† RIP Renfield #635 – the CHRISTMAS Issue ! †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 635 –  the CHRISTMAS Issue !   †

December 17, 2011

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HO  HO  HO(s)

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Some poor town is under attack
for putting up a sign
(crossing a county road, connected to private property)
by an organization with ‘deep-pockets’
that will get-their-way or bankrupt the town in court !

the sign?

KEEP the CHRIST in CHRISTMAS

They DO offer an option…

hang a 2nd sign with a long diatribe
about no god, no angels, no nuthin’ !

I wonder why they stopped short
of mentioning (by name) a certain Muslim prophet ?
Christ DID exist, DID live, WAS a prophet !

OH YEAH…

SAFER TO SHIT ON CHRISTIANS !
‘THEY’ always seem to want to ‘piss-on’
the ‘things’ with a ‘positive’ spin to them !
(WHILE OFFERING NO REPLACEMENT)


WELL TO ALL THE ATHEISTS,
ALTERNATE RELIGION BELIEVERS,
GENERAL SHIT HEADS,
AND SANTA CLAUS LOVERS…

merry christmas to you all !

If you preach love & glad tidings,

what’s the harm ?

(preach jihad and  you’re protected)
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there will be NO RIP death tribute this week…

HEY… IT’S CHRISTMAS…

for some, a time to celebrate the BIRTH of baby Jesus…
for others, a time for individuals or small groups to piss-on-your-parade !!!

I’m just going to lay back in the dark and relax,

I can RIP some dead jerk anytime…

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A song lyric… a powerful one…
gave me the idea for what I’d want
on my tombstone (if I was to have one)
(or at least on my urn)
((40% opt for cremation these days))

GARY  RENFIELD

‘they only hit you till you cry,
after that you don’t ask why,
you just don’t argue anymore.’

ANYONE who sees that will either sing along,
or wonder what my personal meaning was…
(was that ‘bon vivant’ THAT broken?
OR is that how he got where he is ?)

KEEP ‘EM GUESSING ?

One more thing…

ROSEBUD
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OKAY…

CHANGED MY MIND

(I’m like that ya-know)
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WHO’DA  THUNK  IT  ?

A SUPERSTAR ?

I had no idea !

R.I.P

Jimmy Boyd
(January 9, 1939 – March 7, 2009)

Jimmy was an American singer, musician, and actor.
He was best known for his recording of the novelty song
“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus“.

Listen to THE SONG…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVM-Vnjk4J8

Some of his other tv appearances ?

Shows of… Perry Como, Doris Day, Bing Crosby,
Bob Hope, Patti Page, Merv Griffin, the TONIGHT SHOW,
Shindig, American Bandstand, and many more…

In a nutshell…

Born, poor as dirt, to a cotton picker
who worked to support HIS 21 brothers & sisters,
moved to California. Mother and 2 sons on the train,
dad forced to hitch-hike & hop trains.
Still ’scratching’ for survival…
his first ‘crowd’ experience was at a weekly
country-western get together at a local barn.
His brother got the band to egg-Jimmy on…

A musical family, he not only played guitar,
but his ‘odd’ voice and age made his talent
a real crowd pleaser… (a very talented kid)
The organizers, looking to broadcast,
started paying him $50 an appearance.

In Los Angeles, he auditioned and later won
on the AL JARVIS TALENT SHOW,
leading to a regular stint on the show,
which led to regular appearances,
and comedy skits with Frank Sinatra on HIS show.

His star rose with his association with Mitch Miller.
But regretted NOT moving on (ala Frank Sinatra)
when he disagreed with the direction of the music.
(Jimmy wanted to ‘rock’, Mitch didn’t)
His loyalty to Miller might have cost him,
he stayed with Mitch and instead concentrated more on
movies and television, and finishing his education.
(bachelor father, betty white show, my 3 sons,
even   INHERIT THE WIND)

He was the youngest allowed to appear
in the BIG rooms in Las Vegas !
(during the ‘rat pack’ years)
He was admonished by management
for doing 3 encores
(at the request of the cheering audience)
instead of just the one…
HE WAS KEEPING PEOPLE AWAY
FROM THE GAMBLING TABLES !
Along with his music he was a ‘pistol’, and at 14,
he was able to ad-lib relevant one-liners
that endeared him to the audience !

HE DID IT ALL, BUT WASN’T A FAN OF THE ‘ROAD’.

He played the theater circuit for several years
that was popular at that time—including The Capital,
Paramount, and Seville theaters in New York City,
Chicago, Hartford, Montreal, and Toronto.
He performed at 90,000 seat-plus venues such as
Soldier Field, The Rubber Bowl, The Plantation, Red Rocks
and others, in Chicago, Ohio, Colorado, Hawaii and Canada,
along with hundreds of one-nighters on the road
throughout the U.S., Canada, and England.

In 1960, he married BAT GIRL (Yvonne Craig),
a year later, drafted into the army,
and stationed in Texas,
led to their divorce in 1962.

Boyd married a second time in in 1980.
He and Anne Forrey Boyd had a son together,
but divorced in 1984.
He remained single for the rest of his life.

