† RIP Renfield #585 – HAPPY NEW YEAR †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

+++++++++++++++++++

Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

**********************

† RIP Renfield  # 585 – HAPPY NEW YEAR †

January 1, 2011

———————

-
-
-
-
-

FIRSTLY…

This issue was re-written from a fun, entertaining,
New Year’s Issue, to a last minute
NORTH-EAST-TRI-STATE AREA BLIZZARD ISSUE…
(gotta strike while the snow is deep)

SORRY FOR THE LAST MINUTE CHANGE…
(but a real credit to my talent & abilities.. pshaw)
-
-
-
-
-

HAPPY NEW YEAR

(hope you had a good 1-1-11)

Well… Christmas has come & gone…
I was home from mom’s before 10pm xmas eve…
fiddled online for a bit…
and looked forward to a good nite’s sleep
(I could have used one)

HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD ONE…




NEW YEAR’S EVE ?

I haven’t gone out or celebrated since college !
Exhausted from work, it was like any other non-holiday,
except I was in bed earlier than usual…
WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL ANYWAY?

I’m been at the…

‘LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE’

stage for a long time & wouldn’t have it any other way.
(same stage for xmas day too)

EVERYONE ELSE ?

DO YOUR THING & HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR !
(my ‘thing’ is an acquired taste)
-
-
-
-
______________________
-
-
-
-
R.I.P

BENOIT MANDELBROT

FATHER OF FRACTAL GEOMETRY

His pioneering work on fractal geometry
made him one of the few modern mathematicians
to approach widespread fame.

Mandelbrot coined the term “fractal” in 1975
to describe irregular shapes
in nature and in mathematics that exhibit self-similarity
like snowflakes or Romanesco broccoli,
they look roughly the same at varying scales.
The so-called Mandelbrot set, a plot of complex numbers
whose boundary forms a fractal, provided perhaps
the most visually entrancing embodiment of the concept.

THE INSPIRATION FOR THE

‘MANDELBROT SET’ THEORY…

(courtesty of Mrs. Mandelbrot)

HE MUST HAVE REALLY HATED TO GO…

Rest-in-Peace
-
-
-
-
______________________
-
-
-
-
-
the PHILADELPHIA New Year’s Day Parade…

MORE THAN YOU NEED TO KNOW

ABOUT THE MUMMER TRADITION…



The Mummers Parade traces back to mid-17th century roots,
blending elements from Swedish, Finnish, Irish, English, German
and other European heritages, as well as African-American heritage.
The parade is related to the Mummers Play tradition from England,
Ireland, Scotland and Wales.  Philadelphia’s first settlers,
brought the custom of visiting neighbors on December 26th.
This was soon extended through New Year’s Day
with costumed celebrants loudly parading through the city.
The first official parade was held January 1, 1901.
In the early years of the official parade, the make-shift costumes
of most celebrants were gradually replaced by more elaborate outfits
funded by associations’ fund-raising efforts.  The Comics “wenches”
and female parts in most skits are typically performed by men in drag.
Women were not officially allowed in the Parade until the 1970s.

for a more complete history…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mummers_Parade
(the parade descended from centuries old traditions)
-
-
-
-
____________________
-
-
-
-
-
YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS

BUT I, GARY RENFIELD,

WAS INVITED TO A NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY !

It’s not a family party, and I have NO friends,
so this left me pleasantly surprised !

I DID point out to the young lady that I AM married,
just in case it was a party for 2…

I really needed to know if it was the kind of ‘party’
that I had to wash behind my ‘balls’ for !!!
(or come as your are, nobody will be in a position to notice)

on a similar subject…


A buddy of mine in England
(we exchange xmas gifts),
asked for a hint as to what to get me…


MY REPLY ?

BLOND, BLUE-EYED, SLIM,

PREFERABLY  FEMALE  !

(if not, I hope HE remembers to wash behind HIS ‘balls’)
-
-
-
-
________________________

-
-
-
-
NY-tri-state area

day after xmas weather editorital ?

DAMN  BLIZZARD !!!

I was really enjoying the non-snow winter…
With a blizzard on the way…  I PREPARED !
moved the garbage cans near the bottom
of the driveway to make them easier to put out,
placed snow shovels in handy places
(I have a collection, 1 for every need),
put a 50 pound bag of salt on the front porch,
even took the xmas lights on the outside
of the house down…
(ones on handrail would be in the way or get broken).

THEN CAME PUTTING THE 3 CARS
ON THE DRIVEWAY FOR PLOWING THE STREET !

My wife just drives off (getting milk while in car?),
my daughter put her car in first.. (drives around block first),
ignores my hand-signals to guider her in…
and does a WIDE turn… way too fast for a driveway…

GUESS WHAT ?

