† RIP Renfield #597 – SPRING has SPRUNG †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 597 – SPRING has SPRUNG †

March 26, 2011

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SPRING, “I LOVE YOU”, IS FINALLY HERE !!!

This past winter was the most rugged I can remember.
Totally depressing & damaging to the psyche…
Now that spring is here we only have to worry about
flooding, war, and radiation contamination !

Hmmm.. Overall, I guess the winter wasn’t that bad !

Well, since Spring brings re-birth…
maybe things are about to turn around…

I’m just one BIG lottery win from being
handsome, charming, witty, & a ‘catch’ !
(did I mention ‘irresistible’?)

NO LOTTERY WIN ?

I’M A MESS !!!

Enjoy the weather,

amazingly, we’re still a month away from Easter !
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R.I.P

Fred Foy

Foy worked as an actor before landing the job
as the announcer and narrator on
“The Lone Ranger” radio show in 1948.

The show’s live lead-in introduced its masked cowboy hero
and his trusted horse with the line:
“A fiery horse with the speed of light, a cloud of dust and a hearty

‘Hi-Yo Silver!’ … The Lone Ranger!”

Foy’s dramatic introduction and narration,
performed in a powerful baritone,

“He pronounced words like no one else ever had -
‘SIL-ver,’ ‘hiss-TOR-ee.’

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Japanese Exports ?

I’m not sure what the limitations & ‘enforcement’ will be
by the time this goes to print…

BUT I SAID IT SO DAMN ELOQUENTLY…
(so go with it)
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Let me see if I got this right…

The USA imports ONLY 4% of it’s food from Japan.
(mostly seafood)

There will be extensive checks for radiation
BEFORE the food is allowed in the USA.

MY QUESTION IS ?

If we turn it away, does it go back to Japan?
(at their expense?)

WILL THE UN-ACCEPTABLE FOOD BE TRASHED
AND END UP IN OUR LANDFILLS ?
(able to get in the food chain & water tables)
or dumped in OUR off-shore waters ?

OR.. does it get sent to poor people or prisons,
or go to 3rd world countries a little more corrupt than us ?
Is the food radiation free?
or are ‘acceptable’ levels being introduced in the USA ?

IF THE PERCENTAGE IS DEEMED TOO HIGH…
will some ‘genius’ decide to DILLUTE the tainted food
with a large portion of radiation-free food
to being the percentages ARTIFICIALLY down for export ?

(those signs are SCARY for a reason)

PEOPLE ARE COCK-SUCKERS
WHERE MAKING MONEY IS CONCERNED,
I DON’T TRUST ANY OF THE BASTARDS
(theirs or ours)
TO DO THE RIGHT THING !!!

ONE FINAL POINT…

I’m hearing about shortages in Japan…
WE (and others) are sending aid…
HOW ABOUT STOPPING ALL EXPORTS OF FOOD,
AND USE THE ‘SUPPOSEDLY’ SAFE FOOD,
TO FEED THE HUNGRY IN THEIR OWN COUNTRY !!!

It seems ridiculously obscene to export ANYTHING
while Japan is in such dire straits just to survive !

FEED YOURSELF… WE CAN MANAGE
DURING THE CRISIS !

You can get the food to the hungry
much quicker than any outside source !
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CIGARETTE  TAXES…

3 states are looking to lowering cigarette taxes
because of the loss of revenue to nearby states !

Uh… ins’t the BIG reason for the taxes
for the health of the smokers.. AND THE CHILDREN ?
TO MAKE IT COSTLY ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU SLOW DOWN?
Since you’re not allowed to smoke in ever
increasing numbers of places…
WHY WOULD YOU LOOK TO INCREASE SALES ?

I guess it was a good idea
until the ‘money tap’ was turned down !

HEALTH or TAX REVENUE ?

GUESS WHO WINS ?

(damn hypocrites)
((and NO, I’m not willing to be taxed more to offset it))
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One of my credit cards expired
and they sent the new one…

FLASHY, VERY STYLISH !