I may have glossed-over details in my summary,
but for the rest of the story…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Boyd
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ONE last observation concerning sales?

WEIRD AL, EAT YER HEART OUT !

(60 million copies in today’s sale?)
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Someone sent me a link
under the Subject Line of -

MERRY CHRISTMAS from BROOKLYN

It had nothing to do with what I thought of…
I remember taping a song off the radio with the same title
that got my attention back in the late 1970’s…
(local NYC radio… just some unknown ‘locals’ having a laugh)
I STILL HAVE IT ON A COMPILATION TAPE SOMEWHERE.
But I remember it being sung by a few dopey (drunken?) guys
laughing (ala Beach Boys – Barbara Ann)
where they screw up lyrics & ’step-on’ each other’s singing.

Someone posted it on YOUTUBE around 2 years ago.
and the ONLY 2 comments jive with my memory.
It’s nearly unknown (since done pre-internet),
and like ‘Jack Dawson’, it only ‘lives’ in my memory !

I DON’T REMEMBER HEARING THIS ANYWHERE ELSE
EXCEPT FOR A FEW PLAYS ON A RADIO SHOW !
(you’d think it would be a local NYC favorite)

HADN’T THOUGHT OF THE SONG FOR YEARS & YEARS…
but it always stayed with me…

ANYWAY… I GIVE YOU…

“MERRY CHRISTMAS from BROOKLYN”

with ’special’ thanks to  ‘RAVIOLI  JOE’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vy2nzZqGGsY

This version was given the ‘chipmunks’ treatment,
but I’d love to have an mp3 of the OTHER version.
(if it still even exists)
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addendum…

A few days after I wrote this item,
I played the song for my daughter.
AND
She knew the song… remembered ME singing
an alternate version that I made into a file.
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM RENFIELD !!!
I had forgotten all about that…
The file must have been long in a long-ago crash.
I’m glad I have ‘the Sooz’ as a memory aid.

TOO BAD MY SINGING IT
IS NOW LOST TO THE WORLD !
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xmas gift…

I was in a CVS Drug Store with my grown-daughter
and something caught both our eyes…

A $20 CARDBOARD SPACE SHIP PLAYHOUSE !!!
(might have been a space shuttle)

IT WAS TEMPTING !

It reminded me of the old Chris Elliott show

GET  A  LIFE

A clever, silly little show about a man-child
still living at home with his parents.

I remember one episode where
Chris, as a child, had sent away for
a 2 man submarine for $1
from an ad in a comic book.
IT ARRIVED 20 YEARS LATER !
Usually a disappointment,
those dollar things were junk cardboard !

THIS TIME ?

A real submarine !  Chris and his dad
assembled it in the bath-tub,
shut the (water-tight) shower door,
got in, and filled the shower stall
completely immersing the submarine
(with them trapped inside) !
They spent a good deal of the episode
looking thru the periscope,
trying to get someone’s attention
to get them out and save them…

GOOD STUFF !

They should re-run that show again…
also.. PARKER LEWIS CAN’T LOSE

(back when Principal Melanie Chartoff was hot)
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Just in case there’s no one
to say a kind word when I go…

His mother-in-law from Stalybridge, England,
once said of him…

“THAT GARY, HE’S A GOOD LAD…”

She NAILED IT !!!
(nice old broad)

I think, overall, most think of me as a ‘good guy’…
Obnoxious, annoying, talk-ative…
(also… well meaning & everybody’s ‘friend’)

BUT ALSO A GOOD GUY !

I think I had to ‘grow-into-it’…
but I got to the point where
I just didn’t see the ‘pay-off’
in being anything else !

My response to a situation?
I do what’s right for me,
not respond to a-holes in an a-hole manner !
(unless REALLY provoked)
((and I’m way too good at it))
(((I try to NOT use my super-powers for evil)))

WHEN THE TIME COMES…

REST-in-PEACE

(mother-effer)

YA GOT ME…

THOSE DAYS ARE OVER…

These days you’re going to have to make

2  TRIPS !!!



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I’m not usually a name-dropper…

but 3 firetrucks with sirens blaring
went down my street & past my house tonite…
and on top of the back of the last fire-engine ?

IT  WAS  SANTA !!!

(with 2 female helpers waving to us)

(( I WAVED BACK ))
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OUT-PATIENT at the HOSPITAL

I had to go for my 3 month ultra-sound check-up on my legs.
I’m getting there…
NO clots in my left leg,
and the BIG clot in my right leg?
It moved from the back of my knee (bad place),
to my calf (not so bad.. and dissolving).

IN THE WAITING ROOM…
The news stories on the tv got my ‘talent(?)’ going…

ALEC BALDWIN THROWN OFF AN AIRLINER?
He was an a-hole, inconvenienced alot of people
by his stubborn-ness to follow rules
(even if singled out)…
BUT, somehow Alec got a positive spin out of it…
(at least not all that negative)
EVERYBODY HATES THE AIRLINES !
I was thinking of the ‘acid’ stories the media
would have created had the ‘perp’ been..
PARIS HILTON, LINDSAY LOHAN,
or a drunk, or a ‘terrorist’ type ?