Remember the garbage cans I put near the street ?

BOOM !  TAKES OFF HER DRIVER’S SIDE MIRROR !

It could have been avoided, but I blame myself…

THEY HAD NEVER BEEN THERE BEFORE
SO THE KID WASN’T EXPECTING THEM THAT CLOSE…
Afterwards?  I moved them further off the driveway
so my wife wouldn’t do the same thing !

My daugher’s fairly-new car now has duct tape
holding the mirror assembly in place…
(only a few strips, not as bad as the above pic,
but the shell on ours has a hole punched in it)
I’m thinking I can super-glue it once the weather
turns and goes back to dry.

THE BEST LAID PLANS and all…

We forego ‘real’ xmas gifts, and a $300 mirror assembly breaks !

WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME ?

(plus it’s supposed to be 50 degrees by the weekend)

I’ve had this feeling of foreboding recently,
that my non-luck was going to turn bad…
so far, I’m on schedule…
and that’s … JUST MY LUCK !
-
-
-
_______________________
-
-
-
-
I ran into the UPS guy

while I was getting out of my car…

I ‘tipped’ him for the holidays (pre-xmas),
and he ‘dove’ into the back of his truck
to dig out a package for me…

I call out…

” I HOPE IT’S MY NEW BLOW-UP DOLL,

I’M TRYING OUT A FEMALE ONE THIS TIME ! ”
-
-
-
_____________________
-
-
-
-
one MORE place

I CAN’T EAT-AT !

(another ruined holiday junk treat)

A first… a pizza place !
I haven’t been able to replace my OLD favorite place,
but the other convenient ones?
One, the food stinks, another pissed me off…
pizza hut is okay, but not really pizza…

So I try a place I pass on the way home from work…
I had eaten there in the past with no problem…

BUT THIS TIME ?
(new, non-italian, management?)
The pie kinda small, cheap on mondays & tuesdays…
and it was actually VERY tasty ! (that’s the tip-off)

They probably don’t ‘drown’ their food in MSG,
but there’s enought of it in their concoctions
to get a reaction from me…
I woke up the next morning
(thank god I was off from work)
and, even in a sitting on the floor position…
I WAS DIZZY… not just a little…
I was able to function, but couldn’t shake it completely !
It came & went during the day…
The ONLY things I ate the previous day
was the pizza, some pringles, & a big cookie…
(okay.. 2 BIG cookies)
The pizza was the only ‘question mark’ !

NOT ENOUGH TO SICKEN ME FOR 3 DAYS
LIKE THE LAST TIME I EVER ATE CHINESE FOOD,
but enough to make me swear off this place forever !

A day later I was fine… but it sucks to be me !
No more chinese food EVER,
NO BOSTON MARKET…
now?  cross a great tasting pizza off my list !

and since I’m mad at the ‘good’ italian place,
and the rest of them suck…

BACK TO PIZZA HUT !
(the bastards)
-
-
-
_____________________

-
-
-
-
the blizzard ?

the state of emergency in the NorthEast ?
(you must have read about it)

Out of boredom being homebound
I went to a trivia chat room I used to frequent…

Some idiotic woman was complaining…
seems her husband called the post office
to see if there was mail delivery in the blizzard.
(2-and-a-half feet of snow, and windy as hell)

AND CLAIMED THE PERSON WHO ANSWERED
THE PHONE DIDN’T PULL ANY PUNCHES
AND ANSWERED HIM AS THE MORON HE WAS !
(probably embellished by her husband, but well deserved)

She didn’t appreciate my point-of-view…
but the straw?  the one that got me ‘ignored’ ?

I asked…

WHAT WAS YOUR HUSBAND DOING HOME ?
WHY WASN’T HE AT WORK ?

I’m sure the logic of the answer flustered her…
WHAT COULD SHE ANSWER ?
To say that her husband was home from work,
because of the severe weather ?
BUT THE FUCKING MAILMAN SHOULD BE OUT THERE ?

These are the same kind of people who,
after the mailman slips on THEIR ice
and they get sued… use the excuse…

WHAT WAS HE DOING OUT THERE ANYWAY ?
COULDN’T HE SEE THE SHITTY JOB WE DID
CLEANING THE WALK ?  IT’S HIS OWN FAULT !
(he should have stayed home, out of the SEVERE weather)

STUPID EFFIN’ PEOPLE…

Just gotta have that water bill fast as possible !
JERKS !!!  BET THEY’RE REAL BIG TIPPERS TOO !
-
-
-
-
________________________
-
-
-
-
SEVERE  WEATHER ?

