† RIP Renfield #600 – HEY, ISSUE 600 ! †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 600 – HEY, IT’S ISSUE 600 !!! †

April 16, 2011

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NO  RADIATION  THIS  WEEK !!!

The only thing that’s going to glow is

ME

Me and my 600th issue of RIP Renfield !!!
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For the EXTREMELY few un-educated readers I attract,

THE WORD OF THE DAY…
(as highlighted in the above banner)

is

FORBEARANCE

(good-natured tolerance of incompetence or delay)

So, like at PeeWee’s Playhouse…

everytime you hear the word.. FORBEARANCE.. today…

SCREAM !!!



AND ALSO CONGRATS TO ME…

ANOTHER MILESTONE  -  600 ISSUES !!!
and they said I  WOULDN’T  last…


oh wait…

I think they said that I SHOULDN’T last !!!
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In honor of the 600th ISSUE of

RIP Renfield…

I’m going to let you in on how I do it !

(always ‘lie’ on the couch, you can see up the doctor’s skirt)

and, for the occasion…
the RIP dead tribute goes to…

R.I.P



DON’T BOTHER TO RALLY !!!

TOO BAD… TOO LATE…
(but it gives me plenty to write about)

REST-in-PEACE

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BUT NOT HERE
at RIP Renfield
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AREN’T  WE  LUCKY ?

“The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is

inefficiency.

An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty.”
– Eugene McCarthy
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SOCIALIZED MEDICINE…

GREAT ?

Surgeons say patients in some parts of England
have spent months waiting in pain because of delayed operations
or new restrictions on who qualifies for treatment.
In several areas routine surgery was put on hold for months,
while in many others new thresholds for
hip and knee replacements have been introduced.

The moves are part of the NHS drive to find
£20bn efficiency savings by 2015.

Surgeons have described the delays faced by patients as

“devastating and cruel”.

BEST OF INTENTIONS…
but it all comes down to money !!!
(and you know the rich and titled aren’t ‘inconvenienced’)

WOULD IT END UP ANY DIFFERENT IN THE USA ?

by the way…
According to UK medical studies…
a vaccine for the nearly in-curable pancreatic cancer
is being tested right now with some promising results.

and

COLONOSCOPY?
It’s more of a money making opportunity for doctors,
than a help.  A very minute percentage of invasive testing
turns up any un-expected problems…
The ‘finger’ exam is recommended instead !
(is it REAL or economical to socialized medicine?)
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IN CASE ANYONE’S INTERESTED…
my sister is single and available…

AGAIN !!!

a FUN date…

but you’d better be a light sleeper…
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MUNICIPAL LAYOFFS…

You can trim, slice, or cut…
but why do they always want to fix it
on the back of the little guy instead of the chiefs ?



I read with amusement a featured newspaper article
written with a tone of outrage !
Seems in their ‘hurry’ to trim budgets
many towns forgot to take into consideration
accumulated earned vacation & sick leave
to which the employess are entitles upon dismissal !

OUR GOVERNOR HERE IN NEW JERSEY, CHRISTIE,
IS CHASING INCREASING NUMBERS INTO RETIREMENT !

So instead of saving money,
many mid-to-large sized towns & cities
have had to BORROW the money to pay them off,
leaving them not only with no savings, but a loss !
(and others just sucking it up with city funds)

I FOUND IT AMUSING BECAUSE THE ARTICLE
‘HINTED’ THAT THE FORMER EMPLOYEES
WERE SOMEHOW AT FAULT
AND CASHING IN ON A ‘SHADY’ GRAVY TRAIN !
Instead of contractual benefits
and sacrificing time away from their families !
(We’re talking more street sweepers than mayors here)

The only solution I see (besides servitude)
is to FORCE workers to take vacations
and USE their sick leave instead of piling it up !
I guarantee there’ll be a lot more sick people
towards the end of the year or end of a career !
(hey bastards.. ‘cap it’ or fire them if it piles up too high)

Sick leave?

Kinda funny that one…
In my place we earn sick leave,
but are subject to disciplinary action
if we actually use it more than rarely !
WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO ACCUMULATE IT !
(yes, you come to work sick & infect everyone)

IT’S A CONTRACT BENEFIT, BUT DON’T USE IT
FOR SICKNESS or DOCTOR VISITS ?

DUH !!!

BUT COMPLAIN AS UNFAIR WHEN THE DAY COMES
TO FINALLY BALANCE THE BOOKS !

THE BASTARDS !!!
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SOMETHING TO PONDER…
from www.thedailygut.com

DONE PONDERING ?

now ponder this…

…I dislike the anti-war movement because we, as humans,
are all anti-war.  It creates a false opposition:
that the rest of us are PRO-WAR.
But we’re not.  I’m pro military.

It’s the high speed rail with actual, awesome purpose.

More important, if the antiwar movement succeeds,
evil all over would increase,
because without threat of punishment,
the brutal will blossom.
And inevitably, America falls.


MAKES SENSE TO ME,

BUT WHAT DO I KNOW ?
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ALSO KINDA MAKES SENSE…

Idealism is what precedes experience,
cynicism is what follows.

