† RIP Renfield #607 – GRADUATION †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 607 – GRADUATION †

June 4, 2011

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-Uh-boy…

Used up all my reserves again !
Next issue is a shoot…
I have no idea where it will go…

Perhaps it’ll be a preview of things to come…
I’m thinking that if I continue RIP Renfield
WITHOUT winning the lottery…
I might have to pare my weekly output !

If I eliminate the bullshit-bad stuff
it could put me on a new level…

But who’s to say if that’ll happen ?

The bullshit-bad stuff might just be
in a more condensed format !

AT LEAST IT’LL TAKE YOU LESS TIME
TO REALIZE I SUCK !
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HEY…

I NEEDED A THEME BANNER FOR THIS WEEK…

GRADUATION ?

Close enough around this time of year…

BUT IT’S NOT COVERED IN THE CONTENT BELOW !
(so don’t bail out on me yet)
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R.I.P

JAMES ARNESS

(older brother of Peter Graves)

American actor, best known for portraying Marshal Matt Dillon
in the television series Gunsmoke for 20 years.
Arness has the distinction of having played the same role
in five separate decades: 1955 to 1975 in the weekly series,
then in Gunsmoke: Return to Dodge (1987)
and four more made-for-TV Gunsmoke movies in the 1990s.
In Europe Arness reached cult status for his role as Zeb Macahan
in the western series How the West Was Won.

As a VERY young child,
I can remember the shoving with my older brother
for position in front of the B&W tv,
to get ready to ‘draw’ (pistols) against
Sheriff Matt Dillon at the end of the intro to each show.

I FINALLY GOT THE BASTARD !

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A TOUGH ONE…

That horrible ambulance chasing woman is involved,
so I change the channel & figure she’s on the wrong side.

But the part I heard before the channel change
presented an odd situation…

Seems some casino in Atlantic City
had their ‘drink’ waitresses ‘audition’ for their jobs
by wearing (women claim) new ’sexy’ uniforms,
2 sizes too small for them.
(making them look less ‘attractive’)
I’m sure the casino was looking towards a ‘legal’ way
to clean house of less-than ‘babe’ waitresses.

For the casino it makes sense to have
the hottest waitresses possible !
(gets guys drinking, gambling badly, hanging around to flirt,
dressing up the place for the low-lifes)

FOR THE WOMEM ?

No matter what they look like now,
they were fine when they were hired,
and should have a job for as long as they want !

I WONDER HOW THEY GET AROUND IT
IN LAS VEGAS ?

I also wonder if there are male ‘drink’ waiters
who are held to a standard ?

ALL COMPANIES DEAL WITH IMAGE !

I can’t think of the last time I entered an office
where the reception person WASN’T an attractive female.

Hell, I can’t think of non-attractive news readers,
male or female ! (and there have been law suits)

AND FROM A MALE POINT OF VIEW ?
I can’t rembember the male reception person
in a gym being a fat slob instead of buff !



IMAGE, IMAGE, IMAGE

It’s the difference between a glamorous nite out,
and spending an evening in a ‘bus station’ !


Perhaps there should be off-the-floor jobs
that the ‘old-timers’ are eased into
as they lose their ’stuff’ !
(instead of easing them out the door)
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REAL  QUICK…

Go to a casino and you can’t have standards…
go to a chain restaurant and do what you want…

Class trip, 8th graders go to an aquarium…
comes time to eat,  kids see, & choose, a HOOTERS
and, altough the school regrets it now,
THAT’S WHERE THEY TOOK THE KIDS TO EAT !



The restaurant is a family place,
the name is supposedly from owls…
some idiot radio guy was proclaiming
that it was no big deal, it’s a family place…

THAT’S NOT THE POINT…



The name itself can be taken as derogatory slang.
If parents frequent the place with kids.. fine.
But, in this litiginous society, some parent
might just have a problem with it…
(and it’s their call)

ESPECIALLY IF THEIR DAUGHTER
WAS ‘EDUCATED’ TO THE TERM
BY A BUNCH OF HORNY 8th GRADE BOYS !



Not a good choice, better safe then sorry…

Next time ?