Whether the snow conditions are expected
to improve soon… or not improve much at all…

WHY NOT JUST TELL EVERYONE
TO STAY HOME FOR 2 DAYS ?

CLEAN UP YOUR HOUSE, SIDEWALK, AND STREET…
Treat it like a snow day from school…
and avoid all the anger & anxiety of the roads,
the wasted time, and work…

YOU’RE A LOT SAFER TOO !!!
-
-
-
-
________________________
-
-
-

I was in an office building…
lots of glass around the 2nd floor,
visible from the downstairs lobby…

GLANCING UP…

I saw this really ’sexily dressed’ professional woman
in conversation with 2 businessmen in suits…

She wasn’t a secretary, probably manager level…
She was in-shape, tight business suit (with skirt)
and delicate, black high heels that looked great
but were probably very uncomfortable !


SHE CAME ACROSS TO ME AS
VERY FUCK-ABLE !
(and flirty… anything for the company)

USING HER ‘SKILLS’ TO FULL POTENTIAL !

FOLLOWING THE DRESS CODE,
BUT STILL STRUTTIN’ HER STUFF !

Not ‘drop-dead’ gorgeous,
but really ’selling’ IT !
(hours of prep & pampering go into THAT look)

THANK GOD I WAS BORN A GUY !
I don’t even have the time to be a decent slob !

Imagine the pic below with…
better hair
better make-up
suit 2 sizes smaller
skirt 3 inches higher
and add another 2 inches to the heels…

AND YOU GET THE IDEA !



MY IMPRESSION, CONCLUSIONS ?
(with absolutely no inter-action with her)

SOMEONE WHO SPENDS THAT MUCH
TIME AND EFFORT ON THEIR LOOKS,
CAN’T POSSIBLY BE AS INTERESTED
IN THE JOB SHE DOES FOR THE COMPANY !

SHE GAVE ME THE IMPRESSION
OF A ‘LIGHT-WEIGHT’
MORE DECORATION, THAN SUBSTANCE !

Maybe husband hunting…

(and maybe YOUR husband)

IF IT WAS MY COMPANY,
AND I WERE DOING THE HIRING…

I don’t think I’d hire her before someone
with the same qualifications
who was present-able but not over-the-top
into her personal dress & grooming !

(plus there’s the potential for
friction, or distraction, to other workers)

YOU ARE FREE TO DRESS AS YOU PLEASE…
but don’t get-on-me for taking in ‘the show’ !

(or sizing you up, or your ‘professional’ first impression)
-
-
-
-
____________________
-
-
-
-

SNOW  HUMOR…

(for some reason, my wife didn’t get it)

I’m out a few days after the 29 inches of blizzard…
The house accessible, I now turn my shovel
to the street, ‘cutting’ out a parking space.

One of the neighbors comes out
and is probably going out somewhere in his car…

I CALL TO HIM…

” C’mon over… I have an extra shovel ! ”

his reply ?

” I’M LEAVING… WAIT, I’LL GET MY WIFE ! “

I thought it was hysterical,

my wife thought… not-so-funny

Instead, I got a couple of kids from the
neighborhood to help with the shoveling…


-
-
-
______________________

-
-
-
-
the northeast blizzard…

Seems the cut-backs in municipal services
have come to bite the serving politicians…

IN THE ASS !!!

Cut-to-the-bone layoffs of municipal workers,
limited supplies of snow removal stuff…
no money budgeted for private contractors
(who are over-whelmed with work anyway)

AND I’M NOT A CONSPIRACY GUY…

BUT…

After MUCH heaped-on criticism,
Billionaire-baby-NYC-Mayor Bloomberg…
having had to ‘alter’ previous statements
that weren’t quite true…
got some relief from a NY Post story
about a couple of city workers
who claim they were ordered to do a shitty job
in response to the layoffs to make the mayor look bad !

THE TIMING SEEMS PRETTY SUSPECT TO ME !

Not that it’s beyond the realm of possibility that
disgruntled workers fight for their lives
in the only manner open to them…
But that the impetus of the snow removal disaster
is NOT the mayor’s fault anymore !

Well… If there are no arrests and-or convictions,
I’m thinking the ’story’ is made up…
and someone in charge is full-of-shit !

PUT OFF TO UN-SUBSTANTIATED RUMORS
TENDS TO FORGIVE THE MAYOR…
VERY CONVENIENT !
(the investigation should take till july)

AND WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE GOV. OF NJ
GOINGTO DO ABOUT THE BLIZZARD
BY BEING IN NEW JERSEY INSTEAD OF DISNEY WORLD ?
(slow news week, so they roasted him)

THERE’S A DEVICE CALLED THE TELEPHONE
THAT HE’D BE USING HERE OR ANYWHERE !!!

