† RIP Renfield #603 – Easter Leftovers †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 603 – Easter Leftovers †

May 7, 2011

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OKAY… I KNOW IT’S MOTHERS DAY,

but I had a great ‘left-over’ banner from Easter !
(already marked for this year – 12 years of RIP)

So, although I should have used a Mothers Day Banner…

WHAT THE HECK… GIVE IT A REST
(for one year anyway)

okay… how’s this ?

(adapted from a re-run of Maude)

A guy returns from months over-seas…
He’s anxious to see his beloved cat
that his brother has been watching for him.
As soon as he walks in the door
his brother tells him that the cat is dead !

VERY upset, the first brother is annoyed
about HOW he was told !
” You should have ‘eased’ me into the bad news “

Like…

The cat went up on the roof & we couldn’t get him down.
The cat lost it’s footing, fell, and was injured.
We rushed it to the veterinarian
and the cat was given the best of treatment…
BUT ALAS, THE CAT DIED !!!

A few minutes pass in silence,
the grieving brother composes himself…
and asks…

” SO, HOW’S MOM ? “

the reply ?

” MOM WENT UP ON THE ROOF
AND WE COUDN’T GET HER DOWN…”

HAPPY  MOTHERS  DAY !!!
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R.I.P

poetry girl

Phoebe Snow, best known for the #5 1975 hit,
“Poetry  Man,” died from complications of a brain hemorrhage.
She was 58. (way too young)
Born Phoebe Laub she took her stage name from an
advertising character who  appeared for a Railroad.
(no cinder’s on THAT blond-haired, white dressed young lady)

Phoebe put her career on hold to take care of her
brain-damaged  daughter, Valerie,
who was born in 1975 and died in 2007.
(good people go directly to heaven for their deeds)

NOW THAT’S A MOM !!!



In 1975, Phoebe was nominated for
the Best New Artist Grammy award.

The ‘poetry girl’ also did some great covers…
(Beatles covers & also Harpo’s Blues..a good one)
She had a very distinct voice & ’sound’…

I got to see her only once…

she ‘opened’ for JACKSON BROWNE
at Princeton University in her ‘poetry man’ days.


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The day after the announcement of

THAT COCK-SUCKER BEING KILLED

(no, not an ex-husband… the head taliban cock-sucker),

I was talking to a Nigerian fellow
who was telling me about his country
and knowing how things work…

HE CLAIMED THAT (most likely) OSAMA
WAS STILL ALIVE, IT WAS FAKED,
AND HE WAS PAID OFF !

I couldn’t really dissuade him until I came up with this…

WE AGREED THAT OBAMA WANTED
A 2nd TERM AS PRESIDENT.
I said that if a photo of Osama turned up
holding a copy of the NY Post
with the front cover declaring him dead…
OBAMA MIGHT AS WELL RESIGN NOW !

THERE IS NO END-GAME
WHERE THERE IS ANY ADVANTAGE
FOR OUR LEADERS TO CLAIM HIM DEAD
WHILE HE’S PLANNING HIS NEXT MOVE !
It would be such a rally-ing point for evil…
IT WOULD BE LIKE DAMIEN HAVING LIVED !


ADDENDUM…

Creamating the body?
Good idea, no ‘holy’ grave to visit.
I just hope they don’t put his statue
REALLY close to ground zero !!!
(we may be asked to be ’sensitive’ again)

the only thing I would have done differently ?
I would have had the photos accidentally ‘leaked’
and then apologized for it,
instead of making it a no-win discussion
for the next 2 decades !
(UNLESS THE FACE SHOWS AN EXIT WOUND)
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My sister was complaining about a Mothers Day sermon
in Church where the (catholic) priest
lambasted people who were happy about the death
of an extremely dangerous & deadly man.
NO PLACE FOR IT ON THIS DAY !
Given the chance,
I would have asked his views on Hitler…
KILL HIM or LET HIM KILL MILLIONS MORE ?
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HEY… OSAMA WAS A GOOD END

TO A GOOD WEEKEND OFF !