Go to BURGER KING !

or the new place with the shirtless waiters…

CHIPPEN-BURGERS

the female students might prefer it…

The old argument?

‘You see more on the beach’ works for girls too !!!

or maybe…
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How about taking kids to a
Janis Joplin tribute restaurant called…

DOWN  ON  ME

It’s not about the ’slang’,
it’s about the song !

(yeah, sure… ‘plausible’ deniability)
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NOW LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS STRAIGHT…

NYC just enacted a law that makes it illegal
to smoke (tobacco) in pedestrian areas…
OUTSIDE AREAS !
Sidewalks, parks, even the beach !

Even though there is NO study to back it up…
it’s claimed that 2nd hand smoke OUTSIDE
is a danger to health !

NOW I TAKE YOU TO JAPAN
(un-challenged by world scientists)

MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF RADIOACTIVELY
CONTAMINATED WATER & MATERIALS
ARE BEING RELEASED INTO THE AIR & OCEAN !

The ’scientific’ conclusion ?

IT’S NO DANGER,
THE RADIATION WILL DISSIPATE
IN THE AIR & THE OCEAN !

I THINK, GIVEN THE CHOICE,
I’D RATHER HAVE THE OUTSIDE SMOKING
INSTEAD OF THE RADIATION !

Ya think Japan would agree ?
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CELL PHONE DANGER ?

Funny thing…

People are making noises pooh-pooh-ing
the danger from cell phone radiation,
the same way they pooh-pooh-ed
the danger from cigarette smoking decades ago !

I wrote years ago about how safety was measured…
Cell phone company disclaimer ?
If used properly, it’s safe…
PROPERLY = up to 1/2 inch from your head, NO contact !
(read the fine print in your owner’s manual)

I heard cancer surgeons claim that new cases
of ‘head’ cancers are not up,
and individuals claiming no ill effects after 20 years.

BUT.. I’ve also heard that the low level of radiation,
after prolonged use and contact,
breaks down the atomic bonds of the atoms in your head !
I’ve heard that use by children is contra-indicated…
their skulls aren’t as thick & not fully developed !

I’M GOING TO HATE BEING RIGHT ON THIS ONE
SOMETIME IN THE NEAR (or distant) FUTURE…
BUT THIS IS GOING TO BE A DISASTER
OF HUGE PROPORTIONS !
(I don’t have enough brain cells to spare)

ANOTHER FUNNY THING?

There are NO studies to say that smoking outside
(in parks or beaches or pedestrian walkways)
is deliterious to non-smokers because of 2nd hand smoke.
BUT, IN NYC, IT’S BANNED ANYWAY !

CELL PHONES present a probable problem
but it’s more ‘inconvenient’ to do as much about it !

AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE DANGERS
ALL THESE ‘WIRELESS SIGNALS’
ARE EXPOSING US TO 24/7
AND WHEREVER WE GO !
We weren’t meant to be exposed to
all those untested (long-term healthwise) ‘waves’.

Luckily, with my anti-social lifestyle
(my leave me the fuck alone lifestyle),
my cell phone use is minimal.
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I’ve done an excellent job with my
self-imposed isolation,
and making my world as small as possible.
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NOW THAT I’VE SCARED YOU ENOUGH
(or proved my insanity)

I’LL MOVE ON…
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“Friends may come and go,

but enemies accumulate.”
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AND SPEAKING OF THE ENVIROMENT…

A front-page newspaper headline
cried about the rising cost of gasoline…
and the newspaper got positive response
from citizens thinking off-shore drilling a good idea !
(a year ago, it was a dead issue after BP’s disaster)

WHY THE HELL WOULD PEOPLE
THINK IT A GOOD IDEA ?
Are people that naive (nee… stupid) ?

When has tapping ‘new’ sources of oil
ever translated to lower prices
or a massive reserve for emergencies ?

The OIL COMPANIES control supply & price !
There is NEVER too much oil
to drive the price down !
Production & price are set by ‘collusion’
between the world’s suppliers !

ALASKA PIPELINE ?
OFF-SHORE DRILLING ?
(west coast & the gulf)

WHY HAVEN’T THEY EVER
DRIVEN PRICES DOWN,
OR INCREASED SUPPLY ?

