† RIP Renfield #590 – the DREAM is OVER †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

+++++++++++++++++++

Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

**********************

† RIP Renfield  # 590 – the DREAM is OVER †

February 5, 2011

———————

-
-
-
-
Calm BEFORE the STORM ?

(or the end of storms?)

I had last weekend off,
nice, stress free, watched some tv…
slept a lot.. BOTH nites…
The sun was out… took care of some snow
in spite of the temperature…
Still plenty, but roads & walks are clearer !

The NEXT snow storm was called off…
TOO warm… some sleet, but mostly rain…
(good to wash the snow away)
Actually quite a bit of rain…

BUT BETTER THAN SNOW !

I’m hoping that the 40 degree day we had
is the sign of things to be common place
in the VERY near future…

ARE WE FINALLY DONE WITH
THE REALLY BAD SHIT ?



Probably not… but I can dream, can’t I ?
-
-
-
________________________

-
-
-
-
-
I spoke (wrote the above) TOO soon !!!

THE DREAM IS OVER ?

I was dreaming of melting snow
and winning the lottery !



I’LL TAKE EITHER AT THIS POINT !!!
(and getting neither)

What’s that ‘green stuff’ behind the crying guy ?
-
-
-
___________________________________

-
-
-
-
R.I.P

JACK LaLANNE DEAD ?

Has anyone told Vic Tanny ?

Jack’s poor wife.. ELAINE LaLANNE !



Jack was called ‘the godfather of fitness’…
An expert in fitness, exercise, nutrition,
and a motivational speaker besides !
His ‘hokey’ morning exercise show
ran from  1951 to 1985 !!!
He believed in basics.. lots of calisthenics.
Jack’s first ‘gym’ was opened in 1934 !!!

Every year he’d go for a little swim for his birthday.
For his 70th, he swam a mile-and-a-half thru
Long Beach Harbor towing a flotilla of 70 boats !
(hand & feet shackled)



He also swam from Alcatraz to San Francisco,
shackled, & towing a 1000 pound boat !

BUT IN SPITE OF HIS FITNESS REGIMEN…
GEORGE BURNS LIVED LONGER !



We’re just MEAT !!!  We all DIE !!!

There’s NO hope for any of us !


____________________________
-
-
-
-
since I (& most of the country)…
are VERY familiar with snow these days…

the ‘personality’ of SNOW is showing…
whereas before it was just snow…
now I’m going ‘eskimo’
and have specific categories of snow !

The strangest is the ‘everywhere’ snow,
flat & rolling, with giant mounded borders !

AND… WITH THE RECENT ICE STORM
(temps not melting it, but the sun does a little),
and especially at nite,
with the shadowy illumination
from car lights & street lights…

the ice covering now gives a surrealistic look !

THE WORD ‘EERIE’ COMES TO MIND !!!


IT NO LONGER LOOKS LIKE SNOW…
INSTEAD IT LOOKS LIKE MOUNDS OF
MELTING WHITE PLASTIC !!!
(sort of a waxy, melted candle look)

IT LOOKS OTHER-WORLDLY !

(especially at nite)

You could land astronauts in a deserted area, & based on
their conclusions from current ground observations,
they would not think they were on earth !
-
-
-
-
________________________

-
-
-

IT’S A FRIGGIN’ TYPO

FROM LAST ISSUE !!!

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FACINATED BY

SPEECHES ?


yes, I know it’s faScinate…

Back off, it happens !
-
-
-
________________________

-
-
-
-
BREAKING  RECORDS ?

As I reported, the January snowfall
for the NY-metro area broke all recorded records !

NOT SITTING ON OUR LAURELS

(we can’t, they’re under the snow)

We’ve got a good start on February snow !

3 storms in 5 days !!!

And just to mix it up… make one an ice storm !

SO SNOW, AND MORE SNOW !!!

WILL IT EVER END ?

I hears some weather guy give an opinion,
and instead of giving us hope…

DECLARED THAT HE EXPECTS
MANY MORE STORMS BEFORE
THIS WINTER-OF-WINTERS LETS UP !!!

THE BASTARD !!!

How about breaking some records
for un-seasonably high winter temps ?

(give Al Gore something to harp on)
-
-
-
__________________________

-
-
-
from the dailygut.com

… a nation now perceived as
a collection of diverse groups who share no common ideals -
making sure everyone feels good about themselves
ensures no one will be happy.

wow.. groovy… I get it !

( groovy – Although popular in the 60’s,
this word comes from the 30’s & record grooves )
-
-
-
___________________
-
-
-
-

SALT

Well before it was needed to melt snow & ice,
I purchased 300 pounds (6 bags) of rock salt.
I buy enough to last 2-3 years
(I don’t want to lug it home every year).

I’ve used just over 4 bags so far
(and it’s barely February).
With the day off work, I thought it a good idea
(between storms) to stock up on more.
It doesn’t go bad, it can be saved from year-to-year.
And with much of the country soon to be
siphoning salt away from this area
that they never needed before,
I FIGURED TO GET MORE,
WHILE THE GETTING WAS GOOD !

SORTA HAD A PROBLEM THOUGH

First 3 stores? NO LUCK !

