† RIP Renfield #593 – IS IT SPRING YET ? †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 593 – IS IT SPRING YET ?   †

Feb. 26, 2011

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Welcome to one and all !

RIP Renfield may be seeing a bit more traffic
in the next few weeks…
(and it won’t be the Secret Service THIS time)
and that’s in addition to the recent bump
in hits on the website in the last month or 2.

IT SHOCKS ME TOO !!!
Doesn’t anyone have anything better to do
than read MY drivel ?

ANYWAY… RIP is being linked-to by
a real website… FORGOTTEN HITS
and I invite all who are here for the ‘experiment’
to read a few issues… (old or new)
and perhaps make RIP a weekly stop.
(they ain’t all gems… but overall? they entertain)
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NOW FOR ME THIS WEEK…

I think I came down with a case of 24 hour SARS !

I’m amazed I feel as well as I do now (not 100%).
A throat tickle that should have been an uncomfortable cold,
left me sore, delerius, & mucous laden !
(a regular ’snot factory’)
I half-slept for 28 hours and it seems to be leaving
as fast as it came upon me !

I blame the warmer weather !

When arctic, people stay home, less inter-action
(and spreading of germs)…
and germs must just be waiting for warmer weather
to have a ‘population’ explosion
and take down as many of us they can !

WELL, THEY GOT ME THIS TIME !
If I didn’t have pre-prepared material,
I’d have never been able to do this issue…

(psst… take it easy on me, new readers)
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R.I.P

‘NEWSMAN’ EDWIN NEWMAN



PROBABLY REMEMBERED BY YOUNGER PEOPLE
AS A DODDERING OLD MAN GIVEN A ‘COURTESY’ SPOT
ON TV NEWS AS AN ELDER ‘SPOKESMAN’…
(if remembered at all by younger people)

EDWIN NEWMAN LED QUITE AN INTERESTING
AND PRODUCTIVE LIFE MOSTLY AT THE ‘FRONT LINES’…


Newman worked initially for the wire services.
On the day of the attack on Pearl Harbor, He took dictation
for 12 hours as United Press reporters phoned in their stories.

Newman served four years in the United States Navy.
He was a signal officer in Trinidad & at the Brooklyn Navy Yard.
Following the war, Newman worked as a reporter
for United Press before moving to the CBS News radio division .

In 1952, he began work for NBC full-time. Covering significant stories.

Newman was Bureau Chief for NBC,
first in Rome and then in Paris.

He was a regular member of the Today Show team.
On Meet the Press, he was one of the most
frequent panelists & often the moderator.

From 1960 to 1984, he played a central role in NBC’s coverage
of the Republican and Democratic national conventions
at a time when gavel to gavel coverage was the norm.

Newman was the only journalist to interview Emperor Hirohito.

For his program Speaking Freely, he conducted more than
250 hour-long interviews with leading figures of the day.

Newman moderated two presidential debates,
both of which called on his legendary calm and courtesy.

After leaving NBC in January 1984, Newman was greatly in demand
as an interviewer, narrator and moderator.
He took part in many programs on PBS and on cable channels.

THAT’SA SOME RESUME !!!


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Those satirical, purposely bad taste ads from

GROUPON.COM ?

They were badly received and pulled off the air
(with apologies) ?

Now that they are gone,
we can go back to ignoring
THE RAIN FORREST  &  TIBET !
Push them right off the front pages,
and concentrate on whatever
celebrity cause-du-jour
the media decides to feed us.

I STILL SAY THE ADS WERE BRILLIANT !
and did more to
bring attention & ‘remind’ us of THOSE problems,
than anything else in recent memory !
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
– T. S. Eliot
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The Mark Twain Prize for American Humor
is  America’s foremost award for humor,
awarded by the JFK Center for Performing Arts since 1998.
It’s presented annually to an individual who has
made a significant contribution to American humor.