THE SUPPLY SEEMS TO ALWAYS
REMAIN THE SAME… CONTROLLED !
(unless the price is high)

I even wonder if the current
cost of gasoline is related to a plan
to make off-shore drilling seem a necessity…
and change public opinion by
‘torturing’ the public with gas prices !

THE BASTARDS !!!
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PLASTIC BAGS from STORES…

Ever notice how it’s ‘lucky’ when you can
get your groceries or convenience store items
from car-to-house without the bag ripping ?

On the one hand,

they must use so little material in them,
they consider it more ‘green’ than stronger bags.

On the other hand…

I re-use the bags (when there’s no hole in them).
Call it recycle or multiple use…
I TAKE ADVANTAGE & DON’T WASTE !

I think the paper-thin, cheap bags
aren’t saving the enviroment all that much !
After getting them home (and emptied),
I examine them for ’structural integrity’…
KEEPING THE ONES THAT ARE INTACT
FOR FUTURE USE…
and the shitty ones ?
RIGHT IN THE TRASH !

(if minor holes, I use scotch tape from the inside,
and then turn the bad inside-out….
See?  I’m not a ‘waster’ (unless you force me))

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Psst… How can they justify claiming ‘greener’
when they are forced to double-bag
most every HEAVIER item(s) ! ???
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WAKE-UP ENGLISH COURTS !!!

I just read that a convicted burglar,
given an 8 month sentence, was FREED !

The ’successful’ argument ?

The court didn’t take into consideration
the effect the jail sentence would have
on the BURGLAR’s 5 children !!!


UH… Someone didn’t take the kids into consideration…
and that someone was their friggin’ DAD !
I’d argue that the kids are being taught
the WRONG lesson !
Responsibility is one they’ll have to learn elsewhere !
(if they ever do)
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WHAT’S GOING ON ?

(or ‘when’ is it going on?)

Does IT travel in time-and-space
while I’m not looking?



MY DOCTOR WHO TARDIS…
(only responds to UK telephones)
has ‘gone-off’ again !!!

For a 2nd time since I’ve owned it,
for no reason… (works only with UK phones)
it’s tried to de-materialize !
(blue light flashing, sound ’sound-ing’)

Hmmm…

by the way…
the first half-season is over next saturday…
(to be continued in September)
they promise a slow build to some ‘hinky’ stuff…
and Doctor Riversong reveals who she really is !!!
(OH BOY)
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DEAD SANSA MP3 PLAYER UPDATE…

I sent an email to Sandisk…
more of praise then a complaint…
(hey, they might have thrown a loyal customer a bone)

They apologized for not being to repair my item
becaue I was 5 years out of warranty…

BUT…

offered a few ‘trouble-shooting’ tips…
(internal stuff you’d never think of trying)

AND, GOD-DAMN…

THE FIRST SUGGETION WORKED !
THE 5 YEAR OLD, 4 GIG UNIT,
IS WORKING AS WELL AS IT EVER DID !
(might get another 5 years out of it)

CAN’T BUY THEM NEW ANYMORE…
Ebay sellers either ask TOO much,
or are selling used units
(for TOO much)
and how well will they work ?

I’M GLAD SANDISK
OFFERED THE INFORMATION…
(got my ‘bone’)
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THE GEORDIE SHORE…



This is the MTV Brit version of THE JERSEY SHORE.
I did an item on the show months ago,
but something in the news got my attention again…

Seems the people from the area over there
are a little disturbed that the show is in-accurate !
It’s portrayal of the local ‘geordie shore’ scene
is using an out-of-date stereotype
that makes the area and people look buffoon-ish !

UH… YOU MEAN AS OPPOSED TO THE ACCURATE WAY
NJ PEOPLE ARE PORTRAYED ON ‘THE JERSEY SHORE’ ?
(and most of them are from outside New Jersey)

I guess it was more entertaining when the spotlight
turned on someone else’s ‘brain-dead’ youth !

Some Brit comments included some where hope
was expressed that future shows
would more accurately show Newcastle.

HUH ?