I was off work Friday & Saturday… got alot done…
The wife is in the UK for 3 weeks…
weather was pleasant… just a nice, relaxing few days…

You know it’s a good weekend,
when even your NEW hair conditioner works as advertised !
(for thick, coarse hair that needs ‘fluffing’.. some volume)

DEAD OSAMA & GOOD HAIR DAYS !!!

What else could you ask for ?

MY HAIR’S NEVER BEEN SO SOFT & MANAGE-ABLE…
plus I don’t have that ‘pulled-back’ look from my pony-tail !
From the front, you’d almost think me ‘normal’ !!!

(ALMOST, BUT NOT QUITE)
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MY Lucky Day…

I wish I knew it while it was happening…
and it could have been a bit grander…
BUT, I’LLTAKE WHAT I CAN GET !!!

I won on 2 separate Pick6 lottery tickets…

$3 & $47

(3 numbers, 4 numbers… 5 of the 6 actually)

I don’t win much, but it comes in spurts…
SPURTS? NOT THAT LUCKY A DAY !

Later that day, I ordered a pizza for dinner
(wife is still in the UK)
and the owner refused my money… it was on him !
(wow… wonder if he has gay-dar?)
I get home and check my Mega-Millions Lottery ticket…
and I have the mega-ball & another number.. for $3 more !
(told the lotto girl that when my numbers come around,
they tend to ‘win’ 1 of 3 drawings for a few weeks)
BOUGHT MY MOTHER A STACK OF ‘SCRATCHIES’
FOR MOTHERS DAY JUST IN CASE MY LUCK HOLDS UP !

Then I check my email…

I ordered a 100 spindle of dvd-r’s from buy.com…
(good price, no tax, free shipping, get it in 2 days)
In handling, the spindle’s seal broke…
opened, but not really off the spindle…
I dropped them a note (not looking for anything)
so they’d pack or mark the box better for the next guy.
THEY THANKED ME AND CREDITED ME WITH $5
(I guess for being reasonable)

SO IT AIN’T MUCH,
BUT MONEY SEEMS TO WANT TO COME TO ME…
AND ALL AT ONCE…
BUT IT WOULD BE NICE TO GET A BIG SCORE
(instead of pennies)

C’MON BABY…

RENFIELD NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES !

Actually, I contacted New Balance…
there was a slight defect in the walking shoes I was using.
I sent them back… getting new ones on them !

I’M JUST A ‘LUCKY BOY’ THESE DAYS !!!
(LUCKY BOY -  A term in prison refering to a pedophile.)

HEY…

I’M NO ‘LUCKY BOY’ !!!

(and I’ve got a MOUNTAIN of losing lottery tickets to prove it)

PLUS I LIKE GIRLS, GROWN-UP ONES !!!
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I’ve got a great archive of sexy, or naked pics of women !
I had forgotten, but re-discovered them
when un-successfully looking for a naked MILF
taking a bath in the sink for my ’shampoo’ item…
(gotta be around here somewhere)

Some women just WON’T leave !

GREAT BRA !  WHY DO THEY MAKE OTHERS ?

Awww… practice makes perfect !
(hmmm.. ornella muti)

NAKED NOT ALWAYS NECESSARY TO BE SEXY ?
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IT GOT OUT OF HAND…
AND THIS WROTE ITSELF…

THINK: MANAGEMENT

IT’S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT STATES
(especially NJ)
ARE TOO STUPID TO ANTICIPATE THE BIG PICTURE !

And are surprised that eligible municipal employees…
from ditch-diggers to cops… are retiring in droves !!!

With all the talk about slashing benefits,
and eliminating municipal jobs…
everybody’s getting while the getting is good !
(and being grand-fathered in to the ‘old’ benefits)

THE WORST PART IS THE KNOWLEDGE
AND EXPERIENCE BEING LOST
IN THE MORE ‘RESPONSIBLE’ POSITIONS !
There will ALSO be a loss from the replacements
coming along the learning curve !