THE STORIES WOULD ONLY ‘SPIN’ THEM
INTO THE GROUND !
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The DAY-AFTER ABORTION PILL ?

Last minute permission was pulled and it’s back behind
the pharmacist counter.  Not next to the candy bars,
but with proof of being 17, no Rx necessary,
just a signature, ala ZYRTEC D,
and the drug is easily gotten.

DOES THIS KEEP IT AWAY FROM ‘UNDER-17′S’ ?
All you need is a 17 year old friend to ‘front’ for you
(like someone buying booze for under-age teens),
or have the older guy that molested you get it for you !

I DON’T SEE IT AS A BIG DEAL
WHETHER IT’S OUT ON A SHELF,
OR SOMEONE HELPING OUT A FRIEND !
(the law looks nice for the parents, but has no teeth)
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As I left the hospital building,
I saw a slow-moving woman,
struggling with her ‘walker’…

I always offer help…

So that when it’s me that needs the help,
I can call the bastards that DON’T help
all kinds of nasty names with a clear conscience !

SO I ASKED HER…

Do you need a hand ?

Want me to hold your pocket-book for you ?

(I was smiling and over-emphasized ‘pocket-book’)

She GOT IT and had a good laugh…

also needed no help…
(at least not from me)
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SO I GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL PRETTY QUICKLY…

(an hour or so at the most, includiing waiting time)
and got a few RIP items out of it
along with the decently-good news !
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AGAIN…

I got the most beautiful, perfect xmas tree.

A DOUGLAS FIR !

It’s so perfect, I expect to hear (again)
from my mother…

” NICE TREE, IS IT ARTIFICIAL ?”

I bought it at LOWE’s Home Center.

Nice trees, great prices…
I even came away better than that !

The 6-7 footer was $30.
I had so much trimmed off,
it was down to a little over 5 feet,
the told me to tell the ‘register’ it was $25.
It had no bar code, when the clerk
found and put in the ’supposed’ correct code,
it came up as $20 !
He must have had an aggravating day…
just said he wasn’t re-do-ing it, and said…

JUST PAY THE $20 !

I guess it was my turn to get a break !
(finally, I’ve been waiting decades)
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addendum…

They trim the bottom, I had them trim the top,
it was wrapped in webbing,
and I had it ’stood’ in the stand I brought from home.
I ALWAYS SLIP THE GUY A FEW DOLLARS…
They always refuse, saying ‘not allowed’.
(this guy even looked around first when…)
I insisted the TIP !
That it was MY personal tradition
and I’d be insulted if he DIDN’T take it !
(I forced him, he was off-the-hook)

HEY… IT’S CHRISTMAS !
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speaking of the spirit-of-christmas…

I was moved to tears (really)
when I read about good samaritans
going to KMART layaway departments
and paying-off some or all of the balance
for living paycheck-to-paycheck people.

MANY TIMES PICKING UP THE BALANCES
RIGHT BEFORE LATE-PAYERS STUFF
WAS RETURNED TO STORE SHELVES !
(hint…leave a tiny balance, account still open)

I think this a really wonderful thing to do…
and was thinking that a xmas collection at work
and putting $50-100 per layaway for 3 or 4 people
is a great way to ’share’ the wealth !

I’M ALL IN ON THIS ONE !!!

How about YOU and YOUR company ?
(no interest from mine & I’ll go it alone)
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submitted to www.ForgottenHits.com by moi…

THIS IS REALLY WORTH CHECKING OUT…

WATCH THE WHOLE THING !
(I think ‘2′ and ‘5′ steal the show)

YOUR 12 day of christmas brought to mind
something from the 60’s…
Terrible having a mis-spent youth in front of a tv…
and a memory that kicks-in at the oddest times…
I remember see-ing this and I guess it stuck with me…
and YOUTUBE had it !
Paul Anka on I’VE GOT A SECRET doing an ‘assisted’
12 days of christmas like you’ve never seen….

from dec.26,1966…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbuDmZ9ddFc

(a little LONG… but nothing like it anymore)
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ONE LAST HOLIDAY CHUCKLE
BEFORE I GO INTO XMAS ‘MODE’…

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I was being made ’sport-of’ by co-workers
(you take your turn in the ‘barrel’ when YOU ’shoot’ too)
because of my long white hair & (very short) beard
(hey, I do the ‘renfield’s-growing-a-beard’ look),
AND THE ‘GRANNY’ (reader) GLASSES I WEAR…

I suppose taking in the Christmas theme…

ONE GUY

ASKED ME IF I WOULD BE…

‘COMING-DOWN-HIS-CHIMNEY’

(and the small group laughed hysterically)

I was a little confused…

I’m not very fluent in all that ‘gay’ slang !

(actually, I asked if ‘chimney’ was HIS code for his a-hole?)

(THANKS RONNIE B.)
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and with THAT picture in your mind…

I’LL TAKE MY LEAVE OF YOU…

GOD BLESS US ALL, EVERYONE

HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS…

(whether religious or secular.. ALL others?  get a life)
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you could be wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<
(or not, I really don’t care)

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