One home center was down to selling
salt pellets for water softening.
I started phoning instead of driving
and found a supply at a LOWES HOME CENTER.

The didn’t have the cheaper 50 pound bags of salt,
but they DID have the 40 pound bags of
the ‘good’ ice melter for $2 more !



(2 half filled pallets, only 400 more in the back)
I’d have been sorry to pass it up if ending up needing it !

SO I GOT 3 BAGS – 120 POUNDS !
(I hate lugging those bags around)
AND I REALLY WOULD HATE
HAVING THE NEED
TO USE IT ALL !

(crying comes to mind)

PLEASE STOP THE SNOW,
it’s really cramping the little ’style’ I have !


-
-
-
-
_____________________

-
-
-
-

CALLING

DOCTOR RENFIELD…

I was ‘bonding’ with a woman I know…
she mentioned the hospital…
She was having one procedure done now
and another one later on…

SEEMS THEY NEED TO CUT A MUSCLE
TO ‘STRETCH’ HER TRACHEA.

THE OTHER PROCEDURE ?
SHE’S GOING TO HAVE HER URETHRA ‘STRETCHED’.

ALWAYS A GENT

(I tipped my hat while offering)

I SUGGESTED SHE SHOULD

HAVE FIRST GIVEN ME A SHOT

AT STRETCHING THEM OUT !!!

(couldn’t hurt… well, maybe a little at first)

I wondered if any OTHER area needed stretching ?

I’ve had some experience in that area too !
-
-
-
___________________
-
-
-
-
ROYAL  PAINS

With the limited amount of good tv shows available,
even after adding ‘FONZIE’ to the cast,
this show is still mostly watch-able…

The star of the show…

MARK  FEUERSTEIN



HANK, the guy playing the concierge doctor
to the rich, poor, & everyman at the Hamptons…
SHOULD RIDE THIS TRAIN TO THE END OF THE LINE !

He is perfect for the role…

BUT

I’ve seen him interviewed & guest-hosting
and this guy is the most
UN-PERSONABLE  A-HOLE
in real life, that I’ve seen in a long, long time !

A REAL DUD !

LIKE-ABLE ON THE SHOW,
BUT A REAL ‘NOTHING’ WHEN
HE’S NOT PLAYING THE PART !
-
-
-
___________________

-
-
-
-
and then there’s…


SCREEN ACTOR’S GUILD
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

TO

ERNEST BORGNINE ?



BRAVO… WELL DESERVED !

See MARTY… his well deserved role
that got him the BEST ACTOR OSCAR !
or
FROM HERE TO ETERNITY
or
THE DIRTY DOZEN
or
what the hell.. IMDB him !

BY THE WAY…

Borgnine’s competition for THAT oscar was
Frank Sinatra, Spencer Tracy, James Cagney & James Dean.
Not expecting to win, he was just happy to be there !-
-
-
______________________
-
-
-
-
a bright spot in tv land ?

(not to be confused with that crappy ‘tvland’ channel)

ANTENNA  TV  CHANNEL

VINTAGE WITHOUT THE SMELL

I wasn’t aware this channel had been added
by my cable company… a high number
that I would not normally encounter.

BUT IT ADDRESSES MANY OF THE REASONS
THAT ‘OTHER’ OLDIES TV CHANNEL
BITES THE BIG ONE THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS !

The ‘other’ one has tried to rise above replays of old shows
by showing movies, original content, and re-runs of ‘newer’
shows that don’t have the re-watch-ablitly older ones do.
(plus they aren’t as fresh in your memory,
and completely new to younger viewers)

I know I can search these old classics online for free.
But, if it’s not coming thru my television
I AIN’T WATCHING IT !
(I have other uses for my computer, tv is background)

SO FAR, I’VE BEEN ABLE TO TUNE INTO…

HAZEL
FATHER KNOWS BEST
BENNY HILL
GIDGET
THE FLYING NUN
and then there’s
MAUDE
DENNIS THE MENACE
PARTRIDGE FAMILY
TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT
(ok, a bad one.. but at least they’re trying)

a bunch of shows, in one broadcast location,
that have gone by the wayside for decades !

I wouldn’t mind them picking up
BURNS & ALLEN
JACK BENNY
THE REAL McCOYS
PERRY MASON
DANNY THOMAS
MY 3 SONS
DONNA REED
PATTY DUKE
DRAGNET
F  TROOP
DICK VAN DYKE
GET SMART
I’M DICKENS, HE’S FENSTER !!!
MY MOTHER THE CAR
(ok, I’m getting silly)
Tons of others that were hits in their day
that could easily entertain today !
-
-
-
-
_____________________

-
-
-
-
AS YOU CAN SEE BY THIS ISSUE

I’ve taken to tv watching…
a GREAT deal of it…

THIS WINTER SUCKS BAD !



I’m forcing myself to write this ‘bilge’ every week…

I still have plenty to say…

but I’m REALLY hoping the MAYANS are right…



and  2012 solves ALL my problems !

If this winter is the sign of things to come
for the next decade or 2…

DOUBLE THAT HOPE !!!

GO, MAYANS, GO !!!
-

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

*******************************

OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
——————————

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

+++++++++++++++++++++