† RIP Renfield #587 – DEATH in the FAMILY †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  # 587 – DEATH in the FAMILY †

January 15, 2011

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an abbreviated, dis-jointed, issue this week…

(and not much of a ‘ha-ha’ issue either)

THERE’S BEEN A DEATH

IN THE FAMILY


The mother of my good friend has passed away.

TISH (pillbug)

She’s a big part of the RIP Renfield team,
and the exclusive (original) graphics contributor.
Like I said… family.

a heart-felt and respectful

REST-in-PEACE

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just an opinion…


At work, we were instructed (years ago) to eliminate
certain language from our vocabularies…
VIOLENT language !
It wasn’t all that hard an adjustment…
(I could kill you, I’ll punch your lights out, or
rip off your head and piss down your throat, etc.)

AND NOW WHEN I HEAR OTHERS…
I CRINGE AT HOW BAD IT SOUNDS !

I’m hoping that the good that could come out of
that Arizona (politically motivated?) shooting
(at the congresswoman’s appearance)
is that the press & media back the fuck off !
It’s been a feeding frenzy way too long,
continually increasing and one-upping each other,
ONLY for the sake of ratings !!!
(yeah YOU, Nancy Grace)
Statements that could just as easily go un-reported
(or un-said by the idiots),
ones that add nothing to a news story !

MAYBE IT’S TIME TO STOP FIRING-UP
THE DANGEROUSLY MENTALLY ILL AMONG US
BY TAKING SERIOUS PEOPLE & SUBJECTS
AND GIVING THEM THE SHOCK-JOCK TREATMENT
THAT BELONGS IN ENTERTAINMENT,
NOT NEWS REPORTING !!!

IT’S GOTTEN OUT OF HAND !

the previous opinion
was brought to you by the ‘big guns’

at

TARGET  DEPARTMENT STORES

We ‘AIM’ to please !

(you can see their logo plastered all over TIMES SQUARE)
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not only am I getting more and more depressed

by the cold weather and snow…

(more so than in past years)

I’M DEPRESSED BY THE PREDICTION OF SNOW
A WEEK AHEAD OF TIME !!!

Who knows if the weatherman will be right
or make his usual miss-it-by-a-mile forecast ?

LEAVING THE HOUSE IS A CHORE !
EVEN TAKING THE GARBAGE OUT
ADDS TO THE DEPRESSION !

I’M FRIGGIN’ ACHY !!!

MY SLEEP IS OFF !!!

Two things that aren’t part of my regular life !

THIS SUCKS !!!

(even prescription (wink,wink) drugs don’t give relief)
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LAYING IN BLIZZARD SUPPLIES…

I was prepared months ago for removal…
300 pounds of salt,
and my montage of snow shovels.

WE’RE TALKING NECESSITIES !!!

I was off-work the day BEFORE the latest snow event.
Went for my quarterly doctor check-up,
then the the pharmacy to pick up some drugs…
(woo hoo)
Been a bit achy lately (work is a bitch),
and snow shoveling hasn’t helped my back !
He suggested advil and I told him they don’t work…
SO… he suggested some prescription, non-steroid,
anti-inflammatory type pill,
a once-a-day one that might give me some relief…
HEY… IF THEY WORK.. I’LL GET MORE !
(ahem, plus 60 of some oxy-something or other)

WHILE AT THE CVS DRUG STORE…
I picked up some honey roasted cashews
and 2 boxes of GOOD-n-PLENTY candy.

THEN TO WALMART…
Got a few bottles of STAX potato chips,
some ice cream, a couple of boxes of cupcakes,
pecan pie, some brownie mix, some sugary cereal,

and, oh yeah…

bread, milk, & eggs…
put some gas in the car…
and bought lottery tickets for the rest of the week.

DID I FORGET TO MENTION

THE 2 PIZZAS I PICKED UP AT PIZZA HUT ?

I think I’m ready for a snowstorm…

If I get snowed-in, I probably have enough junk for 2 weeks
and an additional 10 pounds of body weight !
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BIG LOTTERY WINNINGS !

