† RIP Renfield #618 – Wasted Vacation †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 618 – WASTED VACATION †

August 20, 2011

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I KNOW that I should be that RAT
in the lounge chair on the beach, drink in hand.

BUT ONE WEEK INTO MY 2 WEEK’S OFF ?

I ain’t feelin’ it !!!

I still have a week to win the lottery before I go back…

BUT I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK !!!
(badly, I don’t want to go back)

I sleep… and watch tv…

and have barely left the house.
I am going the extra step though…
Instead of ‘merely’ depressed,
I think I’m ‘clinically’ depressed !

Although I have a few in-escape-able outside chores,
it’s going to be an effort to do them !

FOR MY MUSIC REFERENCE ?

I’M ‘COMFORTABLY NUMB’

I’d like to maintain that with one change…
‘comfortably numb’ with enough money in the bank
to be immune from this economic mess
with it’s uncertainty and incredible stress !
(a little joy in life would be nice too)

OKAY…

enough whining…

LET’S SEE IF I (RIP) STILL GOT IT !!!
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R.I.P

Milton Parker

owner of the Carnegie Deli

The ‘dead’ pickings are a little lean these days…
un-like the pastrami at the deli…

The Carnegie Deli, as famous as it is,
as a hang-out for certain celebs,
has a ‘rep’ for not providing the greatest food !
(I’ve heard that from more than one person)
BUT THE CARNEGIE DELI GOES ON !!!

Hell, I’d have no problem eating there…
Interiors & exteriors were used in the movie
BROADWAY DANNY ROSE,
a favorite of mine, even if it was made by,
and stars, WOODY ALLEN.
A NICE MOVIE !!!
(I love the old-time comics BS-ing in the deli)
I’m not actually a Woody Allen fan,
but I must admit there are several of his movies
that always get my attention…
(Danny Rose, Purple Rose of Cairo, Crimes & Misdemeanors)

So thanks to the Woody Allen connection,
MILTON gets a RIP tribute !

(actually, I think I screwed up and RIP’d him once before)
_______________________________

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WE ‘CLOSED’ ON A HOUSE
(not a good thing, a financial necessity)

We sold a 2nd home we owned in Pennsylvania.
Somebody got a bargain, just a few years ago
we could have gotten another 1/3 more !!!

WE TOOK A BEATING !


BUT I’M CONSIDERING OURSELVES LUCKY,
the way the economy & stock market are going…
(with the current leaders in DC not being voted out yet)

WE MIGHT HAVE HAD TO SELL
FOR EVEN LESS 6 MONTHS FROM NOW !
(and finding a ‘buyer’ with a job is getting harder)

BACK HERE IN NJ…
I had to disappoint one of my neighbors though.
We hired a moving van company to bring
half-a-house’s worth of furniture back here.

SHE HAD A BIG SMILE ON HER FACE
UNTIL SHE REALIZED WE WEREN’T MOVING !
(she pitched right in, but everytime she put
something on the truck, they took it back off)

OH, OF COURSE…

Large pieces planned for the basement
or upstairs were too big to navigate
the stairs and the hallways…
so until we find homes or ‘craig-list’
a few items, it’s a bit cramped over here.

JUST TOO BAD THEY WOULDN’T FIT,
WE HAVE THE ROOM !
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It’s not unusual to see a woman
in a job or career old-time traditionally
reserved for men ONLY…
(just a few decades back it would be questioned)

But my wife, who lived thru & conquered the time
and helped other women on the way up,
even conceded that if needing saving from
a burning building and given the choice…

OUT-OF-SHAPE FIRE-MAN

IN-SHAPE FIRE-WOMAN

would feel safest, and pick…

IN-SHAPE MAN !

(why does the guy always have to be a mess
for these comparisons ?)

ANYWAY…

I was reminded of this after hearing
a young (liberated) woman’s answer
to the question of condidence
in a woman piloting your airliner.

SHE SAID…

Man or woman doesn’t make a difference to her,
but she has MORE confidence in a woman pilot
if she’s wearing PANTS, not a SKIRT !

HER REASONING ?

She felt that pants provided MORE flexibility,
more protective covering, and ease of movement,
in the case of an emergency !

(no opinion from me, I don’t have skirt wearing experience)

Personally, I hardly ever fly, and not recently…
I’ve never given it a thought before…

BUT SHE GOT ME THINKING !
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Beckham Recovering From Slipped Disc,
Can’t Even Hold NEW Baby Harper !

Actually, it’s a soccer (football) thing…
Not so ‘confident’ using his hands.

