† RIP Renfield #575 – STILL havin’ a Party! †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…

RIPRenfield@aol.com
or
gary.renfield@gmail.com

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† RIP Renfield  #575 – STILL havin’ a Party! †

October 23, 2010

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This issue was VERY late getting to press.
It just got away from me…
If I had the time, I could have polished this issue
a bit more…  but it’s fine… not a ‘barn-burner’…
but, hey… I’m always minimally amusing…

AND IT MAKES THE TRANSITION
TO ONE OF MY ‘GREAT’ ISSUES
ALL THE MORE APPRECIATED !

Okay.. let’s give it a go…

(a tv theme this week)

_______________________

R.I.P

barbara billingsley

tom bosley

When 2 titans of tv go off to re-run heaven,
Most likely I’d not feature their passing.

TOO MUCH IS OVER-KILL,
NO ONE NEEDS TO READ ABOUT THE OBVIOUS
FROM ME…

BUT I THINK I CAN GET AWAY WITH IT
AS A DOUBLE-HEADER…

Tom Bosley, Richie Cunningham’s father,
never lacked for work…
whether as FATHER DOWNLING in the series,
or as SHERIFF TUPPER in Murder She Wrote…
HE HAD THE TV DAD PERSONA DOWN PAT !
(have a life-saver)

BARBARA BILLINGSLEY ?
Her fame as a mom came from
LEAVE IT TO BEAVER
Although she was born a ’stuffy’ Bronson,
she managed to survive the Cleaver household.
A tribute to her that she is remembered
mostly for a single role…
(although she took an occasional small part)

say ‘hi’ to Ralph & Alice Kramden in heaven for me…

_______________________

NPR

FREEDOM of SPEECH ?

Only if you aren’t recorded or broadcast
with an opinion, even if it’s relatively innocuous,
that liberals can ‘fake’ offense to !

I’ve been reading some opinions…
and one from a muslim commentator
especially stood out to me…

HE didn’t have the problem NPR supposedly had.
Admitting that a few days before he had
‘profiled’ some full-garbed muslims himself !
(know your surroundings? be alert?)
AND WAS WARY OF THOSE PARTICULAR ONES !

AND, AS FOR ‘NERVOUS’ ON A PLANE?
If there were random shootings by gun-men
dressed in priest garb recently…
A PRIEST ON A PLANE MIGHT GET YOUR ‘ATTENTION’ !

and if there were passengers
dressed in MAILMAN uniforms ?
You might make a joke of it…
but in the back of your mind,
you’d have to be suspicious !


SO REMEMBER,

BE ALERT, BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS,
BUT IF YOU SEE SUSPICOUS MUSLIMS
IN TRADIONAL GARB OR COVERED FACES…
AND ARE UN-COMFORTABLE…

YOU ARE A RACIST, BIGOT, ISLAMA-PHOBE !

LOOK TO ELTON JOHN FOR WISDOM…
Upon being criticized for taking a big paycheck
to sing at RUSH LIMBAUGH’s wedding,
Elton pointed out that he was ‘building bridges’
by being there among the ‘enemy’,
there is more of a chance growth & acceptance
BY HAVING A DIALOG
INSTEAD OF BLOWING THEM OFF !
(are you listening NPR ?)


Actually, if a terrorist (of any denomination)
had any brains at all…
He’d go over-board to NOT look like
a terrorist-type and try to look like ‘joe anyman’ !

__________________

idea for police…

(well, tv cops anyway)

WHEN THERE IS AN EMERGENCY…
(ie.. someone about to be killed)
and the CSI or whomever ‘deciphers’ the clue…

WHY CAN’T YOU RADIO TO THE NEAREST
POLICE OFFICER OR POLICE CAR,
INSTEAD OF DRIVING ACROSS TOWN YOURSELF
AND CUTTING IT VERY CLOSE, OR TOO LATE ?

more dramatic ?

more like ‘more stupid’ !

but the reason is more likely lazy writers…
instead of ‘content’… you can throw in
running to the car, the car speeding to the scene…
and the responders running to the scene,
instead of ‘crowding’ the show with

DIALOG !!!

THE (lazy) BASTARDS !!!

____________________

-

REVIEWS OF ‘NEW’ TV SHOWS…

HAWAII 5-0 ?

A cop show… a little dopey, but pass-able…
A possible -  YES

LAW & ORDER: Los Angeles ?

