† RIP Renfield #591 – Snow,Snow Go Away †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

+++++++++++++++++++

Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 591 – Snow,Snow Go Away †
Feb. 12, 2011

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THE WARMTH OF THE SUN ?

FINALLY !!!

We might be over the hump !
The weather this past week was reasonable !
AND… if the weatherman is RIGHT ?
No snow this week… and temps from 40’s to mid-50’s !!!

I CAN (partially) SEE MY FRONT LAWN ALREADY !

It always amazes me how warm 45 degrees can feel !
and just in time…

I’m running late on this issue…
I might be coming down with something…
I was able to sleep 14 hours last ‘night’…
and took a 3 hour nap this afternoon…

THERE WENT MY WEEKEND !

SO LET ME ‘SLAP’ SOMETHING
HALF-ASSED TOGETHER,
JUST SO I CAN SAY
I GOT ANOTHER ISSUE DONE
AND MY 12 YEAR STREAK IS STILL ON !
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R.I.P

Steve Landesberg

His big claim to fame is as
Lt. Arthur Dietriech on BARNEY MILLER…
and he got to do his great Gregory Peck impersonation…

Effin’ cancer… the guy was only 65 !
(and ABE VIGODA lives!!!)

He is credited with the quote
“Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.”
In addition to his extensive television and voiceover work,
Landesberg also appeared in several motion pictures.

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whot is de law ?

(classic version ISLAND of Dr. Moreau reference)



THEY’RE ON THE BALL IN FLORIDA !

The police announced that they will be
arresting teens or 20-somethings
for CAR SURFING !

That’s where either someone balances
themselves on the roof of a moving car,
OR the driver climbs onto the roof
of HIS moving car (no one driving) !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I0XYX99XSI&NR=1

WOW… IT’S AN OFFICIAL CRIME NOW ?
I’m wondering what else you can STILL get away with ?

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BUZZ  DRIVING

I guess this is a problem in areas other
than the northeast, or at least where I’m from.
(at least no one calls it that)

A few tv commercial have ’slipped in’,
not a lot and have disappeared…
kinda PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS
for young drinkers who drive…

LETTING THEM KNOW THAT
THE EXCUSE OF
” I’m not drunk officer, I’m only buzzed ”
IS MORE OF AN ADMISSION
THAN AN EXCUSE !

THAT’S AS STUPID AS THE FEMALE CELEB
who was ticketed for running a red light !
She understood that it was THE LAW
that you could go thru a red light
at 3 am as long as the way was clear !

DUH !

AND ONE MORE FOR THE LAW…

Some (ex?) ambassador’s 17 year old daughter
fell 20 floors to her death !
The story?
The baby faced pic in the news-story
didn’t show her all doll-ed up for clubbing.

She was out on the town (nyc),
had 2 phony ID’s for 23 & 24 years old…
Allowed in clubs & served alcohol…
Afterwards ends up at a party at some guys’ apartment.
She falls out of a window to her death !
I SYMPATHIZE WITH THE FAMILY

BUT…
They arrested the owner of the apartment
for her death by serving her alcohol,
and were throwing the book at him !
(unusually high bail to get him out of jail)

The court case, after great expense exonerated him.
They couldn’t be sure if he had served her.
SEEMS THEY WERE PRETTY SURE THE CLUB DID,
WHY DID THEY GET A PASS ?

I’m thinking that if this wasn’t so high profile,
this guy doesn’t get his life turned upside down !
He had no reason to believe she was underage !
GO AFTER THE CLUB IF ANYONE !!!
(and what?  they checked her ID)

Oh.. when found, she had a camera around her neck,
as if leaning out, or going on a ledge to take a pic..
slipped… and oops !

