† RIP Renfield #588 – CRYING in the SNOW †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 588 – CRYING in the SNOW †

January 22, 2011

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THIS DAMN WINTER

JUST WON’T LET UP !

“It’s breaking me up & bringing me down”
-the Kinks

I got spoiled by all the relatively mild winters we’ve had…
ones where people complained about the lack of snow…

“BACK WHEN I WAS A KID”
and all that !

You could ALMOST believe in global warming !


I’VE HAD IT…

I VOTE ‘YES’ TO GLOBAL WARMING !!!

Even the hottest summers aren’t as
dis-heartening & spirit ‘bustin’
as a long, dark, cold winter !
I hear more & more people ‘hating’ the snow !
IT’S NO WINTER WONDERLAND
WHEN IT’S CONTINUOUS & CONFINING YOU !



GIVE ME THE HEAT

I MIGHT AS WELL GET USED TO THE HEAT
SINCE THERE’LL BE PLENTY WHERE
I’M SPENDING ETERNITY !
(On earth, I can always turn on the air conditioning)


WHITE CHRISTMAS ?

EAT ME !!!

They should move Christmas to the end of January.
More room between Thanksgiving & XMAS & NEW YEARS,
more time for retailers to hawk there wares,
AND THE HOLIDAY WOULD ACTUALLY GIVE YOU
SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO
IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER INSTEAD OF THE START !
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FIRST LESLIE NIELSEN AND NOW…


aww…
R.I.P Honey…

ANNE (LLOYD) FRANCIS

(LOOKED FANTASTIC FOR AN OLD BROAD)

She made it to 2011, but just barely.
What can you say about a constant in your life…
From being a ‘prison babe’ in SO YOUNG, SO BAD,
to a small role at the end of PORTRAIT OF JENNIE,
the SEXY love interest of recently deceased LESLIE NIELSEN
in the sci-fi classic, the first real sci-fi movie with
some money (and script) behind it…

FORBIDDEN  PLANET,

guesting on many, many popular tv shows for decades,
AND FINALLY TO HER OWN SHOW…

(character introduced on BURKE’S LAW)

HONEY  WEST  !!!

Sexy female, hi-tech detective, male side-kick (sparks?),
pet ocelot, skin-tight cat-suits, James Bond gadgets…
(my daughter is good friends with the guy
who owns the rights for a big-screen version)

THE FUNNY THING IS…

Not knowing about her failing health,
we had been speaking about her all weekend.
As we did.. the next TWILIGHT ZONE episode
in the marathon was HER as the mannequin !
The next day she comes up again…
I talk about her in FORBIDDEN PLANET…
and the movie is on AMC that night !
THEN… purely by coincidence…
Anne’s appearance on the pilot episode for
MURDER SHE WROTE is on the next day !
(re-runs cycled back to the beginning on the right day)


I owed my daughter a Christmas gift,
we had been watching dvd’s of
MY LIVING DOLL (julie newmar)
(sooz laughing her fool head off),
and during the show, she suggests that her gift
should be the dvd box set of HONEY WEST !

So we have a set on the way… and coincidentally,
they announce her death the next day !!!

NEWS OF HER IMPENDING DEATH
MUST HAVE BEEN
FLOATING IN THE ETHER !



(that’s anne on the right)

(one thing… ‘forbidden planet’ blows ’star wars’ away)
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Members of Congress

should be compelled to wear uniforms

just like NASCAR drivers,

so we can identify their corporate sponsors.
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BICYCLE  LICENSE  PLATES  IN  NJ ???

When I first heard of New Jersey proposing
to register EVERY bicycle in the state
(like you would your car),

I THOUGHT TO MYSELF THAT THE STATE
HAS FIGURED ANOTHER WAY TO
‘SQUEEZE’ MONEY OUT OF RESIDENTS !

BUT WHEN I GOT MY HANDS ON A NEWSPAPER ?
Some representative said the bill is in response
to constituents in one of the towns she represents !
OLDER citizens claim that they are ‘bumped’
and ‘knocked down’ by kids on bikes
and have no way to identify the offenders !

HUH?

LAYING THERE ON THE GROUND
THEY’RE GOING TO SEE THE TINY PRINT
ON A BICYCLE LICENSE PLATE ?

If the kids are up to no good
they might just use stolen license plates,
or simply cover up the ones they have !

