† RIP Renfield #577 – FALL BACK †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  #577 – FALL BACK †

November 6, 2010

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DON’T  PANIC !!!

Your RIP Renfield is late…
but very fashion-ably late I might say….

BUT IS FINALLY HERE !!!
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Well, I finally have the time…

that hour they stole from me last spring…

TOO DARK, TOO EARLY !!!

But the Fall weather is very pleasant…
and remember the calculation…
There will be 1 minute (approx) less daylight
each day until the shortest day of the year, Dec.21st !
and then ADD (approx) 1 minute of daylight
each day until June 21, the longest day !

HEY.. JUST GOT MY FIRST
MONTLY REPORT FROM MY NORTON SECURITY !
(popped right up)

I survived…  47 threats !
I survived… 2,605 known attacks !
(and averaging 50 tracking cookies a day eliminated)

THANK YOU MISTER SYMANTEC !

Norton works ?  Time for me to work…

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this poor guy ran out of time…

R.I.P

GREG GIRALDO

WOW… GREG GIRALDO DEAD ?

I had heard about his ‘accidental’ overdose
on the OPIE & ANTHONY satellite radio show…
(he could never shake that monkey)

IT WAS SHOCKING ENOUGH
WHEN THEY REPORTED HIM IN HOSPITAL
AND SOUNDING AS IF HE WOULD BE OKAY !
(now it sounds like wishful thinking)

Jim Norton, 3rd mic on the radio show was a close friend.
It was Norton’s twitter that reported Greg’s death !

AND.. it was New Jersey again !

Found unresponsive at his hotel in East Brunswick,
later taken to ROBERT WOOD JOHNSON HOSPITAL.
(one of the finest hospitals you’re likely to find)

ME   PERSONALLY  ?

I very much got over the ‘comedian explosion’
that started back in the 80’s…
THE FIELD IS A LOT OVER-CROWDED NOW
to the point of ‘ho-hum-ness’ !
Very few, VERY FEW, comedians stand out.

GIRALDO was one of them !
He was such a fixture on the
COMEDY CENTRAL CELEBRITY ROASTS
that I don’t know if I’ll be able to enjoy them anymore.
HE WAS ALWAYS SOMEONE TO WATCH FOR !



REST-in-PEACE FUNNY MAN…

make that VERY funny man !!!


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I went to a

60th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY PARTY,
(my mother’s brother.. uncle & aunt)
yep.. 60 effin’ years !!!

It was for 1pm at a banquet hall…
I’d been to anniversary parties before,
and I’d been to this place years before…
(THEY FIXED IT UP.. WHOA BOY, DID THEY)

My wife was away, so my daughter & I went…
she was dressed okay I suppose…
but I refused to wear a suit…
I wore nice black jeans & a black 3-button pullover shirt.
As we approached the place, I joked with the kid…

” IF THE PLACE HAS VALET PARKING,

WE’RE UNDER-DRESSED ! “

G-damn there WAS !!!

We walk thru an elegant entryway…
and there’s a woman wearing a fur…
The waiters & help all in white gloves !
” SHIT… WE’RE FUCKED ! “
(we’ll be hearing all about it from my mother)

But we got lucky… we blended in nicely
with the ‘no-tie’ guys & other casual dressers…
I was glad that I wasn’t the ONE guy
that showed up in (blue) jeans…
(dressed nicely, but still jeans)

A VERY NICE AFFAIR…
(a band and all… and they could polka)
One amusement was BINGO TRIVIA.
Cards scattered with a few pics of relatives,
and each number called also had
a family trivia question asked to go along with it…
(bottles of wine for bingo prizes)
IT HELPED PASS THE TIME… NICELY

I got a laugh when they asked the name
of the famous hospital my war-wounded uncle
received care in… I yelled…

” BELLEVUE “
(the famous ‘nut hut’)

OH.. AND THE BATHROOMS
WERE AN EXPERIENCE…
An attendant of course… (with tip jar)
and tv’s everywhere !!!
You couldn’t take a piss, or shit,
or wash your hands without a tv in your face !
(a bad bladder worked if you wanted to watch football)

(I SHOULD HAVE WORN A SUIT)

AND MY 2nd TRIP TO THE ‘JOHN’ ?
(or do elegant places call it the ‘jonathan’?)

There was a guy coming out of the stall
just as I entered the room…
I don’t know if his arm was broken,
but he wore an elbow to wrist sling.
(use of only one arm & hand)

AS WE LOCKED EYES.. I SAID…

” Whew “
” I’m glad you didn’t need any help in there !!! ”


I used that a few times… got some laughs…
(it’s all in the ‘timing’)

ALL-in-ALL a great party…

I was surprised at how much I enjoyed myself !