HORRIBLE… Even DVR’d
it couldn’t keep my interest !
It does not even have the ‘look’ of being
a Law & Order spin-off !
Kinda like the way they try to make an
NCIS in Los Angeles.
IT’S THE CHEMISTRY OF THE ACTORS,
AS MUCH AS IT IS THE STORY !
Neither of these shows has any ‘magic’ !

THE DEFENDERS ?

A little too tongue-in-cheek, a little too comedic…
I could see it becoming very ‘tiresome’ very quickly.
I chose the new Law & Order over it last week,
I WON’T BE MAKING THAT MISTAKE AGAIN !


THAT’S ALL THE TV I CAN STOMACH RIGHT NOW

___________________

-

GHOST  TOWNS

You should immediately be thinking
of a vacated town… all dusty, broken windows…
dirt roads… tumbleweeds, and a 100 miles from nowhere…

I’m watcing a modern day tv program
and the bad-guys are ‘holed-up’
in a ‘ghost-town’ an hour or 2 out of Los Angeles.

My question?

IN THIS DAY & AGE, ARE THERE SUCH PLACES ?
Isolated areas in the USA that aren’t worth living in now,
but were a thriving town at one time ?

IT SEEMS SOMETHING OUT OF THE PAST…
100 YEARS AGO.. BUT NOW ?

Minimally, some kids would be driving over
and using the place to party and get high !

_____________________

I LOVE MY DREAMS.

EVEN WHEN I DON’T REMEMBER THEM
30 SECONDS AFTER I WAKE,
THEY STILL LEAVE A SMILE ON MY FACE !
I LOOK FORWARD TO DREAMING…
(sometimes the best part of my day)

WELL…

I HAD MY FIRST (near) BAD DREAM,
NIGHTMARE(?), IN DECADES !!!

I wasn’t being hit, tortured, or even yelled at…
I was in familiar places, even my mom’s house…
there was someone there I hadn’t thought of since 1980.
(she had coin-sized red spots on her face)
BUT ALL THE WHILE I KNEW I WAS IN A DREAM !
In the past I might have taken control
and un-buttoned a blouse or 2.. or a quick feel…

but in this dream ?

I JUST WANTED OUT.. I JUST WANTED TO WAKE UP !

I TRIED LIKE HELL !

At one point, I was running (a long jog)
on my mother’s street (the house where I grew up)…
and a dark, dingy version of my old bedroom,
and then in a strange neigborhood…

When the ‘running’ didn’t wake me…
I tried slapping my face… HARD.. and A LOT !!!
(still didn’t wake me)
Then I actually thought that if I started screaming
in my dream, I might also be screaming in the ‘real’ world,
my wife would here me.. and give me a shake awake !
I SCREAMED AND SCREAMED (LOUDLY) !!!
(any way to get back to the ‘other’ waking world)

I guess screams don’t make it thru the ‘barrier’, it didn’t work !

So as long as I was stuck there…  SEX !!!

I WENT FOR IT !!!

(and my ass is still sore.. just kidding)

NOPE… TOO UPSET TO GO FOR SEX !

I finally woke when I was being locked
in a cell-like cubicle, couple of rooms, bed, low ceilings…
seemed to be made of plywood,
but with a wire-mesh door framed with 2 by 4’s…
I WAS TRYING TO FORCE THE DOOR OPEN
WITH MY FEET… BUT WAS TOLD THAT
” You can see her in a month-and-a-half ”
(whatever that means)


WHICH IS WHEN I WOKE UP
(or am I still asleep.. dreaming)

AND STAYED UP…

NO MORE SLEEP AFTER THAT !!!
(I wasn’t taking any chances of not being able to get back)

If I didn’t have such a strong family resemblance,
I’d have thought this a memory of my kidnapping,
or some molestation (that never happened) !

WHEW !

I HOPE TONITE IS A ‘HAPPIER’ EXPERIENCE !

______________________

-

more TV

and a police tactic used in real life…


I’m a LAW & ORDER kinda guy,
a non-criminal type (don’t even know criminals)…
SO I’M NOT SYMPATETIC TO A-HOLE CRIMINALS…

BUT… IF YOU REFUSE TO GIVE A DNA SAMPLE
(you can’t be forced to self-incriminate)
WHY IS A POLICE AGENCY THEN ALLOWED
TO GET, AND USE, DNA AGAINST YOU…
by following you around until they acquire
a cup of your piss, some saliva on a cup or cigarette,
or hair from a barber-shop floor ?

