† RIP Renfield #606 – MEMORIAL DAY †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 606 – MEMORIAL DAY †

May 28, 2011

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MEMORIAL  DAY  ?

THANK YOU for your sacrifice…

It’s not just a day off from work
to hit the beaches or bar-b-que.
(well, that too)

BUT, if you let your mind take it in…

IT’S A SAD DAY TOO !

amen

I’m keeping this issue
SHORT & SWEET
and non-controversial.

(I want to take advangtage of the day off too)
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Frank Buckles

Last Known American Veteran of WWI, Dies at 110

R.I.P

Frank Buckles fibbed his way into the U.S. Army at age 16
and lived to become America’s lastknown World War I veteran.

At 16, he said, he was turned away from a U.S. Marines recruiting station.
Then, even lying about his age, he said he was rejected by the Navy
because he was flat-footed. Finally he was accepted at an Army recruiting
station and sent for ambulance-serving training.

He served in England & finally got his wish to drove cars and ambulances
in western France, getting within 30 or 40 miles of the fighting.

After the Allied forces reached an armistice with Germany in November 1918,
Buckles joined a company that escorted German prisoners back to their country.

After the war — He was just 18 !!!

In 1940, his employer sent him to Manilla to expedite cargo
at the start of World War II. He was there when
Japanese troops invaded–
“I knew we were going to get into the war,
but I didn’t expect it was going to be so soon,” he recalled –
and became among 2,000 non-military prisoners of war,
surviving three years, two months in a prison camp.

FRANK MORE THAN PAID HIS DUES,

REST-in-PEACE


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GUESS WHO GOT ‘TWEETED’ THE OTHER DAY
WITH AN INVITATION TO ‘FRIEND’
A CERTAIN CELEBRITY on FACEBOOK
who should run at the sight of my name,
but allows me (without banning) to tweet to her
and EVEN get the invite ?

YEP… IT’S MY OLD ‘CRUSH’…

KELLIE MARTIN !

(although her tweets have really turned me off to her)

It’s really no-worry for her though…

I don’t FACEBOOK…

seems almost like a job to keep-it-up…
(and RIP Renfield is as much of a job as I can handle)

I find Facebook way too intrusive…
I try to stay off the grid as much as I can.
(for when the machines take over & hunt us down)

Do you think I was singled out ?

I don’t… must have been a mass mailing
to ALL of her 14,500 followers…

KELLIE SHOULD PROBABLY BE
A BIT MORE DISCRIMINATING !
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OOPS…

I just embarassed myself…

I tried to find a google image of Kellie
that I’d seen of her looking a bit tipsy
and very bleary eyed…
(figuring she had to be drunk to include me)

anyway…

A bunch of familiar (to me) images came up
that I had used (or photo-shopped) for use in RIP
and they are attributed to ME !

Geez… I look like a jerk !

(friggin’ google posts ALL my pics from RIP with attribution)


For RIP ? Fine !

For the world to peek in on ?

Uh boy !!!

I REALLY HAVE NO PLACE ON FACEBOOK,
IT WOULD TURN INTO A HUGE DISASTER !

(In my joking way, I always thought I was promoting her)
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ARBITRON TV-RADIO RATINGS

I, Gary Renfield, was contacted by the
ARBITRON RATINGS PEOPLE
for my input on my favorite show…

I leaned towards talk-radio…

Favorite Channel -  XM 105

Favorite Show – RON & FEZ
with an honorable mention for
SPECIAL DELIVERY with Sam & Dave
(that’s Sam Roberts & East Side Dave McDonald)

THE BEST PART ?

I didn’t have to lie (much)
and ‘banked’ a cool 7 dollars for my trouble !

WOO HOO !!!

I didn’t mention that I was in the entertainment biz.

BUT, REALLY, AM I ?

(damn, and I just went to Confession)
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Sarah Silverman on Her Boyfriend ?



I took a shower with my boyfriend.

Ladies, I guarantee you if you

take a shower with your boyfriend

by the time you step out of that shower

your breasts will be sparkling clean.

