† RIP Renfield # 605 – VICTORIA DAY †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 605 – VICTORIA DAY †

May 21, 2011

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EVERYBODY STILL HERE ?

Just checking…

It would be just like the world to come to an end,
and no one tells me !



and damn convenient for me
that the timing of the end of the world was based in

EASTERN STANDARD TIME (EST)
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EH…

HAPPY  VICTORIA  DAY !!!

In honor of the holiday in the

GREAT WHITE NORTH

we here at RIP Renfield will be celebrating too !



(go with me here… I’m trying to lure some google hits
from CANADIAN readers… a good title can do that…)

A FEW MIGHT BECOME REGULAR  READERS…

RIGHT,  HOSER ?


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and now…

The ‘un-official’

CANADIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL7n5mEmXJo&feature=related

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June Marlowe wasn’t a Canadian
but was born in St. Cloud, Minnesota
(pretty close to Canada)
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OH MISS CRABTREE…

(R.I.P)



(miss crabtree was a real piece-of-ass)
Even prettier than Miss Magillicuddy !
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Jackie Cooper wasn’t Canadian either,
but it’s claimed that he never said
anything bad about Canada…
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Hey, Chubsy-ubsy…

KEEP ON PASSING BY
UNTIL YOU GET TO THE LAKE
AND THEN DROP IN !

SOMETHING HEAVY ON YOUR HEART ?
GONNA BE SOMETHING HEAVY ON YOUR NOSE !
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80-some years in the biz?

R.I.P
(already)

JACKIE  COOPER

An American actor, television director, producer and executive.
He was a child actor who managed to make the transition to an adult career.
Cooper was the first child actor to receive an Academy Award nomination.
At age 9, he was also the youngest performer to have been
nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actor in a Leading Role.

My personal favorite role of his was as tv’s HENNESY,
although he was more famous for THE PEOPLE’S CHOICE.

Later, Cooper was vice president of program development
at Columbia Pictures Screen Gems TV division.
He was responsible for packaging series (such as Bewitched)
and other projects and selling them to the networks.
He reportedly cast SALLY FIELD as GIDGET.

Still not done, he ‘retired’ to directing tv
and occasional character roles…
leading to the role of PERRY WHITE
in the CHRIS REEVE version of SUPERMAN.

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BIG HEADLINE IN THE NJ STAR LEDGER…

Seems the casinos took a beating
mainly because some high-rollers beat them
for close to $6 million !!!

UH… ISN’T THE IDEA (dream) OF GAMBLING
THE HOPE OF WALKING AWAY
WITH A FORTUNE ?

DON’T THEY ALLOW
FOR THE ‘POSSIBILITY’ OF SOMEONE
WINNING BIG ?

The tone of the article was like a stock-holders report !
That it’s ‘costing’ the citizens of New Jersey
and how-are-we-going-to-make-up-the-lost-funds ?

Where was the LOUD broadcasting of the news
when these high-rollers regularly drop a bundle ?
(this made headlines, obviously you don’t always win)

WHY AREN’T WE CHEERING
THE EXTRA MONEY IN ‘OUR’ COFFERS ?

CAUSE IT DON’T MEAN A DAMN THING
TO ANYONE BUT THE CASINO CORPORATION !

THEM DOING WELL MEANS NOTHING,
WHILE THEM DOING BADLY IS A TRAGEDY ?
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Ever notice how you can ‘lose’ regularly,
but if you ever win once…

YOU’RE A WINNER ?
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In the old days…

RON & FEZ would have called it a

COMEDY  PYRAMID

People would phone with a funny add-on,
and pile-on the subject…

This time it was their disappointment with the
usually ‘pithy’ headlines on the 2 NY daily newspapers
known for their ‘grabbers’ that inspired the boys…

Subj :  the IMF head who raped the maid.
(allegedly)

SOME OF THE SUGGESTED HEADLINES
INCLUDED…

FRENCH TOAST
PARDON MY FRENCH?
I – M – ‘effed’ !
RAPE SUZETTE
LET HIM EAT COCK
ES-CAR-GO-TO-JAIL
THE RAPE ESCAPE
THE FRENCH ERECTION
ROYALE with RAPE
FRENCH UN-DRESSING
SHE SUCKED HIS OUI OUI !
FROG-MAN GOING DOWN
OUI OUI ON ME !
MAID TO ORDER
FRENCH DICK-LER
GIRARD  RAPE-A-DIEU
de GAULLE OF THIS GUY !
HE MAID HER DO IT !
FRENCH MAID ME MISS MY FLIGHT !
CUM SNAIL AWAY
DICK-LOMATIC IMMUNITY

one of my fav’s ?