GETTING DNA FROM A FAMILY MEMBER
IS ‘SKETCHY’ ENOUGH…
BUT IF YOU SAY NO,
THE NEXT STEP SHOULD BE A COURT ORDER,
SINCE IT’S NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO NOT SHED
SOMETHING WITH A DNA TIE FOREVER !

I WONDER ABOUT THE CONSTITUTION-ALITY
OF TAKING SOMETHING AGAINST YOUR WISHES ?
(isn’t that what court orders are for?)

ADDENDUM…
You don’t always have to have YOUR DNA in some database.
If one of your family members is in the system,
they expand the search slightly, locate them,
and can judge the ‘relative distance’…
(brother, cousin, grand-child, etc)
AND ZERO IN ON SUSPECTS !!!

SOME PEOPLE FEEL THIS IS TOO INVASIVE
AND USE BY THE LAW ISN’T UNIVERSAL !

____________________

-

THEY WON’T QUIT WITH THESE TV COMMERCIALS…


The commercial DOES get your attention…
but I can’t see it as anything but negative…



THE WOMAN SUCKING THE LAST DROP OUT ?

Is the product that un-satisfying
that you have to make a disgusting slob
out of yourself and lick out the last of the diet goo ?
YOU LOSE CONTROL ?


‘CAUSE IF IT’S TASTING THAT GOOD…
YOU MUST BE ‘DYING’ FOR ANOTHER
AND ANOTHER AND ANOTHER…

AND REPEATING THOSE 80 CALORIES
OVER AND OVER
AREN’T HELPING YOU DIET PLANS !

(maybe the 100 calories one would do the trick)

__________________

-

ONE MORE ON TV…

FRINGE…

it’s gotten away from early x-files type stories…
and has become VERY muddled…

and i decided that the problem, the flaw,
with their alternate-parallel universe?

THEY ARE INFINITE !

HOW DID THESE 2 HAPPEN
TO BE THE ONLY ONES IN PLAY ?

or…

THAT’S THE SHOW’S WAY OUT OF
THE MESS THEY ARE MAKING…
ONE OF THE OTHER PARALLEL UNIVERSES WILL COME IN
AT SOME POINT AND EITHER WAR AGAINST THE FIRST 2
SO THEY HAVE TO JOIN FORCES…

OR THE BALD-GUYS ARE THE ‘KEEPERS’ OF
THE OTHER UNIVERSES
AND WORK FROM THEIR OWN UNIVERSE
TO KEEP THE LUNATIC UNIVERSES
FROM SCREWING UP ALL OF TIME AND SPACE….

That’s where MY mind goes…

I’M JUST SAYIN….

(I’VE GIVEN UP ON FRINGE… THEY LOST THEIR WAY)

____________________

-

I THOUGHT IT WAS ME !!!

Late nite, nothing on tv…
I stop surfing on FAMILY GUY…
They have some really un-funny, rambling guy
on stage supposedly doing comedy…

Some un-amused person in the audience
asks the guy next to him….

” IS HE SAYING SOMETHING FUNNY ? “

and the a-hole next to him…
(big shit-eating grin & giggling)
says…
” He was on the internet & I’m in college! ”
(ha ha)

I AGREE WITH THE MYSTIFIED GUY !
and the comedy bit was VERY much
like a regular DANE COOK routine !!!

I can’t help but think he studied
in the PAULA POUNDSTONE
School of Comedy !

I’M USUALLY ABLE TO JUDGE ‘FUNNY’,
whether or not I’m the intended audience,

but DANE COOK?
He must be dealing with the devil !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMpsYnHl1nQ&feature=related

________________________

I’m in the middle of a project

converting my OLD family VHS tapes to DVD…
(now that I own the machines)
I also found some off-the-air shows
I saved for some reason or another…

The commercials are the most interesting parts !
They reflect the STYLES of the day best.

The 1990’s were pretty reasonable as styles go.
Clothing, hair-styles, cars, manner of speech…
IF THE OCCASIONAL TECHNOLOGY GAFFE
ISN’T IN THE SHOW, YOU MIGHT NOT NOTICE
THE SHOW ‘DATED’ IN OBVIOUS WAYS.
(cellphones, phone booths, ancient computers)

The commercials are a bit ’simple too.
With today’s computers and software,
you can do a ’slicker’ job at home !