THE VISA SLATE CARD



It looked so different, my wife had me call
to make sure we weren’t being lulled into
a similar card with more fees !

NOPE… ALL LEGIT

But you can see why the concern…
Much different color, vertical instead of horizontal…
and it may be because I’m from the stone-age…
but this card has a feature that’s a first for me…

If this logo is present at a cash register…
I NO LONGER HAVE TO SWIPE !!!
I just have to wave the card at the sensor
and the transaction is done !

TRES COOL,

but I don’t think I’ll take advantage of it.
This one is my ‘internet’ card.. ONLY internet purchases !
I have the number memorized and NEVER carry it with me.

BUT IT’S NICE TO KNOW
THEY’RE KEEPING UP WITH THE JETSONS !


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EYE OF THE BEHOLDER…

My mother has some very gaudy living room furniture.
MOM’S FANCY LIVING ROOM STUFF !
Right out of the 60’s… french provincial,
whitish with gold trim.. ornate…
deep pink crushed velvet cushions…
(and 50 year old plastic slip covers)
For all intents and purposes…
THE STUFF IS NEW !!! (barely sat on)

KINDA LIKE THIS, ONLY MORE SO…

My wife would do the ‘eye roll’
if you asked her opinion of it…
and, actually, it’s nothing I’d want for myself…

To my wife, it’s value-less, embarassing garbage…
But to me & my daughter (who’d love to have it one day),
we see it as retro-gold… something the right buyer
would pay plenty for… or rented for a tv show or movie set !


IT’S SO BAD, IT’S GOOD !!!

KITSCH COMES TO MIND !

ONE THING THOUGH…

I’m sure that my mother and her ‘good’ furniture
is the reason I swore I’d never own a piece of furniture
that would be ‘preserved’ and unused.
I only have furniture I can flop on anytime I want !
(I’ll buy a replacement if it wears out)
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NOW  BEHOLD  THIS !!!



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PEE WEE HERMAN on BROADWAY
(on HBO now)

First thing in a long time that I was looking forward to.
Pee Wee was showing his age, as were others.
(Miss Yvonne was a mess)

Basically, it was a re-tooling of the original
Pee Wee live show that started him off to the big time.
A little disappointing that it wasn’t original material.
It was more a nostalia trip for now grown-fans.
They combined aspects of his special & tv show.

Live? If you’re into it ?  You had a blast !
(include ‘word-of-the-day- participation)

As a tv special, a bit disappointing & sad.
If you got good seats, Pee Wee shows his age !
(from a distance on Broadway probably much better)
Cowboy Curtis took over for Captain Carl.
(Phil Hartman not around to play the part.. RIP)
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STILL WORTH SEE-ING

and great to see the reception Pee Wee got !
From top-of-the-world to disgrace,
to redemption, forgiveness, acceptance,
and love from his fans !
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HE’S THE LUCKIEST BOY IN THE WORLD…

“HE’S SO MUCH LUCKIER THAN YOUUU…”

and guess what boys & girls ?



I said.. ” GUESS WHAT ? ”

Pee Wee still wants to share his luck with you !

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FUCK, THE MOVIES !!!



If a film uses “one of the harsher sexually derived words” (such as fuck)
one to four times, it is routine today for the film to receive a PG-13 rating,
provided that the word is used as an expletive and not with a sexual meaning
(this was mentioned in Be Cool, when Chili Palmer
complains about the movie industry.). Both Back to School and Away from Her
contain four uses of “fuck” in non-sexual context. An example of a film that
might suggest this criterion is Waiting for Guffman, which contains mostly PG-13
content, yet is rated R (brief strong language) because a man auditioning for a role
uses fuck in a sexual context while quoting Raging Bull
(the only time it is spoken in the movie). Also, some films are rated R
but contain minimal use of the word,
such as Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, Run Lola Run, 88 Minutes,
and Frost/Nixon. Exceptions may be allowed,
“by a special vote of the ratings board” where the board feels
such an exception would better reflect the sensibilities of American parents.