HE SAW LONDON, HE SAW FRANCE,
HE PULLED DOWN HER UNDERPANTS

and my condtribution…

IMF ‘HEAD’ ?

Very quick-paced.. the phoners were on fire !
The listeners had some good stuff !
I miss the comedy pyramids…

THEY SHOULD DO THEM MORE OFTEN !

BY THE WAY…

HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE
FOR ANOTHER SCANDAL
TO GET ARNOLD OFF THE FRONT PAGE ?

They come fast & furious…
you hardly get a chance to be vilified !
If YOU are the target, just wait it out…

And who the hell really cares?
He’s not in office, it involves kids…

IS IT REALLY RELEVANT ?
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One of my favorite long week-ends
is 4-days, 3-nights in

NIAGARA  FALLS
(slowly I turned, step-by-step, etc.)

The American side is a ’shit-hole’…
but so is the Canadian side
if you wander too far from the tourist traps !

You can usually get a deal from one of the nicer hotels,
I usually stay right off CLIFTON HILL
where most of the amusements are located,
including a nice-sized CASINO !
Close-up, having the falls-in-your face,
is an exceptional experience !

AND 3 DAYS IS PLENTY…

Table rock, Maid-of-the-Mist, Goat Island,
CAVE of the WINDS…
(the mainstays)
and then the ‘board-walk’ type amusements…

WHO’S GOT TIME TO HONEYMOON ?
(you can ’screw’ when you get home)

ADDENDUM…
I’ve been known to double-up on the trip
and make a side trip to COOPERSTOWN, NY
(for the baseball hall of fame)
or to the HOWE CAVERNS.
(it’s on the way back for me, sort of)
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PEOPLE CAN BE SO TOUCHY !

I was at an anniversary party
and asked my buddy
if the ‘celebration’ is yearly ?

DO YOU HAVE SEX
TO CELEBRATE EVERY ANNIVERSARY ?

HE SAID,   ” NO, NOT REALLY….”

So I looked over at the ‘bride’
and asked…

” HOW ABOUT YOU ? ”

Some women have NO sense of humor !!!
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CANADIAN SPORTS ?

She looks like a ’sport’ !

I always wondered…

Do women wear ‘heels’ so it’s easier to catch up
to them as they ‘flirt-illy’ pass by ?
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LUCK ?
(maybe it’s turning)

JUST CHECKED MY PICK 6 LOTTERY TICKETS.
I had 3 tickets, won on 2 of them…
($3, $47… hey.. it’s something FINALLY!)

BUT COMBINED ON THOSE 2 TICKETS ?

I had 5 of 6 numbers…

it would have been worth $2000 if the 5 were on one.
(but I would have cried over missing the 6th for millions)

I’D RATHER MISS BY A MILE !!!
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WHILE WAITING FOR GAS,
I heard a woman in a ’standard’ car
ask for high-test gasoline.

DON’T PEOPLE GET IT ?

There’s no extra ‘oomph’ by adding
octane your car wasn’t designed to use !

If the car recommendation is REGULAR,
the only reason you’d need ‘more’
is if the car isn’t operating correctly !

(has to do with the temp. the gas ‘fires’)
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REGULAR CANADIANS
YOU’RE LIKELY TO SEE AROUND
if you visit the country…

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I saw STAR WARS the day it came out
(all those years ago).
I lived near a first-run theater near NYC.

AND I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT ME,
MISTER POP-CULTURE,
had never heard this before…

THE DAY BIN LADEN WAS GIVEN HIS DUE…
(boom… the bastard’s dead)
Someone jokingly said the big news of the day
was that it was STAR WARS DAY !

I DIDN’T GET IT…

Days later, some radio show used the phrase again,
but this time explained it…

STAR WARS DAY =  MAY 4th

As in…

MAY THE ‘FOURTH’ BE WITH YOU !