THIS GUY DID NOTHING WRONG…
IF ANYTHING, ASK THE AMBASSADOR
ABOUT HIS PARENTING,
AND WHY HIS MINOR DAUGHTER
WAS OUT  AT ALL HOURS
CLUBBING WITH PHONY ID ?
(and probably not her first time)

SPEAKING OF ‘AGE’ & RESPONSIBILITY…

Footballer Mark Sanchez finds himself in the ‘rags’.
Someone is trying to create a scandal
because of him ‘hitting on’ a 17 year old in a NYC club !
(why would you think a ‘clubber’ underage?)
It supposedly went further, but the age of consent in NYC is 17 !
As far as the Sanchez non-situation, NO laws were broken,
if there was sex between a 24 year old & a 17 year old,

QUE SERA SERA !

If it shocks you that much, change the law !

I seem to remember that JERRY SEINFELD
picked-up & dated (for quite a while)

SHOSHANNA LONSTEIN,

a big-titted, 17 year old, high school senior…
it WAS brought up in the press,
but it wasn’t a career ender as far as scandals go.

IT WAS MORE OF A JOKE

as in this song parody/video of SOCIETY’S CHILD
by JANIS IAN & Howard Stern.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RytMJ2-X-rw

(STICK WITH IT, IT’S PRETTY FUNNY)

If, however, Seinfeld orSanchez
had served the girls alcohol,
or gotten them cigarettes,

THEY’D BE UP ‘SHIT’S CREEK’
AND THERE COULD BE CRIMINAL CHARGES !
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superbowl – atheism

TIE- IN

I have absolutely no interest in football !
Can’t name more than a few of the
teams, players, positions, rules, betting, etc.
I’M TOTALLY DIS-CONNECTED !

AND YET, I HEAR SUPERBOWL SUNDAY
CONSTANTLY BEING REFERRED TO AS
(or should be)

A NATIONAL HOLIDAY !
An eating, celebrating, gathering holiday
like Thanksgiving or Christmas !

FOR ME IT WAS LIKE ANY OTHER DAY…
no special meal, no gathering,
but the competing tv shows much better !

BUT… UNLIKE THE ATHEISTS
who want to piss on anyone else
who gets a charge out of celebrating xmas…
(really… how many do xmas religiously?)

I HAVE A GO AHEAD AND PARTY ATTITUDE !
It takes nothing away from me,
and it gives many others pleasure.
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A wrestler, a rebel, a brain,
a beauty and a shy girl
share Saturday detention in a Chicago high school.

Found that in the tv listings…
IS THAT REALLY A DESCRIPTION OF
THE BREAKFAST CLUB ?

How about -

a JOCK, a STONER, a GEEK,
a PRINCESS, and a NERD ?

CALL ‘EM LIKE THEY ARE !!!
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ARREST IN SCHOOL SHOOTING !!!

A 14 year old New Jersey ‘wild kid’
was brought to justice !
Seems he brought a ‘weapon’ to school
and managed 3 head shots !
School authorities were alerted and took action !

He brought a pea-shooter (bean-shooter?) to school,
and managed 3 ‘anonymous’ hits to backs of heads.

HOW DARE HE ?

KID STUFF YOU SAY ?

NOT IN A ZERO TOLERANCE WORLD !

He probably could have gotten detention,
or even a day or 2 suspension…

BUT INSTEAD ?
Expelled from school & arrested for assault !!!
The prosecutor took pity on him
and instead of jail time,
he’ll spend a year in an offenders program.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON ?

Not only are YOUR hands (and tongue) tied,
you have to educate your kids to ‘march-in-step’
lest they run a foul of idiot bureaucrats !

I’M HOPING THEY USE THE SAME ZEAL
to find the ‘rat bastard’ that sold a weapon
to a 14 year old ! (was there a background check?)

AND the farmer that supplied the offending peas !

LOCK THEM ALL UP…

SOME HARD JAIL TIME WILL SHOW THEM
THE ERROR OF THEIR WAYS !!!
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stupid is as stupid does…

There is a new ‘app’ for the iphone,
with approval by the CATHOLIC CHURCH,
you can now ‘app’ your way thru

CONFESSION !!!

It can walk you thru the confession process,
it can keep track of your sins…
and steer you to better ways !

