† RIP Renfield #601 – NAKED EASTER !!! †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 601 – NAKED EASTER !!!  †

April 23, 2011

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Psst… It’ not really a NAKED EASTER ISSUE…

I just wanted to get your attention !!!
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Since I had the BIG, gala 600th ISSUE last week,

I put the easter decorations (banners) off a week…
So, instead of leading into EASTER,
I’ll be welcoming it, and leading it out at the same time !

(just go with it)

ahem…

I may have ‘accidentally’ written ANOTHER ‘entertaining’ issue…
(short & sweet… I’m busy, that’s why !)

ENJOY,  THEY AIN’T ALL GEMS !!!
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SORRY, I WENT BACK TO CHECK THE BOOBS
ON THE GIRL ON THE EASTER BANNER ABOVE…

okay… I’m back now…
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Will you please

R.I.P

already ?

Lenore

the Cute Little Dead Girl

(a comic series inspired by EDGAR ALLEN POE)

The comic tells of the adventured of the title character
and her odd friends. The stories take place in a small town
called NEVERMORE and the surrounding wilderness
that includes Lenor’s mansion & nearby graveyard.
The focus is ‘dark humor’ with ‘twist’ endings.
Common themes include the re-invention of pop culture icons
and cultural figures… Also, a spin on children’s songs,
rhymes, games making them something more macabre.

In one story, LENORE accidentally kills the

EASTER BUNNY !!!

While actions often result in death or injury
to those around her, and various forms of chaos,
Lenore isn’t necessarilly a malicious character.

REST-in-PEACE ?
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PRESIDENTIAL  SELECTION ?

I’m going to go out on a limb here
and suggest we try something DIFFERENT !

AFTER 12  YEARS OF BUSH & BUSH POLICIES,
I THINK IT’S TIME FOR A CHANGE !
I suggest replacing speeches with action !

STRONG CONVICTIONS ?

If the ‘tea party’ had gone after Bush,
and
if the anti-war protesters went after Obama…

YOU’D KNOW THAT BOTH OUTFITS

WEREN’T POLITICALLY AFFILIATED HACKS

AND FULL-OF-SHIT !
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I STILL DON’T GET IT !!!

If a guy in a dark suit puts on a RED neck-tie….

it ‘magically’ becomes a POWER TIE ?

IF IT HAS THESE SUPER-POWERS,
WHY WOULD YOU EVER WEAR A DIFFERENT ONE ?

I’D EVEN WEAR ONE TO BED & IN THE SHOWER
IF THERE WAS SOMETHING TO  IT !!!

If it’s to communicate your mood
to your adversaries & associates,
DOESN’T IT PUT YOU AT A DIS-ADVANTAGE ?
(you can’t take them by surprise, always you A-game)

” We surrender Mr. President,
now please take off the red-tie ! ”

” Look out Marge, he dropped the ray gun,
but he’s still wearing a red-tie ! “

WHAT IF EVERYONE IN THE ROOM
IS WEARING ONE ?
(Is it an anti-powerful woman thing?)

ACTUALLY, I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS
IF YOU’RE WEARING A ‘POWER-TURTLE-NECK’
AS LONG AS YOU’RE GETTING THE JOB DONE !
(less tie, more work)
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“Over the weekend in D.C.,
first lady Michelle Obama was at a homeless shelter
serving food to the homeless.
Isn’t that nice?
Reaching out to the middle class.”

- Jay Leno
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FROM

thedailygut.com

The Center for Science in the Public Interest,
a  group full of fuss-pots and nanny-pants,
has asked the government to ban artificial coloring.

According to the New York Times, the group claims
the dyes might worsen hyperactivity in some children.

Now the key to that sentence is “might,” and “some.”
Meaning you’d find more real science in an
episode of Blossom than in a CSPI press release.

A government advisory panel has stated that there’s no proof
dyes cause these issues, & even if there was a slight connection,
it would be inconsequential. Most of this is anecdotal stories -
the medical equivalent of urban legends.
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from

RENFIELD’S  GUT

Gutfeld has a common sense approach that I appreciate.
BUT the BIGGER picture for me ?