I DON’T THINK HE’D BE DRIVING A SNOW PLOW !
-
-
-
_____________________
-
-
-
-
When ‘honing’ the above item

(discussed with an IRS receptionist)

In defense of workers, I ‘worked-in’ this scenario.

My sister works for a large pharmaceutical company.
Not a very high level employee… but she still had a staff.
This staff of 10 was responsible for a certain amount of work.
The number of staff was slowly whittled-down to 2,
but the same work was expected to be done !
SIS GETS NO CREDIT !

Works like a dog to get it done…
but since it does get done…
Why did she have a 10 person staff !
(gets done – she looks bad… doesn’t get done – looks bad)

ANYWAY…

The IRS employee said that YOU just have to
work more efficiently and find better ways !

MY REPLY ?

Well, why don’t you do that here?
Put YOUR feet to the fire and easily 5 jobs
could be eliminated HERE or most anywhere !

WHAT’S HOLDING YOU BACK
FROM BEING MORE EFFICIENT ?

It’s very easy to know what other people should do…
bring it ‘home’ and it’s not such a good idea !
-
-
-
-
____________________
-
-
-
-
SNOW  REMOVAL ?

Since the municipalities DON’T have the money
to provide necessary services to their communities…
(newark lays off hundreds of cops… murder rate soars)

WHY NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF LABOR
YOU CAN PAY WITHOUT USING MONEY ?

It’s the perfect time to set up a system for the near future,
for emergencies, when the national guard
either can’t be used, or needed elsewhere…
or just overwhelmed to do the manual labor…

USE PRISONERS, ROAD GANGS,
AS MANUAL LABOR FOR WHATEVER EMERGENCY…

My recommendation would be to use
non-violent, short-sentenced, minor criminals…
and offer them 2 days off their sentence
for 1 day’s (acceptable) work output !
(or 2 days work for 1 day off, I’m not fussy)

They run, they make trouble ?

ADD 2 DAYS (or 2 months) TO THEIR SENTENCE !
(have them sign a contract to keep it out of the courts)

YOU COULD MOVE A LOT OF SNOW,
AND A HANDFUL OF NATIONAL GUARDSMEN
COULD SUPERVISE A LARGE GROUP OF SHOVELERS !

And there are emergencies OTHER than snow
prisoners could be held in reserve for…
THEY could be tools of the NATIONAL GUARD !
-
-
-
-
_______________________

-
-
-
I was telling someone, then a few more,

about the interview Joe Pantoliano
(or JOEY ‘PANTS’ as we call him)

did on the RON & FEZ xm-sirius radio show…



Seems I’m not the only one who
thought his portrayal of  PERRY PARKER
(philadelphia teen dance show host in the early 60’s)
was a really fun, super role for him !
the movie ?

THE IN CROWD

(a ‘tale of 2 cities’ plot, the title used for more than 1 movie)

The people I told had never heard of this gem…
Well, it was from 1988… so that’s a good excuse…

but if you check that one out and like it…
use your Netflix choices to try

THE FLAMINGO KID

and

HEAVEN HELP US

Movies from that general time
that aren’t shown a lot… ever?

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BY ME,
I JUST MIGHT WATCH THEM AGAIN THIS WEEK !

I think I may pull out HOLLYWOOD KNIGHTS too…
stick-in-the-mud Fran Drescher was the only girl
in the shot not showing her tits…
-
-
-
_____________________

-
-
-
more on the cinema…

QUITE POPULAR IN THE MOVIES…

get ready for a new round of
SUPER HEROES…

THE MAN OF STEEL ?

now there’s

THE BOX OF STEEL !!!

OR AS THE ‘SUPER’ GUYS
IN San Francisco CALL IT ?

KRYPTONITE !!!
-
-
-
-
_______________________
-
-
-
-
-
OKIE-DOKIE

I ran long, but am done now…

I spent New Year’s day fixing the mirror (as best I could) on my kid’s car,
then shoveled a parking space for me out front…
(JUSTIFY-ABLE HOMICIDE? Someone ELSE parking there),
and the rest of the evening doing RIP and my archival backups…

Plus… the blizzard is depressing… even if it’s just clean wash
NOT put away for a week, exasperation just getting to work & home again,
cutting way down on other travel or shopping plans,
body soreness waking you everytime you shift in bed,
and just your normal routine screwed up till the big melt !

AND HOW WAS YOUR HOLIDAY ?

I get a more restful day at work !!!
-
-
-

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

*******************************

OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
——————————

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

+++++++++++++++++++++