BUT… THE BIG BUT…

IS ANYONE THAT CONFIDENT
THAT YOUR ‘SINS’ WON’T BE HACKED ?
Seems an easy way for a good investigator
to get the ‘goods’ on you !
(be great for divorce cases, why would it be privileged?)
(as privileged as your easy pass or cell tower records)

And really, if you’re that into CONFESSION,
WHY WOULD YOU NOT DO IT
THE OLD FASHIONED WAY,
A DARK PHONE BOOTH WITH A PRIEST !
(unless you’re looking for an ‘angle’, not ‘angel)

AN ORGANIZATION THAT TAKES CENTURIES
TO ALLOW MEMBERS TO EAT MEAT ON FRIDAYS,
THAT ONLY RECENTLY APPROVED OF CREMATION,
IS THAT ‘HIP’ TO A 10 YEAR OLD TECHNOLOGY ?

I really can’t see a practicing member of the church
taking serious advantage of this,
but I could see it being a party, or drinking game !
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SHOWING MY AGE ?

I bought a chicken-caesar-wrap for my daughter
from a deli she hadn’t tried yet…
SHE LOVED IT !
Next time in the deli I complimented them
for more than satisfying…
(el   ex-eh-hen-tay)

EL EXIGENTE
(the demanding one)

THE REFERENCE GOT BLANK STARES !

Next thing ya know….

they won’t know who JUAN VALDEZ is !!!

JUST IN CASE…

They were 2 very successful coffee advertising campaigns.
(back in the olden days… the 70’s?)

El Exigente

(played on TV by Ricardo Montalbaln’s brother Carlos),
the coffee taster for Savarin, the demanding one,
was an aristocrat and a gourmet.  Even his brand was named
for a legendary gourmet, Brillat-Savarin.

Juan Valdez

is a coffee farmer, a humble campesino.
But to Americans in the ’sixties,
a mustachioed Latino was a mustachioed Latino.
He was very fussy and picked ONLY
the most perfect coffee beans right from the bushes !

Juan Valdez is STILL the icon of the
National Federation of Coffee Growers of Colombia.
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I think you had to be there…
but I actually got a laugh from this…

MY NEWPHEW’S 3 YEAR OLD WAS BEING
ACCUSED OF HAVING ‘ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER’,
or more easily (and jokingly) referred to as…

A.D.D.

So I said I could test her…

I asked the kid how much was 4 + 3 ?

SHE JUST LOOKED AT ME QUIZZICALLY !

NOPE, NO ‘ADD’ THERE !

(like I said, you had to be there)
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I took last saturday off from work…
spent the better part of the afternoon
watching dvd’s with my daughter…
(it was her birthday weekend)
For Xmas, I had gotten her the box set of

HONEY  WEST
(saw 6 or 7 of them)

and let me tell you…

TOTALLY ENJOY-ABLE !

Considering that the 30 shows were made in 1965
they are amazingly fresh, modern, & attention grabbing !
ANNE IS ELEGANT – lots of costume changes !
BIG MONEY WAS SPENT FOR PRODUCTION !!!
(the word is that Aaron Spelling cancelled the show,
not because of ratings, but imported Avengers shows
were alot cheaper, Honey cost some bucks)
DVD’S WERE CRYSTAL CLEAR, LIKE NEW SHOWS !

GADGETS GALORE… web-cam type devices,
eyeglass & pendant cell-phone type devices,
tear-gas earrings, bugs, phone taps, secret entrances…
and her pet BRUCE, the ocelot !
(could ONLY work in the 60’s or a 60’s setting)

COMMON DEVICES OF TODAY
ONLY DREAMED OF BACK THEN !

Anne Francis (5′8) was a ’shapely’ stick !
(reviewed as a ‘long, cool drink of water’)
ANNE NEVER LOOKED BETTER… HOT !!!
(and dressed her accordingly, VERY sexy)
SUPER-FASHIONABLE, LOTS OF COSTUME CHANGES
(and bathtub and steambath scenes… for the guys?)