RICHARD PRYOR
JONATHAN WINTERS
CARL REINER
WHOOPI GOLDBERG
BOB NEWHART
LILY TOMLIN
LORNE MICHAELS
STEVER MARTIN
NEIL SIMON
BILLY CRYSTAL
GEORGE CARLIN
BILL COSBY
TINA FEY

Overall, mostly deserving people who’ve paid their dues
for a lot of years (Billy Crystal? Questionable)

BUT

ONE name GLARINGLY has no business there !
THE PRIZE IS FOR ‘OLD’ PEOPLE !!!
To me, they wanted a woman
and picked ‘flavor-of-the-month’ !

TINA FEY ?

The award seems to be more of a
lifetime achievement award for GIANTS !
One that is given for a LIFETIME of
lasting, and-or continuous, contribution.
FEY has done much, but without theSarah Palin ‘look’
would most of America even know who she is?
She might be well on her way to deserving the prize,
perhaps in 15 or 20 years, BUT NOT YET !

If up to me I’d leave her off the prize list
along with Billy Crystal AND LILLY TOMLIN !
(Like her or not, I’d put JOAN RIVERS before them.)

Without Crystal, Tomlin & Fey,
the prize list contains ONLY giants !
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welcome to the visitors from

http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/

—–

They were invited to play along…

if you take the challenge, email your results to…
RIPRenfield@aol.com


WANT TO PLAY WITH YOUR MUSIC ?

I use my mp3 player more for replays
of recorded RON & FEZ Satellite radio shows.
BUT… I also keep about 50 songs on it.
Seems that even though I’m the ‘dj’,
pick the songs, and they are favorites…
I GET SICK OF MOST PRETTY QUICKLY !
(I think it’s mostly a mood thing)
Although there are a few that stay forever.

Here’s an experiment…

Make a 50 song playlist of favorites
on your own mp3 player…
MAKE THE PLAYLIST THE ONE YOU LISTEN TO DAILY.
Then as you get sick of a song…
(no matter how much you think you love it)
or find yourself skipping songs…
delete the offender(s)…
and in 2 weeks see what you have left.

I’d be curious to see what makes

YOUR final 10, or 5
Songs that you just can’t get enough of !

MAYBE THE RESULTS COULD BE COMBINED
TO MAKE A ‘MASTER’ MUST HEAR LIST.
(or start eliminating from that ‘master’ for the ultimate)

ANY TAKERS ?
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I showed up in an AOL trivia chat room
after a very long absence…
and I got to use a great old line…

WHEN TOLD…

” I HEARD  YOU WERE DEAD ! ”



I replied…

” I GOT BETTER ! “

(it still works)
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THE WAR ON DRUGS IS 40 YEARS OLD !!!

and here’s to our
MOST DECORATED VETERAN

CHARLIE  SHEEN

Ooh-Rah !!!
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they hold young kids responsible !

A co-worker was telling me a ‘funny’ story
about his kid.  Seems some other kid
used the word ‘gay’ to describe someone else.
(this kid is too young to know what it even means)
He repeated it at home and it was explained.

I TOLD THE DAD HE BETTER ‘REALLY’
STRAIGHTEN THE KID OUT
ABOUT WHAT ‘NOT’ TO SAY IN SCHOOL !

If it gets to the attention of the right people,
the kid ends up in counselling,
and there’s a good chance the parents end up there too !
Afterall, you have to assume the kid
learned to use the word as a slur at home !

Like I explained it to my kids…
if you have a problem with another kid…

HE’S A FUCKING A-HOLE !
not
A FUCKING (insert ethnic slur) A-HOLE !

BETTER TO LEARN THAT LESSON YOUNG !