SEEMED LIKE SUCH A GOOD IDEA
TO ELIMINATE JOB AFTER JOB !
How did they only think of savings, not cost ?

and another thing ?

I HAVEN’T HEARD A WORD ABOUT
ELIMINATING THE MULTIPLE PENSIONS
AND LIFETIME MEDICAL BENEFITS
ELECTED-POLITICIANS ARE ENTITLED TO
FOR VERY LITTLE TIME IN OFFICE !

IT WOULD BE A GOOD PLACE TO START !
(feel our pain and all)

and ‘cost savings’ would have been easier to ’swallow’…
if the ‘decreases were instituted for ‘new’ employees,
with a sliding percentage lower for succeeding hires
spread over the next 10 or 15 years.
(instead of all at once)

THE PRESENT EMPLOYEES
WOULDN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT
THE PEOPLE AFTER THEM !
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I HEARD SOME SMARMY RADIO GUY
ON THE BIG NJ TALK CHANNEL TODAY…
(this guy is a ‘load’ even if you agree with him)

HE’S ALWAYS BEEN ANTI-UNION !
Slams unions and their ‘accomplishments’
every chance he gets… for years !

TODAY… He says that he’s met union members,
and has never met a one that wasn’t a nice person.
It’s not the people he has a problem with,
IT’S THE UNIONS !!!

WHAT A STUPID FUCK !!!

The union is the people!
I’m wondering if he met some great people
who were members of the Taliban ?
Great people… but he hates the Taliban?

EAT ME !

Seems to me that an argument could be made
that the rise of the unions,
led to the rise of the middle class,
and the decline of the unions,
is leading to the decline of the middle class !

HAS HE NO IDEA THAT LEFT TO THEIR OWN DEVICES
COMPANIES WOULD SCREW EMPLOYEES OVER
ANY CHANCE THEY GOT
IF IT MEANT EARNING A PENNY MORE ?
(and drag radio guy down with the rest of us)

(I’m sure there are exceptions, but not many)
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The whole management mind-set

is adversarial against the ’screw-up’ employees…

(and it’s usually always the employee, not them)

I walk in on an after-dinner conversation
between my brother and sister…
My sister is up in arms because she had her first
report-able on-the-job injury from a staffer.
The guy hurt his back lifting something relatively light.
Asked how old he was… she said he was young,
and worked there for 40 years !.. huh?
She conceded that he was probably 62,

BUT A YOUNG 62 !!!

He pulled something in his back
and didn’t report it until 2 days later…

SHE HAD NO SYMPATHY FOR HIS INJURY,
IT WAS HER ‘ON PAPER’ THAT WAS KILLING HER !
(someone dies? how does that make me look?)

IF THE GUY WAS HURT ONCE A MONTH,
OR A SCREW-UP, GO GET HIM…
OPEN YOUR MOUTH ONCE AND MANAGEMENT
IS ALL OVER YOU !!!

(it’s alot easier for an injury like that as you get older,
and alot longer for it to heal… brother with no connection
to the incident heard it, he decided that the guy must have
lifted by bending his back instead of his knees…
FUCK YOU… maybe he did everything right and got hurt !)

I started playing the devil’s advocate (I’m like that)
against the 2 of them (no chance to score a point).

Pulling something, especially a back thing,
might not show up for a day or so…

SHOULD HAVE BEEN REPORTED IMMEDIATELY ?

