† RIP Renfield #581 – HAPPY HANUKKAH †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  #581 – HAPPY HANUKKAH †

December 4, 2010

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CHAKAKHAN, HANUKKAH

HEY… I WAS IN THE BALLPARK !

Might be my imagination,

but isn’t HANUKKAH early this year?

anyway…

PARTY LIKE IT’S 5758 !!!

Once I was lifted in the chair in celebration…
it took some effort… they needed reinforcements !

I’M GLAD TO SEE THAT THE ATHEISTS
ARE LEAVING THE JEWS ALONE
ON THEIR RELIGIOUS HOLYDAYS…

(not as easy to pick on people that FIGHT back)

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the weather report…

I’m surprised at our early frigid temps in New Jersey…
but, at least we’re not ‘crippled’ with snow
like they are in Buffalo and the UK !

I may have been spoiled by Novembers
the last few years (or more?)…
but it sure seems colder, early on,
than it has been in recent memory !

I’m wearing jackets that I’m also planning
to be wearing for blizzard conditions !
Waking up to FREEZING temps ?
Way too early for that (where I am) !

Hopefully, winter will run it’s course early,
and give us an early spring !

(and winter doesn’t OFFICIALLY start till nearly xmas)
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keep warm everybody…

(it’ll be good practice for the afterlife)
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R.I.P

HAROLD  GOULD

Harold V. Goldstein…  stage name Harold Gould,
was an American actor best known for playing Martin Morgenstern
in the 1970s sitcoms Rhoda and The Mary Tyler Moore Show
and as Miles Webber on The Golden Girls.
Gould acted in film and television for nearly 50 years,
appearing in more than 300 television shows,
20 major motion pictures, and over 100 stage plays,
and received Emmy Award nominations five times.
He is known for playing elegant, well-dressed men.
He regularly played Jewish characters & grandfather-type
figures on television and film.

and you can’t NOT mention his contribution
to the Newman-Redford film… THE STING

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it must have been from

TURKEY OVERLOAD !!!

Last issue I inserted the wrong date in ONE spot…

as Maxwell Smart would say…

SORRY ABOUT THAT, CHIEF !
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CHARLIE WRANGLE

GETS CENSURED ?

THAT’S IT ?

Congress punished him as far as they could,
short of expulsion !
I think there’s another gov’t agency
that should have an interest in his ‘crimes’ !

There are a few citizens who have been made examples of…
supposedly showing that the high-and-mighty
can’t be showed special treatment…
there’s…
WILLIE NELSON, MARTHA STEWART,
and, as of late, WESLEY SNIPES !

HOW ABOUT IT?

SHOULDN’T  THE  RESULTS OF THE INVESTIGATION
BE TURNED OVER TO THE IRS ?

I REALIZE IT WASN’T THE CRIME OF THE CENTURY
BUT WHY DOES WRANGEL
GET A PASS ON CRIMINAL PROSECUTION?
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FOR HIM, SHAME IS ENOUGH ?
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atheist christmas?

Why get on the christians ?

It was pointed out to me how the christians
basically ‘borrowed’ (nee: stole) & made their own…
celebrations from druids & wiccans…

GO PROTEST THE DRUIDS
IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD !

Go ahead and tear down
something that promotes ‘good’…

IN THE SPIRIT OF XMAS
(not the Jesus one)
2 very nice, touching in fact,
tv show episodes come to mind…

M*A*S*H

Major Winchester’s family tradition
of secretly ‘taking-care-of’ the orphans
(and being personally depressed & alone)
is found out by Klinger…
YOU’LL MELT AT HOW THEY HANDLE IT…

THE JEFFERSONS

George sneaks off on xmas eve each year
and finally his wife tracks him down
and finds out his secret…
Even though he’s made his fortune,
he still remembers the rotten early xmas’s
they had when the lived in the ghetto.
AND… is the secret Santa
who makes sure whoever lives in that apartment
has a better xmas than they ever did
while they were living there !

IF YOU DON’T HAVE A SPECIAL FEELING
(tears?)
WHEN YOU WATCH THESE SHOWS,

YOU HAVE NO IDEA

WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT !!!

(turn in your membership card to the human race)


effin’ atheists

You’re free to NOT believe,
but do YOUR own thing,
and let other people do theirs !!!

PSST… I GOT A LEAD FOR YOU…
Go protest…

EMMET OTTER’S JUG BAND CHRISTMAS
that bastion of otters who flaunt religion !
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A  CLOSE  CALL …

I was out for the morning…
(my daughter came with me, the house was empty)
I stopped at my ‘hair-dresser’ for a color consultation,
and later stopped at the supermarket
for some salad ingredients (and a pecan pie).