The party favors (for the girls) were crystal roses.


And it was nice to see how old my relatives live to be…
can still polka ! and still going strong,
giving me a chance to be around for as long as them.


I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE PARTY THEY THROW
FOR THEIR 70th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY !!!

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election day ?

Now and then

an innocent man

is sent to the legislature.
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Amazingly… I can NOW believe

that the PRESIDENT shares our pain…

Many Americans, in the last few years,
have lost their houses…

and now… even with all his ‘pull’…



The PRESIDENT has lost his ‘HOUSE’ !!!
(bye bye HOUSE of Representatives)

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the valet parking

at the 60th wedding anniversary hall ?



(I drove my, ahem, beat-up 1992 dodge caravan)

I barked at the guy when I gave him the keys…

” JUST MAKE SURE

`YOU DON’T SCRATCH IT  ! “

(why did he laugh?)


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Don’t ya just love a guy in charge

who grasps concepts instinctively ?

US President Barack Obama says

he believes US voters are feeling frustrated

with the pace of economic recovery,

AFTER mid-term poll losses.

Is that an off-the-cuff assessment ?
or was the situation ‘analyzed’ by a brain trust ?

I find it hard to believe that someone
can be so insulated from what goes on…
(newspapers, tv, protests, friends-sycophants)
that it took a devastating election loss for a party
to get you to ‘notice’ that a lot of people ARE frustrated !

STOP TRYING TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH REPUBLICANS…
MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE PEOPLE !!!

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I forget where I found these…

I disagree with my psychiatrist’s assertion that I’m depressed
because I have a serotonin imbalance.
I’m pretty sure the real  reason is that my life sucks.

“A 66-year-old deputy U.S. attorney general in South Carolina
lost his job after police discovered him at a cemetery with
an 18-year-old stripper, a bag of sex toys, and a bottle of Viagra.
To be fair, people do grieve differently.”
- Jay Leno

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huh?

WHAT’S A SLIDE RULE ?

renfield keeping up with technology !

(only just cancelled my ‘pay’ aol for the free one)

My 60th wedding anniversary aunt
found some gems while going thru old family pics…

A NEWS CLIPPING FELL OUT !

It was me.. back in the olden days…

when you didn’t see all that many
electronic calculators around !

from the Newark Star Ledger… (19–?)

(bought it at BAMBERGER’S… now long gone)

That’s me… with the $70 Texas Instruments calculator…
AT THE RUTGERS LIBRARY (with books!)
that could.. get this…
add – subtract – muliply – divide
(and charged like a cell phone)

THERE WAS AN ARGUMENT AT THE TIME
ABOUT ALLOWING CALCULATOR USE
DURING TESTS AT THE COLLEGE LEVEL !
(I have the text from the story, but didn’t include it)

My quotes were right up there with the professors’ !
One argument was the cost of a slide rule
versus the cost of an electronic calculator !
(did I mention it came with a zippered case?)

DID YOU NOTICE THE FASHIONS OF THE DAY
HAVE BEEN IN STYLE A FEW TIMES SINCE THEN?
(and still are)

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money is tighter than it was…

So I’m making some adjustments
on my payroll deductions…

UPON  CHECKING…

I found out that my withholding tax
was being based on
SINGLE with NO dependents !
When my wife was working
the tax man used to sock-us pretty good !

WITH HER NOT WORKING…
we got a pretty decent tax return this past year…
but we could use the money better weekly
instead of giving the gov’t a free loan !

SO I’M GOING TO CHANGE MY W-4
TO…. (shudder)  MARRIED with 2 dependents !!!
That should add a few pesos to my check !

I COULD ALWAYS JUST LIVE ON MY
RIP RENFIELD EARNINGS…
THAT, plus FOOD STAMPS, & PUBLIC ASSISTANCE !

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and then there’s the LIFE INSURANCE
they suck you into…
very reasonable when you’re younger…
but priced crazy as you get older…
They hope you don’t notice…
but if you do and leave ?
THEY GOT YOUR MONEY
AND DON’T PAY-OUT A THING !!!

THE BASTARDS !!!

The only way to get your money’s worth is to DIE !!!
(and DIE young)


My current deduction has swelled

to nearly $200 a month !!!

