† RIP Renfield #599 – SPRUNG BREAK †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 599 – SPRUNG BREAK †

April 9, 2011

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SCROLL DOWN AT YOUR OWN RISK !!!
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KOWA-BUNGE DUDE !

HAVE A BEER !!

SHOW ME YER TITS !!!

LOOK, LESBO ACTION !!!

HEY DUDE,

YOU PUKED ON YOURSELF !!!!

YES, IT’S SPRING BREAK !!!!!

All’s good on the Renfield homefront,
the weather is ‘toying’ with spring in New Jersey,
I have a few days off this coming week…
not only will I be working on ISSUE 600,
I’ll be giving the lawn the first cut of the year !

WOW… AM I LUCKY OR WHAT ?

It would be perfect if only there’d be…

a beer, see-ing some tits, some lesbo action,
and a winning lottery ticket,
but you can leave the puking out !
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I’ll retract the R.I.P
if the missing girl turns up alive…
but enough time has passed to consider letting her…

R.I.P



Gone on Spring Break Without Mother’s Permission,
Then Gone Without a Trace ! (aug 2009)

Left from Rochester, NY, disappeared in Myrtle Beach, SC.
They claim she was 17, but I thought I remembered younger.

This poor, fearless, dopey, little girl
who grew up too quickly and thought she had it ALL figured out,
thought the world a safe place for little girls wandering solo.
(getting a lifetime, even a short one, of ass-kissing for your looks
will do that to you… (or so I’ve heard, I wouldn’t know),



EVEN WITH MAKE-UP SHE LOOKS LIKE A BABY,
JUST A LITTLE CHIC-LET…

And since she disappeared in August 2009,
it might be time to hope this Spring Break girl…

RESTS-in-PEACE

(THERE ARE WORSE THINGS)-
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SPRING BREAK..

GIRLS GONE WILD ?

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THEY’RE NOT THE ONLY ONES !!!
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MIDNITE, SATURDAY NITE…

BAR IN NEW ORLEANS

5 teens shot, 1 dead

THAT RIGHT THERE IS REASON ENOUGH
TO KEEP CHILDREN OUT OF BARS !

In the experiment in the 70’s,
the bars were full of hot-headed, drunken, teen a-holes !
The ones sneaking in were even YOUNGER than 18 !

DRINK AT 18 WITH A MILITARY I.D.

Any other jerk wait till 21 !
Bar owners should be fined, jailed, & sued
for flagrant violations of the age limit !

YOU NEVER HEAR OF UNDERAGE STARLETS
BEING TURNED AWAY FROM CLUBS,
where’s the ABC & the cops ?

WELL… I GUESS THERE’S REALLY
NO NEED TO BE ALL THAT STRICT !!!
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APRIL 18th and why are you running ?
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’cause it’s THE TAXMAN !!!

Let me tell you how it will be;
There’s one for you, nineteen for me.
‘Cause I’m the taxman,
Yeah, I’m the taxman.


SEEMS TO BE A LITTLE MEDIA COVERAGE
ABOUT ‘General Electric – GE’ NOT HAVING ANY TAX LIABILITY
EVEN THOUGH EARNING $14 BILLION LAST YEAR !
(in the red the previous year shouldn’t eliminate good year tax)

The RENFIELD TAX PLAN ?

ANY corporation in the BILLION DOLLAR CLUB
pays a minimum of 5% tax on their GROSS profits.
GROSS to take away the temptation of finagling costs
to reduce the net profit, that’s why my tax is as low as 5%,
it takes into consideration the difference between
GROSS & NET !!!
That way even if it’s NOT their fair share,
at least it’s something !
(I give them credit for finding loopholes, so I don’t leave any
and the previous year’s loss can be made up, but no more)


Should five per cent appear too small,
Be thankful I don’t take it all.
‘Cause I’m the taxman,
Yeah, I’m the taxman.

Understating profits?

GET CAUGHT AND THE FINE IS 50% TAX !
(it’ll give IRS employees something to do)
But why understate?
It’ll screw up your stock price !
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I’M GETTING READY

IN CASE THE RADIATION

MAKES IT OVER HERE !!!



The ‘tin-foil-hat’ will be as effective
as any other attempt at protection !

Uh.. In a news item, a Japanese medical spokesman
brought up the OTHER cesium, the 30 year half-life one
in the Japanese air… says there’s probably going to be
a lot of lung cancer there in the next 5, 10, 20 years !

SO MUCH FOR DON’T WORRY ! (be happy)
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RADIATION ?

Rest easy !

Former EPA Head CHRISTIE WHITMAN
has assured everyone that the levels
of radiation from Japan are safe to be around !

She said the radiation is as safe
as the air the first responders breathed
at GROUND ZERO immediately after the 911 attack !

SO TRUST GOV’T INFO…

SHE WAS CORRECT ON THAT ONE, WASN’T SHE ?

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/23/nyregion/ 23whitman.html?ref=christinetoddwhitman

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cutting to the chase…

RON BENNINGTON
(ron & fez)
has very clear ‘vision’…

When told that they will be banning smoking
in Florida prisons in 6 months…
Instead of the give-and-take between show hosts…
he ended any discussion of right-or-wrong by saying…

THEY CAN’T KEEP HEROIN & CELL PHONES
OUT OF PRISONS… HOW ARE THEY GOING
TO KEEP CIGARETTES OUT ?
They only create a new ‘black market’ !!!

HOW CAN YOU ARGUE WITH
A COMMON SENSE VIEW LIKE THAT ?
Perhaps an hour of discussion would get you to that point !
Ron skipped the ‘middle’ part !!!


