† RIP Renfield #573 – Anniversary ISSUE †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield  #573 – Anniversary ISSUE †

October  9, 2010

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Happy birthday, Mister Renfield….

RIP RENFIELD

now in it’s

12th YEAR !!!


There’s always a few knuckleheads
that divide the issue number by 52
and say it’s only 11  years…

it’s 11 COMPLETE years…

and this is the beginning of YEAR 12 !

plus, by coincidence… OCTOBER 11th
is also my birthday !

I’M STILL HERE…

STILL ABLE TO ‘PUMP OUT’ THOSE WEEKLY ISSUES…

I may SUCK, but I have staying power !!!

———-

I need to include…

A BIG THANK YOU…

to

DAVE (sunset cowboy)

and

TISH (pillbug)

for helping to make RIP Renfield
what it is today !!!

(you guys really ‘upped’ my game)

THANKS AGAIN !!!

——–

IF YOU WANT TO JOIN
IN ON THE CELEBRATORY MOOD

Just click on the link…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb4XlUbACK8

a few of my long-time buddies (READERS)
got together to congratulate me !



_________________

I was asked by a co-worker
(since I’ve made ‘death’ my business)

if MADELINE KHAN was dead…
(SHE DIED IN 1999)

I came up blank, can’t believe I would have overlooked
such a super-talent and I suspected she had died a while back,
but was embarassed that I didn’t have a definitive answer…
(I LOOKED LIKE A JERK TOO!)

I went back to the RIP-CAVE ARCHIVES
and searched thru RIP Renfield’s of 11 years ago…
her ‘tribute’ would have been in one of the first 20 issues…
AND LO, AND BEHOLD !!!
I didn’t start using the ‘dead tribute’ gimmick
for at least the first year….
(I checked all the way to Issue #54)

I HAVE EVOLVED !!!

I used to be a ’scanning fool’ who ’stole’
from MANY publications,
I used to have a LINKS SECTION
(all tested by me for INTERESTING value),

and somehow I used to have the time
to take ALL the pics from each issue
and create a collage that ended each issue…



I’ve made it easier for myself I guess,
and I miss the nice ‘touches’…
but time constraints from the rest of my life got in the way !

BUT AT LEAST I CAN MAKE IT UP TO…

R.I.P

madeline kahn

(I really liked this pic of her from the many to choose from)

An American actress, known primarily for her comedic roles.
Director Mel Brooks — who directed her in four films — said of her:
“She is one of the most talented people that ever lived…
I mean, either in stand-up comedy, or acting, or whatever you want,
you can’t beat Madeline Kahn.”

I COULDN’T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF !!!

(PLUS, SHE WAS ‘SEXY’ AS HELL)

(I forgive myself for not doing this in 1999)

________________________

my birthday update from

www.MysteryLyrics.info

(every member gets to ’shout out’ once a year)


Another year for me, another year for my
weekly www.RIPRenfield.com
(starting year 12 in October).  My biggest accomplishment
this time around was my 50,000 hits last year !
Oh, the rest of my life is pretty ordinary & mundane.
I’ve reached the age of enlighentment… FINALLY !
It all makes sense… or at least the lack of sense does.
I’m realizing that MY turn is just about over (time to coast)
and now it’s someone else’s problem
(and the ‘problem’ never changes)…
THAT’S THE JOKE OF IT ALL !
So, I sit back, amuse myself as best I can,
and have become very comfortable with myself
(I ‘yam what I ‘yam… no need for games when you reach that point).

SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME…
have a piece of cake !

___________________________

NO BIG CELEBRATION OVER HERE…

I had a nice quiet weekend…

just some friends over…

and did the piano-bar-thing…

_______________________

the BIG re-format (and re-install)…

I prepared well… found disks, contacted companies,
found answers to my questions…

THEN WENT TO WORK !

In the process of copy-ing an older, more stable
version of AOL8 (I do RIP from it)…
I had to re-create my PFC (personal filing cabinet)
with ALL my templates and ‘creative’ stuff…

IT ALREADY HAD SOME STUFF IN IT…
SO IT NEEDED EMPTYING…

AMONG THE ‘DELETES’ ?

