† RIP Renfield #589 – MORE Snow – Arghh †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 589 – MORE Snow ‘ Arghh †

January 29, 2011

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WE GOT THE RECORD !!!


The most snow, since recorded,
for the month of JANUARY !!!
(NYC-METRO AREA)
I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT !

We broke 56 inches !!!
(with more predicted)

The town’s removal equipment got caught
flat-footed when, you guessed it,
the weather forecasters were wrong !
Instead of icy rain late in the morning,
we got 5 inches of snow early in the morning !
The BIG storm hit later that nite…
for a local total of 19 inches MORE of snow,
on top of the OTHER snow that never melted !

I don’t really mind the shovelling…
but the piles are so high, you have to shovel it
on top of piles as high as your shoulders !

THE NEXT STORM (due in 5 days) ?
WHERE DO YOU PUT THE SNOW ?

You also have to get used to the NEW scale of things !
What was once considered a lot of snow,
is now a dusting !  It’s PAUL BUNYON time !

The local roads are geting narrower,
with side walls like toboggan tracks.
Route 1 (I-95) is missing half of the right lane.
Entering the highway, you can’t see over the snow
to see if there is a break in the traffic !
In a condo complex, I saw a mountain of snow,
12 feet in diameter, sides & top flat,
with a telephone pole in the middle,
and the snow 2/3’s of the way to the street light !


THERE’S NO PLACE LEFT TO PUT
THE (non-melting) SNOW !!!
It’s not supposed to get above freezing
in the next week or so !

THIS REALLY SUCKS !!!

Except that people have adjusted,
and go about their business as if
there was no snow at all !
(either that or never leave the house)
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R.I.P

david nelson

(ricky’s older brother)

Oldest child of OZZIE & HARRIET NELSON…
tv (and radio) first family !
Father Ozzie was a genius who brought his entire family
into the spotlight and let tv viewers grow-up with his family.
As kids… David & Ricky were hot-as-pistols…
BUT VERY ‘WOODEN’ AS ADULT ACTORS !

ACTOR, DIRECTOR, PRODUCER
STAR ON HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME
and must have had a ‘RIP Renfield’ sense of humor…
His last acting appearance was in CRY BABY,
with Johnny Depp, Patty Hearst, & Hatchet-face !

TOGETHER AGAIN…

and thanks for all the laughs along the way.
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WEATHER  or  NOT

When we did get a couple of ‘reasonable’ days…
sunny, no wind, cold but not bitter, streets melting…

THAT 34 DEGREES FELT LIKE SPRINGTIME !

One odd thing?

You put on the tv news stations…
and they were doing ‘regular’ stories,
instead of weather reports, interspersed with
man-on-the-street (snow) interviews,
and related snow stories…

THE STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH
took care of a single day of ‘regular’ news,
but then right back to school closings,
weather reports, & future weather reports !

THE NEWS KINDA SUCKS
WHEN YOU TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT IT !
(2 to 3 days behind what I’ve already read on the internet)
THEY SHOULD STICK TO BAD WEATHER REPORTS !
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Heard this on Ron & Fez the other day…
great stuff….     all people don’t suck…
just the idiot with the cackling laugh (just for a second)….

national anthem video

Really gave the kid an experience instead of a neurosis…
(and brought good people together)
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PEOPLE OUT OF WORK ?

NO JOBS ?

Not to worry… gov’t committees are to be set-up
to research ways to have employers hire people !
(committees ALWAYS work)

THIS MAY NOT CREATE ANY JOBS
FOR REGULAR PEOPLE…
but at least the committee people
and their staffs will have work
for the fore-see-able future !
(great benefits too)

And it wouldn’t surprise me at all
if the most ‘qualified’ people they hire
are related to, or married to,
people already in government !

KIND OF HYPOCRITICAL THOUGH…
the gov’t wants private employers to hire?
Hire, while the gov’t is cutting to the bone,
eliminating tons of lower echelon jobs,
consolidating… and putting people out of work !

IT’S NOT EXACTLY THE WAY
TO CREATE CONFIDENCE !

It would make more sense
to hire MORE people in minimum wage,
un-skilled jobs where they can keep their self-respect
and bring home a paycheck !
THEY GOT MONEY FOR EVERY OTHER
HALF-ASSED PROGRAM,
WHY NOT WPA PROGRAMS ?
(at least for young people)
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I had a great sandwich the other nite…

got it from a deli in town…
(the girl ‘took-care-of-me – wink,wink)

BACON, LETTUCE, & TOMATO SUB !!!

Tons of bacon, shredded lettuce, tomato,
a little onion, mayo – bottom & top breads
(and I dipped in thousand island dressing)

(they do home-made potato chips too)

IT WAS DELISH !!!