- David T. Wolf
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BILLIE PIPER of Doctor Who fame…

has gone on to other things….
as you can see…

What happened to her ?

Young Rose was so cute…

anyway…

NEW SEASON OF DOCTOR WHO
BBC AMERICA
STARTING  APRIL 23
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SO I GET’S A UN-EXPECTED TEXT MESSAGE..

I don’t text often.. so little in fact,
I don’t pay ‘flat-fee’ for unlimited,
I pay the 20 cents per…
(could cost a dollar or 2 a month in a bad month)

THIS BETTER BE THE EXCEPTION…

I got a friggin’ spam text message !

Soon after a call to a 212 area code number,
I got a return text from a 212 source…

I open it… and it’s a ‘REPLY
and maybe win a hundred dollars’ !

THE BASTARDS !!!

Stay off my friggin’ cell phone !!!

I AIN’T INTERESTED !!!
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WOW

Dating sure has changed

since MY day…

BLUE  TAPE  ???

BY THE WAY…

I happened to ‘accidentally’ start watching
the CRAIG’S LIST KILLER movie
on the LIFETIME NETWORK…

I was surprised at what an entertaining treatment
they gave the story…
Maybe because his fiance was really cute…
(lots of ‘awws’ about him & the wedding plans
from her and her hot best girlfriend… a bit dopey that)
and the attacks were quick and then back to the story.

THEY KEPT IT MOVING AND INTERESTING.
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alien  abduction, ME ?

I had a dream last night,
what a lovely dream it was…

My dreams, even when not remembered,
or entered in my dream book,
usually have pretty good content…
(neutral to good stuff mostly)
Only occasionally needing to get up,
walk around, eat, watch tv, to get the cobwebs
of a less than good dream out !

SEEMS THE BEST PART OF MY ‘LIFE’
HAPPENS WHEN I’M ASLEEP !

BACK TO THE ALIENS…

I can now easily see how normally ‘confused’ people
could think alien abduction is real
or can become a ‘recovered’ memory later on.
(I mean people MORE ‘confused’ than me)

an early morning dream…

I found myself at the door to a big, white, suburban house.
A small contingent.. mom, dad, & whomever
(with my ex-girlfriend(?), not known to me awake, behind)
were there telling me that the young lady in the house
wasn’t interested in me and that I should go away.
A friendly aunt(?) was last at the door and I explained
that I would be no trouble, wouldn’t bother or stalk,
but if my previous ‘girlfriend’ ever wanted to see me,
I’d be very glad to have her back in my life.

I leave, I walk around the corner, another big white house
is at the end of the street, behind me, as I’m walking
down THAT street.  It’s a dark sky, nite?, not really…
All of a sudden I see above me… maybe 50 feet about housetops…
a block long, rectangular spacecraft(?), dark, not smooth,
lumpy with instruments, slowly,  silently, lumbering past me
in the direction of the white house behind me…
As it starts to pass over & past the house…
I look up in awe.. wondering if it’s AIR FORCE,
NASA, other military… and realizing it’s not !
I turn and walk towards it looking up, and as I reach the back end
of the craft… I’m caught in some sort of paralyzing beam
that is lifting me upwards to the ship,
with me, arms outward, wondering and calling out loud

” IS THIS IT ?  IS THIS REAL ? “

AND THEN I WAKE UP… from shock? fear?

AND WRITE A FEW DETAILS TO REMIND ME LATER
(so I can recreate the scene later when very awake)

AS FAR AS ‘CONFUSED’ PEOPLE ?

Had it been a regular dream, one that is not remembered,
and the images came back to me later…
perhaps I might think I WAS really abducted !
(who’s to say I wasn’t, & this dream is recurring?)
IN HYPNOSIS, I COULD RECALL THIS IN GREATER DETAIL !

It might be from watching X-Files & Space Cowboys
in the few days before the dream…

WHO’S TO SAY ?

addendum…
In the morning, I woke with a back pain
that I didn’t have the day before
that bothered me all the next day
(damn tractor beam ! they should have checked the weight limit)
and
There was blood in my snot when I blew my nose !
(from the medical experiments?)
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I KNOW YOU READERS LOVE ME…

BUT

THIS IS RIDICULOUS…

(even by MY lack of standards)

BUT THANK YOU ANYWAY TO MY FAN !


(even I wouldn’t get that tattoo)

BUT I WILL GIVE A RIP RENFIELD T-SHIRT
TO THE FIRST 10 PEOPLE TO GET THAT TATTOO.
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I received an email

warning me that a company in China
is planning to use  www.RIPRenfield.cn
(or variations thereof)
and that I should contact them to preserve
my exclusive use of the ‘main part’ of the domain name.

I say… GO FOR IT MY CHINESE FRIENDS !

There’s not enough RIP RENFIELDS in the world !
(or are they friends of the prince from Africa?)
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Just thought I’d throw that in before I sign-off

and start working on my next 600 issues !

There’s alot of behind the scenes corporation stuff
like the above email that I have to deal (delete) with !
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ANYWAY…

I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS ISSUE
I TRIED SOMETHING DIFFERENT

I TRIED TO ENTERTAIN THE READERS !

A bit unorthodox, but I figured what-the-hell,
it’s a special (600) occasion !!!
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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