WE’RE WORRIED ABOUT FOOD COLORING IN THE USA…
(a non-issue in the scheme of things),
while there are bigger fish to fry !!!

For instance… RADIATION CONTAMINATION
and it’s effect on the WORLD ?

COME BACK WHEN THE FOOD COLORING
IS  CAUSING A RADIOACTIVE ECO-DISASTER !!!

SHOULDN’T THERE BE A PRIORITY
ESPECIALLY WITH THE ‘BAD’ ECONOMY ?

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WANT TO BE HYPNOTIZED ?

Just stare at the circles & concentrate…



I PRACTICE THIS TECH-NIQUE OFTEN…

The ONLY way to snap me out of my trance
is to SLAP MY FACE !

Luckily, this isn’t a problem…

(sometimes I don’t even make it to trance)
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trance yet ?
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DOING ‘IT’

and

DOING ‘IT’ RIGHT…

First, find a willing partner…

a secluded place to park…

then refer to the diagram…



IN A HURRY ?

I don’t recommend seat half-reclined,
woman on top, skirt hiked up,
facing toward back of the car sex.

She’s able to keep an eye out for the police,
but her on top makes it hard to see to steer.


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PLACE UNDER THE HEADING…

MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS !!!

A New Jersey woman was stabbed in the face
with a pen on a New York City subway train after
she tried to stop a man from lighting a cigarette.

addendum…

The visibly nutty guy who’s face she got into…
was arrested on felony charges… she’s fine.
I would have liked to see HER arrested
for the new catch-all… BULLYING !
SHE was the one looking for trouble…
SHE found it !
(the world don’t march to the beat of just one drum)

SHE HAD NO BUSINESS ENFORCING
A RULE, OR LAW, (FIND A COP),
perhaps she’ll look twice next time !
(with her ‘good’ eye)
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Somewhere ‘cigarette lady’ is being applauded…

I must ashamedly admit I found it humorous…

Okay, I confess, I only said that for shock value…

I’M NOT ASHAMED AT ALL !

In fact, I’ve tried to imagine the cocoon
she must have been raised in
to think that her intervention was the thing to do !

BUT…

YOU’RE SO BRAVE ?

TAKE THE CIGARETTE AWAY FROM
THIS YOUNG FELLOW !!!

or are you afraid he might…

RIP  YER  FACE  OFF  !!!

(common sense = mind your own business)
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GUILTY !!!

I was getting ready for work,
with a replay of an old Law & Order:SVU on tv…
and the cops knew that the guy they were ’sweating’
(a dad accused of raping his daughter)
WAS GUILTY OF THE ACCUSATION
because of the way he VERY STRONGLY denied it,
and professed his innocence !

INSINCERE !!!

Hmmm…. had the ‘accused’ played it cool
and not made much of a fuss,
or immediately asked for a lawyer…
THE COPS WOULD ‘KNOW’ HE WAS GUILTY !

INSINCERE !!!


AND IF THE ‘ACCUSED’ DECLARED TO THE COPS
THAT NO MATTER HOW HE PLAYED IT,
THE COPS WOULD THINK HE WAS GUILTY…

THE COPS WOULD KNOW THE SNEAKY BASTARD
WAS EXTRA GUILTY !!!

STILL INSINCERE !!!

How can you think of conspiracies in the heat
of being accused of raping an 11 year old ?

GUILTY !

THERE IS NO REACTION
THAT POLICE WON’T CONCLUDE
THAT YOU’RE THE GUILTY ONE
BY YOUR ACTIONS !!!


By the way…
On the show, the dad was innocent,
the victim of a manipulative psychologist !
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A BIG comedian type was asked to name
his top 5 stand-up comedians on a radio show…
When he named STEVE MARTIN,
Jim Norton (comedian-co-host, interviewer)
stopped him dead in his tracks…

NORTON WAS SHOCKED
AND ‘HINTED’ THAT MARTIN MORE OF A HACK
WHOSE STUFF DIDN’T HOLD UP !