ADDENDUM…

Never met the young lady or saw her in person.
But every time I see her on tv… although very funny…
I get the impression that she is VERY hairy !
Arms, legs, stomach, back, upper lip…

SOMEONE WHO NEEDS TO STAND NECK-DEEP
(upper lip deep?)
IN DEPILATORY A FEW TIMES A DAY !-
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GOOD-BYE  OLD  FRIEND…



My 4 gig SANSA player-recorder
FINALLY bit-the-dust !
FM radio, a thousand songs,
and a voice recorder !
(I taped replays of Ron & Fez for work)

ANYWAY…
I record ALL night… 10pm till 6 or 7 am…
(edit it down to just the show on WINDOWS sound recorder)
and listen all day, at least 5 days a week !
I figure 14-16 hours a day (recharge-able batteries).

THE AMAZING THING ?

I’ve been in that routine since 2006 !!!
IT WAS A FRIGGIN’ WORK-HORSE !

HOW COULD I BE MAD ?
LOOK AT ALL THE USE I GOT OUT OF IT !

R.I.P

Oh, and my data is still there…
It’s still a 4 gig flash drive !
(I’m checking ebay for a new one)
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http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/

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MY 20 YEAR OLD MINI-VAN…

I was trying to ’squeeze’ 20 years out of my 1992.
(just to see if I could do it)
I’ve been nursing it along, not wanting to
put any REAL money into the car…
(the radio is worth more than the car)
I was having a disc brake problem…
one of the front calipers was sticking.
From a stop, the car would not move forward
until I gave-it-a-little-gas which made the caliper let go
and I could proceed.  It kinda got worse to the point
where you could feel an increasing lack of ’smoothness’
while driving.  I’m only using it for back-&-forth to work,
and short trips to family visits.
I had to drive my wife to Newark Airport
(3 weeks in the UK)
and the ride was a bit shakey (scary) !
I decided to take it in for the repair…

Seems that nearly a year of driving that way
might have caused a bit more damage…
they had a helluva time dis-assembling
(it was kinda welded from the heat)
COST ME $300 !!!
(2 discs, 1 caliper, 1 brake hose, lots of labor)

ACTUALLY, THEY TOOK CARE OF ME,
THE $300 COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE !

THE GOOD NEWS ?

The car drives like a dream !
Smooth as can be & the brake pedal is high & hard !

IT’S AMAZING HOW WELL THE DRIVE IS !

I might keep this one for 25 years the way it feels !!!

BY THE WAY…

I’m having to call this ‘extravagant repair’
my FATHERS DAY gift… (and a good one) !

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ONE OTHER ISSUE ?

I’m leaking (not burning) oil…
(just a tiny bit from a seal)
I put in half-a-quart every 4-6 weeks…
(keeps the slight valve tap quiet)

Today I put the half-quart in…
and try to put the 710 cap back on.
(710? the old joke, look at it upside down)
It won’t tighten.. upon inspection,
the screw-head & washer pushed their way thru
the 19 year old plastic, and the metal part
that tightens fell off into the oil hole !
Luckily, I was able to use needle-nose pliers
to remove the metal part…
BUT THE CAP WAS SHOT !
I got to an auto-parts store
and for 10 bucks got a replacement…
I’M HOPING IT HOLDS UP (and on) !

I went from a large, easy to grab, plastic covered plug,
to a thin, shiny, flimsy, bottle-cap type replacement.
(I didn’t have much of an option, kinda needed it fast)

(the ‘bottle-cap’ heats up as much as the engine)

I’VE HEARD OF LOSING,
OR MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY BREAKING AN OIL CAP,

BUT WEARING ONE OUT ?

IT MUST BE A FIRST !

SOME REAL STUPID SHIT HAPPENS TO YOUR CAR
IF YOU KEEP IT AROUND FOR A FEW DECADES !
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MY NEXT CAR ISSUE ?

I’m wondering if the old oil cap
wasn’t keeping the pressure up as high as it can go
with a ‘new’ tightly fitting, non-pressure leaking cap,
and that very slight drip from the pan seal
starts squirting like a super-soaker gun !

WILL I SOON BE FINDING ALL
MY OIL ON THE GROUND ?

GEEZ !!! WITH MY LUCK ?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ?
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Flipping channels…

I came across the last 1/2 hour of

FIELD OF DREAMS

(right before Doc comes off the field to save the kid)

LIKE THE BIG PUSSY I AM..
I CRIED !

