† RIP Renfield #621 – BACK to SCHOOL †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 621 – BACK to SCHOOL †

September 10, 2011

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First of all…

9-11

(moment of silence)

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NOW

BACK-to-SCHOOL

As disappointing as it was to return to school
after the summer break
(taking a month or so to re-learn everything forgotten),
there was always something to look forward to…
(back in the day… pre-cable tv)

THE NEW FALL TV SHOWS DEBUT !!!

ABC, NBC, CBS…. the only main players in town,
would roll out their new programs for the coming season
in a matter of 2 weeks or so,
starting in the middle of September.

The TV-Guide Fall Preview Issue
helped you plan your ‘moves’…
since no vcr’s (and who had a 2nd tv?),
if you missed the show,
you had to wait until the entire season run
before they started showing up
near the end of the school year !
(if they got cancelled, you’d not get a 2nd chance)

So, if you were that interested in 2 shows
that ran at the same time…
(like Hogan’s Heros & the ADDAMS Family)
you’d not see the 2nd show till the next summer !
(no remote controls, you got up to change the channel,
so no surfing back and forth)
YOU HAD TO MAKE SOME TOUGH CHOICES…
probably the reason I NEVER watched DISNEY on Sundays.

But the good thing?

If you saw what you wanted to see all year,
you’d be out of the house all day,
and under the street lights at night !
There was really no reason to stay home
and be bored by shows you’d already seen !

BUT LUCKY YOU…

You have video at your command…
although 99.9% of it sucks !

You’re better off reading RIP Renfield…
(and picking up that last .1% to make it a clean sweep….

(THIS IS TURNING INTO A TV ISSUE)

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R.I.P

PARLEY BAER

One of those guys you’ve seen everywhere on TV,
everything from Loretta Young to Father Knows Best
to Burns & Allen to Alfred Hitchcock to Danny Thomas
to Lucy to Mayor-of-Mayberry on Andy Griffith
to Outer Limits to Perry Mason to Mannix
to Night Court to Newhart to Quantum Leap
and it just goes on-and-on until 1996 !
HE NEVER LACKED FOR WORK !

Look for Yourself…
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0046373/

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A  HEAD’S  UP…

Those of you that have had reason
to ’snail mail’ to me thru the post office…
THERE’S GOING TO BE A CHANGE !
After alot of years, I’m getting rid of

BOX  2
I just don’t use it as much as I used to…
(and it’s gotten a little pricey for the little use I get)
TIME FOR A CHANGE

If I’m not afraid of you…

I can provide a ’street’ mailing address.
(although the post office will forward for a year,
I can take care of anyone who needs an address)

THAT  IS  ALL

(this was the easiest way to get the word out)
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another familiar face seen just everywhere…
check him out…
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0485272/

CHARLES  LANE

(lived to 102, buried his wife of 71 years)
was a very early member of the
SCREEN ACTORS GUILD
(a founding member)

(a Frank Capra ‘go to’ guy)

Reminds you of why there is a need for unions…

GREAT QUOTE…

Re:  the formation of the Screen Actors Guild

They’d (the studios) work you until midnight

and get you back at seven in the morning.

The actors were taking a terrible licking physically.

Generally, as the case with any union,
you form it because people are abused.
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Re: Science Fiction

“Isn’t it interesting that the same people
who laugh at science fiction
listen to weather forecasts and economists?”

-  Kelvin Throop III
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It may be of interest (maybe not)…

but I’ve continued my email relationship with

JACKIE (the Jokeman) MARTLING
www.Jokeland.com

(Jackie actually emails back to me !!!)

He hoped the RIP readers enjoyed
some of his ‘rippers’ in the RIP issue,
and hopes that some of you will
check out his website
and join the mailing list !

BIG NEWS
Those of you who have followed JACKIE’S
long-storied exploits on the HOWARD STERN SHOW
(back in the old days, when it was good)
might remember a feature of Jackie’s shore-front
property that got pretty famous in the day…

THE JETTY !!!



