† RIP Renfield #626 – Finally FALL †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 626 – Finally FALL †

October 15, 2011

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WELL… FALL IS HERE
(finally)
(northern hemisphere anyway)
and LESS than 70 days till Christmas !
GEEZ !
http://www.auburn.edu/~vestmon/xmas_cnt.htm
(official xmas countdown)

EASIER TO MOVE AROUND OUTSIDE…
I hope we get a LONG Autumn
instead of directly to winter !
After we got beat-up by the weather this year,
we could use a break !

If the doc clears me…
AND IF I’M BACK AT WORK ON TUESDAY,
I’M HOPING I’M BREATHING OKAY
(Clots? I’m a victim of circumstance… not an old man at all)

AND NOT WALKING AROUND FEELING

‘BEAT-UP’ !!!
(I could use a break too)

WORK?  I’D STILL HAVE RATHERED
WINNING THE LOTTERY INSTEAD !

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well…

MY birthday came & went…

NOT A BIG DEAL ANYMORE…

but the family stopped over for pizza & cake…
hung out for a sunday afternoon…
VERY  PLEASANT…
just the right amount of birthday !
(first time my nephew’s 8 month old baby girl
didn’t scream at the sight of me, we even posed for pics)
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Since I’ve depended so much on tv for items
while I was recuperating,
it only seems right that the tribute goes to…
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R.I.P

A.C. NIELSEN, Jr.


As the head of the ACNielsen company, he analysed the way
Americans watched TV for more than 50 years.

Nielsen ratings were the main way for television programs
to attract to advertisers.  The name Nielsen has become synonymous
with the success or failure of a television program.
The ‘ratings’ & ‘Nielsen’ have become the same thing.

It never really mattered that their method was not
scientifically exactly the amount of people that were watching.
What mattered was that everybody used the same numbers.
That was the reason Nielsen dominated and still dominate.

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MY birthday treat ?

I sat up late, the nite before & searched
(as I’ve done several times in the past),
to find a mailing address for a certain celeb
I’ve admired for decades…
SHE JUST DOESN’T GET HER DUE !
SHE’S FORGOTTEN !
(even by wikipedia)

Anyway… due to a great deal of searching,
from minimal information…
(and I didn’t pay for the info)
I was FINALLY able to get an address
that I could not resist mailing to !
(total safety, an opposite coast I’ll never visit)
ONE TIME SEND, NO ANSWER, NO MORE SENDS !

BUT

THERE’S BOTH A THRILL & LET-DOWN
TO THE CONCLUSION OF AN IMPOSSIBLE PROJECT .

I’m hoping for an answer, and an autograph too !
AND it would be an amazing thing for me
to get into a continue-ing dialog
so I can ‘wangle’ the ‘thing’ I’m after !!!

A  SMALL STONE FROM HER YARD !
(to put next to my albert einstein rock)

NOW THAT WOULD BE AMAZING !

( IT’S VERY IN-EXPENSIVE TO PLEASE ME )
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JUST  THINK …

IN YEARS PAST…

We had…

JOHNNY   CASH

BOB     HOPE

and

STEVE     JOBS

IN  2011 ?

We have…

NO  JOBS

NO  CASH

and

NO  HOPE


(THANKS SARA from Calif.)
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http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/

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A  THRILLING  PHONE  CALL…

That certain celeb beauty from the past
(I won’t mention her name)
that I’ve been singing-the-praises-of
for the last 2 months…

AFTER I ‘IMPOSSIBLY’ FOUND
HER ADDRESS & PHONE NUMBER…
I back-googled the phone number
and it came up as belonging to some company
a mile or so from the home address…

I FIGURED HER NUMBER HAD BEEN CHANGED
and given to someone else…

So… a few days later, for my birthday, I called the number
expecting a receptionist to say…

” JOHN  SMITH  & ASSOCIATES “

but instead heard
(the object of my ‘admiration & affection’ say)

” HELLO… (a pause)… HELLO “

I was dumfounded, ‘caught in the headlights’…
I NEVER expected her to pick up the phone herself !

I wish I had prepared some phony banter
to keep her on the line,
but ALL I could muster was…

(after a pause of my own)
” Uh, sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number…”

I WAS A-GLOW FOR DAYS !!!

I may try again one day if I get a response
to my ‘fan’ letter & autograph request…

(but will honor a ‘LEAVE ME ALONE’ response)
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from LAFFADAY

“What do you call a hip, well-dressed,
well-groomed guy now-a-days -
metro-sexual or retro-sexual?”