Subj: Re: + Rip Renfield # 129 – April 5th, 2002 +
Date: 4/7/02 9:27:07 AM Eastern Daylight Time
i sent it out to a whole bunch of people…
i just typed in people in keyword and wow…
theres tons of em…j/k i did send out to a lot of people tho…
my ex husband … if you put his name in your emails
then your ok with me..in fact..
… was the one that told me about your newsletters
and suggested that I join…

Subj: PISSED OFF OUT WEST
Date: 5/28/02 7:11:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time
PISSED OFF OUT WEST
Pissed Off: Compound Verb (vernacular) – to be angry or upset.
That about sums it up.
Renfield knows how to get me riled up at times.
Every now & then, something will appear in Rip Renfield that I just can’t let pass.
Just ask him, I’ve written him some very long rants.
Some were actually pretty good too. Most were even coherent.
I now have a forum for replies…so here’s one for this week….

Subj: Re: TEAM TRIVIA RULES – good game.. we used to play it
Date: 9/5/2010 5:44:42 PM Eastern Daylight Time
Subj: TEAM TRIVIA RULES

Date: 1/25/03 7:58:26 PM Eastern Standard Time
(START & END TIMES CONFIMRED BY WHEN
YOU OPEN EMAIL & SEND ANSWERS,
AND THERE WAS A TIME LIMIT)

Subj: Re: Iomega: PRODUCT_QUESTIONS [#118482]

I understand you are interested in the Iomega HDD drives.
I do apologize but Iomega does not have the 40 GB
and higher HDD drives available for purchase at this time.

Here are the HDD drives we do currently have available:
Iomega® HDD 20GB USB 2.0 Portable Drive, Item #32368, $199.99.
Iomega® HDD 30GB USB 2.0 Portable Drive, Item #32379, US $259.99.
Iomega® HDD 30GB FireWire® Portable Drive, Item #32380, US $279.99.


WOW…THAT’S A LOT OF MONEY
FOR SO LITTLE STORAGE !!!
(I got a 16 gig flash drive for $30)




HAVEN’T GOTTEN A REACTION LIKE THIS IN YEARS…
Either I’m slowing down or the world is catching up !

FROM THE MAILBAG

“Please take me off your mailing list.
Your comments on the A Bombs, the ethnic jokes, sheesh,
you must be one pretty self-important, prejudiced guy.
I couldn’t stand to look at any more of your junk.”

ANOTHER…

<< but a reaction to the growing number of racist, or anti-semitic or mysogonistic
or scatalogical (that fat lady “folds” joke was really offensive on about three levels,
and I don’t offend that easily.) What got me pissed off… >>



ANYONE WHO’S READ ME MORE THAN A FEW TIMES
KNOWS THAT I WALK THE LINE PRETTY DAMN WELL…
and the only inflammatories (like politics) are just like
any radio or tv talk show… TRYING TO GET A REACTION !
I’m guessing that the FAT hit too close to home
and was the ONLY problem !
I BELIEVE YOU DO GET OFFENDED EASILY OR WERE NEVER TESTED !

and a joke offensive at 3 levels ?
I WISH I COULD REMEMBER IT…
SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD ONE !!!

BY THE WAY… I’M NONE OF THOSE THINGS…

but it makes people people feel ‘mightier-than-thou’
when you voice what they only think…

I HAD A STANDARD REPLY… A SERIOUS ONE
THAT I WOULD SEND THESE PEOPLE…
HERE ARE EXCERPTS (it’s actually longer)…


I’M NOT REALLY TRYING TO START A DIALOGUE BUT
JUST FROM MY POINT OF VIEW (THAT ISN’T UNIVERSALLY EXCEPTED)
I EDIT MYSELF FOR HUMOR CONTENT, NOT FOR SUBJECT MATTER…
I DO EDIT HEAVILY FOR THAT..I MAY PASS ALONG ONE THING
(FUNNY, CUTE, OR USABLE OR CLEVER) FOR EVERY 10 TO 15
THAT PASS THRU MY HANDS.. ONE THING COMES TO MIND
THAT I DIDN’T PASS ALONG ..REALLY FILTHY…
AND I WOULD HAVE SENT THAT TOO BUT I DIDN’T GET THE JOKE..
IT WASN’T FUNNY…IT HAD ME MYSTIFIED..