I turned the corner to my block,
and on the driveway to my house I see…

A STRANGE CAR !!!

A blue honda I’d never seen before,
and had no business parking on my driveway !
I left my daughter in the car on phone duty (911 or 999)
while I surveyed the outside of the house and then entered.
(if I don’t come out SOON the police are to be called)
She’s in the process of calling my wife in case
a friend of hers left the car
while the 2 of them went off in hers… NOPE !
I’m thinking of phoning the police to ‘run’ the license plates.


I go in and all looks secure…
I CALL OUT…

” LESLEY(my wife), MICHAEL (my out-of-state son),
even call out with a ‘BURGLARS? “

NO ANSWER, DOORS STILL LOCKED, BASEMENT SECURED !
I’m about to check the upstairs and figure I’d better
let my daughter in on the plan…
I go outside and see that she is at the ’strange’ car…
passenger door open, and ‘rifling’ thru the glove box.

AND LO, AND BEHOLD…

She comes up with an ‘insurance card’
with the owner’s name and address…

The number on the address is ‘202′, same as mine…
BUT the street is one over !


Their repair person or garage must have dropped off the car
(the keys were in the visor)
and left the car on the wrong street !
Very amazing they dropped the car when no one was home !

They ‘timed’ it perfectly !


I drove over to the right address, knocked on the door…
and asked if they were missing a car?
I try to tell them where the car is…
but they weren’t ‘buying it’…

IT TOOK SOME CONVINCING BEFORE THEY BELIEVED !

As I’m driving the guy over to my house,
I mentioned that I think we had a ‘connection’
once before, a few years ago…
(I wrote about it in RIP)

My sister was coming to my house for a party…
she turned one block too soon…
and it registered, but not enough for her to realize
that the outside of my house was different…
(she thought we did some work on it)
TOO DIFFERENT… to be the right house !

So, she & her boyfriend,
just walk right in to the wrong house !
They have a bunch of people over to watch a football game,
so it looked like the party was in progress
with friends of mine she hadn’t met…

SHE JOINED THE PARTY,
FINALLY ASKING

” WHERE’S GARY ?”

and only after she found out that no one there
knew who she was talking about…
SHE REALIZED SHE WAS IN THE WRONG HOUSE !!!

I don’t know if I believed it at the time,
but this guy remembered, laughed,
and said..’ that was your sister? ‘


SO THE WHOLE THING ENDED GOOD…

NO BURGLARY

and I gave the car back instead of keeping it !
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getting back into ‘form’…

In the early days of RIP Renfield
there was always someone opting out of the mailing list
(didn’t have the domain name then)
for something I said that infuriated them…

IT’S BEEN FOREVER SINCE I’VE HAD
THE KIND OF REACTION TO ANYTHING I’VE SAID !

WELL…   I’M BACK !!!

Someone with consistantly anti-christian opinions
(claiming to ‘own them’ being raised christian),
and just as quick to defend atheist’ views,
or those of a certain mosque building group…
(I’ve always said they have the right,
but had a real lack of sensitivity)

WELL… ACCORDING TO THE DEFINITION
He was being ‘biased’ & even ‘bigoted’
against those with christian beliefs…
(especially with the anger he presented in print)
AND SOMEHOW THINKING THAT
HE WAS PRESENTING HIS ‘LOFTY’ THOUGHTS
AS A STUDY IN LOGIC !

He’s no longer a RIP reader…

(hi.. I know you’re still there)
and, in his mind, thinks me the aggressor
in our little exchange…

FUN  STUFF !!!
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IF YOU ARE A REGULAR READER…
You know that, except for the most extreme cases,
I ‘walk-the-line’ pretty damn well !!!
RACE, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, RELIGION
all the HOT POINTS, except for maybe politics !
(I’ll walk-the-line, or present the facts if I go over the line)

ANY ‘ANTI’ VIEW I MAY HAVE
IS MORE IN THE LINE OF…

” DO WHAT YOU WANT “

but

” DON’T TRY TO CONVERT ME ”

MUTUAL RESPECT ?   I CAN LIVE WITH THAT !!!

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I’m sure she’s trying to tell men something,

but this American Sign Language (ASL)

has some subtleties that aren’t on the chart…

THE MESSAGE ?

Ooh, Ooh… I’m getting the message…

I think it’s ‘coming’ !!!
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A TASTE OF HONEY…

er, no… make that…

a waste of money…

DUELING  BILLBOARDS

The Catholic League has been forced into a response
by some group of atheists…
(hmm.. Where do they meet? WHY do they meet?)

So ANOTHER expensive billboard,

an anti- billboard has been put up !