Very stupid, but how did it get past me all these years ?
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VOCABLULARY  SAMPLE
for Canadian College Entrance Examination…


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MONEY COMING MY WAY… STILL ?

I’ve written of my ‘personal’ theory about money…
There are times when it just starts coming your way…
perhaps not (always) big amounts…
but from many unexpected sources !

I won’t go thru the list from the other week…
but today I showed up at work
and was told that I won the OFFICE POOL !
(I was due, been playing them for decades)

IT’S ACTUALLY A PRETTY WORK-ABLE
OFFICE LOTTERY POOL…

The person in charge collects a set amount
every payday… (usually a few dollars)…
Half the money is spent for lottery tickets,
the other half is awarded to a name
pulled from a ‘hat’ (this time me).

THIS WAY YOU HAVE YOUR CHANCE
AT THE BIG MONEY…
but get to walk away with a few bucks once in a while.
(basically getting to play for free for a few months)

MONEY IS STILL COMING MY WAY…
I just need it to be the BIG score for once !
(not to worry, it’s not ‘old-peoples-disease’)
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GUESS  WHO ?

That’s also Miss Crabtree, June Marlowe,
BEFORE they made her dye her hair blond
to match kid star Jackie Cooper.

I TOLD YOU SHE WAS A PIECE-OF-ASS !!!

Long, black hair really suits her better !

(hmmm… this pic got me thinkin’ squeez-eeze !)
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I felt bad when I found out that my daughter
revealed at Easter dinner to the family,
that she watches dvd’s on her computer,
that she had no dvd player…
(they’re cheap enough)

SO I BOUGHT HER A NICE, LITTLE SONY…
(the same as the one I use)

Being a little ‘light’ on dvd’s,
I lent her my box set of

DAVEY & GOLIATH
(the claymation talking dog ones)

She was fascintated by them,
took a few screen caps,
and posted them on her blog…

THE MOST SURPRISING THING TO HER ?

The popularity of the series of cartoons !
Within hours, she had hundreds of responses
and comments from fans of Davey & Goliath !


HEY.. JUST CAUSE I’M HER FATHER,
DON’T MEAN I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S COOL !
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A NICE SHOT OF THE CN TOWER…



AND DUE TO A COMPLAINT LAST ISSUE
ABOUT ME REFERRING TO WHITNEY BLAKE’S
BOOBS as ‘MASSIVE MELONS’,

I will now replace that term with…

” SQUEEZ-EEZE “

(as in.. check out the ’squeeze-eeze’ on her)

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT,
I’M ALWAYS WILLING TO COOPERATE.
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The wife is back

after a month in the UK visiting family…

I guess I don’t have to
‘batch’ anymore…

Is that the right spelling ?

I mean ‘batch’ as in bachelor…

OR DO I ?
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CAN’T WE ALL BE FRIENDS ?

like LCD Soundsystem sings…

” We are (all) North American Scum ”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jmm14g4cAFc
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http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/
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Hey… I got lots to be thankful for…

THANK YOU POLITICIANS !!!

(especially a certain Irishman in the White House)

I used to be middle class…
not I’m part of the weathy elite !!!

I’m not making any more money..

in fact less…

but since I’ve been able to hold on by my fingertips…
the definition of wealthy kept getting closer and closer
to the few ‘pennies’ I make in a year !

AND I HAVE ARRIVED !!!

Another 10 years of shit ?

THE NUMBERS OF ‘WEALTHY’ WILL INCREASE
AS THE ‘BOTTOM’ KEEPS DROPPING
FURTHER & FURTHER !
(all you’ll have to do is make minimum wage)
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In Canada…

You can get ‘lucky’ with the right girls…

OKAY…

JUST FIND SOME NEAR A BAR !


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and if YOU are not ‘into’ girls,

or are Canadian…

Go make a milk mustache !
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WITH THAT, I’M LEAVING YOU

(with a ‘bag’ of milk)

but remember…

OH, CANADA…

‘WE’ STAND ON GUARD FOR THEE !!!

(we = usa)

Yes ‘we’ do…

YOU’RE WELCOME

(all the benefits, little of the cost)

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HEY…

(or is that …  eh !)

YOU DON’T LIKE THE THEME
OF THIS ISSUE OF RIP Renfield ?

(like they say in SOUTHPARK)

BLAME  CANADA !!!
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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