back,
and was desvastated when he didn’t get it !

WHEN ‘JOMBI’ FINALLY GAVE HIM HIS WISH,

HE COULD FLY !!!

(I think I could almost fly right now too)
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well…

I’m ready to fly right out of this issue…

A GOOD New Year ?  A GREAT ONE !!!

It’s gotten off to a great start for me !!!
(thank you Suzie)

HERE’S HOPING MY RIP READERS
CAN GET JUST EVEN-a-PIECE
OF HOW I’M FEELING THESE DAYS !!!

AFTERMATH ?

I RISE FROM THE RUBBLE !!!

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you could be wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

(or not, I really don’t care)

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