(I’m glad I was alone at the time)
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Years ago, I remember
stumbling on this wacky program
on a cable tv public access channel…
Seemed to be some un-talented jerk
who paid to put his ’singing’ on the air…

Lo & behold…

The other night I stumbled across him again !

WAS HE ACTUALL ON-AIR ALL THIS TIME ?

His name is STEVE AMES,

claims some big appearance credits,
and does his taping out of a local hotel in Springfield, NJ.
I can’t quite place his ’sound’…
but it’s probably 20th century.. but very early !
(like Lou Costello singing into a megaphone)

I was able to find limited information by googling…
but the following confirms that I wasn’t ‘tripping’ !

He is presently the host of his own cable-TV variety show
“the Steve Ames Show” on Comcast Cablevision Channel 26.
This free program is made possible by the David Hendlin Memorial Fund.
Steve Ames, accompanied on the piano by Edward Michaels,
will sing big band selections from Benny Goodman,
Artie Shaw, Harry James and more.

I”m sure HE’s having fun…
but you have to see this to believe it…
and it appears he doesn’t believe in youtube !
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fast food idea for the USA…

I’ve had this out-of-country,
and you can make it yourself here…
but I’ve never seen it advertised,
and it could be the next biggest thing…

CHIPS & GRAVY !!!

Occasionally, when the mood strikes…
I’ll get a large order of POTATO WEDGES from KFC.
(they are the best potato side-dish of them all)

ADDITIONALLY,

I’LL ASK FOR A SIDE OF GRAVY !
(the bastards charge for it, too much in fact)

OOH-LAH-LAH… GREAT COMBO
er… I mean ‘brilliant’ !!!

But even better if you have ‘thicker’ gravy…
the KFC gravy in the ‘fridge’ over-nite
and then micro-waved fits-the-bill nicely !

I KNOW… IT SOUNDS REALLY GOOD…
(except for the day old, microwave part)

GO AHEAD, TREAT YOURSELF !
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OLD STORY…

it came up when I was explaining to someone
how insane I can be…

About a decade ago,
I bought a zip drive (with 8 new disks) from Ebay.
VERY good price… disks a bonus !
The guy had 10 to sell, I got one.
Upon use, turns out the drive ‘ate’ and ruined disks.
The guy didn’t answer right away (was away he said)
but said he could send me another
when he got his hands on some more.

Luckily, I was backed up…

and I was able to re-do disks from back-ups.
The ruined disks were replaced for new from ZIP.
(7 of them, I used relatives addresses & spread them out)
The worth of the disks far out-weighed the loss of the drive.

HERE’S WHERE I GOT ‘FIRED-UP’…

He would send me another drive,
if I would send him $10 to ship it to me.
(sounded fair, he owed me nothing.. buyer beware)

I NEVER HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN !!!

Scamming me for that last $10 REALLY pissed me off.

So, thanks to the ease of cut-and-paste…
part of my daily computer stuff became…
SENDING HIM 10 or 20 EMAILS A DAY ASKING…

“WHERE IS MY ZIP DRIVE?”

I think I kept this up for a almost a year…
(told you I was insane)
Then I’d stop sending for weeks or months,
and then start sending again…

At Christmas I wrote…
” MERRY CHRISTMAS, WHERE IS MY STUFF ? ”

My plan was to make him think he was dealing
with a totally insane person who might show up
on his doorstep one day…
(nervous enough to have to look over his shoulder)

THEN… 2 (?)YEARS LATER
His email account closes… my emails returned !

GIVE UP ON HIM ?  NAH…

I google his ‘unique’ last name and town,
find 9 or 10 people with the same last name…
and send them ALL post cards
(with the first name of their probable relative)
saying…
” YOU’RE A THIEF… WHERE’S MY EBAY STUFF ? ”
(no return address of course)

THAT GOT IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM…
but I’d like to think that because of me
he was more honest in his dealings
after having dealt with (crazy) me !

