† RIP Renfield #620 – It’s LABORIOUS †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 620 – It’s LABORIOUS †

September 3, 2011

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YES…

It’s LABOR DAY…

the UN-official end of summer…

although, for the shore trade on the east coast…
it had to have ended
right BEFORE Hurricane Irene !

Between the storm’s damage at the shore,
and the poor people still in the dark,
or ones with their homes submerged,
I really don’t think a shore getaway
is on their minds as a priority !
(and that cuts the ‘available’ tourists by alot)

Well… I escaped anything major,
but I’m still pretty miserable (I got issues)…
I’ve been recruiting people, some strangers,
to use THEIR ‘powers’ to get me that lottery win !

The $3 dollars that I won today,
just ain’t doin’ it !!!
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NOW ON TO THE MAIN COURSE…
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R.I.P

Jane Russell



An American film actress and one of Hollywood’s
leading sex symbols in the 40’s & 50’s.

And THAT’S where I run into trouble.
(this is going to be negative, apologies to the family)
I tried my best to get the best looking pic of her
for this item that I could…
The one above is the BEST, but I don’t think it representative.
It must be a style of the day thing that gets past me,
but I can’t ever recall giving Jane a 2nd glance,
or getting a ‘tingle’ from her ’sexiness’ !
NOT AN UGLY WOMAN BY ANY MEANS…
but putting her along side Marilyn Monroe as equal ?
Or near equal ?  Or on the same team ?
SHE JUST DOESN’T HAVE ‘IT’ !!!
(at least not outside the mindset of her decade)

It came up again when my 24 year old daughter
saw Jane in a movie and came to the same
conclusions about her looks that I always did !
She agreed that ‘craggy’ was a good description of her face.
(LONG giant head, matronly, ‘meaty’ full-figured body)
(my kid is more ‘up’ on old media than I am, and I’m no slouch)

I suppose the ‘tag’ was put on her in the same way
as it was for Mae West…
Mae, not classically attractive, but had a ‘mouth’
and a way about her…
Money from being a Howard Hughes protoge didn’t hurt.
He DID open (or build) doors (and bras) for her !
Jane’s draw was the ‘wild’ BIG tits that needed EXTRA restraint
to tame them down for the movies,
and the ‘leaked’ stories about the skimpy ‘wear’
she shocked with on the set, but never wore on-screen.

SHE NURTURED THE PERSONA,
WALKED AROUND LIKE A ‘HOT-TAMALE’
AND THE PRESS & PUBLIC BOUGHT INTO IT !

I’m not attacking her singing or acting.
I’ve enjoyed her many times when she’s not
doing the over-the-top sex-pot !
(most note-ably the PALEFACE movies)

apologies if I stepped on someone’s toes
(and wet dream)
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CLOSE  CALL !!!

I got caught in the flood…
Good thing SON of KONG
was there to save the day…
(A NOBLE BEAST)

Just had to wait for a rescue boat…

ALAS… KONG DIDN’T MAKE IT !!!
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been following alot of weather reports…
So was Kong and he suggested that…

MAYBE I SHOULD CHANGE
MY ON-AIR NAME TO

RIP  CURRENT

catchy, no?
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“Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing
gained control of the country,
it would probably fly around in circles.”
— Pat Paulsen

Fine for Pat’s day,
but neither one ‘gaining control’
(or working for themselves, instead of the people),
leaves us ’spiraling’ into the ground !
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I couldn’t believe I actually  ran into someone
who is totally annoyed about the precautions
and expense for the HURRICAN IRENE mess
and wants to share it with everyone !
(adamant & thinks everyone is like him)

HE THOUGHT THEY WENT WAY OVER-BOARD
because HIS area in NJ wasn’t so hard hit….

UH.. HASN’T EVERYONE SEEN
THE NEWS COVERAGE BY NOW?
Millions wilthout power for up to a week,
shore areas devastasted,
and but for the grace-of-irene…
EVERY state in Irene’s path
could have gotten ‘belted’ like an
UN-PREPARED VERMONT !

EVEN WHEN YOU DO THE ‘SAFE’ THING,
THE CORRECT THING…
MONDAY MORNING QUARTERBACKS
HAVE TO CHIME IN WITH THEIR NEGATIVITY !

Imagine what this guy would have to complain about
if there were no evacuations,
no EXTREME warnings to be safe instead of sorry !
” the politicians screwed up, they should have been prepared ”

YOU JUST CAN’T WIN !
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I heard on the news that…

HURRICANE  IRENE

is going to be 1 of the 10

MOST costliest disasters in american history !