FOR REVENUE ? IT’S A CRIME !
TO IDENTIFY DOPEY KIDS ?
IT’S IDIOTIC !

Ever hear of a digital camera ?

TAKE A CELL PHONE PIC OF THE KID
AND CALL THE COPS !


By the way…

This registration is supposed to cost $10 per year.
HOW MUCH IS POLICING IT GOING TO COST ?
WHO IS GOING TO BE ON BICYCLE WATCH ?

ARE THEY DEPENDING ON THE $100+ FINES
FOR RIDING OFF YOUR PROPERTY ?
This just may stifle a healthy alternative to cars !

AREN’T THERE BIGGER  CRIMES
TO BE WORRIED ABOUT ?

Who-ever suggested this,
should be embarassed to show her face…
this is sit-com material, not work-able law !
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the DEAD ?

I’ve got them stacked up
like airplanes over a foggy airport !!!
(with sick passengers & pilot that all had fish)

CALLING JOE BLACK !!!

Can you slow the flow a bit…

I’VE GOT 6 IN THE ‘CAN’ !!!
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LOTTERY HUSBAND

A CRIMINAL & WIFE BEATER ?

It’s a shame that more deserving people, like me,
DON’T get the big money…
but…
IF SHE WERE BEING ASKED TO SPLIT
HER LAST $100 WITH HIM,
THAT’S ONE THING…

BUT HALF OF $90 MILLION,
IS STILL $45 MILLION
AND SHE CAN LIVE VERY NICELY ON IT !

I THINK I COULD BE HAPPY WITH MY MONEY,
AND NOT CRYING OVER ANOTHER
UN-DERSERVING MILLIONAIRE !

LET IT GO

THE LAW WOULD PROTECT HER INTERESTS TOO
IF IT WERE REVERSED AND HE HAD DESERTED HER
WITHOUT THE BENEFIT OF DIVORCE !

Should have had her mom cash the ticket,
divorce the bum,
and let mom take care of her until she inherits it back…
Half would go to taxes, but not to the bum.
(unless mom is just as un-trustworthy)

SHE SHOULD HAVE SPRUNG FOR A LAWYER’S OPINION
BEFORE COMING FORWARD…
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SOMEDAY I WANT TO BE RICH !

Some people get so rich

that they lose all respect for humanity !

THAT’S how rich I want to be !!!
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http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/

It always amazes me how accessible

the stars of yesterday (& today) are !
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I ran into a guy I used to work with…

Forced to retire due to a slip on the ice last year
that shattered his hip !

I saw his wife in the 7-11, asked about him,
and tell him I said “Hi”…
She said tell him yourself, he’s out in the car.

We exchanged pleasantries & got up to date…
He said that he basically no longer has a hip,
BUT HE HAS A 12 INCH ROD !!!

BRAGGART !!!

I said… ” WELL, AT LEAST YOU CAN KEEP
YOUR WIFE HAPPY WITH THAT WHOPPER !!! ”
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Ohhhhh… the 12 inch rod is steel
and holding your former hip together …

12 incher?

I’d have to make 2 trips !
(at least?)
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I’VE MENTIONED THIS OLD TV SHOW BEFORE…
but with the popularlity of the dance reality shows,
I think it’s time to bring back…

CLUB  DANCE

I remember when the SPIKE CHANNEL used to be
the NASHVILLE NETWORK.
They ran this show, based in a southern dance club,
where individuals and dance troupes
would come to strut their stuff !
There were ‘regulars’ that the ‘visitors’
would flirt and dance with…
but mostly you found out that fat-and-ugly people
actually existed and went out to clubs !
They weren’t models, or starlets… just regular people !
(I still think it odd.. touch dancing with both in jeans)

IT WASN’T A SCRIPTED SHOW…

JUST ‘CANNED’ MUSIC (videos on club tv’s)
AND PEOPLE DANCING !!!

IT WAS LIKE A TRAIN-WRECK…

once you started watching for a minute…
you’d end up staying for an hour !
and everyone you asked had spent a few hours
glued to the tv and not knowing why !

IF IT WERE ON NOW…

I DON’T THINK I COULD RESIST CHECKING IN !

BRING BACK

CLUB  DANCE

(one of the most in-expensive shows ever produced)
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I haven’t decided where the power comes from…

EITHER MY MOTHER IS A WITCH
or
I HAVE ABILITIES
FAR BEYOND THOSE OF MORTAL MEN !