ADDENDUM…

New York prisons are gearing up for probable riots !
Seems the prisoners are demanding
FIOS instead of CABLEVISION !!!
(and a choice of entres with the proper wine)
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WHAT’S EVERYONE LOOKING AT ?

OH…. THAT EXPLAINS IT !!!

I’ve got standards…

I’m NOT zooming-in any closer that this…


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GOV’T  SHUTDOWN

because having NO budget scares politicians ?

They’re scared the people will see the country

working better WITHOUT the ‘help’ of gov’t !!!
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A woman was telling me about her elderly mother…
“She has lots of ‘visitors’… a nurse for this,
a nurse for that… and then rehab…”

At which point I interupted…

” REHAB? OHHHH,

YOUR MOTHER’S A DRINKER,
THAT EXPLAINS A LOT ! “
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the Lisa Lampanelli (queen of mean)

hour on Comedy Central was pretty damn funny…

ONE JOKE EVEN SHE LAUGHED HER WAY THRU ?

Most women get plastic surgery
so they can look like ‘eye-candy’…

CHAZ BONO had plastic surgery
and came out looking like John Candy !

BON MOT !

If you ain’t gonna look like this, a woman,
why bother with sex change surgery?
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do they still call him a SHOCK JOCK ?
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I used to love HOWARD STERN
(when he was relevant & on-the-edge)

I stopped listening when he ‘lost it’…
and started believing his humorous opinion of himself,
probably around 1994 !
(he’s old now, like Imus was to him, enjoying his money)
Since I stopped listening for free…
no way I’d pay for satellite for HIM !
(ron & fez, opie & anthony.. YES, I pay)

Anyway… Howard’s name came up in conversation
and one of the other guys says he’s always hated Howard
and is looking forward to the day that

HOWARD WILL GET HIS !!!

I laughed.. GET HIS ?

Howard was a mulit-millionaire BEFORE
going to satellite radio…
where he signed for half-a-billion dollars for 5 years !
and just signed for another half billion !
He lives in a Manhattan penthouse.
He’s re-married to a much younger model
(horse faced, but he can’t see it),
and is driven to work in a chauffer-driven limo
that gets to his studio in a private elevator,
(for the car so he never has to get out),
works 4 days a week, with 12 weeks of vacation,
and has lost so much edge, that it’s chic for celebs
to be around him, and is a regular fixture at the Hamptons !

GET HIS WHAT ?

He could die tomorrow, get Alzheimers,
or be banished from satellite radio…

AND STILL HAVE WON THE ‘GAME’ !

If Howard’s gonna get his,

get me some of that too !!!

and some of ‘this’ !!!

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I was noting the similarity of the ‘caricature’
of what behavior is supposedly acceptable
during spring break festivities…

and an episode of the original STAR TREK

RETURN OF THE ARCHONS



For thousands of years, a philosopher (now computer),
brought his people under control
and almost entirely eliminated their ‘evils’.
The people were ‘absorbed’ into THE BODY
and more easily controlled by the omnicient LANDRU.



Probably recognizing the health danger
of suppressing ALL negatives & hostilities…
LANDRU had a little festival called

THE RED HOUR !

This is when the older, lesser-hormone-driven people
stayed indoors in safety,
while the younger people ran wild !!!

UNCONTROLLED EMOTIONS, ‘DRUNKEN-NESS’(?),
NAKEDNESS, VANDALISM, SEXUAL PROMISCUITY(rape?)…

and the next morning?
THE SMOKING WRECKAGE OF THE NIGHT BEFORE !
and a ’spent’ population nursing their ‘hangovers’…

SOUND FAMILIAR ?



Well that’s the way I remember Spring Break…
er, that Star Trek episode !
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WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE

WITH FAME & MONEY ?

SHERYL CROW

has ‘co-authored’ a cookbook
and is out plugging it…

She cured her cancer with ORGANIC food !!!
She’s recommending it to all…
It doesn’t cost all that much more to eat better.


Oh… she co-’authored’ this book
with her personal chef !
He’s been with her for years…
at home and on the road.
(He’s got a job for life)

I may be wrong, but the way I understood it,
he shops and buys the food,
he thinks of different recipes,
he cooks the food…

AND SHERLY’S CONTRIBUTION ?
I think she eats the food !

I’m not sure she knows where the kitchen is,
or has ever been in a market !
Hearing her speak,
I could only think of west-coast celebrity,
out-of-touch with everyday people, type of person !

AFTER she left…

Callers to the radio show pointed out that…
feeding a family of 4 and spending
$200 for groceries instead of $150
isn’t ONLY a little more… budgets are tight !

ANOTHER MENTIONED THAT…

Working 60 hours a week
and making 40 grand a year,
and NOT having a personal chef
make it a bit more difficult !!!

GOOD FOR SHERYL & HER CANCER…
BUT ADVERTISE THIS BOOK
WITH THE COUNTRY CLUB SET…

ADVERTISE WHERE REGULAR PEOPLE CAN HEAR YOU
ONLY MAKES YOU LOOK FOOLISH & SNOBBISH
FOR YOUR SERMON FROM THE MOUNT !
(I was kind, a twitter comment ended with the ‘C’ word)

THAT CHEF HIT THE LOTTERY WITH HER !!!
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time to say good-bye

to SPRING BREAK already ?

LIKE FROSTY THE SNOWMAN…

THEY’LL BE BACK AGAIN SOME DAY…
(and somehow they never get any older)

good-bye, good-bye
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(and somebody dig that fool out before the tide comes in)

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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