† RIP Renfield #629 – VETERANS DAY †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 629 – VETERANS DAY †

November 5, 2011

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A RIP Renfield SALUTE

(as always)

to our veterans !!!

I appreciate your sacrifice,
especially since I’m a big pussy !
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(apologies for this issue… I got wordy,
it’s still not bad… just a bit more pontificating…
I promise to be more entertaining next week)
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R.I.P

Charles Napier

His granite jaw, toothy grin and steely stare were the tools
that made Charles Napier one of the most recognizable
actors movie and TV audiences never heard of.

From the dim-witted country music star John Belushi flim-flammed in
“The Blues Brothers” movie to the scheming military intelligence officer
who matched wits with Sylvester Stallone in “Rambo: First Blood II,”
Napier appeared in scores of films and TV shows
in a career spanning more than 40 years.

Roles included a memorable turn as a hippie wanderer
searching for paradise in a classic 1960s “Star Trek” episode.
TV appearances too numerous to list.
His favorite role was as the judge in “Philadelphia.”

His stock in trade, however, was playing steely eyed tough guys
in films like “The Silence of the Lambs” and even comedies like
“The Blues Brothers,” (leader of THE GOOD OLE BOYS).

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Re: the OCCUPY protests around the country…
Incovenient to locals & in-the-way?

WHAT’S THE POINT OF POLITE PROTEST ?
(not just this one, ANY one… & I’m not taking sides)

Okay… the protest will be in an out-of-the-way park
from 10am to 2pm, with a noon hour lunch break.
Everyone just stand or sit quietly,
mixing within the group…
THEN GO HOME

SOUNDS LIKE A RIP-ROARING PROTEST
BOUND TO GET SOME ATTENTION !

ISN’T THE POINT OF PROTEST
TO BE LOUD & NOTICED ?

LOUD PROTESTS NOT FAIR TO RESIDENT
PEOPLE & BUSINESSES ?
Uh, the more ‘uncomfortable’ they make it
(without out and out death & destruction)
for the area they occupy…

THE MORE LIKELY THEY’LL GET MEDIA ATTENTION
AND GET THE LOCALS ON THE POLITICIANS BACKS
TO FIND A SOLUTION TO THE SITUATION !!!

Even though the needed reply to the’situation’
seems to be EXTREMELY vague…
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(open your windows & scream to the world)

I’M AS MAD AS HELL
AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE !!!
(go go go howard beale)

I’M PRETTY MAD MYSELF THESE DAYS !!!
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from LAFFADAY…


What most Liberals, Conservatives and politicians
in general don’t understand: THE DEBT CEILING.

Look at it this way…

Let’s say, you come home from work
and find there has been a sewer backup in your neighborhood…
and your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings.

What do you think you should do?

Raise the ceilings or pump out the shit?

Your choice is coming Nov. 2012.
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I know RIP Renfield readers

are REAL party-people…

SO I hope everyone had a good time

and got a little wild for

GUY FAWKES DAY !

(commemorated in England since 5 November 1605)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guy_Fawkes

Perhaps he’ll be more recognize-able to you
from the ‘mask’ upon which he has been immortalized…


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I MADE HISTORY !!!

With the help of the unprecedented
HALLOWEEN SNOW STORM
(here in New Jersey)

IT’S THE FIRST TIME
I HAD TO SHOVEL SNOW

BEFORE I HAD TO RAKE
FALLEN AUTUMN LEAVES !!!

Nah.. I’m just shittin’ ya…

I’m not planning to rake at all !
A guy I used to work with always said…
” God put them there, God can take them away ”
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chicago humor…

famous for the saying…

VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN

now you get…

There is finally conclusive evidence that
Osama Bin Laden and Muamma Gaddafi are dead.
They both registered to vote in Chicago.

(chicago has always been known for dirty politics)
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I was giving CSI another chance

since the new guy, TED DANSON.

Always a great show to record…
watch it in no time… just fast fwd. thru
all the unnecessary lab work !

ANYWAY… MARGE HELGENBERGER

(she hates being called MARGE.. it’s MARG)

gets my attention.  She’s OBVIOUSLY
had ‘face work’ done… (she did look ‘ragged’ for years).