IN OTHER WORDS

IT’S BULLSHIT & ARBITRARY !!!

BY THE WAY…

I came across the above information while trying to figure out the system.
I was watching a re-run of TOTAL RECALL for the um-teenth time
on a regular cable channel, and noticed that the first time the
computer recording of Arnold said ‘GET YOUR ASS TO MARS’
the tv station allowed the word ‘ass’ to be said.
BUT… when the bad guys happened upon the smashed computer,
the recording, badly edited, kept repeating…
‘ GET YOUR ..eh.. TO MARS ‘
It occurred to me that the one ‘ass’ was all they were allowed
on a basic (non-expletive) cable channel !

MY CONCLUSION ?

WHO THE HELL KNOWS !

WHO THE HELL CARES !
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PEPSI  EXPLOSION !!!



I could have been a YOUTUBE star !!!

I went into a Walgreen’s Pharmacy on a whim…
hadn’t been in this particular store in a decade.
(might have been in there once or twice in my life)

This day, I picked up the item I came for
and then noticed that Pepsi 2 liter bottles of soda
were on special…. 4 for $4 !!!
Always ready for a bargain for my drink of choice,
I clumsily gathered 4 bottles in my arms.
I got to the cash register and asked the one person
ahead of me if I could put them down
before I dropped one of them…
When I put the 3rd bottle down on the narrow ledge,

IT SLIPPED OFF AND CRASHED TO THE FLOOR !

Now… I’ve bought soda thousands of times…
I’ve even dropped a bottle or 2
and was able to retrieve them shaken, but intact.
(It just happened again… I worried for nothing)

THIS bottle must have hit the floor standing…
the cap came shooting off spraying ONLY me
and really drenching me from shoes to eyeglasses !
(no one else got hit and just a bit on the counter)

NOT DONE YET…

After drenching my front, the bottle falls on it’s side,
between my legs, and continues to spout a
carbonated geyser behind me !!!
There it hits the ‘wall’ around the other register
and the soda bounces back
and drenched my back side  (head to toe) !!!

THIS LITERALLY TOOK ONLY SECONDS !!!

I’m now standing there.. completely soaked !

APOLOGIZING MULTIPLE TIMES
WANTING TO HELP CLEAN IT UP
OFFERING TO PAY FOR THE FALLEN BOTTLE

TO THEIR CREDIT…

I was told the apology wasn’t necessary.
I was told a mop was on the way to clean it up.
I was told to get ANOTHER bottle instead of the disaster.

AND

THEY DIDN’T LAUGH OR CALL ME NAMES
TILL AFTER I LEFT THE STORE !


I WAS ‘RATTLED’ !!!

I NEVER had an experience like that before…
and it sucks !!!
I was SO rattled that when I went into
the convenience store across the street…
(still soaked)
they short-changed me a dollar
and I didn’t notice till I got home !
I pride myself on correct change,
even when they give too much…
(honest guy here)

END OF THE STORY ?

Even though I had just showered and done my wash
a few hours earlier…  I had to re-shower
and do another load of wash
with everything I had on…
from shoes to pants to shirt to jacket !

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to leave the house !

LIKE I SAID…

I COULDA BEEN A YOUTUBE STAR !!!

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one more thing…

SHAKE A 2-LITER BOTTLE REAL GOOD…
make a pinhole…
it’ll shoot over 10 feet for several minutes !

I FOUND OUT BY ACCIDENT ONCE !
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dreaming…

I must be dreaming…

I’m wondering what they put on the pizza,
or was it the shrimp parm sandwich ?
(the drugs?)

I had a great night’s sleep,
punctuated with several really cool dreams.