I came out of it un-scathed…
but it’s heartbreaking to see the tons of people
with their belongings (and appliances)
outside their homes, on the curb, as garbage !
On top of that,  I’m sure a ‘healthy’ number of homes
will be un-inhabitable for months, if not total losses !
A week later, there are plenty of people without power,
some without a roof over their heads,
and floods that are taking forever to subside…

(AND MORE RAIN IS ON THE WAY.. inches, not sprinkles)

THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD….
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the ABOVE reports have me
seriously considering ‘flood insurance’…

I’ve never had need of it in the past,
and had no problems this time,
but after see-ing ‘broken’, dazed people
who were victims of the hurricane
that had NO flood insurance,

WOULD I WANT TO TAKE A CHANCE ?
(even a slight one)
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I’LL TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT…

In a chat room the other nite,
the conversation led to someone calling me a writer !
(I always ‘hear’ AUTHOR)
I pretty much thing that I’m the ONLY one
who thinks of myself with those ‘titles’.

HE  WENT  ON  TO  SAY…

” Not a Hemmingway or a Faulkner,

but a writer non-theless…”

(I have my own style)

I would argue his point though…
I think I’m every bit as good & talented as

HARVEY  HEMINGWAY

or

CHARLIE  FAULKNER

LASTLY…

I just figured out that it’s not such a compliment
when someone ‘waves-the-air’ and says…

” NICE  RIP “
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Some ‘uppity’ people suffered

in the Hurricane’s aftermath too…

Millions without power, homes DESTROYED,
flooding that just won’t quit…

One woman on the news dais making small-talk
offered her husband’s ‘inconvenience’
resulting from this 100 year disaster !

“My husband had to dress in the dark,
brown pants, blue shirt, totally mis-matched ! “

I’M ‘GLAD’ TO SEE HER SHARE
THEIR SUFFERING WITH HOMELESS CRYBABIES !
(she giggled all the way thru it)
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Isn’t all this downsizing great ?

I’m wondering if there might have been
a few more people on-staff
helping to repair the hurricane damage ?

NAH… WHAT ARE THE ODDS
OF SOMETHING BAD REALLY HAPPENING ?
In an emergency we can just muddle along
with under-staffed emergency workers.
(LET ‘EM WAIT IN THE DARK)

I GOT A JOBS PLAN FOR THE COUNTRY !!!

Hey Washington, how about hiring
people off the street for temporary
emergency work to help mentally ‘broken’
victims of repeated ‘beatings’ ?

HIRE THEM NOW,
NOT AFTER IT’S RESEARCHED FOR 10 YEARS !!!
(and all your cronies & relatives sit on the panels)
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DOMINO’S   PIZZA

The company has really suffered in the last decade or 2.
Their delivery in 30 minutes or it’s free was a good gimmick.
Dangerous for drivers and later stopped,
but a good gimmick !

Recently, they’re tried to get back to the glory days.

An ADD CAMPAIGN showing panels of people
being shown (on farms) their great ingredients.

A supposed exec challenging you to try
their NEW taste at a bargain price.

SEND US A PIC OF THE PIE YOU RECEIVE !

and the latest?

An androgynous spokes-person from the kitchen.
YOU tell us, so WE can make it better !
Follow your pie online…
from order to creation to oven to delivery !
(I’m really not THAT into it, just bring my pie)

DOMINO JUST DOESN’T GET IT !!!

Their pizza sucks, the recipe needs to be destroyed !
Hey, I’ll eat their pizza… (it’s not horrible)
BUT.. it’s not my first choice, my 2nd, or my 3rd
if I’M paying for the pizza !

Decades ago, if we got pizza, it was Domino’s…
But I blame that on my wife’s smoking…
Too ‘burning’ spicy for me (back then),
I think it tasted ‘normal’ to her ’smoked’ taste buds !

BUT I ATE IT… NOT HORRIBLE

But since she stopped smoking a very long time ago,
I DON’T THINK WE’VE HAD DOMINO’S AGAIN !

In fact… you can get a better pie from a supermarket…
DiGiorno’s (& the Wegeman clone) are superior to Domino’s.
AND, if I want something that ‘resembles’ pizza…
I’d rather go the Pizza Hut route (but just on occasion).

ADVERTISE ALL YOU WANT…

THE PROBLEM ISN’T A FICKLE AMERICA,

OR ONE THAT DOESN’T KNOW YOU’RE THERE…

THE PROBLEM IS A SHITTY PIZZA !!!
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I CAN USUALLY TELL

IF IT’S A SCAM !!!