It’s a little ‘tight’ & it takes a bit of getting used to…
(she looks like herself, but not quite)

BUT, HEY… SHE GOT OLD !
She’s fighting it, but it’s a lost cause.

(who cares anyway?, she’s the weakest part of the show)


BUT AT LEAST IT’S NOT LIKE

the VANNA WHITE head replacement !



Looking at re-runs of WHEEL of FORTUNE
you could make a good case for hostess duties
being performed by 2 different women !



But, it’s all good….
Vanna DID sign a ‘head-shot’ for me !
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Today, I was the recipient
of the first post-coumadin ’scratch’…
BLEEDING is contra-indicated
when on (long-term) blood thinning medicine.

I’m kinda glad it was miniscule…
If I still had ‘fat’ blood, I don’t think
I would have bled at all !

But, as I happened to find out…

My blood flowed like red-tinged water !

A band-aid helped seal the wound,
but as I’m not a fan of bleeding
under the best of circumstance…
I’M GOING TO BE EXTRA CAREFUL !

ONE EXTRA THING…
My wife picked up a prescription for me at a CVS.
While there the pharmacist had a conversation
with her (they never did with me) about
perhaps me taking anti-cholesterol drugs.
WHY THEY THINK THIS ?
and
WHY THEY PLAN TO CONTACT MY DOCTOR ?
is a mystery to me !!!
(are they beating-the-bushes for sales?)
FOR THE RECORD...
My sugar could be off, my blood pressure could be off…
but CHOLESTEROL is NOT a problem of mine !
The ONLY time it EVER tested high
was for the ‘good’ cholesterol !
(psst.. my doctor gets pissed when lower-level medical people
stick their noses into HIS end of the business !
ONE TIME…
He wrote me a prescription for 60 pills, one-a-day.
The drug store only gave me 30,
one-a-day… 30 day supply.
Pissed him off… he knew another 30 pills would disappear
from stock since they had the ’scrip’ to back it up !
(next time he wrote it for 2-a-day, no problem)
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I’M ALWAYS THINKING !!!

(about what? nonsense, of course)

Since 1/2 CINCO de MAYO Day just passed…
I was trying to sell some eateries on this idea…
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I picked-up some health food for dinner the other nite…
I went to  TACO  BELL  !!!

A few 5-layer burritos, a nacho supreme,
and 2 caramel-apple empanadas.
(a balanced meal)

I saved one of the (good-sized) burritos
to take to work for lunch the next day.
I un-rolled it, put on some ‘fire’ sauce,
and rolled it back up again.
Now cooled, it was easy (and better for work)
to cut slices like a loaf of bread.
I left it in ‘roll form’, wrapped it up,
and refrigerated it till morning…
In the morning it went into the micro-wave oven
for a few seconds to take away the refrigerator cold,
basically a bit more than room temperature.

HANG IN THERE…

THIS IS LEADING TO BRILLIANCE !

Eating it  (I could ‘nosh’, some now, some later),
I noticed the resemblance to SUSHI…
not the taste… the look !

AND THEN CAME THE IDEA…

Imagine this as a menu item in one of those pick-up bars…
the ones with the goofy drinks (sex on the beach?).
Taco-sushi pieces on a plate, in a circle,
with a center of seasoned rice.
(sauce of choice added to individual pieces)

AND YOU COULD CALL THIS CONCOCTION…

TACO-SUSHI

or shortened to…
TUSHI (tushy)

Can’t you just see the drunken losers
who have no chance with the bar-maid or server
asking them to bring them some TUSHY ?

Miss? I’d like to try YOUR tushy?

BRING THAT TUSHY OVER HERE !

IT’S CATCHY !!!

Advertising, even by word-of-mouth,
would spread like wild-fire.
(or as the joke of the day anyway)

And then the regular bars & restaurants…
and then when the a-hole factor kicks in…
a supermarket item !

The sex-starved partner can serve it at home…

“HEY BABE, IN THE MOOD FOR
A LITTLE TUSHY TONITE?”

TUSHY AGAIN ?

OH MAGOO…

YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN !!!

(another great, unique idea)
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I was watching
EARTH vs. THE FLYING SAUCERS
the other day and realized…

PRESIDENT  EISENHOWER
doesn’t get enough credit for the victories
the USA had against THREATS from outer space !