I don’t know.  I’m not metro-sexual or retro-sexual.
I’m just a poor asshole who works all the time,
gets screwed out of his taxes, and doesn’t have
any money left at the end of the month.
What’s the name for me?

“American?”

(Surely not a Wall Street flunkie!)
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BACHELOR  FATHER

(1950’s sit-com, antenna tv)

The early ones, when the niece was 13 years old
show Uncle Bentley as particularly creepy.

He goes after anything in a skirt.
There are no bounds… he has no control…
Talk about ’shit where you eat’ ?
He’ll seduce the kid’s teacher, scout leader,
social worker for the adoption,
or any strange woman or worker he comes across !
(and his seduction ‘routine’ is very lame)

He’s never with the same woman twice…
a new one every show…
HE SPENDS TONS OF MONEY ON THEM
AND NEVER SEEMS TO GET LAID !
and if he is getting laid,
there’s not a 21+ year old within driving distance
he hasn’t conquered and moved on !
In daily re-runs, it comes across as particularly shallow
and a horrible person or guardian for a niece !
But back-in-the-day it wasn’t seen as bad !

MAYBE HE’S LIKE THE NEIGHBORHOOD BICYCLE…

EVERYBODY TAKES IT FOR A RIDE !
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Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still watch the re-runs,
but my memory of the re-runs I saw when I was a kid
don’t jive with what I’m watching now !
(I guess I’ve changed, and times have changed)
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OKAY…. ONE JOKE FROM THE SHOW…
(paraphrased)

HOW LONG SHOULD I BOIL YOUR EGG ?
answer…
3 minutes, 59 seconds…
I WANT TO BREAK THE 4 MINUTE EGG !

addendum…
I caught an episode with Ronnie Burns as the heart-throb
(george &gracie’s kid from their show)
Uncle Bentley (John Forsythe) asks about a ‘hot’ BLOND
that appeared on the show with Ronnie…
mentioning.. ‘behind-the-counter’ & the mom of the character…
Hmmmm…
(episode – girl behind the perfume counter?)
A MATCH FOR SUSAN (suzanne) LUCKEY’S APPEARANCE !
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I’m feeling good…

but I think I may not have been taking
the ‘risks’ of blood clots
in my legs & lungs seriously enough !

JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR !?

(the ‘!?’ punctuation combo is known as the ‘interro-bang’)

((OR IF YOU’RE LAZY… THE ‘I-BANG’))

I happened to run across a news item
about a South African title boxing match
that was stopped mid-way thru by the ring doctor.
(why did I even stop to read it?)
Seems the challenger complained of pains in his leg,
taken to the hospital where they found a blood clot,
it ’shook loose’ and got to his brain,
he went into a coma and died without waking !

the really bad part for me ?

After my ‘awkward’ phone call & snail-mail letter
to that certain ‘forgotten’ celeb,

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME,
I HAVE SOMETHING EXCITING TO LIVE FOR !!!
A RESPONSE… OR A DIALOG MAYBE ?
(death wouldn’t have bothered me as much before)

DAMN !

AIN’T THAT ALWAYS THE WAY ?
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I told my story about the ’short’ phone call
I made to the celeb’s home…
The one that ‘froze me’ into near silence
when I realized it was actually her…
and he sent this back…

(I still have a ‘hooked-up’, working phone of this type)

My friend challenged me to find one of our high school classmates,
a girl he apparently had a crush on at one point in time.
I thought I had no chance but somehow, I found her.
I decided to call phone number listed on the internet for her shop
and a voice on the other end of the line answered,
“Town & Country, this is Sherri.” It was her !!!
I stammered,
“Uh, sorry, I think I’ve got the wrong number” and I hung up.
I told my buddy and he laughed his ass off.
Happens to the best of us.
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Seems my response was EXACTLY the same as his !
(must be a standard junior-high-school boy response)
It got me wondering how many calls like this
MY celeb has to deal with !!!
(I thought I was special)
The ‘caller’ response is the give-away !!!
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THEY DON’T USUALLY ALLOW TIME LINES TO CROSS…
but there’s an uncanny resemblance between

MATT  SMITH… the current DOCTOR WHO

AND THIS MUCH OLDER VERSION
THAT CAN BE SEEN AS ONE OF THE HOSTS OF

DATELINE
(the resemblance is even more so on the show)

The DOCTOR rarely gets the chance
to get to such an advanced (looking) age !

one more thing…
NO question about Matt’s sexuality.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1288257/Reunited-Daisy-Lowe-Matt-Smith-play-kissing-game.html
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If you get the ANTENNA TV channel…

CHECK OUT THE ‘NEW’ LINEUP…
(they’ve switched in some other shows)

(ie, McHales’s Navy, Bachelor Father, Adam-12,
Dragnet, Leave it to Beaver, Hitchcock & others)
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WHAT  HAPPENS TO THE MONEY ?

