† RIP Renfield #602 – CINCO de MAYO †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 602 – CINCO de MAYO †

April 30th, 2011

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HOLA !!!

I don’t know what happened !

I had all the time in the world to get this issue done early
(and a start on a very ‘tight’ next week),
and I ‘wasted’ my time cutting the grass,
running some errands,
recording & copying some dvd’s,
and straightening out the house,
while my wife is away for 3 weeks in England.

So, in true SOUTH-of-the-BORDER tradition,
I needed my friggin’ siesta…
just too bleary eyed to get RIP done…

WELL… it’s back to work after a couple days off,
so I might as well give it the old…

‘CISCO KID’ TRY !!!

oh CEES-CO, oh RENFIELD !
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R.I.P

Senor Wences



WENCESLAO MORENO

was a Spanish ventriloquist better known as SENOR WENCES.
His popularity grew from frequent appearances
on the ED SULLIVAN SHOW in the 50’s and 60’s.

Wences was known for his speed, skill,
and grace as a ventriloquist.
His stable of characters included Johnny,
a childlike face drawn on Wences’ hand.

Wences usually built to a big finish
that combined ventriloquism with juggling & plate spinning.
(as seen in the youtube videos)

One of Wences’s trademark bits of shtick (often copied)

involves his dialogue with a low voice emanating from inside a box.
At the opening of the dialogue he would shout,
“Hello in the box!” At the conclusion of the dialogue,
he would open the lid of the box and ask
“S’awright?” (”It’s all right?”)
and the box voice would answer “S’awriiight!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJiYZ6QIAtY
HIS ACT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfgj0YtVfdg&feature=related
DEE-FEE-CULT FOR YOU, EASY FOR ME… song with pic tribute

READ THE YOUTUBE COMMENTS,
EVERYONE LOVED SENOR WENCES !

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you get lemons?

MAKE LEMONADE !

Looking for ANY good that came from
the Chernobyl-type crisis in Japan,
at least the solution to one of the world’s problem
has been achieved !!!

DISPOSAL OF NUCLEAR WASTE !!!

Who knew that ‘flushing it’ into the ocean
was such a safe proposition !
From what I’ve been see-ing & reading,
the ‘experts’ seem to agree that ocean dumping
of nuclear waste, even into world currents,
dillute the danger into nothingness !

WOW… AND I WAS WORRIED !!!
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one more worry ?

I heard on the tv news that some NY state college
was facing some criticism…

SEEMS THEY WANT TO CHARGE
ILLEGAL ALIEN STUDENTS
OUT OF STATE, NON-RESIDENT, TUITION !
(in-state tuition is one-third non-resident tuition)

SEEMS A NO BRAINER TO ME !!!

Totally fair.. especially to the LEGAL non-residents
who have to pay full-freight !
AND HOW DARE SOMEONE
TRY TO DEFEND ‘THEIR’ RIGHTS,
OR WORRY ABOUT FAIRNESS TO THEM !
Even ‘legals’ know life, even here, isn’t always fair !

I would like to take it a step farther
and admit ILLEGAL ALIEN STUDENTS
ONLY after the admission of ALL qualified
applicants in the country legally !
Whatever spaces are left over can be used
to place from a 2nd list of ILLEGAL  applicants
whose test scores may actually be higher
than the bottom of the LEGAL list.
(bottom but still college eligible)

IT’S ONE THING TO TALK MONEY,
IT’S ANOTHER TO TAKE UP LIMITED SPACE IN A COLLEGE !
EXTRA, UN-USED SPACE ?
BE MY GUEST (but pay full-freight) !

one final thing ?

THERE SHOULD BE NO SUCH THING
AS SCHOLARSHIPS FOR ILLEGALS !

There should at least be SOME advantage
to being in the country legally !

Their good fortune shouldn’t come at the expense
of depriving our own…

FEED OFF THE ‘FAT’, NOT THE ‘MEAT’ !!!

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ADVANTAGE TO GOING GREEN ?

New opportunities to tax !!!

Seems some legislators out west have concluded
that since GAS TAXES help pay for a large portion
of roadway maintencance & infrastructure,
YOU and your electric car, or hybrid,
should be paying your ‘fair’ share !