Many of those encounters were chronicled
in movies (documentaries?) of the 1950’s
when most of these ‘attacks’ occurred !
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I RAN ACROSS THIS TITLE
at the INTERNET MOVIE DATA BASE
(imdb.com)

Dong fu ren

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074151/combined

I’m kinda thinking it’s a shot at me
and I should be insulted !

Reading from right-to-left?

Ren…. eff you… ‘dick’

Calling(?) me DONG (dick) !

Eff-You (F U) Ren, indeed !!!
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I’M A BLEEDER !

Whenever someone finds out
that I’m taking blood thinners (coumadin),
First thing I’m usually warned about is shaving !
(face, not legs… knew a guy who trimmed pubic hair
when I was in college, claimed it made his dick look bigger)
((FOR THE RECORD, I HEARD ABOUT, NOT SAW, THE EVIDENCE))

Anyway… I haven’t cut myself shaving for decades.
For the last few years, right after I went ‘white-pony-tail’,
I started growing ‘bad’ facial hair…
(I’M JUST NOT A HAIRY GUY)
I keep it trimmed short, so I constantly look like
I’m attempting to grow a beard.
SO I DON’T SHAVE MUCH OF MY FACE,
AND NOT USUALLY DAILY.


Thanks for the warnings everyone…
NOW, when it matters, I CUT MYSELF !!!

(not a big deal, but scratches seem to heal slowly)
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THIS VIDEO IS A SCREAM !

Back when RIVERDANCE,
LORD OF THE DANCE was hot…

The characters from 3RD ROCK FROM THE SUN
went to see it… and were so inspired that,
as they left the theater…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EUOzAuSkRA&feature=related

TAKE A PEEK
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Just saw a commercial
for an ecology-friendly plastic trash bag…
You’d think it was perhaps bio-degrade-able?
NOPE
They use a technique in manufacture
that allows the use of alternating bands of plastic,
retaining enough strength to be use-able.

Their BRAGGING RIGHTS are for using
THAT much less plastic in their bags !
(it can add up to alot less in landfills)

INSTEAD OF TOOT-ING THEIR OWN HORN
ABOUT THEM SAVING THE EARTH…
In other words, the earth will go to hell
and be buried in garbage… but NOT by US ?

This technique should be ‘given’,
or licensed, to other manufacturers…
AND MAKE IT MANDATORY FOR ALL TRASH BAGS !

THAT WOULD BE THE MOVE TO MAKE,
EARTH  MOTHER !!!
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In OTHER Manufacturing news…

My (nearby) nephew was without power
for days after the Halloween snow-storm.
I suggested a money-making idea for such disasters !

Tractor-trailer sized generators that could bring power
to entire neighborhoods… (for a price)
The power companies or the cities could pay the fee.
(actually FEMA should have these ready to go)

I figured $2 or 3 million in start-up money
should be enough to get the ball rolling…

BUT… OCCAM’S RAZOR ?

IF I HAD $3 MILLION AT MY DISPOSAL,
I wouldn’t be worried about making MORE money !

I DON’T THINK I’D BE WORRIED ABOUT
NEIGHBORHOOD’S BEING COLD & DARK !
(I’d never notice as my personal generator hums along)
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GOT THE CALL THE OTHER DAY…

Some ‘boisterous’ knucklehead looking for me
to pledge some cash for police organizations…
Knew my name, called my land-line…
and really tries to guilt you into donations
for your city, county, etc…
for police equipment, bullet-proof vests…
(if I were a cop, I’d spring for my own if the city wouldn’t)

I INTERUPTED HIM…
Sorry, I got caught up in a scam (a decade ago)…
only sent in a 20 but the newspaper story
several months later revealed them as scammers…
They ‘attempt’ to keep the law off their backs
by MAKING donations… AFTER their overhead !
So every dollar donated results in pennies (if anything)
to the supposed police charity !
(I should have called the REAL police on my cell phone
and let the 2 of them TALK)

YOU WANT TO DONATE ?

CALL YOUR LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT
AND ASK THEM WHERE TO DONATE !