The 2nd winning ticket ($90million)
is the property of a ‘divorced’, single woman with 2 children…

WELL THAT’S WHAT THE FEMALE HALF
OF A LOCAL NEWS TEAM SAID…

The MALE half pointed out that she was ’separated’,
NOT divorced !
The FEMALE seemed outraged that the guy
might be expecting to get a cut of the money !

SHE SEEMED TO GET THE POINT
WHEN HER CO-HOST ASKED HER
WHAT SHE WOULD DO
IF THE ‘SEPARATED’ GUY HAD WON THE MONEY ?

Of course, the woman would be entitled to half,
PLUS child support !

EQUALITY IS A BITCH SOMETIMES !
I guess some want equality ONLY for the benefits,
not the responsibilities !

I’M REMINDED OF JOAN LUNDEN

(very successful newscaster, show host).

Her husband appeared to be the ’svengali’
who was responsible for much of her ‘ladder climbing’ !
(her high-profile dropped like a rock without him)
WHEN THEY DIVORCED…
She was whiny-and-outraged that she would have to
give up some of HER money to him !
I believe she was quoted as saying something like…
” He’s capable of earning a living, why should I pay? ”
Sounds like the same argument men have made
forever in divorce proceedings against wives !
SHOE ON THE OTHER FOOT HURTS, JOAN !

Even the women’s libber groups backed away
from her anachronistic view !

BY THE WAY…

The ’separated’ husband was informed of the win
by a reporter, not the wife.
Too bad she’s not a trusting soul.
If she hated him that much, she could have had
a family member (mom?) cash the ticket…
or added brothers & sisters as partners,
minimizing half of HER winnings !

BUT… I have a feeling that
if she offers him $5 million to go away…

HE’LL BE HAPPY TO TAKE IT !!!

(unless he hates her THAT much)
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since I’m struggling for material this week…
try this item…

I’ve had this ‘yen’ for egg salad lately…
some toasted english muffins, cup of tea…
(a quick meal when I’m in a hurry)
So every other week, I’ll take a dozen or so eggs
and hard-boil them for later…

YES, I KNOW HOW…

Put the eggs in a pan, cover with water,
bring to a boil, cover, take them off the heat,
and let them ‘cook’ for 20 minutes or so.
(I usually let it go an hour, just to make sure)
Then put them in the egg carton,
I use a marker and put an ‘x’ on them
(so I won’t mistake un-cooked eggs),
and in the refridgerator to cool…
(egg shrinks, shell stays the same, peels easier)

I FELL ASLEEP LAST NITE !

The heat was off, but the eggs sat in the pot
of now cold water for the entire night.
(cool-to-cold night… hey, it’s not summer)
Stupidly, I was concerned they might have spoiled !
I googled it and the first thing that came up
was EASTER EGGS !   Duh… they sit out,
un-refrigerated in yards for easter egg hunts,
in bowls for decorations, and they get eaten anyway
with no foul, no harm, no salmonella !

POISONED?

SO FAR, SO GOOD !
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the shooter in arizona…

from THE DAILY GUT

(dailygut.com – greg gutfeld of RED EYE - 3am weekdays)

The result: Saturday.

The fact is, we now know the killer’s a nut.

But we also know that a lot of people knew
he was a nut. LONG before we did.

Pima Community College suspended him
after five contacts with the police.
The guy scared everyone,
for he had no connection with reality.
He was an internet troll, in real skin.

But no one could do anything.
Which raises the question:
SHOULD THE CIVIL RIGHTS OF ONE SICK GUY
PUT THE REST OF US AT RISK ?

I say no.

For it is mental illness that prevents the mentally ill person
from seeking help for his mental illness. And you’re not acting
against their will, if their will isn’t present.
So rather than spew fake outrage for political gain,
perhaps we should look at laws preventing us
from helping the sick. I’d rather get these folks on meds,
before they get us with bullets.

WELL SAID…

THE ‘GUT’ IS A DAILY STOP FOR ME !