MONEY THAT COULD HAVE BEEN
USED TO FEED THE POOR !!!
(shame on both sides of the argument)

There’s money for billboards

and Annie Lennox wants MY coffee money

to end world suffering !!!

an aside…

I heard a very disturbing rumor(?)…
a big rock music guy (THE charity guy)
uses 90% of any monies collected
to RAISE AWARENESS OF THE PROBLEM !!!
(sounding like a corporation with PAID employees)

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE LESS ‘AWARENESS’
AND A LITTLE MORE FOOD ON THE TABLE ?

IT’S GETTING TO SOUND LIKE
PEOPLE ARE GENEROUS
THERE IS MONEY FOR THE POOR…

but like government spending of tax dollars…

THEY CAN THINK OF LOTS OF OTHER
WAYS TO PISS AWAY THE AID !

ATHEISM vs. RELIGION ?
(except for the dangerous one with revenge seekers)

YOU ARE BOTH FREE TO BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT…
It’s a shame the atheists have to go on the offensive,
and I DO mean OFFENSIVE,
to try to recruit people of faith to a non-faith state !

FIND YOUR COMFORT IN A BOTTLE,
OR YOUR FAMILY,
OR YOUR PSYCHOLOGIST,
OR YOUR ATHEISM,
OR YES…
IN SOME VARIATION OF RELIGION
(myth or not)
IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER !!!

I like to believe in SANTA CLAUS !
I find great comfort in that belief..
(the original MIRACLE ON 34th STREET is da bomb)

You might want to argue the point with me ?

I REALLY DON’T CARE TO DEBATE, THANK YOU !
(I’m fine with it)

I’VE EVEN DRESSED AS SANTA ON OCCASION…

SIT ON MY LAP ?

Nah… you’re doing just fine !!!

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ADDENDUM…

I have no ‘horse-in-the-race’…
I was raised catholic,
haven’t been a church goer since 1969,
and it was spotty at best even then…
but I DO believe in an afterlife…
IT’S TOO SCARY TO NOT BELIEVE IN THAT !

But this time around?

NO WAY I’D HASTEN MY EXIT…
I’M RIDING THIS TRAIN TO THE END,
JUST IN CASE IT’S ALL I GET !
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http://music-movement.com/en/


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XMAS MUSIC ON THE RADIO…

I was trying to get into the spirit of the season…
but I think my attention span is ’shot’ !

After ONE day…

I’d swear they ONLY played the same 10 songs,
over and over !

Bing & Bowie?

Hard not to think of Bing beating his kids,
but putting up a ‘good front’ !

and except for a STRIP CLUB…

I don’t see the reason for ‘heavy’ play in the rotation
for  SANTA BABY !

I did hear an occasional ‘interpretation’
of a xmas standard by some ’stylist’
that makes the song barely recognize-able !

and I think you ‘hear’ the gap
when they leave out the carols
that include a religious reference…
(although they did slip in an ADESTE FIDELIS)

NOT UP ON YOUR LATIN ?

and, NOT ONCE, did they play
GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER !
(a favorite of mine from when my children were small)

That song gets to me !

To think, I was there at the beginning,
when a Xmas tradition song was born !
(like when Gene Autry or Burl Ives made holiday history)


HARK !
THE HERALD ANGELS SING…
GLORY TO THE NEW BORN KING

(how’s them apples, you atheists?)
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http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/
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ONE quick thing that kinda pissed me off…

Following REAL Texas cops

on a reality tv show
on the beach at spring break…

I KNOW UNDER-AGE DRINKING
IS AGAINST THE LAW…
but…
THERE’S CRIME,
and then there’s CRIME !!!

They showed these a-hole cops
hassling afternoon beach revelers
who weren’t causing a ruckus,
doing nothing more dangerous than hanging out,
NOT BEING ANY TROUBLE AT ALL

and these friggin’ cops were AGRESSIVELY
hunting down 19 & 20 year olds,
just out for a few beers & a good time…
LIKE DEA AGENTS MAKING A DRUG BUST !!!

Perhaps putting a show on for the cameras?
Like they were REAL cops fighting REAL crime ?

IF THIS IS THE BIG CRIME ON TEXAS BEACHES,
WHY NOT JUST BAN ALL ALCOHOL ?

Then you could put these ‘mall cops’

back onto REAL police duty !!!
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NOW FOR SOMETHING WE CAN ALL GET BEHIIND…
(OR ON TOP OF)

FARM LIVIN’ IS THE LIFE FOR ME…

The one with 11 toes looks like a go-er !!!
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FROM THE LATIN…

Nunc huius generis deficit

(this issue is coming to an end)

AND BING (between songs)…

COMMODO nato mittimus

(stop beating your children)

finis

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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