This is MTV looking for ratings,
not a  historical piece, or a travelogue !!!
The point of the show it to exaggerate stereo-types !!!
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I SPOKE TOO SOON…

I took a chance and went on to Ebay to put in some
’sniping’ bids on USED 1 & 2 gig players…
(no cables, no headphones, no case)

Some jerk had me up to $22 for a 1 gig m240 !
I let him win for that much
and decided to look around a little more…
Used 2 gig m250’s were going for over $20 !


AND THEN I HAPPEN TO SPOT A TAB
FOR NEW 2 GIG M250’s
from a guy in Florida with a 100% positive rating !
(500 songs, fm radio, voice recorder, AAA battery)

So, for $27 plus $3 shipping…

I got a brand new, complete, sealed unit
and he takes returns if you have trouble !

I picked up 2 for $61…

my daughter’s i-pod’s battery needed replacing…
and they want $90 bucks for that !

by the way…

My old one was a 4 gigger…
I don’t even see them for ANY price !
I also own 2 & 1 gig sansa’s…
but I figure to get my ‘replacements’ now
while they are still out there !

The 1 gig is fine… couple hundred songs…
but with my ‘voice recording’ satellite radio shows,
the 2 gig is a better choice for me…
(room for music AND my talk shows)
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ONLY  WORDS ?

But where’s the rulebook
that says ‘what can be said’,
‘when it can be said’,
and ‘where it can be said’ ?

A professional basketball player
was fined $50,000 for using a gay slur against someone
giving him shit from behind the bench.
(I believe it was the ‘f’ word)

OKAY… SO I’M NOT STUPID…

(and I’m not offensive ‘conversationally’)

I know better than to take the chance with ANY word
that might get me in trouble.
(if you’re a celeb? forget about it, yer screwed)

A female celeb recently used the ‘R’ word (retard).
She had to go on the ‘apology tour’
and if the NBA could have fined her, they would have !

If your ‘dopey’ kid drops one of those words at school,
there’s a good chance it will get disciplinary action,
along with the parents brought in for corrective action.
(hey, the kid must have learned it at home)

SO NOW I’M WATCHING TV ON A HOLIDAY WEEKEND…
a very innocuous channel.. TVLAND
(more gilligan’s island than howard stern)

They have a new program coming out,
original programming, starring FRAN DRESCHER,
of ‘THE NANNY’ fame.  The new show is called…

HAPPILY  DIVORCED

(WHAT’S THAT SHE’S HOLDING & TURNING ON?)

There’s a commercial touting the new show…
and there’s FRAN easily coo-ing…

” I GREW UP IN QUEENS,
AND NOW I FIND OUT I’VE BEEN MARRIED TO ONE ! ”

Hmmm… I never knew that ‘QUEEN’ is an acceptable
adjective to describe a homosexual !
You’d think the ‘Q’ word would be right up there
with the ‘derrogatory’ ‘F’ word !

Don’t get me wrong…

If I were to watch the show, I’d be laughing along
with every (good) stereo-typical gay joke,
and it looks to be a place they plan to go… OFTEN !
(I know how to behave in public, but comedy? no bounds)

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT SOMEONE
MIGHT BE OFFENDED BY…
(does the constitution guarantee ‘not being offended’?)

I’M WONDERING HOW COMEDY WILL EXIST
WHEN THE WORLD GOES COMPLETELY INSANE !

THE VERY DEFINITION OF COMEDY

IS SOMEONE (something) COMING OUT

ON THE SHORT END !

BY THE WAY…

Fran was too ‘hoidy-toidy’ to take her top off
in the funny old HOLLYWOOD KNIGHTS movie…
the other 2 girls had no problem for the necessary shot !
(pool-side, thru hedges, for 3 seconds)
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SEE ?

I got nothing left !!!

(although there is some really clever, on-purpose,
inter-weaving of ideas in some items)

I should have held back !

I may have to rely on nudity
next week to keep your attention !

(and not just this typing in the nude stuff)

OKAY… I’M CALLING IT QUITS
AND HOPING INSPRIRATION FINDS ME !

SOON !!!
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epilogue

Okay… so I ‘held back’ & yanked a few items out for next week…
seemed to be running long this week anyway…
and ‘generic ones’ keep…
THEY DON’T GET OLD !
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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