BUT

YOU SHOULD SEE HIM
‘HACKY-SACK’ THE BABY !
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I saw something that brought back a teen memory…

I couldn’t sleep one nite and ended up
watching the LATE, LATE, LATE SHOW.
It was some stupid movie, set in France,
that I’d never seen before or since.

The premise had some poor slob
stumbling into a great deal on an american cadillac
that could barely navigate the narrow back streets.

He paid 5000 francs for it !

But at that time there was a devaluation
the seller wasn’t aware of…

THERE WAS A BIG DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN ‘OLD’ FRANCS & ‘NEW’ FRANCS !
(500 new =  5000 old)

THE VERY NEXT DAY
I was hanging out with my friend Jack
who was half-french by way of a VERY french mother
(who always called him Jean-Pierre).
I figured I could ask him a question…

” IS 5000 FRANCS ALOT OF MONEY ? ”

HIS REPLY ?
(without missing a beat)

” OLD FRANCS or NEW FRANCS ? ”

Hilarious, how would someone know to ask that ?

Seems he was up the nite before
and had seen the same stupid movie !
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SUMMER  TV  UPDATE

ALPHAS – going nowhere !
Very hard to watch, even on tape…
stories are mostly not interesting.

SUITS - I like the court cases.
As usual, I don’t care about personal problems.
(they don’t dwell on them… so far)
Not great, but very good & watch-able.

LOUIE - It’s not a ‘must-see’ anymore.
Maybe I’ll put in on in the background
(while I do RIP or something online),
while recording, and if it looks decent,
I’ll put it in the ’stack’ for future viewing.
like on a sunday morning when nothing is on.

The MENTALIST - I really want to like the show.
I’d like it more if they focus-ed less on the
shallow, caricatured players without the ‘power’.
(although the asian doing his detective
as Joe Friday from Dragnet works fine for me)

ROYAL PAINS – Fine when it’s medicine,
the soap opera back-drop is muddled.
(the goofy brother gets the best story line)

DOCTOR WHO - new shows coming up !!!
The 2nd half of THIS season should be slam-bang !
They split it .. BEFORE & AFTER summer… good idea.

BURN NOTICE – burned itself out !
Would have kicked ass as a series of movies
once a month or so.  Just too much all at once.

WHITE COLLAR - interesting concept,
ala IT TAKES A THIEF, but bogged down
and too much of a ‘quinn-martin’ look to it…
(cardboard & vanilla)
too cutesy with too many characters & enemies…
but simple enough for simple people to follow along.

EUREKA – took a left turn and lost me,
but with so little to watch, I tuned in for a bit,
and now find myself watching regularly.

WAREHOUSE 13 - should have been in my wheelhouse,
BUT, instead of a ‘gleaming’ facility with a large staff…
It’s grizzled, dusty, dirty… too much to deal with
BEFORE you get to the story.

HAVEN - I must have caught the good ONE,
all others since then go nowhere…
I gave it more of a try than I should have
(nothing on again),
might check it again… but mostly disappointing.

THE CLOSER, RIZZOLI & ISLES,
MEMPHIS BEAT, HAWTHORNE,
the shrink to the athletes one,
the girl CIA trainee one,
bad clones of successful cop-investigative shows…

PUL-LEAZE !!!   LIFE’S TOO SHORT !

(and I’m not a BONES fan or HOUSE fan either)

OK.. MOST ARE CHICK SHOWS,
PUT THEM ON THE LIFETIME CHANNEL
SO WE CAN IDENTIFY THEM & AVOID THEM EASIER.
(specializing in shows not needing analytical processing)
((or NOT providing a ‘tight’ script that makes sense))


WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE MYSTERY CHANNEL ?

I’m watching my copy of 14 hours of NIGHT GALLERY.
(14 of my choice… the other sucked, these are pass-able)
The commerical bumpers advertise some nice looking shows.
(avengers, ellery queen, etc)
One great thing… anybody who was anybody
got in the act and did a segment on Night Gallery.

FUN TO SEE & NAME ALL THE FAMILIAR FACES !


and NICK-at-NITE ?

I converted a favorite VHS tape to DVD for my daughter.

I DREAM OF JEANNIE  – themed, 6 hours of episodes.
WHAT A GOOD LINE-UP THEY USED TO HAVE !!!

A commercial advertised the shows for that nite…
F-Troop, DRAGNET, BOB NEWHART, DICK van DYKE,
MARY TYLER MOORE, SUPERMAN, GET SMART, LUCY
(and that was just the one nite)

THAT CHANNEL USED TO BE A REGULAR STOP,
(when there was nothing ‘good’ or ‘new’ on)

NOW?  A ‘NEVER’ STOP !

THEY RUINED A NICE LITTLE NICHE FOR THEMSELVES !