And come to think of it…

I can’t ever recall one of mine (or me)
using ethnicity as an adjective.
(at least around me)
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back as a kid…

I remember commenting in earshot
of my brother that Hayley Mills
was quite unattractive (when she was a kid).
I might have said it a lot stronger…
(she DID need time to blossom)

I think my older brother may have had a crush on her
because he stuck a finger in my face,
and snapped…

” You’d be lucky to marry a girl

as good looking as her one day ! ”


FAST FORWARD ALMOST 20 YEARS…



I MARRY AN ENGLISH GIRL
CONSIDERED A HAYLEY MILLS LOOK-ALIKE
WHO WAS CONSTANTLY MISTAKEN FOR MILLS
WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER !



GO FIGURE !

I guess I ‘figured’ it out when I got a little older !

I GUESS I SHOWED MY BROTHER !!!
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THE FOLLOWING IS THE ADULT STUFF…
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Speaking of

the genius of radio host
Quick Draw Ron Bennington
(ron & fez on sirius-xm satellite radio)
(Fez is the sexually confused co-host)
the man can pull the ‘trigger’…

Back, years ago, in the day of ‘boards’,
a thread was created called…
RON BENNINGTON’S LINE OF THE DAY
Very funny stuff… one line-after-another !
It’s since gotten a 2nd home on twitter,
but I find the ‘board’ an easier read…
(the link is to the last page, number 362 !
and the rest are accessible from there)

http://www.wackbag.com/showthread.php/42314-Ron-Bennington-s-Line-Of-The-Day/page362

YOU’LL FIND SUCH ‘LINES’

as…

Fez : I guess I blew that one.
Ron : Whew, I thought you were going to say boyscout !

Unlike you Pepper, I judge people for being people,
not for how hot they are.

40 seconds of terror is also the name I have
for Fezzie’s first time fucking….

Fez : I have this new obsession
Ron : Cock?

In the future, we are gonna have smaller dicks.
Japan is leading the way.

Fez has been getting e-mails that tell him to go die.
Fez: If I recognize the name, I usually just delete.
Ron: Then how will you get any of my other e-mails?

Ron : I got into my first job just to meet women
Fez : What was that?
Ron : Kidnapper

NOT ALL ARE GEMS ON THE BOARD,
BUT WITH THOUSANDS TO GO THRU
THERE ARE MORE THAN A FAIR SHARE
OF ENTERTAINING READING…
(good bathroom reading if you take your laptop with you)
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hey.. when I struggle to fill an issue,

you ’struggle’ along with me…

a glimpse into the inner-workings of the

MIND-of-RENFIELD

just do it !!!

I was watching CASABLANCA the other nite
and was reminded of an episode
of the old SUPERMAN tv series.

TO START WITH…
The nazi’s wanted Victor Lazlo stopped.
(arrested? dead preferably, etc)
They seem to haved carte blanche in Casablanca,
but let Lazlo walk around pretty much un-molested
for the run of the movie.
IT SEEMS PRETTY IMPORTANT TO THE NAZIS
THAT LAZLO BE STOPPED AT ANY COST !
ONE ‘accident’ and Lazlo isn’t a problem anymore
(and there isn’t a movie).
WHO KNEW THE NAZI’S WERE SUCH STICKLERS
FOR APPEARANCES ?
Lazlo dies?  Who questions it,
and if they do, how do you prove differently?

THE SUPERMAN EPISODE ADDRESSES
A SIMILAR SITUATION…

Jimmy Olsen interviews a prince from
a small country in turmoil.
He ends up wearing the prince’s ring
and is mistaken for the prince when
he arrives in that country for the coronation.

The enemies of the prince,
pretending to be loyal subjects,
THINK JIMMY THE PRINCE
AND TREAT HIM AS SUCH…
(so they can keep close and kill him)
Working for the usurper…
They try almost everything to ‘do-him-in’…
accidents, explosions, poison
THEY RUN OUT OF IDEAS !!!

The head bad guy, who wants to run the country,
listens to their laments
and suggests…
” WHY NOT TAKE HIM OUT AND SHOOT HIM ? ”

THERE IS A MOMENT OF CLARITY
AND THEY REALIZE… WHY NOT ?
There is no one to stop them,
and they can present any story they like !