Maybe it didn’t seem like much at the time
and the guy decided to ‘tough-it-out’…
In my place (and that one probably)
you don’t report the small ones and get a rep
as accident, or injury prone, you save up for the big one !
(and hope it never comes)

THERE WAS TALK OF FIRING, OR SUSPENDING,
THIS POOR GUY WHO WASN’T MUCH TROUBLE
IN THE PREVIOUS 40 YEARS !
(he did get a letter of some sort in his file for it)

BROTHER & SIS WERE JUSTIFYING
PLAYING WITH SOME GUY’S LIVELIHOOD
FOR THE SAKE OF SOME MINOR INJURY !
(no wonder he tried to tough it out)

It was suggested that there are employees
that hurt themselves at home,
drag themselves to work, and an hour later
claim it happened on the job…

SO ?  IF SOMEONE WAS PUSHED TO THAT
IN ORDER TO STAY IN THEIR HOME OR OFF WELFARE…
(and can pull it off)
HOW CAN YOU PROVE OTHERWISE ?
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO PROVE OTHERWISE?
WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU ?

JUST TO SEE THE ‘MANAGEMENT’ MIND IN ACTION
WAS EXTREMELY DISTURBING !
(they, like politicians, think themselves un-touch-able)
There’s alot of effort aimed at catching the one employee
out of thousands, and making an example out of him !
(and all from the ‘desk-sitters’ who don’t do the actual work)

MY NEPHEW, THE SCHOOL-TEACHER, AND I,
JUST SHOOK OUR HEADS…

(they don’t ‘work-him-over’ to his face,
but they do it within ear-shot of him)
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SOMETHING NAKED FOR INTERMISSION

(think ‘tea-for-two- cha cha musical interlude)

THIS management I’ll pay attention to !!!


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A BUDDY OF MINE…

(ran my bachelor party, godfather to my daughter)

worked his way into a supervisory position…
(he used to be an ‘indian’, not a chief)
We’d go deep-sea fishing and talk alot…
One trip I was probably talking about management scum,
and to show he wasn’t like that told me this story…

HIS boss wanted to fire a new hire before his probationary
period ended.  He wanted to let-him-go first week of December.
BUT… my buddy… with his ‘heart-of-gold’ fought
to keep him there till the last day of his probationary period
so he could get a few more paychecks.

UNTIL I GAVE HIM A REALITY CHECK
(and called him a scum-bag)
HE THOUGHT HIMSELF A FRIGGIN’ PRINCE
AND VERY BIG HEARTED !

With no warning,

HE fired the guy 3 days before Christmas !!!

If it were me?

I’d have liked to know earlier in December.
It would definitely effect the amoung of money
I’d spend on gifts & holiday stuff !
(I might need rent money)

PLUS… THE HOLIDAYS ARE ALSO THE TIME
OF INCREASED SUICIDES !!!
(they just about handed the poor guy a rope)

IF HE HAD TO GO, HOW ABOUT ?

On, or about, December 1st, tell the guy
he’s not working out and is probably going to be let go.
We’ll keep you on till Xmas,
but you’d better start looking for something else.

SOMETHING, ANYTHING WOULD BE BETTER
THAN THE PRE-XMAS FIRING !

EFFIN’ MANAGEMENT !

(I wonder how they get the ‘heart’ out?)

NO WONDER THE COUNTRY IS GOING TO HELL,
IT’S NOT ABOUT PEOPLE ANYMORE…
Not elevating them anyway…
LET’S PUSH THE BASTARDS DOWN,
SO IT LOOKS LIKE WE’RE EVEN HIGHER !

MOTHER-EFFIN-BASTARDS !!!
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the hanging out with Renfield corner…

There’s this guy I work with…
nice guy… sports a very short, military haircut…
I’ve joked about him getting a lollipop
with that haircut in the past…

Well… he was just telling me about his old dentist.
Seems he ran into the dentist regularly
at a karaoke bar.. especially during the afternoon !
He told me it bothered him enough
that he switched to his wife’s dentist…

I SUGGESTED THAT HE SHOULD ALSO CONSIDER
SWITCHING TO HIS WIFE’S HAIR-CUTTER !!!

Hey.. what can I tell you ?

I COULDN’T STOP MYSELF !!!
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BULLY-ING vs BALL-BUSTING

The line has been blurred !!!