HERE’S THE STORY…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSjFyhkvYZ4


(IT’S STILL A FIXTURE AT THE JOKELAND COMPOUND)
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I happened to catch a re-run of

FATHER KNOWS BEST

on Antenna TV the other day…
(actually, dad’s pretty much an a-hole at times)

It was a very memorable episode…
(well, I remembered it anyway.. reruns, not first run)

It’s only a short couple of scenes…

BUT  ‘WELL PLAYED’ !

15 year old son, BUD, is in Sunday School Class.
The adult mentoring the class suggests
a project to drive home the lesson.
There’s a poor family who has an even younger son
who’s broken his leg & is pretty depressed.
It’s suggested that they start a collection
so they can buy the kid a radio to help pass the time.
After class, all the boys line up to donate into the box.
EXCEPT  FOR  BUD !
Seems all he has on him is a $10 bill
that he was saving for new track shoes…
EVERYONE GIVES HIM A DIRTY LOOK !
Bud’s conscience gets the better of him
and he goes back (alone) and put in the $10.
IT’S ANONYMOUS SO NO ONE KNOWS IT’S HIM !

THE PART I LOVE ?

Next class the ‘teacher’ praises the class
for the amount they have collected…
Between the dozen kids (minus Bud) who donated…
they raised… 10 DOLLARS & 38 CENTS !!!

(the rest of the story, eh.. warm & fuzzy)
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“No matter how rich you become,

how famous or powerful,

when you die

the size of your funeral will still

pretty much depend on the weather.”
– Michael Pritchard
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I  have a DOCTOR WHO friend (for 30 years)
who doesn’t get the BBC-America Channel,
so I copy the episodes for him.

IT PAID OFF…

I don’t get the STARZ channel
and they were running a 10 part series
(he’s copying them for me)

TORCHWOOD

(re-kindling a kinda doctor who BBC spinoff)
((TORCHWOOD is an anagram of DOCTOR WHO))

The main character in Torchwood is Captain Jack Harkness
(he can’t be killed due to ‘doctor who stuff’).
Well… he’s sort of bi-sexual, more gay than hetero…
(actually he’s probably full-blown-gay by now)
My buddy wasn’t really getting into this mini-series,
and the 10 minute, near-explicit, gay love scene,
7 or 8 hours into it, especially turned him off…

I mentioned it to a co-worker…
Saying how this other guy can’t enjoy
a pretty good 10 hour series
because of 10 minutes of naked gay sex !

HIS REPLY ?

” That’s ridiculous, I’d have no problem,
I’m NOT homophobic in the least !!! “

SO I SAID…

(without missing a beat, timing is everything)

” Uh, YOU WANNA GO TO A MOVIE SOMETIME ? ”

(I can’t quite place it, but the popcorn has an odd taste!)

That got more than a few laughs from those
who overheard from around the office.

(like Tracy (rikki lake only) Turnblad, I’m a ‘modern teen’)

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FATHER KNOWS BEST ?

Argghh…

Another show, along with LEAVE IT TO BEAVER
where instead of saying

2-and-a-half dollars

they say

2 dollars-and-a-half !!!

A mid-west thing, or an old-time thing…

I DON’T CARE… IT HURTS MY EARS !
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I really don’t (overall) care for

LAW & ORDER:SVU

For me, it’s the weakest show they put out.
You can only go so far with sex crimes !
(unless you have rape or rapist fantasies)
Maybe one out of 10 shows interest me.
(always in re-runs, I tune away quickly)

FOR INSTANCE…

The ‘death investigation’ was a non-starter,
so they ‘grabbed onto’ a man who was raped
by 3 women at a bachellorette party…
(he was the dancer… wore a badge only on his crotch)

DUE TO THE NATURE OF HIS TRADE,
YOU THINK HE’D NOT BE AS TRUSTING
AS HE WAS (or, at least, brought security with him).