Occam’s Razor…
the simplest solution is often the best.
Why a slow, clever murder attempt,
when ONE and DONE and it’s over ?

NO SUPERMAN TO SAVE LAZLO.
THE NAZIS TAKE CARE OF THEIR PROBLEM !
CASE CLOSED !!!

IT WOULD MAKE FOR SOME PRETTY SHORT MOVIES,
BUT IT WOULD MAKE MORE SENSE
(or make for better plot devices)
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I was listening to the
RON & FEZ  SHOW on satellite radio…
and RON ‘goes off’ on…
FEMALE TAP DANCERS !
Male fine.. and he ran off a list of them.
Female?  Just NOT his thing !
(and he’s the ’straight’ partner on the show)

I was TREZ amazed !!!
I’ve mentioned it before…
but the top 2 of my guilty pleasure include
FEMALE TAP DANCING !!!
(the other is cowboy yodeling)

I’m not enamored by EVERY female ‘tapper’,
but give me an old movie
with a chorus of tappers.. and I’m there !



A more recent example would be the opening of
INDIANA JONES and the TEMPLE of DOOM…
(there’s a nightclub scene during the opening credits)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=li0WFjrY6GY

LORENE YARNELL (shields & yarnell)
used to get my attention too !



AS FAR AS MALE TAP DANCERS,

Fred Astaire (superman) HAS to be everyone’s fav.
And I’ll even be entertained by Bill ‘Bojangles’ Robinson,
as long as tiny Shirley Temple is dancing with him.

BUT OTHERWISE ?

One guy dancing by himself does nothing for me…
(especially current, of recent times, tap interpreters?)
or a chorus line of male tappers ?

PUL-LEAZE.. PEOPLE WILL TALK !
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addendum…

I must admit I’ve seen some pretty un-appealing,
female tap-dancers in my day…
They very well could have dancing talent,
but don’t present that talent in an appealing way.
BUT
the MOST inappropriate tap-dancer I’ve EVER seen
was one put on during an exhibition of dance
put on for Bill & Hillary Clinton !
A complete accident that I saw the show at all,
but it was individual dancers with individual
styles of dance performing for ONLY the Clintons,
who sat at a small, round cafe table
at one end of the stage.
The camera cut-aways would show them
watching, then talking and nodding
to each other approvingly.

THE WOMAN TAP-DANCER
wore the most inappropriate costume
I’ve ever seen, especially for a presidential performance !
(I can’t even google a pic of a similar one)
It was a sort of tuxedo outfit,
but the crotch was covered by a piece of material
that was so brief it must have been glued in place !

Just found a reasonable facimile…



THAT IS A LARGE VERSION OF WHAT SHE WORE !
(black on skin, no undergarment)
I’ve never seen it worn before or since on a dancer.

It was distracting & disturbing,
and really hid any dance talent she might have had !

WORST OF ALL?

IT WASN’T SEXY !

IT WASN’T ATTRACTIVE, IT ADDED NOTHING !

The show WAS pre-Lewinsky,
BUT FOR THE PRESIDENT & WIFE ?
I’d feel awkward watching with my wife,
or any females sitting with, or near, me.
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Last week I said it was must see
next time it was shown…

TURNS OUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO WAIT…


the DEADLIEST PLANE CRASH
(submitted by Bob Kuz…)

from the PBS NOVA series…

Watch it online

http://video.pbs.org/video/1214003495/
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Just to make it clear to new-bies…

I don’t think this issue was representative
of my usual rants…  it changes from week-to-week.
AND THIS WAS JUST THIS WEEK’S DIRECTION !
(I go anywhere & everywhere with items)

I think I’m usually angrier…

and angry or incredulous at political,
or PC type nonsense that serves no one !
(current affair type stuff)

and with that…

I’m going to ‘tap’ my way out of here…

(shuffle step, flap step, Irish step, heel toe steps)

I REALLY SHOULD HAVE NEW ‘TAPS’ PUT ON MY SHOES !

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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