AT ANOTHER LEVEL..I HEARD SOMEONE ASK SOMEONE ON THE RADIO
TO BE FUNNY WITHOUT OFFENDING PEOPLE…I THOUGHT, HUH???
ISN’T THAT THE BASIC DEFINITION OF HUMOR
(POINTED OUT TO MY IN A HEINLEIN NOVEL AND I FOUND
NO FAULT WITH THE PREMISE…WE LAUGH WHEN IT HURTS
TOO MUCH TO DO ANYTHING ELSE.. SOMEONE ALWAYS COMES OUT
ON THE SHORT END IN HUMOR OR A JOKE)….THE PIECE OF HUMOR OR JOKE
WHERE SOMEONE DOES NOT COME OUT ON THE “SHORT’” END
IS VERY RARE IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE TO ACCOMPLISH….

THERE ARE JOKES THAT GET A LITTLE TOO CLOSE TO HOME
AND MAKE ME FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE BUT I’VE SEEN EXAMPLES
OF PEOPLE GETTING ATTITUDE OVER THIS IN REAL LIFE….
THEY FIND SOMEONE ELSE’S SITUATION FUNNY, BUT IT’S NOT FUNNY
WHEN IT’S ONE OF THEIR SACRED COWS….
IT MADE ME A LITTLE EMBARASSED BECAUSE
UP UNTIL THAT POINT I WAS GUILTY OF THE SAME……
NOW, I JUST ACCEPT IT AS “MY TURN IN THE BARREL”
AND HAVE GOOD HUMOR AND ATTITUDE (AS BEST I CAN) BECAUSE
I CAN FIND THE JUSTICE & BALANCE OF ME LAUGHING AT THEM….

NICE LITTLE ESSAY, EVEN IF I SAY SO MYSELF…

I’m not as stupid as you think I am !!!
But I can’t figure out WHY I don’t piss people off anymore ?

I USED TO KNOW HOW TO GET A REACTION !!!



———————-

EVERYBODY’S GETTING INTO THE ACT…

WILL I, OR WON’T I, BE THE SPECIAL GUEST ?

___________________

HERE’S A SAMPLE OF WHAT I WAS WRITING
BACK IN —–> FEBRUARY OF 2003 !!!

when i was a child i adored my brother…
he was the smartest, most wonderful person in the world…

one time he actually trained a lobster to shake hands…
it was too easy for him to
train just an ordinary dog to shake hands…
he had TALENT…

and he let me help…
i must have been doing something wrong though,
because each time i held my hand out to the lobster….

hey..!!!

that son-of-a-bitch….
(sorry mom)


———————–


GOOD NEWS FOR TEEN-AGED McDONALD’S WORKERS….

you are young & have your whole life ahead of you…
where-as your a-hole manager
is at the pinnacle of his lousy career…


————————————–

and just remember that you are living proof
that even a slobby dork of a man…a real mess…like your dad
had sex at least once in his lifetime…

so it’s gonna happen to you too…..
(one day….maybe….if you’re lucky….)

ACTUALLY….

2003 MIGHT HAVE BEEN A HIGH-POINT
IN MY RIP Renfield WRITING CAREER !

———


OKAY, Mr. PEABODY & SHERMAN…



BACK TO THE ‘WAY-BACK-MACHINE’

AND BACK TO 2010…

_____________________

a couple of serious items…

NOW I DON’T HAVE THE MOST CRAFTY
CRIMINAL MIND IN THE WORLD…

BUT…

If I had been planning some terrorist action
and the word got out for people to be cautious
because the ‘chatter’ the intelligence community
has come up with justifies it…

I MIGHT JUST PUT OFF MY PLANS FOR A MONTH OR SO…
UNTIL THOSE ON GUARD GOT A LITTLE BORED
AND WENT BACK TO SLEEP… (like at the airports)
AND THEN STRIKE !!!

(either that or ‘chatter-it-up’ constantly
to waste defense resources)

AND ANOTHER THING…

Asking people to be VIGILANT,
and AWARE of their surroundings ?

YOU MEAN LIKE IN MUMBAI ?

Sitting there minding your own business in a nice hotel
and armed-to-the-teeth commandos burst in
and start the death & destruction rolling ?