Mr. Macho Cop, Elliot, in this day and age…
(and this was HIS business)
was un-accepting that a man COULD be raped !
More likely the guy went along for the ride & ‘bully for him’ !!!
(something he’d never consider for a woman)

YAWN…

They did a much more sensitive version,
and more appropriate for the times
back in the 1970’s, when Ken Berry
was attacked on LOVE AMERICAN STYLE !

MUST BE HARD TO COME UP WITH SCRIPTS
WHEN YOU’RE A ONE-TRICK-PONY !

LOVE AMERICAN STYLE ?

But you put E J PEAKER in ANY show

and I’ll remember it forever !!!

(she’s one of my VERY few autographed head-shots)
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SINCE I SPENT MY VACATION
WATCHING TV & SLEEPING…
here’s one more tv view…

WHO THE **** DID I MARRY ?
(or something like that)

Couple knew each other since kids.
She announces going to LA, he goes to.
They get along fine, eventually marrying.
She has a job, his job is flying instructor (& more).

He’s away alot, starts drinking too much,
is gambling too much…
She finally finds out, forgives him,
they have a baby, he seems better (for awhile).
Now married 10 years, she’s pregnant again !
He’s away even more, drinking more, drugging more,
’secretly’ gambling away all they have (and more),
AND SHE FINDS OUT HE’S OUT WITH OTHER WOMEN !
(confronted him with voicemail of one girlfriend)

HE GETS ARRESTED IN MEXICO
and she has to ‘borrow’ $250,000 to get him bailed out !
An ‘anonymous’ phone call told her to ‘disappear’,
that her life was in danger.

HERE IT COMES…

At THIS point in her interview, it finally hits her,
she knowingly assumes…

” HE MUST HAVE A SECRET !!! “

The part that mystified me ?

She’s pretty stupid for ignoring THESE signals.
Why have another child on a ’sinking boat’ ?
Mexico, flying, bail money?   Hmmm…
She is telling her story as if she’s the ‘hero’ in this !
(well, a willing victim anyway)
ANY ONE (or 3 combined) WAS PLENTY OF REASON
TO GET AWAY FROM THIS LUNATIC !
(she chose to ignore, or ‘go for the ride’ ?)

Was it his 6 figure income that kept her there ?

HIS LAST SECRET ?

He was flying huge amounts of cocaine,
for an organized crime figure, across the country.

epilog…

He got 10 years in jail, she’s a struggling single mother.
She (STILL) doesn’t know what kind of relationship
she will be having with him when he gets out,
but wants him to be in the children’s lives !!!

DUH !!!

They could have called her story…
I STILL HAVEN’T LEARNED A THING !
I wonder what HER next show will be like !

AND ME ?

I’m down to the ‘bottom-of-the-barrel’ of tv shows
after 2 weeks of ‘vacationing’ at home.
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I made a joke in a dream I had…
and it was hysterical, obvious,
and got lots of laughs…

AS WELL AS I CAN REMEMBER IT…

There was a group of ‘little people’ (MIDGETS)
using their short, little arms to throw (and break)
raw eggs on the ground…

MY FUNNY QUIP ?

Hey, that’s more ‘technical’ than it looks,
that’s the same ’short arm move’ that Uma Thurman
used in Kill Bill 2 to punch her way out of the coffin !

I GUESS I’M FUNNIER WHEN I’M AWAKE…

(or am I ? … god.. I hope so ! )
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A WOMAN WAS KILLED

BY TOXIC FUMES

AT A McDONALD’s RESTAURANT !!!

McDonald’s ?

I’m surprised TACO BELL

hasn’t had any fatalities !


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I went to a Catholic grammar school…
and before they entered the 20th century
(well past the century half way mark),
and they put in an electric school bell,
we were called to ‘line-up’
by the principal (a nun), winding up,
and letting go with one of these babies…

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THIS CENTURY ?

When this one rings… RUN !!!

No more RIP Renfield…

YOU’RE FREE !



AND OUT !

(don’t forget to kick the teacher’s car on the way)
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you could be wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist

TISH (PILLBUG)
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