(and goes to $300 a month in 4 years)

I’m going to gamble that I have another
10 years (at least) to live…
AT THAT.. IT COMES TO OVER $20,000 !
If I invest the money instead (even conservatively)
or use it as IRA money, or THRIFT FUND money…
I MIGHT END UP WITH A FEW RUBLES TO RUB TOGETHER !

It’s not as much as the payout of the insurance policy…
but with my bad luck…  I’d live long enough
to be priced out of the insurance anyway !!!

I’M GETTIN’ WHILE THE GETTIN’S GOOD !!!
If I had some severe medical problem,
it would be more of an incentive to hang in there…
(and I’m probably condemning myself by this action)

BUT THE INSURANCE COMPANY
PRACTICALLY FORCES YOU
TO GIVE UP COVERAGE !


THE (expletive) BASTARDS !!!

(EXPLETIVE = ‘MOTHER-FUCKING’)


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pee wee herman ?

on BROADWAY ?

WELCOME BACK

YOU WERE MISSED !

(always thought his ‘adult’ act much superior)

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http://music-movement.com/en/
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DOPEY ME…

They claim I shouldn’t be able to use
a network printer on a WINDOWS 98se computer
from a WINDOWS XP laptop…

THEY ARE WRONG !
I was able to do it before I re-did the laptop
back to factory new… but NOT after !

It didn’t want to ADD A PRINTER from 98 !
I had this brain-storm that I might have loaded
‘old’ printer drivers to the laptop the first time…
but before I tried that…
I noticed that if you ‘right click’ the default printer icon…
there is a littel option they cleverly call…

PRINTER SHARING !!!

DUH !!!

once enabled…

I’M BACK IN BUSINESS !!!

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One of the hosts of a radio show I listen to
is a ‘closet-ed’ man who has a ’secret’…

Recently he’s become very passionate
about allowing gay marriage…
(although he’s done nothing to help the fight)
PASSIONATE TO THE POINT OF INTOLERANCE
OF ANY OPPOSING VIEW !
(he’s not good at selling his point)

THE host of the show got thru to him
in a way that really got into his head…

IF GAY MARRIAGE IS MADE LAW,
WOULD YOU (secret man) BE IN FAVOR
OF 2 BROTHERS MARRYING ?
(or having a loving sexual relationship)
Afterall, the main point of the sibling ban
is the ‘damaged’ children they may produce…
2 MEN?  KIDS NOT A PROBLEM !

MISTER ‘SECRET’ was disgusted by the idea !
BUT WHY?    IT’S 2 LOVING ADULTS !


THE POINT OF THE OTHER HOST ?

Now you know how many hetero’s ’similarly’ feel
about ANY man-to-man marriage !
It disgusts them in nearly the same way
YOU are disgusted by brother ‘marriage’ !

I HAVE TO TELL YOU…
I WAS SCRATCHING MY HEAD…
I NEVER HEARD THAT ARGUMENT BEFORE…
(and it’s a good argument for understanding feelings)
AND THERE IS AN INTOLERANCE,
THERE IS A LINE, EVEN BY SOME
DEMANDING THEIR OWN EQUALITY !

My view of gay marriage?
I got my own problems, do whatever you want !

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one thing you can be sure about…
no matter what party wins…

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY THINK OF VOTERS !

THEY COUNT ON IT !!!

I ONCE PLEADED WITH A Bi-PARTISAN GROUP
OF POLITICIANS TO DO THE RIGHT THING…

and was told…



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RIP Renfield

addresses complaints…

There seems to be an expectation of ‘tit’ shots,
from a certain portion of the readership…
AND NOT JUST THE OCCASIONAL TIT-TILATON !


JUST TO LET YOU KNOW…

RIP Renfield is MUCH too classy an operation
to be reduced to exposing bosoms
for a cheap thrill and increased readership…

BOOB SHOTS ?

I PREFER TO GO IN ANOTHER DIRECTION…

DOWN !!!

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-AT THIS POINT, WHY BOTHER ?

AT THIS POINT…
You’re just making believe you have clothing on !

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AND THESE POOR WOMEN PROBABLY WALK AROUND ALL DAY
WONDERING WHY THEY ARE BEING STARED AT
AND CAN’T HAVE A PRIVATE MOMENT TO THEMSELVES !!!

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HEY…

STOP LOOKING AT ME…

Just cause I have a great ass,
is no reason to be stared at…

and the women are just as bad
staring & checking me out !!!

I GUESS I COULD HANG AROUND FOR ANOTHER HOUR…
IT’S AN EXTRA ONE…

BUT I GOT THINGS TO DO
PLACES TO BE…

TIME FLIES ?

I HAVE TO GO CATCH IT !!!

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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