† RIP Renfield #596 – MARCH MADNESS †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 596 – MARCH MADNESS †

March 19, 2011

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MARCH  MADNESS ?

I got enough ‘madness’ to last me year round.
Since I’m not a ’sports guy’ or a gamblin’ guy…
(SPORTS GUY = GAMBLIN’ GUY)
and can’t even fake an interest in basketball…
the only basketball ‘march madness’ in RIP
will be the pretty pictures I scatter about…

BASKETBALL IS MY WORST SPORT !

I have occasionally watched most every sport
at one time or another… but basketball ?
Seems a silly game for grown men to play !

(it’s barely pass-able in gym class, but better than calisthenics)

I was invited to use corporate tickets
to sit nearly court side for a NJ Nets game once…
and I was totally bored…

if it wasn’t for the JERSEY GIRL CHEERLEADERS
the night would have been a complete waste !

These very ‘talented’ young ladies did their thing
and it was fine… and before you lost interest,
at a latter part of the game…

THE LITTLE SKIRTS CAME OFF
and the ‘routines’ were even more INTERESTING !!!

Hmmm… I remember the ‘girls’ clearly…

but couldn’t tell you who played that nite,
or the name of ANY player !
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R.I.P

Pete Maravich

Nickname: Pistol Pete



Born: 6/22/1947
Died: 1/5/1988
Age: 40
Cause of death: heart attack.

Full name: Peter Press Maravich
Nickname: Pistol Pete
Noted For: basketball player, NCAA superstar.
TEAMS: Atlanta Hawks, New Orleans Jazz, & Boston Celtics.
Elected to the basketball Hall of Fame (1987).

He is still the all-time leading NCAA Division I scorer with 3,667 points
scored and an average of 44.2 points per game.
Maravich died suddenly at age 40 during a pick-up game
as a consequence of a previously undetected congenital heart defect.
One of the youngest players ever inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame,
Maravich was cited by the Hall as
“perhaps the greatest creative offensive talent in history”.
In an April 2010 interview, Hall of Fame player John Havlicek said
“the best ball-handler of all time was (Pete) Maravich.”

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one good thing…

With all the problems & devastation in the world.

YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON THE GOVERNMENTS
TO BE FORTH-COMING WITH A CLEAR PICTURE
OF THE TRUTH & WHAT IS GOING ON !


There’s only ONE possible reason
they’d ply us with lies & half-truths…

HABIT !!!
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THOSE WACKY GERMANS !

They’d rather inconvenience themselves
for the sake of better safe than sorry…

GERMAN LEADERS HAVE SHUT DOWN
ALL NUCLEAR REACTORS FROM PRE-1980
TO TEST FOR SAFETY & LEAKS !


HERE IN THE USA WE GET WORDS…

NOT ACTION !

“The nuclear facilities that we have here are closely monitored…
I do think that it is important for us to think through constantly
how we improve nuclear technologies to deal with
additional safety concerns that people have.”


WHERE WOULD YOU FEEL SAFER ?

It’s not like there could have been corruption
and cutting corners to increase profits !

(backlash?  a week later, we are inspecting, not shutting down)
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DO I STILL HAVE IT ?

I’m worried that I’m starting to lose-a-step !
I got some feedback last week.
Ghostie claimed to pretty much AGREE
with most everything I wrote about !
(except corned-beef)

I’M NOT USED TO PEOPLE AGREE-ING WITH ME !

IT’S A NEW EXPERIENCE

AND HARD FOR ME TO GET MY HEAD AROUND !!!

Good thing my treatment at home
gives me the reality check I need !
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WHEN DOES SUCCESS

STOP BEING FUN ?

When you get THAT big it’s work, not satisfying !


WHEW…

Thank God, I’ll never have to find out !!!
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I HAVE TO PREPARE…

I have a job interview, an audition actually…
and I’ve been practicing…

HOW’S THIS ?

” AF-LACK, AF-LACKKKK ”

OKAY, OKAY… I GAVE IT A SHOT !!!

(I STILL GOT IT !!!)
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NOT NICE JOKING ABOUT JAPAN

since the disaster…

(will it ever be time?)
((Japan, 9-11, 7-7, Haiti, Indonesia, New Orleans?))

but…

(HEY… I THOUGHT GILBERT WAS JAPANESE)

WHY DO REPORTERS & TV PERSONALITIES
HAVE TO BE THERE IN PERSON ?

Video & video conferencing should be sufficient
for ANY story they may want to tell !
The reporter’s body weight in emergency supplies
would be much more welcome !
(plus the camera crew and their equipment’s weight)
PLUS… the reporter and crew are CONSUMING
while they are there !!! (and not missing any meals)

An ‘aww moment’ for one ABC-TV
female reporter disgusted me…
when some tattered victims offered HER
some of THEIR limited food and water supply !

SHE SHOULDN’T EVEN BE THERE
WITHOUT A SHOVEL OR A MEDICAL BAG !!!

NEXT…

Do you think it was necessary for
an official WHITE HOUSE announcement,
(delivered very low key from Washington, DC)
to the american people that…

AMERICANS SHOULD AVOID TRAVEL TO JAPAN

DUH !!! (double) DUH !!!

I guess they’re trying to avoid making Japan
the ‘hot’ holiday spot that CHERNOBYL turned into !!!


I CAN’T IMAGINE THAT ANYONE WITH MEANS ENOUGH
TO AFFORD THE TRIP, WOULD BE CONSIDERING
TRAVELLING THERE AT THIS POINT IN TIME !

(use the money to make a donation to the cause)
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IN MY LAST ISSUE I DEFINED..