NOW THE DREADED 1980′S ?

The styles are pretty funny by today’s standards !
The clothing, the hair-styles, the make-up, the SPANDEX !!!
Women trying their best to be made-up and ‘dressy’ !

THE HAIR STYLES ESPECIALLY !

(very anachronistic if worn today)

I can easily see the ‘pains’ went to by women,
by just looking at my sister’s hair in home movies !
It changed often, but would never be worn
any of those ways today (or 10 years ago) !

A DOLLED-UP WOMAN FROM THE 1980’s
COULD BE BEST DESCRIBED AS A

‘CIRCUS HORSE’ !!!

BUT A 1980’s GUY ?

He could save them a bundle on wardrobe
while appearing on JERSEY SHORE !!!

And those are pretty strong words considering
that most any style is worn today
without care or notice by the public at large !

ADDENDUM…

I don’t know if I’ll ever get to THE project,
the BIG one for me…
I need to find the time & desire to convert
the first 475 issues of RIP Renfield to HTML !
I have them saved in AOL format…
(to create, format, & archive is extremely easy)
IF I LOSE ACCESS TO AOL5 & AOL8,
even to just being able to load the programs
without going online with them,
with future operating systems…
I’M SCREWED !!!
It’s just like converting VHS tapes to DVD
before the common usage & purchase
of VCR machines disappears !
(I paid $20 an hour for old analog reel-to-reel tapes
to be converted to cassettes years ago)

I’D BETTER GET TO IT SOON !!!

___________________

-

even MORE tv nonsense…

I know they ask to enflame (inflame?)
(and play to their core audience)
but a text-poll question on MAURY POVICH
concerned women having a legal right
to revenge on their husband’s mistress.


I GUESS THEY PLAY TO THE STUPID
PRETTY EXCLUSIVELY…
(present company, ME, excepted)

The MISTRESS isn’t the PROBLEM…
IT’S THEIR DOG-OF-A-MAN…
A woman can’t hook up with a married man
unless HE has the idea too…
(and vice versa)

YOU WANT TO BLAME SOMEONE?
You want revenge?
IT MAKES MORE SENSE TO TAKE A PAGE
FROM THE LOREENA BOBBITT MARRIAGE BOOK,
than to go after someone with a willing partner !
(the partner YOU have a deal with)

But since I abhor domestic violence,
you can’t live with it (even if he or she says it’s over) ?

THEN GET OUT !

(you can be just as ‘hurt’ without them)

__________________

-

-

TV THIS PAST WEEK ?

” YOU WERE ALWAYS ON MY MIND…”

With recent events, this kinda weirded me out…


I caught some cable show called CHEATERS.
Like the title suggests…
They use ’spy’ techniques to gather ‘intel’
for some suspicious partner,
on their cheating, whore of a spouse !

SOUNDS LIKE FUN & GAMES TO THE VIEWER?

So this guy has them follow his chick around…
They follow her (with another guy) to a supermarket,
to clandestine meals, and to a motel room…
(over the course of a week or 2)

THERE IS AMPLE REASON FOR THE FIRST GUY
TO BE SUSPICIOUS… SHE’S DOIN’ THE NASTY !
(and often)

HE SHOULDA PUT A RING ON IT…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIr8-f2OWhs&NR=1
(GREAT VERSION – NATALY DAWN)

A COUPLE OF THINGS BOTHER ME…
First of all, they’ve lived together for 2 years,
but aren’t married !
She is still fair game unless she chooses not to be !
She might be looking for something on the side,
or an upgrade… or whatever !

THE OTHER THING ?
I can see these ‘investigators’ rolling film
on public streets and other areas…
but how can they LEGALLY justify
shooting thru a window,
or placing video feeds in motel rooms ?
(what if the guy or women suicides?)

THIS IS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY !!!

AND IT”S NOT ALL THAT DIFFERENT
FROM THE PRIVACY OF THE RUTGERS KID
WHO JUMPED OFF THE GW BRIDGE !

THE FILMERS SHOULD BE ARRESTED,
AND SUED IN CIVIL COURT !
Since when is it allow-able to be filmed
for broadcast without your knowledge ?
(afterwards waviers could be signed,
but BEFORE?  IT’S A CRIME !)