It was better all around before the Supreme Court
emptied the institutions of functional, but questionable,
patients who’ve mostly become our ‘crazy’ homeless
that live on the streets of our cities.

and I’d like to add a very short video,
courtesy of WILLIAM SHATNER,
on the subject of handling gun crime…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0D78JtxmqI

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microsoft geeky guys…

I was in a local Microsoft corporate office,
and asked a question of some of the geeky guys
at the elevator… (one took pity on me, was helpful)

I HAVE A ‘NEED’ TO RUN AOL 8.0
(easier to compose, format, archive RIP Renfield)

I’m told it won’t run on Windows 7
(which I’ll have to go to eventually)
so I’ll have to find an altenate way to do RIP,
and, I suppose, convert over 500 issues
to another, more universal format.
(for the last 100 issues I’ve been saving in html)
AOL 8.0 lets me save in ‘html’ !

HOW CAN I RUN AOL 8.0 on WINDOWS 7  ?

I’m hoping there’s a better (cheaper) way…
but found out that if you PURCHASE
WINDOWS 7 ‘ULTIMATE’
(or the even more expensive ‘BUSINESS’ version)
you are able to ‘over-lay’ the XP OPERATING SYSTEM
on top of the WINDOWS 7 OPERATING SYSTEM !!!
(very cool)

BUT WHY CAN’T THERE JUST BE A WEB SITE
WHERE YOU CAN TEMPORARILY ‘CLICK’
INTO AN ALTERNATE OPERATING SYSTEM ?
Much like the way GMAIL & COMCAST
have the software on THEIR end,
and can change and update it as they please,
requiring no updates or installations on YOUR machine !

EVEN IF CHARGED A SUBSCRIPTION FEE,
(or a one-time use fee)
access to ‘alternate’ operation systems
for a ‘limited’, or one-time use
could be a real money maker !


INSTEAD OF THE $200+ CHEAPER OPTION,
it might be a better idea to buy a cheap laptop
and just keep running XP on it.
(my computer repair guy will put on any OS I like)
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I guess it was only a matter of time
till we joined those other countries & areas
with crazy cold and tons of snow !

I COULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT IT !

I’d really love to see a week of 40 degree weather !
Two months ago that would have been cold !

I’ve noticed though. that since we got our own snow,
the european weather reports have mostly stopped !
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FUCK IT ALL !!!

First…

There are ONLY 8 planets ?
(Pluto was demoted)

AND NOW ?

I’ve spent a lifetime as a LIBRA
and now they change it
and I’m a VIRGO ?

NO FRIGGIN’ WAY !

I don’t feel like a Virgo !!!

IS THIS JUST A MERCHANDISING SCHEME ?
Are they trying to sell more key chains?
Or is it tattoo removal ?

THAT  MEANS THAT ALL THOSE PEOPLE
WHO THOUGHT THEIR ‘HORROR-SCOPE’ WERE ‘SPOT-ON’
were actually basing it on someone else’s chart !!!

http://news.mwza.com/tech/new-astrological-signs-2011/832/

MAKE BELIEVE SCIENCE

SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE !
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PIZZA  TIME  !!!

I got a surprise christmas gift
from my nephew’s 3 year old…
A non-expiring coupon for a pizza party
with the kid… my house or hers… my choice…
at some time in the future…
With all the snow & cold, I figured her parents
were ‘freaking’ (she’s a handful)…
and the kid was sick of the same 4 walls…
So being off work Monday, I suggested that day
(if convenient for them).

A GREAT GIFT ALL THE WAY AROUND…
I get pizza, they get their kid ‘baby-sat’ for the day !

HEY… WAIT A MINUTE !!!
WAS THAT THE PLAN ALL ALONG ?

NO MATTER…

but it did remind me of a pizza story of mine
from the third grade…

The teacher told us how she and 8 of her friends
went out for pizza… since the pie was 8 slices…
they asked it be cut into 9 pieces !!!

AND WE WERE ASSIGNED TO FIGURE OUT
HOW TO GET 9 EQUAL SLICES OUT OF A PIZZA !