I don’t like to buy or donate to anyone
unless it was MY idea to begin with…
I DON’T WANT TO BE SOLD THE IDEA !
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(archived from june 18 2004 — RIP 244)

A car hits a 10 year old boy and drives off…
a passerby runs over to the injured kid
in the middle of the road,
and asks…

“can i get you a priest?”

and he kid replies…

“how can you think about sex

at a time like this !!!”
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Checking my ‘hard-drive’ archives…
I found that I don’t have Issues 317-320 handy.
I’m sure they’re boxed & backed-up on CD & ZIP.
But I ain’t goin’ looking for them till there’s a need.
(will there ever be a need?)
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THIS PIC WAS FROM WAY BACK
WHEN THERE USED TO BE
TROUBLE IN THE MIDDLE EAST !

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My ‘LUCK’ extends to phone repair…

Had to make a call Thursday morning
to a toll free number…
I use my cell phone alot, but am not ‘un-limited’.
So, to save ‘minutes’, I used the land-line.
The land-line has no dial tone,
just a ‘hollow-buzz’ like a phone is off the hook.
I spend the next 20 minutes checking,
and disconnecting, phones to find the problem.
Then I go outside to the utility box with a phone,
disconnect the house, and get the same noise.

TIME FOR A SERVICE CALL !

After 3 calls and 50 menu’s I get a human.
The test of the line shows a problem, reset no good.
The service call is set up for 2 weeks in the future !
I check one more time as I pass a phone…
THE DAMN THING IS WORKING !!!
(all of them are)

AND LUCKY ME ?

I almost NEVER use the land-line,
but just to annoy & inconvenience me
(and all the waste of time trouble-shooting),
I happened to use the phone for the hour
it was temporarily out of service !!!
(also 5 minutes after I made the appointment
I had to call back to cancel it !)

ALL DAY & RIGHT BEFORE BED ?  FINE !
NEXT MORNING ?  OUT AGAIN !
(had to call back for the service call)

WELCOME TO MY LIFE

by the way…
The ‘halloween snow storm’ knocked it out again !
(but it mysteriously came back… it’s not fixed yet, I’m sure)
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THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE…

I went for BLOOD CLOTS (lungs) clearance
from my doctor to return to work…
(not a full load yet though)…
some blood testing too.

We discussed my call to his home that evening
if i won that night’s lottery drawing…
(going back to work?  Yeah, right)

I finally found someone who, not only agreed
with me about BIG prize money…
HE ADDED THINGS I HAD NOT CONSIDERED !

We both agreed that ‘annuity’, not ‘cash option’.
I was looking at it as a JOB
taking care of all that money while thieves
were trying to take as much as they could
away from me.  Also, it shields you from
a bad investment… YOU get YOUR money
whether the economy is UP or DOWN !
(investing, and protecting it, isn’t your problem)

The DOCTOR’s points ?

First… FDIC Insurance is only good for
a couple of hundred thousand dollars !
Deposit your millions and the bank goes under
and you’re fucked ! (unless you want to manage
dozens of accounts in different banks)

THE BIG ONE ?

He figures that if he were to get a couple of million
each year for 26 years… He could be ’stupid’
and lose in investments (or con men like Madoff).
But next year there’s more millions coming in…
and, live and learn, there’s a good chance
you’ll get smarter as the years go on
with your ‘new’ money that’s still coming in !

We agreed that ‘double-taxing’ sucked !

They tax ME and they ‘gift’ tax
a family member I ‘drop’ BIG cash on !
Better to hold off cashing it in,
and having a legal document drawn up
that makes your ‘choices’ certain percentage winners
of the prize… ie.. 2 brothers, 2 sisters?
Put them in for 2 1/2 percent each,
still leaving you 90 % !!!

Everybody’s happy.. except the tax man !

OKAY… I’M READY NOW !!!

C’MON LOTTO,

RENFIELD NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES !
(preferably eff-me heels worn by a busty blond)

ADDENDUM…

The office visit to the doctor,
health-wise, was satisfactory.
My ‘rat poison’ levels have been holding
at the proper levels.. it’s just time now !
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ELECTION  DAY ?

The best candidate is still

NONE OF THE ABOVE !

(the higher the office, the more apt)

WE deserves better, our veterans deserve even MORE !

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you could be wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist

TISH (PILLBUG)

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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

(or don’t, I don’t care either way)

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