BOYFRIEND 1 proceeds to get into a fistfight
with BF2 when confronted !
WHY ?
He did nothing wrong !
(hit on a ‘hottie’ and figure she’s never dated before?)
HE’S JUST DOING WHAT GUYS DO !
and she responded, instead of walking away !

She’s the one who broke whatever arrangement
the two of them had !
SHE SHOULD BE THE ONE
WITH A MOUTHFUL OF FIST !


Does she get to claim to be
coerced? compelled? she’s weak-willed?  a victim?
Did BF2 do the Dracula thing and hypnotized her ?
(why didn’t Drac ever hypnotize the guys trying to kill him?)

I THINK SOMEBODY

SHOULD RETAIN A LAWYER

BEFORE SIGNING ANY RELEASES !

_______________________

-

-

on that same subject…

I just heard that one of Tiger Wood’s indiscretions
has a sex tape (with him) for sale… soon to be available…

HOW IS IT LEGAL FOR ONE OF THE PARTICIPANTS
TO ‘INVADE’ THE PRIVACY OF ANOTHER
WHO DIDN’T SIGN AWAY ANY RIGHTS ?

IT SHOULD BE A CRIME !!!

AS MUCH A CRIME AS ‘STREAMING’
SOMEONE ELSE’S SEX ACT ONLINE !
It’s an invasion of privacy !!!

OR AM I ALLOWED TO LEGALLY FILM
SEX-CAPADES WITH UN-KNOWING WOMEN
AND SHOW THEM IN PUBLIC,
OR SELL COPIES OF THEM ?

GIRLS GONE WILD ?

Why is it necessary to get signed releases
from the topless girls in the videos ?

____________________

-

-

I found myself defending my choice
of a tiny SANSA MP3 player (voice recorder, fm radio)
to someone who bought one with a LARGE memory,
video, re-charge-able batteries, and a bit bulkier…

I think it’s fine to have 30,000 songs on your machine.
BUT DO YOU REALLY NEED TO CARRY
YOUR ENTIRE COLLECTION WITH YOU
WHEREVER YOU GO ?

If you lose it, break it, or get it stolen…
you’re out ALOT of music & cost of the device !
I much prefer carrying a ‘playlist’ of around 50 songs.
I’m more likely to listen to all of them…
and they are easily deleted and replaced
by MY collection that I keep safely & handy on a hard drive.

THE SMALLER SIZE IS BETTER FOR DAILY USE…
IT DOESN’T GET IN THE WAY…
and since I have a 1 1/2 mile commute to work,
I’m not interested in video to amuse me.

———————–

STILL GROWING…

but worth watching & reading

http://music-movement.com/en/

______________________________

-

-

the movie about

SECRETARIAT ?

HUH ?  WHO CARES ?

It’s a horse !

A horse movie is not for me…
and since it involves a horse race
that is heavily gambled on…
I don’t see it being made for the
MY LITTLE PONY crowd !

It should be of interest to gamblers & the horsey set…

BUT IS THAT AUDIENCE GOING
TO COME OUT TO THE MOVIE THEATERS ?
(enough to make the investment worthwhile?)

WHO CARES?

IT’S A FRIGGIN’ HORSE, NOT LASSIE !!!

(and it’s not MISTER ED)

_____________________

-

-

if you haven’t seen it…

IT’S A MUST !

The SOUTHPARK treatment

of all things ‘JERSEY’ !

As a lifetime resident of the GARDEN STATE,
I was totally amused by a hilarous, over-the-top show !
I don’t follow that “I’M INSULTED’ crap (ala Sopranos).
I KNOW the difference between caricatures and real people.
(it’s just my turn in-the-barrel for laughing at everyone else)

I’m sure the ‘tv-jersey-types’ exist…
but I NEVER run into any…
I could find them I suppose,
but they would be just as off-the-wall,
embarassingly funny to me,
as they would be to any other earth inhabitant !

HEY…

IT’S A JERSEY THING !!!

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

*******************************

OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
——————————

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

+++++++++++++++++++++

other renfield links…
Northern Exposure: “The Eagle Has Landed” (an alternate ending)
over 100.000 combined NX hits…
RetroWeb Classic Television: Northern Exposure
read both NX stories…the alternate final episode and a christmas episode.

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