I MUST HAVE HAD ALOT MORE TIME
ON MY HANDS IN THOSE DAYS…
(don’t have the time or energy to do it now)

remember…

I was fine with the transaction,
it was ’squeezing me’ for the last $10 that got me pissed…
the old…

FOOL ME ONCE, FOOL ME TWICE…
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THEM  THEM  THEM

DIGITAL CLOSEUPS

OF EVERY SPECIES OF ANT,

SOME SAMPLES

(right out of horror movies)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/12880498

RUN IT AS A SLIDESHOW

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REBECCA  BLACK

the singer of the so-called worst song & video ever?

FRIDAYS ?

(gotta ‘get down’ on fridays)

It occurred to me that she achieved
MASSIVE world-wide fame
for a song that most EVERYONE
says SUCKS big time !!!

ME, RIP Renfield ?

Crap or not,
I’d love to have that kind of fame !

MASSIVE FAME I DON’T HAVE !

BUT I GOT THE ‘SUCKY’ PART DOWN REAL GOOD !
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ARE THE POLICE AWARE OF THIS ?

This ’send in your old gold for cash’ racket
they advertise on tv….
(we’ll send an envelope & give you a ‘fair’ price)

CAN BE AN OUT-IN-THE-OPEN
CRIMINAL ENABLING OPERATION !!!

I don’t see where there is any way to see if you
came by your gold windfall legally !
Grab a few gold chains during a mugging,
twist them, break them, hit them with a hammer
until un-recognize-able and then mail the ‘crumbs’
to be exchanged for cash !

Granted, the company will be on their ‘honor’
to give you a ‘fair’ price…
but if you’re not ‘legal’ (or if you are)
you can be cheated and how would you know ?

AND IF THE GOLD WAS STOLEN ?

You’re not in a position to argue,
you’ll take what they give you in safety !

Plus, the company isn’t liable for stolen gold…
there’s probably fine print that says
“don’t send stolen gold”

AND THEY’RE PROBABLY SMART ENOUGH
TO WRITE A DISCLAIMER THAT CAN
STAND UP IN COURT !

IF UN-SCRUPULOUS PEOPLE (like all of them?)
RUN THE BUSINESS…

IT’S AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR
‘FENCING’ STOLEN GOODS !
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VITAMIN SHOPPING

The bargain priced GREEN TEA capsules
also contained HOODIA.

Since I have problems with caffeine & ginseng…
(they ‘wire’ me)
I asked the pharmacist what HOODIA was…
He said he had just looked it up for himself,
said that as with all supplements,
BE CAREFUL !
But I should be fine with the HOODIA
(it’s a very small amount according to the label)

ANYWAY…

I Wikipedia’d this HOODIA and wow…
if it works as advertised…
it could be a miracle drug or supplement !
Appetite suppressants don’t work for me…
I don’t eat because I’m hungry….
I eat because… I LIKE TO EAT !!!

But HOODIA was originally used by
the San Bushmen of South Africa,
it was used to suppress hunger & thirst
on week long hunting expeditions.
A molecule, ‘P57′, when released in the brain
gives a feeling of ‘fullness’

MICHELE OBAMA SHOULD ADD HOODIA
EXPLOITATION TO HER ANTI-OBESITY CAUSE !

THIS COULD BE HER ANSWER !

(probably takes massive doses to get the effect,
and that would never be okayed over here)
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I ALWAYS ADMIRE A WOMAN
WHO CAN KEEP HER EYE ON THE BALL !
(or anyplace near the ‘balls’)

EVEN WHEN EXPLORING THE
GREAT NATURAL WONDERS
OF THE USA…

THIS ONE CERTAINLY IS NO ‘POKER-FACE’ !!!



I ‘KNOW’ WOMEN…

I CAN READ THIS ONE LIKE A BOOK !

(she must like lollipops & ice cream cones)
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I’M GOING TO CALL IT QUITS…

time to enjoy the weather…

Somehow with all the devastating weather
we’ve been experiencing around the country
(say a prayer for the victims),
the weatherman screwed up around here
and gave us mid-summer type heat & sunshine
for the holiday, un-official beginning of summer
extended memorial day weekend…

I GUESS YOU HAVE TO ENJOY IT
WHILE YOU CAN…  IT MAY NOT LAST…

SO GET OUT THERE…

I’M ALREADY GONE !
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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