A ‘NO BRAINER’ FOR THE TAXMAN !!!

Yearly fees, or tax based on your actual miles on the road,
have already been proposed,
and, in some cases, enacted !!!

(you’d think they’d wait for a bigger base to tax)

SO, YOU’RE GREENER (maybe)…
but any cost savings are going to become negligible !
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another ‘NO BRAINER’ ?

TERRORISTS  NEED  NOT  APPLY  !

(they’re the bad guys, why should they?)

As part of the recently passed bill to pay for treatment
of victims of ‘ground zero’ ailments from 911,
a codocil was included that requires
applicants be checked against ‘terror watch lists’
as a precursor to receiving benefits.

There seems to be some resentment by some of the ‘victims’.
Some calling it ‘making them victims a 2nd time’ !

LOTS OF WHINING ABOUT IT !

As usual, I DON’T GET IT !!!

I don’t believe the ‘check’ requires a rubber-hose interrogation,
or a full body, or cavity, search…
Some flunky computer technician will take 2 seconds
to cross-reference, and some computer will spit out the results…

If you’re on the list in error,

appeal it & fix it !

COULD YOU IMAGINE THE OUTRAGE
IF SOMEONE ON THE TERROR LIST,
OR AN ACTUAL TERRORIST WAS FOUND
TO HAVE ACTUALLY CASHED IN ON THIS BENEFIT ?

THERE WOULD BE RIOTING IN THE STREETS !
(but only if Bush was blamed)

THE ‘VICTIMS’ SHOULD BE THE FIRST ONES
DEMANDING THE CHECK !!!
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WOW…

Some of the old (very old) tv shows
are good for surprises as well as entertainment…
(amazing how many episodes you remember from decades ago)

On a FATHER KNOWS BEST episode,
college-aged Betty brings home an exchange student…
a very pretty, traditional girl from India…
She wants the american experience,
but shares her culture (and dress) with the Andersons.

Okay.. nice episode, nice ending…
then the credits…
The Indian teen-ager was played by RITA MORENO !!!
Played perfectly I might add…
I had no idea it was Rita & no idea the girl wasn’t Indian !

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ooh-ooh (as Horsack might say)…

On another episode… the youngest daughter, Kathy,
needed someone to help her ‘champoo’ her hair…
So she was bent over the bathroom sink,
washed and rinsed with a large measuring cup with water.

IT GOT ME WONDERING…

DO PEOPLE STILL WASH THEIR HAIR AT THE SINK ?
Seems very messy to me with alot of clean-up.

WHY NOT JUST JUMP IN THE SHOWER ?
You can wash you hair easily, skip the rest if you like.

SHOWERS CAN BE FUN, BRING A FRIEND !!!

BUT PERSONALLY ?

If my hair is dirty enough to need washing,
I probably ’stink’ in other places too !
I’ve taken a washcloth to the ‘under-carriage’ & armpits
on occasion, but left my hair un-touched !
Also, I’ve shaved (my face) in the shower for as long
as I can remember… the mess goes down the drain,

NO CLEAN-UP !
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I asked a few women…

One told me that sometimes if you’re ‘going out’…
it’s easier to JUST wash your hair in that manner.

GEEZ… Even if SHE gets ‘lucky’,
her date ain’t so lucky !

(I’d scrub myself raw before I had someone
spreading the word that I stink (or tasted horrible),
underarms bad enough, but especially in private areas)

Somewhere in my younger days…
I can remember sticking my head in the shower stream,
to get it wet, towel dry, and blow dry…
(remember when EVERYONE had a hair dryer?)
but only from messy hair having showered earlier.

MY CONCLUSION ?

BIG SINK  for  SHORT PEOPLE, SMALL HEADS ?
or
The practice of ’sink shampoo-ing’ was done in the day
when people could get away with bathing once-a-week,
as long as their hair wasn’t a mess…
(messy guy’s hair? they used to ‘grease’ hair, no ‘visible’ mess)
and since getting your date out of their clothes
wasn’t a ‘done-deal’ on a date,
underarms & farts were the only body odors to worry about !