Hey… I’m not stuck for time.. why abbreviate?

DELICIOUS !!!

The only problem ?

I MAY HAVE SWALLOWED HALF A TOOTHPICK !
I can’t see how I’d have gotten it down,
but I have the idea in my head that I might have,
and now I’m having a psychosomatic twinge
in my stomach as if I’d swallowed something pointy !

I HOPE IT PASSES LONG-WAYS,
IF I TRY TO SHIT IT SIDEWAYS…
THERE’S GONNA BE A PROBLEM !!!
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The ’sloppy joe’ girl

on the MANWICH COMMERCIAL ?

LOVE  HER

She has a very expressive face…
I THINK SHE COULD BE A STAR !!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5PS1L_FxNk

I’m also liking the TWIX candy commercial
where 1 guy slides down the hall on his ass
and the other ‘brushes’ the path (ala curling)
to get him in the center of the company logo on the floor.
(NO VIDEO AVAILABLE YET, CATCH IT ON TV)
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NOW.. I DON’T SMOKE…

I’m not in favor of anyone special to me to be a smoker…

BUT… the way they are ‘nipping’ at the allow-able
places (especially outdoors) to smoke ?

If they were concerned about HEALTH
they’d make CIGARETTES ILLEGAL !
(and create a criminal enterprise in the process)

ONCE THEY SUCCEED
AND PEOPLE DO QUIT,

HOW ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE-UP
THE ENORMOUS TAX REVENUE LOSS ?

LET THEM SMOKE !!!

as long as it’s not in MY face,
and they don’t claim ignorance of health issues !

STUPID LITTLE RULES & LAWS
ARE MORE ABOUT ENFORCEMENT for FINES
THAN IT IS ANY CONCERN FOR PEOPLE !
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WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FACINATED BY

SPEECHES ?

WHY ANY INTEREST AT ALL ?

I’m not specifically responding the the latest
STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH,
I include EVERY state-of-the-union speech in MY lifetime !
(and every speech of ANY sort)

THEY HAVE NEVER MADE ME FEEL BETTER !
OR MORE CONFIDENT !
Someone giving a performance from a script
specially designed to ’schmooze’ you
is more than a waste of time !
I’d rather read the first paragraph of the summation
in the newpaper the next day !
(and it’s STILL a waste of time)

I’m ready to cheer and applaud
when the speech topics come to fruition,
but not while they are being proposed !

TAKE A SPEECH WRITER
and A GOOD PUBLIC SPEAKER..

YOU GOT NOTHIN’ TANGIBLE !

MY SPEECH ?

I’m for peace-on-earth, jobs & prosperity,
a chicken in every pot,
and space colonization !

I THANK YOU !
(for the standing ovation & applause)

See how easy it is ?

Cheers, applause ?

AND I HAVEN’T DONE A GOD-DAMN THING !
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bon mot…

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A friend of mine has just told me

he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin.

I asked, “How can you tell them apart?”

He said, “Her brother has a mustache.”
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ANYONE who has kids or visitors

CAN’T possibly keep their ‘heavy-duty’ prescription medicine
in the bathroom medicine cabinet, or easily got-at !

I saw a news story about buying special Rx lock-boxes
specifically designed to fit your med bottles.

PROBABLY SELL FOR A PREMIUM PRICE…
WHY NOT USE ANY CHEAP UTILITARIAN LOCK-BOX ?

ME ?
I don’t even keep aspirin in the bathroom.

MY SYSTEM ?

I put a small number of pills in a Rx bottle
and hide them out of sight.
The large supply I keep double wrapped in plastic,
rubber banded shut, and HIDDEN !
In addition, I write the number of pills in the bottle
and the date last accessed on the side of the bottle !
(run out of space? stick a blank label on it)

IF ANYONE IS SNEAKY ENOUGH TO FIND MY STASH,
WE WON’T HAVE TO DEPEND ON MY MEMORY
TO FIGURE OUT THAT PILLS ARE MISSING !

TRUST ?  YEAH, RIGHT !

(tried that once.. no more)
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http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/
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FOOTBALL CONFERENCE
CHAMPIONSHIP GAMES ON TV ?

EAT ME !!!

Tooling around the dial (?)
I found the most watch-able tv shows & movies,
and plenty of them competing with the games !

THERE ARE ENTIRE WEEKS WHEN THERE IS BARELY
ANYTHING HALF-WAY INTERESTING (to me)
ON ANY OF THE 300 CHANNELS I GET !!!

Seems they know how to entertain,
THEY JUST CHOOSE NOT TO !