A Virginia truck driver used a cable
to swivel his license plate out-of-view
of the security cameras
to avoid being charged the toll
at the GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE in NYC.

OKAY… THEY CAUGHT HIM !
but
the news-item also gave the amount of the toll…
for a 5-axel truck the toll is $65 !!!
and it’s already been determined the same toll
will rise to $105 in a few years !

TALK ABOUT HIGHWAY ROBBERY !!!

Is the ‘walking-tax’ next ?
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I was watching a re-run of

VEGA$

and one of the girls asked

ADAM COROLLA

some advice on stand-up comedy…
(her area is NOT ’standing-up’)

At least Corolla is a funny guy…

I remember a StarTrek:next generation
where the emotionless android, DATA,
trying to understand comedy, and be funny,
chose a historical, hologram comedian character
to explain comedy to him (by example?)…

JOE PISCOPO !!!

Of all the non-funny people to pick…
(was that the joke?)
Someone should explain comedy to Piscopo,
maybe he could make comedy his career
instead of what he’s been doing !
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SORRY ABOUT ALL THE TV ITEMS…
(still home recuperating)

LAW & ORDER

One of the cable, un-local, small channels
started showing the very earliest of
LAW & ORDER (pre-sam-waterston).

I had forgotten what a good show it USED to be !
It was gritty-er, better stories, better twists…
(their offices, court rooms & building even look real)
INFINITELY BETTER BY COMPARISON !

Now I only watch the newer show re-runs out of habit…
but it’s not the first time I’ve complained
about the ‘politically motivated’ plots
they force down our throats !
(not like the way the show started out)

DO A STORY, LET US DECIDE…
DON’T FORCE FEED US
YOUR OWN AGENDA !
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THE GOV’T IS GIVING HAND-OUTS TO EVERYONE !!!
COME GET YOUR FREE BARREL !!!

SEEMS LIKE EXACTLY THE WRONG TIME
TO ‘SQUEEZE’ MORE  ‘$’  OUT OF THE PEOPLE !!!

(by the way… this ‘repeat’ item is from 2008)
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PREPARING  MYSELF ?

I’m going to have a major let-down
if my reply from SUSAN LUCKEY
is non-existent, refused, or a ‘leave-me-alone’ request !
AS HAPPY AS FINDING HER HAS MADE ME,
THE DISAPPOINTMENT WOULD BE DEVASTATING !

(I’m sensitive, ya know… very fragile for stuff like this)

BUT, I’D HONOR HER WISHES REGARDLESS !!!
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I may not be the hack I always thought I was…

Looking back at RIP Issues from YEARS past
(I was reminiscing with Tish about an angry ‘celeb’ response
to a certain phrasing I used in her mom’s RIP tribute),
the particular issue was easy enough to find
(the daughter was right, I apologized… I’m usually tame),
and so was the offending flippant remark,
but reading thru the issue even I was entertained
by the snippets of the world I wrote about !

I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I’VE WRITTEN
SOME PRETTY DAMN GOOD ENTERTAINING STUFF !

AND there is no reason for me NOT to re-use
some of the 2+ year old stuff again…
for the benefit of ‘new’ readers
and also the benefit of ‘long-time’ readers
WITH BAD MEMORIES !

So, on occasion,  I’m going to throw in some
older ‘generic’ items that SHOULD stay fresh & not get old !
(you’ll never know the difference)
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In defense of my ‘wild’ statement in the death tribute
complaint from 2 or 3 years ago…
(if curious… it had something to do with ‘eating-a-gun’)
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“Words ought to be a little wild

for they are the assaults of

thought on the unthinking.”
-  John Maynard Keynes

I don’t think I’ve offended since…
(in a death tribute anyway)

“You live and learn.

At any rate, you live.”
-  Douglas Adams
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amen to that.

..
GOOD NIGHT and GOOD R.I.P-ing !!!
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you could be wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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