HOW DOES VIGILANCE HELP YOU IN THAT CASE ?
AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS ?

You are surrounded by killers with guns !!!

You are DEAD meat !!!

Warnings with NO death seem like false alarms !

Warnings WITH death?

You’re still dead, but WE were on the job !!!

LOV-E-LEY !!!

_____________________

http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/

____________________

This SUPREME COURT CASE

concerning the FIRST AMENDMENT rights
of a-hole protestors to be ‘hurtful’ at funerals of war dead
seems a no-brainer to me !

The right is there… but when used against
a private citizen and THEIR RIGHTS…
it seems the private citizen should win out…

THE RIGHTS OF THE PROTESTERS
SHOULD BE SATED BY ALLOWING THEM
TO PROTEST A FEW THOUSAND YARDS AWAY,
OR IN A DESIGNATED AREA
(away from the family and funeral ceremony)
AND TO DO IT QUIETLY,
SO AS NOT TO BE AUDIBLE TO THE ‘GRIEVERS’ !
(or protest the day before or after)

I NOTICE THERE ARE NO
‘GOD HATES FAGS’
or other
INSULTINGLY DISPARAGING SIGNS
AT PRESIDENTIAL APPEARANCES,
HOW DO THEY GET AWAY WITH
STEPPING ON FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS ?

THIS IS HOW YOU KEEP
THE AUDIENCE ‘FRIENDLY’…

a casting call…
Seeking-Audience Members: males & females, 18+.
To ensure that the audience represents diverse interests and political views,
include your name…& issues, if any, you are interested in or passionate about.
Also, provide a recent photo and short description of your political views.

YOU CAN PROTEST A VETERAN’S FUNERAL,
BUT JUST TRY TO AT A PRESIDENTIAL ‘TOWN HALL’ !
You have to apply and be accepted !

SEEMS THE CROWD IS VETTED !!!

(but not for dead veterans)

HOW ABOUT THE LAST NYC POLITICAL CONVENTION ?
PROTEST AREAS WERE SET-UP…
and offenders quickly arrested and put in corrals !
(and well away from the ‘action’)

GOD HATES SINNERS?

LOOK IN THE MIRROR !

_____________________

I had  the tv on with the sound off,
looked up,
and was wondering what

THE GOLDEN GIRLS

was doing on at that time of day ?

IT’S AMAZING HOW LONG THE SHOW LASTED
AND HOW, AT THEIR ADVANCED AGES,
THEY MANAGED TO KEEP THE SAME ‘OLD LADY’ LOOK !



IT’S GOOD TO SEE THAT THERE’S STILL WORK
FOR OVER-THE-HILL ACTRESSES !


THEY SHOULD MADE A MOVIE…
(working title?)

The GOLDEN GIRLS and THE CITY !!!

__________________

I’m too lazy to snap-a-pic
(I’ll get to that later),

For a special birthday treat, I ordered
a pecan pie from a REAL bakery !
(the one I had last week out-of-the-oven was great)

While waiting, I check out ALL the bakery displays…
I’m drooling like a

” HUNGRY FOOL IN A BAKERY ! ”

(hey wait, that describes me perfectly)

In addition to my pie,
I got 2 BIG cookies (choc.chip and brown & white),
an eclair, and a butter-nut house special.

NEARLY OUT THE DOOR,
I spotted a Halloween cookie display.

And wouldn’t you know it ?

They had a  R.I.P tombstone cookie !!!
(you can’t see, I told you I was too lazy to snap)

THIS PHOTO WILL HAVE TO DO !!!

PRETTY NICE COOKIES !

(the boobs AND the bakery items)

and it always gives me a smile when I see RIP somewhere.

HOW COULD YOU NOT THINK ABOUT ME ?
(STOP LOOKKING AT THE GIRL PLEASE)

I’m a sucker (to buy) RIP stuff !
I make believe it’s ALL about me !!!

IT’S MY TIME OF YEAR !

SO I’M GOING TO ENJOY IT WHILE I CAN…

GOOD-BYE FOR NOW,

GOOD REAPING TO YOU ALL…

AND I HOPE YOU’LL BE AROUND
FOR FUTURE ANNIVERSARIES OF RIP

(you can say you were there at the beginning)

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

*******************************

OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
——————————

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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