For the 2nd time in a month-or-so…
I got a call on my cell phone from an unknown number.
A (508) area code.
(I don’t use the cell all that much)

A RECORDING identifies them
as an issue-er of one of my credit cards.
(not using card name or MY name)

Don’t panic… ALL IS WELL (whew) !

But they want me to continue if I’m interested
in lowering my interest rate !
I don’t know if they actually mention my company or not
because I’ve already hung up !

I can see where this would be very effective,
since YOU are SO relieved that all-is-well.

The tip-off to me ?

I’VE ALWAYS USED MY LAND-LINE
FOR ANYTHING OFFICIAL…
How they got my number?
PROBABLY RANDOM DIALING
(but I’m too smart for them… this time)
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I’ve mentioned this before,
but there’s another company advertising
that their jewelry will APPRAISE for double !

GUARANTEED !

WHO’S FOOLING WHO ?  (or whom?)

YOU pay your $10,000 but get bragging rights
for double that, or $20,000 ?
I’m sure insurance companies will be glad
to insure you at the higher amount
(for a higher premium and make-out on volume).

The store or seller ?

YOU’RE STEALING FROM THEM !!!

A LEGAL ‘SCAM’ ?

CAN YOU ACTUALLY SELL FOR
APPRAISED VALUE ?
Or is it like a pawn shop?
A MUCH LOWER BUYING PRICE
SO THEY CAN MAKE A PROFIT ?

Is it REALLY worth the appraisal value?
Buy it ’cause it’s pretty, or an heirloom,
NOT as an investiment !
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whoa boy !!!

Remember I sold & ‘closed’
on a house on a monday
and a hurricane hit less than a week later ?

I WONDER IF THEY’RE CALLING US NAMES ?

official weather notifications…

* AT 6:30 PM SAT THE STAGE WAS 2.1 FEET.
* FLOOD STAGE IS 9.0 FEET.
* MAJOR FLOODING IS FORECAST.
* FORECAST.RISE ABOVE FLOOD STAGE
BY EARLY TOMORROW & CONTINUE TO
RISE TO NEAR 15.8 FEET BY TOMORROW EVENING.
THE RIVER WILL FALL BELOW
FLOOD STAGE BY LATE MON MORNING.

* IMPACT.AT 13.0 FEET ?

RESIDENTIAL EVACUATIONS BEGIN AT THIS STAGE !!!

HONESTLY… WE HAD NO IDEA…
JUST BAD TIMING ON THEIR PART !
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TO THEIR CREDIT…

The major networks & news channels
did 24 hour Hurricane Irene updates.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE,
BUT THE PREP PROBABLY DID ALOT
TO MINIMIZE THE HUMAN TOLL.

They TALKED and TALKED and TALKED
even when there wasn’t much to report.
(especially afterwards)

Just about the ONLY thing I didn’t hear
was the old stand-by…

THIS 10 INCHES OF RAIN
WOULD HAVE BEEN
10 FEET OF SNOW (or whatever) !!!

Either I missed it,
or they never got that LOW on conversation !

NOW ALL THE TALK IS…

the ridiculous flooding & property damage
that we’ll be suffering thru for a while.
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NJ GOVERNOR CHRISTIE
(known for his ‘plain talk’)

requested?
that the shore areas be evacuated !
(as the hurricane approached)

TO GET THE HELL OFF THE BEACHES !!!

Now that the sun’s come out
and tourist dollars are at stake
for the holiday weekend,
he’s changed his tune…

GET THE HELL ON THE BEACHES !!!

Uh… I think I’ll wait a bit more
for the flood waters to subside…
(and the mold & stink to be abated)

THIS IS THE SCENE AT WILDWOOD, NJ
a day or 2 after the hurricane…
It’s basically a long, narrow, peninsula-island
with the bay on one side, the ocean on the other…
I’ve lived there and visited often
and never remember the waters ‘meeting’ in the middle…
but this is the 2nd time in the last few years…

THIS IS CENTRALLY LOCATED…

I’M JUST NOT BUYING IT
THAT IT’S THE PLACE TO BE THIS WEEKEND !
(screw the ‘thieving’ merchants)
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well…

I have a birthday-bar-b-que to to to…
Luckily, it’s later in the day…
I have things to do… (like RIP)
but, hey, you have to eat…
So I’ll let someone else do the cooking !
(and clean-up)

BIG DEAL…

2 cheeseburgers & some beans & salad
and I’m done…

SPEAKING OF THAT…

I’M ALSO DONE WITH THIS ISSUE !!!

DON’T DRIVE DRUNK
and remember to tip your waitress !
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you could be wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist
TISH (PILLBUG)
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