BRAIN-DEAD

read on…

The Comedy Central Roast
of
DONALD  TRUMP

I haven’t seen it yet (should be on numerous times).
They really didn’t advertise it well… kinda last minute.
(If un-available, I’ll tape Roasts if I remember they’re on)
I usually NEVER miss one…
The regulars on the dais never disappoint…
Jeffrey Ross, Greg Giraldo(RIP), Lisa Lampanelli, Whitney Cummings)
GILBERT GOTTFRIED !
THEY ARE ALWAYS IRREVERANT & HILARIOUS !

The point of the show (like the old private Friars Roasts)
is to bust balls of the guest of honor
and the more non-PC, the better !
Occasionally, the guest of honor is confused
and gets insulted (ie, Chevy Chase),
but most take it as a tribute and laugh along.
(Hasselhoff drunk jokes? SURE, with him there & laughing)

ANYWAY…

The morning after I put on different news channels
for ‘end-of-the-world’ Japan disaster reports…
The trio on CNN are talking about the roast…
the woman told the 2 men that she was at the roast.
Her husband howled with laughter,
but she thought the affair ‘crass’ & didn’t care for profanity !

Asked… she said the profanity was the worst…

SHE DIDN’T CARE FOR IT AT ALL !

I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS…

WHAT WAS SHE DOING THERE ?
DID SHE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A ROAST IS ?
WHY DIDN’T SHE DO SOME HOMEWORK ?
WHY DIDN’T SHE ASK HER HUSBAND BEFORE TIME ?
DID YOU JUMP BECAUSE YOU DON’T GET OUT MUCH ?

STAY HOME IF YOU DON’T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR…
(the people on the dais can laugh at themselves)
or will cable ‘roasts’ have to be cleaned-up
for the sake of HER personal sensibilities ?

GEESH….

BETTY WHITE, CLORIS LEACHMAN, CARL REINER
were all able to get up to the dais in years past
and fall right into the spirit of the occasion
by use of their ‘filthy’ mouths & X-rated material !

FOR YOU ?

I know you’re a lost cause ‘young’ CNN lady…
but even the old-timers have it all over you !
I CAN’T EVEN INSULT YOU BY CALLING YOU A ‘STADI-BABA’ !

Stick-in-the-mud comes to mind !

ADDENDUM…

I managed a few minutes on a re-run…
MARLEE MATLIN along-side GILBERT GOTTFRIED ?

KILLED !!!    HYSTERICAL !!!

They 9-11 joke got groans, but everyone shrugged it off.

HEY… THAT’S GILBERT !

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I’m sorry…

I don’t mean to nitpick
as we face the end of the world…

but to be fair…

A talking head on a news show,
speaking of the civility of the Japanese
(’unique’ civility?),
used the long lines for gasoline in Japan
for his example…
PEOPLE WAITED IN LINE CALMLY,
WITH A ‘WHATCHA GONNA DO’ ATTITUDE…
(here it comes)
As compared to the ready-to-explode people
on line in the USA during the gas crisis in the 70’s !

THIS IS TOTALLY NOT EQUIVALENT…

The ‘gas crisis’ was political, an inconvenience,
not a disaster of epic proportions…
A more ‘alike’ scenario would be to talk about
the civility the american people showed
after the 9-11 terrorist attacts !!!

WE WERE PRETTY DAMN CIVIL TOO !!!

That’s comparable…

not the blood-sucking attack on pocket books !
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the escaping radiation ?

Seems to be pooh-poohed as a threat to the world,
but I find the downplaying of it suspect !
You can only dissipate so much in the air & water.
This is making the BP oil disaster
look like a walk-in-the-park !
California getting ‘tiny’ doses?
A good thing?
I liked it better when they got NONE !

THEY NEED TO GET IN THERE
AND CONTAIN THESE FUCKERS !

It’ll be a dead zone for decades,
but at least they can put a fence around it !

IF THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE,

ARE WE HEARING IT YET ?

(or is it back-room board meetings about profits?)
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HERE’S THE TRUTH…


CORNED-BEEF UPDATE…

My wife made the most perfect, delicious, tender
fall apart-in-your-mouth corned  beef last week
with all the trimmings…

I’M JUST ANNOYED THERE’S SO LITTLE LEFT-OVER
FOR THE POST ST. PATRICK’S HASH !
(another Renfield pleaser)

She plans to go back for another,
but I have a feeling one like this
is the exception rather than the rule
when buying a cut of meat.

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MORE TRUTH…

GYRO BOWL

This thing turns every-which way…
a kid can carry it, swing it,
and NEVER spill his Cheerios (or whatever) !

They show how durable it is by
letting it tumble down a flight of stairs.

IF THE BOWL NEVER SPILLS…
HOW ABOUT FILLING IT
AND THEN
DROPPING IT DOWN THE STAIRS !

If it could do that…

I’D EVEN BUY ONE !

BY THE WAY…

I think your kid will be able
to defeat the GYRO-BOWL easily !
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from the mailbag…

(hmm… Maybe I did come across a little angry that issue)



…it’s about time someone gets a little pissed off and nasty
about this pussyass country and the way
the jerkoff politicians are running it into the ground…

I DO HAVE MY MOMENTS…
(I DID have the flu & was on drugs for that issue)
BUT I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT OTHER THINGS TOO…
(too many thoughts on too many subjects)

but thanks for the feedback !
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Hmmmmm…

NOW I’M NOT SO MAD ANYMORE

(It wasn’t time yet for a ‘light’ issue)

Now that the ‘madness’ issue is out of the way…
Japan, Libya, gas prices, jobs, the economy…

MAYBE I CAN GET BACK TO BID-NESS
AND PUT ON A HAPPY FACE TO
WELCOME SPRING NEXT ISSUE…

WE CAN ONLY HOPE…

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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