I only need 3 or 4 shows a week
that entertain me to keep me happy,
but those 500 channels are having
a hard time supplying them !
(I’d love for someone to check tv archives)


AND ONE THING I ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO ?

The yearly COMEDY CENTRAL ROAST ?

I’ve watched them all, enjoyed them all,
even if I didn’t care for the ROAST-EE,
or like FLAVOR-FLAV… knew little about him…
I STILL ENJOYED THE ROASTS !

The ‘honoree’ this year ?

CHARLIE SHEEN !

I can’t think of anyone ‘lower’ on my list
for a roast than he !
I never watched his show, never watched his meltdown,
didn’t buy into any of his nonsense…
It got to the point (and still is) that
I am annoyed by the sound of his voice !
(AND IS HE EVER NOT STONED?)

DID THEY COMMIT TO HIM
WAY-BACK WHEN HIS ‘TRAINWRECK’
SEEMED TO INTEREST PEOPLE ?

I THINK IT A MISTAKE !

The live audience is usually pretty ‘lively’
in their applause of the roast-ee…

I WOULD FIND IT OFFENSIVE
THAT THEY CHEER THAT A-HOLE !

” Hail the conquering hero ? “

MORE SAD, THAN FUNNY

It would be like the ‘big boys’ & girls ‘roasting’
OBAMA…

If you joked about his presidency,
the economy, joblessness,
you know… REALITY?…

I DON’T THINK I’D BE LAUGHING !
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COURTESY OF www.FORGOTTENHITS.com




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CLICK HERE TO  LISTEN TO TSOPSOULRADIO.COM!
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you could do worse…
The famous JACKIE (the jokeman) MARTLING
www.jokeland.com

sends out a LONG email of jokes
occasionally when he gets the urge…

TO GET ON THE MAILING LIST,
GO TO THE ABOVE LINK.

HERE’S A FEW GOOD FOR SOME LAUGHS…

A little kid goes into a confessional and says,
“Forgive me, Father, I was thinking perverted & naughty thoughts.”
The priest says, “Were your thoughts of a homosexual nature?”
The kid says, “No.”
The priest says, “Next.”

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A guy walks up to a woman wearing a full-length fur and says,
“Do you know how many animals had to die for that coat?”
She says,
“Do you know how many animals I had to sleep with to get this coat?”

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Howard’s on an Emergency Room gurney
on his elbows and knees, with a half-dozen Number 2 pencils
deep in his ass, eraser-end out.
A nurse with a clipboard asks him for his name,
his address and his insurance information.
And then the nurse says, “Sir, are those pencils sharpened?”
He says, “Sharpened? What do you think, I’m crazy?”

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A little Muslim kid is standing alone in the supermarket crying.
The manager of the store goes up to him and says,
“What’s the matter, son?”
The kid says, “I can’t find my mother.”
The manager says, “What’s your mother look like?”
The little Muslim kid says, “How the heck should I know?”

(burka humor)

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Blenken answers the door and it’s a cop.
The cop hands Blenken a picture and says, “Is this your wife, sir?”
Blenken says, “Yes, it is.”
The cop says, “I’m afraid it looks like she’s been hit by a bus.”
Blenken says, “I know. But she’s got a great personality
and she’s really good with the kids.”

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This morning I sat on the train across from a beautiful Thai girl.
I kept thinking to myself,
“Please don’t get an erection, please don’t get an erection.”
… but she did.

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How’s a blind man know when he’s done wiping?
The toilet paper stops sticking to his forehead.

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Mittleman says to his wife,
“When you die, you get reincarnated.
But you have to come back as a different creature.”
She says, “I’d like to come back as a cow.”
He says, “You’re obviously not listening.”

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THANK YOU JACKIE
FOR HELPING ME FILL SPACE…
(I’m struggling this week)
NOW BACK TO MY OWN BRAND OF NONSENSE…

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like ROBERT PRESTON… the MUSIC MAN
said to the kid orchestra
after he was found out to be a flim-flam man…
(he used the ‘think’ system instead of lessons)

THINK  MEN (and women) THINK !!!

Some of you are sending good thoughts
and I’m actually winning small prizes in the lottery.
More numerous than I’ve ever seen in my lifetime !
I need more of you to join in…
and those that are to THINK harder !!!

I NEED THE MONEY TO LEAVE WORK !!!

Like the KINKS sang…

” It’s breaking me up & bringing me down “

and (Re: a bad job)…

” IT CAN KILL YOUR SPIRIT
AND DESTROY YOUR MIND ! ”

SO I’M COUNTING ON ALL OF YOU…

THINK   MEN   THINK

(I still have another week before I go back)
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you could be wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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