ALSO…

With the ‘expense’ of water, it was money saving
to ONLY wash your hair !
Yep… less water… save that 8 cents !
(that could add up to almost $3 a year)

IS THERE ANY WAY YOUR HAIR
COULD BE DIRTIER THAN THE REST
OF YOUR ‘SECRETING’ BODY ?

JUST JUMP IN THE FRIGGIN’ TUB !!!

as they say on the Twilight Zone…

ROOM FOR ONE MORE !
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STEVE MARTIN & JIM NORTON

I was educated to the chapter Norton dedicated to Steve’s career.
Seems Norton’s BIG problem with Steve
is that although pre-1987 SNL Steve was fine,
Steve has done nothing but shit since,
special notice to the disastrous PINK PANTHER re-make.

Uh… Norton has no pop culture curiosity,
if it didn’t happen in his lifetime when he wasn’t stoned,
he has no clue.  This past week a radio replay had him
questioning CHRIS CARTER & the other X-files writer
as if they were MULDER & SCULLY !
How do you grow-up on planet earth & not have a clue?
It was the hottest show for a decade…
it was a woman and a man, not 2 men,
WHAT A MAROON !
(very un-educated overall, it shows)

Martin had a long, successful career.. and still works !
Where’s Eddie Murphy, Dice Clay, even Chris Rock ?
Hell, I guess you had to be there…
but I don’t ‘get’ the hero-worship of…
LENNY BRUCE & RICHARD PRYOR !
(although early Cosby always worked for me)
People, especially comedians burn-out !
For me, Steve’s best work was BEFORE — THE JERK !
and that was pre-1980, a time before Norton.
That he continues to find projects (not all gems)
says alot more for him than someone who fizzled out !
Even if you think his career is ‘winding down’…
HOW DO YOU DISCOUNT THE FIRST 15 YEARS ?

I’d like to see Norton be a top guy for a dozen years
before he speaks out about someone else…
Of course, he has to become a top guy first,
and who knows if that will ever happen ?
(I don’t think he can win me over)
I THINK YOU ONLY HEAR SOUR-GRAPES
FROM SOMEONE ON THE BOTTOM,
A PRETENDER, TEAR SOMEONE DOWN TO FEEL BIGGER !
PICKIN’ ON A 60+ YEAR OLD MAN,
HIS BEST WORK BEHIND HIM ?  DUH !
It’s kinda a tribute to Steve’s relevance !


Steve screwed up THE PINK PANTHER ?
I never really cared for Peter Sellers in the role either,
or Sellers in any role (except BEING THERE)…
(I think it’s the English thing)

There are plenty of actors & comedians I don’t care for…
(stephen wright comes to mind)
BUT I WOULDN’T SHIT ON SOMEONE’S SUCCESS !
I wouldn’t single one out from the pack
and make it a chapter in my book.
(unless someone make me their piss-boy project)

MY PERSONAL VIEW ON JIM NORTON ?

His HBO special was very good,
some of his Jay Leno stuff is good,
his short contributions to RED EYE are fine,
him on Opie & Anthony as 3rd mic for 4 hours a day?
He BLOWS !!!  Not worth 4 hours of him for 5 minutes
of decent entertainment… he’s not a consersationally
entertaining person… He’s loud, shouts over others,
and is a microphone hog with nothing to say !
He may amuse the hosts, but I’m more likely to shut him off !

Jim Norton’s conversational ability
is much less ’strained’ when he knows the subject…
the problem is…
HE DOESN’T KNOW IT VERY OFTEN !
(especially on a 4 hour show)
He barrels thru with BLUSTER
instead of talent or half-way informed, or funny, content.

PINK PANTHER was one of Steve’s unsuccessful projects?
Where’s your long list of achievement ?
PINK PANTHER was the friggin’ GODFATHER
compared to Norton’s LUCKY LOUIE !!!
What a piece of shit that was…
probably why they thought of him for the role !

but actually….

I WISH NORTON GREAT SUCCESS.
I SEE IT AS THE ONLY WAY
TO GET HIM OFF THE RADIO IN THE MORNING !
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IN THE NEWS….

Toddler shoots mom dead,

boy’s father tells Florida police !