Ball-busting is something between friends or competitors !
Bully-ing (to me) is more of a physical thing,
OR, continuous, horribly hurtful comments
used to ‘break’ someone or make them totally miserable
24 hours a day, 7 days a week !
(we’re talking a level or 2 below criminal act here)

Supposedly, the rumor of how EMMA WATSON
was bullied at BROWN UNIVERSITY…
was (a totally joking, ball-busting) line
said when she answered correctly in class…

The rumor that a student had once exclaimed
“10 points for Gryffindor”

Now that’s FUNNY !

I laughed when I read it,
and if it had happened?

I COULD SEE HER LAUGHING TOO !
(unless she’s a humor-less prima donna, then “F” her)

IN MY DAY, THAT WAS CALLED BALL-BUSTING…
and there were 2 varieties of ball-busting…

There was

GCBB
(good clean ball busting)

and

BBBB
(below the belt ball busting)

THE GRYFFINDOR LINE WAS DEFINITELY ‘GCBB’ !

Additionally, there is no constitutional guarantee
that you won’t have your feelings hurt.
HURT FEELINGS don’t equal BULLYING
It kinda makes REAL bullying less urgent !!!

LEAVE THAT YOUNG BOY ALONE !!!



She just stayed ‘baby-faced’ !
Walking down the street with a date her age ?
People probably think it’s her dad !
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DID I MENTION LUCK ?

ON MY PICK 6 LOTTERY TICKETS ?

I had 3 tickets, won on 2 of them…
($3, $47… hey.. it’s something FINALLY!)

BUT COMBINED ON THOSE 2 TICKETS ?

I had 5 of 6 numbers…

it would have been worth $2000 if the 5 were on one.
(but I would have cried over missing the 6th for millions)

I’D RATHER MISS BY A MILE !!!
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The latest Doctor Who 2-parter
used watching (on tv) the first step on the moon
as a pivotal point of the story…

(some crazy number of people saw the landing… half a billion?)

(reminiscent of Edvard Munch?)

((they make ‘the scream’ into ‘the silence’.. clever))


It reminded me how I didn’t see the moon landing live !
I was a young kid vacationing at the shore in Wildwood, NJ.
(not that we had a tv there anyway)
I can remember late nite, walking home
from the boardwalk and hearing the sound
from a tv from someone’s open window…

FOR SOME REASON IT DIDN’T AWE ME !

(maybe it was because I was THAT young)

but, in THOSE days?

A too young kid out for the night wasn’t crazy !

So Doctor Who couldn’t count on me
to help save the day !

ADDENDUM…

The ’silence’ was a bit too similar to the ‘weeping angels’,
really good episode… but they could have let the ‘angels’
be forgotten for a bit before they introduced the ’silence’.
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I LET THE ISSUE STAND…

(lucky day and all)

BUT MY LUCK RAN OUT !

When does the sewer drain clog
and fill your basement with water ?

ON A SATURDAY NIGHT
right after you do a load of wash
and there’s plenty of water to fill your basement !

I had things to do… (made a list & schedule)
and with Mothers Day my time was limited anyway…
Now I’m ‘entertaining’ the plumbers for a few hours
until they hopefully & easily ’snake-the-drain’ to the street.
(by the way, it’s NEVER easy for me, nothing is)

Could be worse…

I’m not doing the ’snaking’ !!!
I only had to move a few hundred pounds of junk
to make the drain cap accessible,
un-pack wet cardboard boxes and throw them out,
and then ’sweep’ the water I was sloshing around in
into the hole in the cellar floor where the ’snake hole’ is.

GONNA BE DAMP (and smelly) DOWN THERE FOR AWHILE !
BUT HOPEFULLY, I’LL BE ABLE TO SHOWER TOMORROW…
The basement will be damp & smelly too !!!

AND WHEN IT DRIES UP ?

I’LL HAVE TO PUT EVERYTHING BACK !!!
(and where will I find the time?)

ARGHHH !!!

I’m kinda annoyed… and since I don’t drink…

I’M GOING TO SLEEP !

GOOD (effin’) NIGHT
(happy mothers day)
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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