AND SHE DROVE A 1965 SHELBY !
(white, with car phone)



It was fun identifying where you knew
the guest stars from…
you knew the faces from 100’s of shows,
but many of the names had to be IMDB’d.
(marcia brady & floyd the barber I knew)

And some un-intended laughs…

IE… A bound BobbySherman, with knife in mouth,
cutting Honey’s tied hands with a head-bobbing
motion reminiscent of giving a man oral sex !
(hmm… in the above pic, does he want ’something’?)

OR THE CRAZY AMOUNT OF TIMES
SOMEONE WAS HIT OVER THE HEAD
WITH A ‘CLUB’ OR THE BUTT OF A GUN !
A Mannix trademark was him getting hit on the head
(into unconsciousness) at least once a show…
HONEY’s show CLEARLY has the record !

btw… one hit can maim you for life or possibly kill you !
Multiple hits?   Fugget-about-it !

ANNE WAS A LEGITIMATE BLACK BELT !



I thought of a drinking game…

SOMEONE GET’S (one handed) FLIPPED ?
or a gun knocked out of their hand ?
Drink a beer
SOMEONE GETS HIT ON THE HEAD?
Do a shot

EVERYONE WOULD BE PASSING OUT !

Then there’s BRUCE… the ocelot

In the early shows you can clearly see that
he’s a wild animal… fighting them in every scene…
totally untrained for tv… (can they be trained?)
Animal lover Anne… got many a bite or scratch…
took it like a champ, along with tetanus shots !
It looks like they used a different, smaller, look-alike
in some later shows… the animal is totally calm in those…

a lot going on…

a lot to keep your interest

and Anne looks good enough, dresses sexily enough,
that you can watch the show with the sound muted…

OH.. AND MY DAUGHTER THOUGHT
THE MALE SIDE-KICK (john ericson) WAS A ‘LOOKER’ !

So did BOBBY SHERMAN !!!

addendum…
found this pic of a great re-union…
many decades later… awww


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might be time for eyeglasses ?

Reading the tv schedule online
I was interested and ready to watch
a MONTY PYTHON vehicle I had not seen !

MONTY PYTHON  vs.  GATORADE

On closer inspection however,
it seems the program is actually

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid (2011)

Gigantic snakes & alligators battle in the Everglades.
(the print was MUCH smaller)
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IT almost got by me…

I recognized it while switching channels !
An old seldom-shown movie
that is SO bad, it’s good…

WHO’S MINDING THE MINT ?

The plot and script are ridiculous of course,
but it’s amazing that this ecclectic band of actors
got together for this one !
(some may have needed a paycheck, some exposure)
((or did they lose a bet?))

JIM HUTTON
DOROTHY PROVINE
(roaring 20’s)
MILTON BERLE
JOEY BISHOP
BOB DENVER
(gilligan)
WALTER BRENNAN !
(amos mccoy)
VICTOR BUONO
(tv batman’s king tut)
JACK GILFORD
(crackerjack man)
JAMIE FARR
(M*A*S*H)
and the ever so cute in her way…
Audrey from the original LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS…
JACKIE JOSEPH
(divorced from Ken Berry for over 40 years
and just won’t let go)

Even for silly, it was hard to sit thru…
(that’s why video recorders were invented)

BUT IT MUST BE SEEN

TO BE BELIEVED !!!

Does ANYONE need a paycheck THAT badly ?

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SOMEONE TOLD ME

THAT I LOOK LIKE A HORSE’S ASS !!!



Since I ‘run’ a ponytail these days…

My reply was…

” YEAH, SO ? “

How can I avoid the comparison ?
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AND TO SHOW

WHAT A REAL HORSE’ ASS

I CAN BE ?

I USED UP ALL MY RESERVES…
I HAVE NOTHING FOR NEXT WEEK !

and I can’t feel the motivation…
SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’LL DO !!!

AND THAT’S ALL
I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT !!!

TRA…
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(MAYBE I’LL PLAN A ‘LATE’ ISSUE, BEING OFF FOR PRESIDENT’S DAY)

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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