In the first
(that I remember, do I dream like this all the time?),
I was 2nd in line to get autograph’s from the BEATLES !
They were all there, although I only interacted with
George (for a second) and mostly John.
After John heard that my wife was English,
from the other side of Manchester from him,
and I joked that (my standard one to english people)

” I’VE BEEN TO MOSSLEY ! “

(hmm.. I usually say ASHTON-under-LYNE)

Well.. I was invited to sit… we talked… A LOT
and the hell with the rest of the autograph line !
He finally ended up on a tall chair…
(best description? like a lifeguard chair)
wearing a glowing white suit…

and I climbed the slats of the chair to him…
AND THAT’S WHEN I WOKE UP !
I was all smiles.. great dream !
(I’m still smiling)

A later dream had me in an action adventure-type situation.
Not only ‘the chase’ but it also involved time travel !
I wish I could remember more,
wherever (or whenever) I was was a blast !
AND IT ALSO INVOLVED TIME TRAVEL !!!
(fueled by some gold sharpie marker type things)

Oh, the cute red-haired girl with the cleavage,
sitting at a table in a formal square necked dress
was a nice distraction too !

IF I COULD DREAM LIKE THAT ON COMMAND,
I’D RACE TO GET ‘UNCONSCIOUS’ EVERY DAY !
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I finally saw the Donald Trump Roast
on comedy central…

A pretty damn good affair !
Plenty of irreverant humor & laughs…
BUT…
I’m going to defend ‘the Situation’
(from the Jersey Shore)
The guy got up to the microphone…
did alright for a beginner (at first)
there among the masters of the roast…
and then totally sucked… and did get boo-ed !

HOW CAN YOU BLAME HIM ?
I’m sure Snoop Dogg didn’t write his own material
and he ‘killed’… a highlight of the show !

If ‘the Sitch’ SUCKED…
I’m thinking that he was set-up to suck !
(a lot of humor aimed at him ‘worked’)

THE BLAME LIES WITH THE WRITERS !
No one on that stage could have done the material
all that much better.. it wasn’t the delivery !

IF YOU CAN HANDLE RIP Renfield,
you should be able to handle this roast…

TRY TO CATCH IT !!!
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WORST SONG ?

C’mon… Rebecca Black is a 13 year-old CHILD !
It may not be magic, but it didn’t originate in hell either !

The ‘filthy’ comments posted should be traced
and the idiots prosecuted for at least bully-ing !

ME? I’LL BE FAMOUS FOR BEING ‘BAD’

ANYTIME !!!

(look at RIP Renfield)

One criticism I’ve heard is that her
well-off parents indulged her,
and that seems to be enough for everyone
to jump on her case !

UH….

WHAT ABOUT DEBBIE GIBSON’S PARENTS ?
WHAT ABOUT WILL SMITH INDULGING
HIS LITTLE GIRL ?

Rebecca gets the last laugh…
all the way to the bank !!!
(cashing in off ‘i-tunes’)

40,000,000 hits – last time I looked !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

Oh… I’m not promoting her…

She’s nothing I’d be listening to or following…
She should have just been left to her own delusions
without the world getting on board.

ISN’T THERE TSUNAMI AFTERMATH TO WORRY ABOUT ?

THIS I PROMOTE !!!

INSERT PROMOTION HERE…

http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/
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TIME TO STOP READING

AND GO OUTSIDE

INTO THE FRESH AIR !

(take advantage of the low radiation levels while you can)

GETTING HARDER AND HARDER
TO PLAN A SUMMER VACATION TRIP…

Caribbean is oily, west coast is ‘question-able’,
as is the rest of the Pacific Rim…
a few wars here and there…
criminal & drug cartel actions in the usual places…
and floods EVERYWHERE (rebuilt yet?)

LOCALS JUST WAITING TO ‘WELCOME’ TOURISTS !

I think I’ll be spending my summer
the same way I’ll be spending my spring…
AT  HOME !!!
(at least my mood & writing is ‘lighter’)

Time to go

(and see if the lawn-mower starts)

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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