I stopped cutting and coloring my hair about 2 years ago.
(got a rockin’ pony-tail goin’)
I’ve colored my hair since my early 30’s…
started going grey early, and soon I had
a washed-out color look…
PLUS IT MADE ME LOOK OLDER THAN I WAS !
(I don’t mind looking my age)

IT TOOK FOREVER TO GROW OUT THE ‘COLOR’…
and a month or so ago… my mother (again) gave me
crap about my ‘white’ hair !
I pointed out that I got it from her (dead) father…
I had the same hair as him !
SHE CLAIMED THAT HIS HAIR
WAS NEVER WHITE LIKE MINE !
HE HAD SOME COLOR TO IT !

GUESS  WHAT ?

I’ve come FULL circle !!!

I’m still pretty white-haired…
but from nowhere I’ve started getting color
in my formerly all-white hair !
I showed it to my doctor and his only reply was
that if we could bottle it, we could make a fortune !

AM I THAT INTIMIDATED (still) BY MY MOTHER
THAT I’M ‘SQUEEZING’ OUT HAIR COLOR
SO I DON’T DISAPPOINT HER ?

SPOOKY !
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the perfect combination

to see ultimate truth ?

(according to a character on Doctor Who)

BEING BRILLIANT

but

UN-LOVED


THAT line really stuck in my mind…
kinda makes sense !
Having great intelligence without the ‘curtains’,
you get a unique perspective
that others can avoid, and do !
You are immune to charisma & bullshit !

YOU SEE THE REALITY OF IT ALL !
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speaking of DOCTOR WHO,

I had a very odd experience !

A UK buddy sent me a gift a few years ago.
They are made in any number of themes.
Mine is a 5 inch high TARDIS
(the doctor’s time & space vehicle)
that you can use as a cell phone ringer.
Switched on (cell ringer switched off)
and placed within 15 feet of your cell phone,
it activates when you receive incoming calls!
The TARDIS makes the ‘noise’ of the TARDIS,
and the light on top flashes blue.



I’VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO USE IT
AS INTENDED.  THE PHONES IN THE USA
MUST OPERATE ON A DIFFERENT SYSTEM.
(I’ve never even heard of an equivalent device here)

ANYWAY…

It’s on the shelf in my bedroom for years.
On the morning of January 20th, about 9 am,
I’m laying there awake but not out of bed yet.
I hear a noise I can’t immediately identify.
I turn my head, see the flashing blue light,
and realize the TARDIS has been activated !

TO MY KNOWLEDGE, IT NEVER HAS BEFORE
AND IT HASN’T HAPPENED SINCE !!!

I’m baffled !  Was it a message ?

(I always plan to ‘annoy’ myself from the future,
very subtly, you can’t give anything away,
‘butterfly effect’ and all that)
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I finally got around to backing up my dvd of…

THE CREATION OF THE HUMANOIDS

Great, great low-budget sci-fi film
from the olden days…
the human-robots have their own ideas…
(a spin on the Asimov-Foundation template)

SOMEONE SHOULD RE-MAKE IT

IT STILL GROKS !

Turns out some attempts at re-makes have been made,
I was able to Youtube a few scenes…

STAY WITH THE ORIGINAL

Some things should NEVER be remade !
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My newphew’s pregnant wife

is having blood-pressure problems…

I WAS IN DISCUSSION WITH MY NEWPHEW ABOUT
HOW TO LESSEN BLOOD PRESSURE…

WHEN HE WENT TO HIS WIFE WITH OPTIONS
of what she could do…   (exercise, diet, etc)

I jumped in with…

“SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW”
(my non-poker-faced sister)

I’m wondering why that got such a good laugh ?
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my spirit is broken…



sleet, ice, snow, & rain on Tuesday

3-5 inches more snow for Friday morning

extra frigid temperatures for a few days
(normal frigid is bad enough)

then more snow next week…

(blizzard chances over 3 or 4 days)

LIKE I SAID…  I’VE HAD IT !!!

(DON’T TRY TO CHEER ME UP)


I guess I picked the wrong winter

to give up

DRINKING & DRUGS


Hmmm… I do neither…

THAT MUST BE THE PROBLEM !!!

I  NEED A  SELF-DESTRUCTIVE  HOBBY !

Oh yeah.. I got RIP Renfield

Ho-kay… outta here !
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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