HOW ABOUT SPREADIN’ IT OUT A BIT,
SO THE DECENT STUFF
DOESN’T HAVE TO COMPETE WITH EACH OTHER !
I just might ‘gravitate’ to YOUR channel regularly !

and why was Walter Matthau in HOPSCOTCH
shown late-nite? It’s a great movie for normal hours !
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A TRIVIA QUESTION…

One of the ‘decent’ offerings was

SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION
(I’ll watch it everytime)

AND YOU’VE WATCHED IT MORE THAN ONCE !

In Shawshank, after Andy escapes,
and goes to the banks to empty the accounts
of the warden’s ill-gotten gains…

WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE ‘MADE-UP’ GUY
THE BANK ACCOUNTS WERE CREATED FOR ?
(Andy had all the proper ID)

SPOILER ALERT

the answer is at the end of RIP,
if you want to think it over…
DON’T look below the bottom banner !
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junk jewelry ?

I never knew why my neighbor (years ago)
was so happy that the appraisal value
of her jewelry (the appraisals cost her plenty)
was VERY much higher than the cost
to buy the damn stuff just about anywhere !

SOMEONE IS BEING CHEATED !

The only way to get the ’supposed’ value (in cash)
is to ‘lose’ the items, or have them stolen !

ARE INSURANCE COMPANIES THAT QUICK
TO PAY OUT TOP-DOLLAR
FOR CUT-RATE PIECES
that some local jeweler put an arbitrary value on?

or are they happy to take the inflated premiums
that far outweigh anything they may have to pay out?
(and they know you have junk)

THE PICTURES LOOK NICE,
BUT IT’S NOT LIKE YOU CAN TELL
THE VALUE OF A GEM,
OR THE QUALITY OF THE METAL FROM THEM !

IT’S A RACKET-and-a- HALF !!!
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Labeled as shameless self-promotion?
(I’m guilty too)

MARIMBA DONE GOOD !!!
Mikey likes it, you might too…

Well, I’ve gone and done it.
Not only am I the scourge of Blawg Land
but now I’m about to be reviled all across Podcast Nation.
If you have the time, I’d like you to check out my first podcast on
Don’t Get the Wrong Idea.

There’s a little bit of something for everyone:
Bo Diddley, Dave Mason, Mink DeVille, Delbert McClinton, Levon Helm,
Butch Walker, Jan Bradley, Laura Nyro, The Stereos, The Raveonettes & much more.
Old favorites, forgotten gem, never-could-have-been hits and craziness galore.
Heck, Buckethead and Nick Cave are even there.
You might hear something new or something that you haven’t heard in ages.
Who knows.  So, please give it a try.  It’s free and relatively painless . . .
except for the fact that you have to put up with my horrible nasal monotone drawl.
Thanks,
Ed

addendum
I’m currently waiting for instruction
of how to download to mp3 player
for later listening pleasure on the move.
(I don’t have an hour-and-a-half to sit & enjoy)
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hallelujah !!!

I’ve got God back in my life !

I’ve started praying regularly.

“please God, let me win the lottery ”

” if not, make me too stupid to care ”

“or let me wake up from this nightmare”

ACTUALLY…

I got into the habit of saying
AN ACT OF CONTRITION
when going to sleep.
The way the rules were read to me
in Catholic School…
‘You can’t die & go to hell if you say a sincere one’

RULES  IS  RULES !!!

(I’m as sincere as the next sinner)
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I’M SORRY…

IT MADE ME LAUGH !

Mark Pollock is an Irish adventurer and motivational speaker.
In 1998, he lost his sight and in 2009,
he became the first blind man to trek to the South Pole.

Last summer though,
he fell from a bedroom window during the night.
He was left paralysed from the waist down.

FOR SOME REASON
I WAS THINKING HE HAD GOOD
NAVIGATIONAL SKILLS !
(unless he was BLIND drunk)

Pretty hard to fall out of your own bedroom window !
I would think you’d know your way around.
(I seem to do fine in the dark)

and being blind, why would your windows be
THAT big with no safety bar across it ?
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LIGHT ON PICS THIS WEEK,
HEAVY ON TEXT…

Sometimes that’s just the way it is…
and it’s much too cold for nudity…

Not for me !  For RIP Renfield !

SNAPPING ?
I should either snap out of the
BAD WEATHER BLUES
or
SNAP and go running naked
(and drooling) thru the mall !!!

RENFIELD nudity one way or the other !

I should get back in step once I thaw out…
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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trivia answer…

I must say I’m sorry to be losing your business.
I hope you’ll enjoy living abroad…
Mr. Stevens
visited nearly a dozen banks in the Portland area that …

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