I don’t mean to cast doubt on this guy’s story…
but I saw this same scenario on a tv crime show
a few months ago… (MAYBE DAD DID TOO?)
take kid too young to have enough language skill
to say what happened,
put gun in hand, aim, squeeze while you’re ‘TRYING’
to take the gun away… it goes off…

SOMEONE GETS AWAY WITH MURDER ?

Hmmmm… Suspicious !

(but, without a confession, he’ll probably get away with it)
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TORNADO ZONE ?

It’s time for US to help our own…

and we’re sure to be criticized
for NOT helping as much around the world !
(as those donations are diverted)
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AS LONG AS I’M

DIPPING INTO THE YOUTUBES…

for CINCO de MAYO…
I present for your entertainment…

MEL BLANC & JACK BENNY
in a classic routine…

“SI ?”



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9s8U0O0XPE

OH WHAT THE HELL…

How about a little JOSE JIMENEZ
while I’m at it !!!

Dana had an amazing transformation
into a ‘mexican-gomer-pyle’…
A real ‘physical-ness’ to being the character…
HIS FACE CHANGES, AS WELL AS THE LOOK IN HIS EYES !
(like Chris Lloyd or Andy Kaufman on TAXI)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1MOLzFpqrU
early santa instructor bit…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4vDcx2V0PA&NR=1
INTRO FROM … the Bill Dana Show

THESE WERE LESS-PC TIMES !
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FUCK SUPERMAN !

I don’t care how much they deny it,
and try to ply us with ‘logic’ as they spew it…

SUPERMAN GIVING UP HIS U.S. CITIZENSHIP
TO BECOME A CITIZEN OF THE WORLD…

STINKS !

Maybe he should join
a ‘certain’ religion while he’s at it !!!

Superman is a product of America
and the American Way !
There is NO reason his US citizenship
should get in the way of ‘helper’ to the world !

GET YOUR OWN ‘TALIBAN MAN’
or SUPER-BORIS !!!

Make your money overseas DC,
I’m swearing off the Man-of-Steel !

http://xfinity.comcast.net/articles/entertainment/20110428/US.Superman_s.Citizenship/
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SPEAKING OF ROYAL WEDDING COVERAGE…

(my final words on a much-less-than SUPERMAN)

AND

speaking of ‘growing-up-on-another-planet…
radio disappointment…

JIM NORTON

on the royal wedding day
was open-mouthed agape
when he found out for the FIRST TIME EVER,
that the song AMERICA
(that every AMERICAN school child learns)
was sung to the same melody as
GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
and that we in the USA ‘appropriated’ it,
with new lyrics, as our own !!!

HOW DO YOU LIVE IN THIS COUNTRY
FOR 30 or 40 YEARS,
SPREADING YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCES,
AND BE SHOCKED TO HEAR SOMETHING
THAT MOST EVERY SCHOOL CHILD PROBABLY KNOWS ?
(if just from watching MONTY PYTHON)

NORTON WAS IN UTTER AMAZEMENT !
(when Anthony Cumia sang the UK lyrics)

GEEZ !!!

(he’s amazed alot)
TALK ABOUT ‘DEALING’ FROM A TINY DATA BASE !
(must have been raised like a veal)

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http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/

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WHEW…

this issue was pretty painless…
for me anyway…

You ?  A little suffering is good for you !

AND I THINK I’M DONE WITH JIM NORTON.

I REALLY HAD TO GET THAT OUT OF MY SYSTEM !

Really… how dare he ?

Of all the lousy comics he could have picked to shit-on,
there are better choices… (like Robin Williams?)
(OR DO YOUR FRIENDS GET A PASS ?)
but you should really be farther up the chain
to throw rocks at people on top…
Me? I feel very secure DROPPING rocks on those below me…
like Jim Norton ! (below me?  I DO mean blow-me !)

I have another rant saved up for next week…
this time from an after-dinner Easter conversation
among siblngs about company management…

IT’S A GOOD ONE… BE THERE
(I was and it was strange dining with the ‘enemy’)

I THINK IT’S OKAY TO END THIS ISSUE…
WHAT DO YOU THINK ?

Is it alright?”

“S’aw-right!”

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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