(Steve made this ’shit’ funny)

I’ve found Norton lacking in the past
about music & comedy from before HIS time,
he really never explored, or experienced,
a lot of the history of things I lived thru or researched…
it sounded like he started with Martin with the song King Tut
(whose relics were making a NYC appearance at the time),
and as a ‘wild & crazy’ guy on SNL.
IF HE COULD YOUTUBE HIS ‘CRAZIER’ TONITE SHOW
APPEARANCES (pre-1980), HE’D HAVE MORE RESPECT !

STEVE MARTIN was HUGE as a stand-up !

I remember him from as early as 1971
being way out there and breaking ground
as basically a pompous ‘jerk’ making fun
of comedy and the world and making it intimate
enough to let the audience feel they were
in on the joke on everyone else !

THOSE TONITE SHOW APPEARANCES
WERE INSANE & TOTALLY MEMORABLE…
YOU HAD TO STAY UP LATE FOR THEM !

When he started his movie career,
then got popular with the masses
and became the darling of them…
he was still wacky, but adjusted accordingly.
(plus there’s always new comedians coming along)
Once the world got in on the joke,
he was still great, but made himself a bit more respectable,
and market-able to the entire country.
ENOUGH SO TO GET (really earn)
KENNEDY CENTER MARK TWAIN AWARD FOR COMEDY
(the dvd is a great retrospective)

COULDN’T FIND WHAT I WANTED BUT
this is his acceptance speech of the Mark Twain Award.
I’d love to have a copy (I screwed up).
A lot of his old video clips were shown.

ANYWAY, I LOVE THE PART IN THE AWARD SPEECH
WHERE HE READS THE TWAIN QUOTE…
(about 6 minutes in)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jxw73V_0h2Q

This one is Steve & Alec Baldwin opening at the OSCARS…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBZj7qIOAE8&NR=1

And finally, this is an old (old video too)
of Steve doing stand-up in an arena when that wasn’t done.
Too much banjo at the beginning,
but you can skip thru to baloon animals,
and the last 2 minutes of the clip is a classic
TONITE SHOW appearance (very short, but worth the watch)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4GRKNw19Jo

SPOILER ALERT

(if you plan to watch that last bit)

Steve pulls the old..’I'm a big star and have to leave’ routine..
then comes back crying, he has no where to go…
A real slap to ’stars’ who just HAD to leave…
It was a status symbol in those days if you were
too big too ‘couch’ and stay for the rest of the show.

THE PART THEY LEAVE OUT ?

Douche-chill, cringing stuff !!!
A very old VICTOR BORGE (was he ever young?)
comes out right after Martin, and at the end of his interview…

HAS TO LEAVE !
(cringe time)

BUT… Borge does the same thing…
and comes back crying with no where to go !
CLASSIC STUFF !

BORGE WAS A DAMN FUNNY GUY TOO…
and did it with a piano & classical music !

Then there was the time Steve & Chevy Chase
double-teamed PAT BOONE…
(I’m sure Pat never forgot)
And I believe that was the show where
guest host STEVE MARTIN had to leave (on-air)
supposedly to take a piss,
and Chevy took over the host seat while he was gone…

STEVE WAS MUCH MORE ‘WILD & CRAZY’
ON HIS WAY UP !
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CHICK  PIC…


(hey man, it’s easter, might be kids around)
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ISN’T THE INTERNET WONDERFUL ?

Don’t worry, it’s not a bother for ME !
Even though it defeats Isabel’s plans…

“It is not a bad idea
to get in the habit of writing down one’s thoughts.
It saves one having to bother anyone else with them.”
– Isabel Colegate

BY THE WAY…

DON’T FEEL SPECIAL !

I bother people all day, every day,
online, or in person !

the good news ?

I WON’T BE ‘BOTHERING’ YOU ANYMORE THIS WEEK…

happy easter, passover, or whatever…
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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