I can remember my ‘little’ brain working
and having a response almost immediately…

WHAT KIND OF CHEAP BASTARDS
BOUGHT A SINGLE PIZZA FOR 9 PEOPLE ?
and they were planning on taking up 9 seats
to eat their pizza that probably cost under $2
in those days !!! (the CHEAP bastards)

AND IT’S NOT LIKE IT WAS AN
ANOREXIA BUFFET !!!
(anorexia wasn’t discovered yet)

I never got past the ‘cheap’ to do the assignment !
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EGG SALAD UPDATE…

I’m still here !

(fart, fart, fart)
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the ‘BIG’ 2nd snowstorm was a bust !

IT WAS NO SNOW-PALOOZA !!!

(at least around here)

after the BLIZZARD… 6 OR 8 inches of snow
just doesn’t seem like all that much…

IF it was before the blizzard though,
it would have been crippling…

WE’VE ADJUSTED !
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I mentioned my building depressing
(just waiting for something to pop & raise me)
WELL.. SOMETHING KINDA HAPPENED !

THE DOCTOR VISIT

I mentioned my bad sleep & achy-ness
for the last month or 2…
Advil wan’t helping helping with the constant aches.
(cold? work? age?)

WELL, HIS SUGGESTION

WAS A GREAT ONE !

A prescription… non-narcotic, non-steroid, once-a-day
anti-inflammatory to be taken around 5 pm daily.
He gave me a Rx for 10 to try them out.

FIRST NIGHT ?

I slept better than I had in months !
Very comfortable, very sound,
woke up an hour before my alarm.. refreshed !
In addition… NOT A SINGLE ACHE !
Even my slightly pulled back muscle pain,
and a wrist problem, were basically GONE !

Early in the day, I noticed that I was…
HAPPY !!!  SMILING !!!  IN A GREAT MOOD !!!
I’m thinking it couldn’t be anything in the pill,
must have just been from a good nite’s sleep
and FINALLY some relief from my achy-ness !



(I googled the drug to make sure he didn’t slip me
some anti-depression or ‘upper’ medication)

I plan to take it for 3 days… to see if it really works.
Then take a week off to see if the achy-ness returns.
If it’s psycho-somatic or a placebo…

I REALLY DON’T CARE !!!

FOOL ME.. FOOL ME… AS LONG AS IT WORKS !!!

And if it does, I’m asking for a bigger bottle !
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MORE HAPPY NEWS…

The junk supple I put in for the blizzard ?
I tried them once before from Walmart
in a family pack (8 individually wrapped).

HOSTESS SUZI-Q’s

In the olden days they were great, my favorite.
Then somewhere along the way I figured
they chanced the recipe… cheaper, more profit.
(and expensive… snack pack for $1.59)

I bought a box in Walmart for $2.50,
tried them at home… and it turns out that
THEY ARE DELICIOUS !!!
JUST THE WAY I REMEMBER THEM
WHEN THEY USED TO BE GOOD !

I don’t see why they are so drastically different.
It can’t be a freshness thing…
they pull the old ones off the shelf
and I can’t have gotten edge-of-freshness date ones
for the last 10 years… the odds are against it !

SO I PICKED UP 3 BOXES THIS TIME
AND SO FAR,SO GOOD…
THE FIRST BOX IS GREAT !

After the 3rd box?
BURNOUT, BURNOUT, I’M DONE !
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OKAY…

SO IT WASN’T AN ABBREVIATED ISSUE…

UNLESS

ABBREVIATED = SUCKY

HEY

WHAT CAN I TELL YOU ?
THEY ALL AIN’T GEMS !!!

The weather and the weekend chores got the better of me
and it must have gotten reflected in my writing.
(there’s always next week… see if I can recover?)

BETTER THAN NOTHING…
(or is it?)

Fuck Brett Favre and his continuous game record ending…
MY RIP Renfield continuous record goes on !!!

and lastly, once again…

SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, TISH
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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR ‘ODD’ FRIENDS<<<<<

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