† RIP Renfield #572 – Columbus Day †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield  #572 – Columbus Day †

October  2, 2010

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I figured it was a good time to work in the

COLUMBUS DAY BANNER !

It IS coming up… and I DO have the day off work !

SO IT’S ANOTHER THING TO CELEBRATE…
Along with the RIP Renfield Anniversary !!!

Tish (pillbug) has provided me with so many
wonderful banners for RIP’s anniversary next week
(actual anniversary next issue),
that I plan to use them up…
as in an anniversary MONTH !!!

IT IS THE START OF YEAR 12 !!!

(and only missed 2 weekly issues in all that time,
one due to a death in the family & one mental day)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME !!!

and happy birthday to me…
(october 11)

BY COINCIDENCE THEY FALL TOGETHER !!!

and now…

ON WITH THE SHOW !!!

______________________

R.I.P

Bernie Schwartz

I must admit that thinking over
Tony Curtis’ movie career…

I WAS VERY ENTERTAINED BY HIM
OVER THE YEARS !

And he DID buy my daughter a drink
at the hotel bar after last year’s Chiller Theater Convention.
(he was the big draw for the autograph show)

A COUPLE OF TONY THINGS…

I’ve really had a ‘yen’ for probably a decade
to see his BLACK SHIELD OF FALWORTH…
they just NEVER play it anymore…
(it used to be on constantly)

AND…
Why wasn’t  THE GREAT IMPOSTOR re-issued
after the success of DiCaprio’s
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
(THAT’S going to be a Broadway Show now)
The Leo movie was just a ‘clone’
of the antics of FERDINAND WALDO DEMARA !

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferdinand_Waldo_Demara

Hell.. even tv’s M*A*S*H did a ‘tribute’
with a ’surgeon’ who wasn’t a surgeon,
and left as a Chaplain !

IT’S NOT SUCH AN ORIGINAL IDEA
AND I DON’T REMEMBER THEM
GIVING CREDIT TO THE EARLIER VERSIONS !

Tony’s version still plays well !

THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT

TONY CURTIS…

except for…

REST in PEACE

_____________________

i’VE BEEN GETTTING SOME COMPLAINTS
ABOUT NUDITY IN RIP Renfield…
So I will be making a conscious effort
to include MORE nudity wherever I can !
(I’m even typing this in the nude)

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To be great is to be mis-understood.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

True, true…
Well that’s what’s always happened to me !
- Renfield

I think I got away with one…

Last quote I commented on, I replied…

” I must be in there somewhere “
and some wise guy reader who will remain anonymous
(it was pillbug)

answered…

That’s what she said !!!
- women the world over

___________________

FOR MY ‘SERIOUS’ ITEM OF THE WEEK…

THE GAY KID FROM MY ALMA MATER
THAT JUMPED OFF THE GB BRIDGE
AFTER HAVING A SEXUAL ENCOUNTER ‘STREAMED’ ?

FUCK THE A-HOLES WHO ‘KILLED’ HIM !

WHY CAN’T THE A-HOLES
JUST LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE ?

You don’t have to approve,
you don’t have to participate,
you can be sexually ‘harassed’ and it be action-able !

OTHERWISE?

MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS !

Minimally… the ‘prank’ was enough to get expelled,
even if the suicide didn’t take place !

CAN YOU BE THAT STUPID ?

WHAT IF THE ‘NERD’
WENT COLUMBINE ON YOU ?
(take you out and THEN himself)

THEY SHOULD MAKE ‘RUBBER ROOMS’
FOR ALL BULLIES…
from kindergarten to high school…
any problem after that?

ARREST THEM !

and I put some of the blame on Rutgers…
you put room-mates together
and let THEM work it out ?
SEEMS YOU CAN PAIR LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE
TOGETHER BY A SIMPLE QUESTION-AIRE !

RUTGERS HAS A ‘NEW’ PROGRAM
TO ‘TEACH’ A-HOLES TO BE CIVILIZED?
Uh… the ones that need these courses
are the ones least likely to attend !

Like this jerk in the post office parking lot…
He looked like an aging athlete who had alot of anger issues…
kept yelling… get out of the car…
I’LL KICK YOUR ASS !!!
(I stayed in the locked car… er, it wasn’t me.. really)
I THINK THE COPS SHOULD HAVE
ARRESTED HIM FOR THE THREATS !
HE WAS A LUNATIC WHO SHOULDN’T BE ON THE STREETS !

BACK TO RUTGERS…
‘teaching’ a-holes to be civilized…

GO WITH THE RENFIELD PROGRAM…
You get reported for childish bullying,
the school investigates…
IF TRUE… EXPEL THE BASTARDS !
I think you’ll only have to expel a handful
(from 10’s of thousands of students)
to alter the mindset of the entire student body !

and that dad in florida who ‘went off’
on a school bus where his handicapped
daughter was being ‘bullied’ .. DAILY ?

PUSHED TO HIS LIMIT…
and the school says they weren’t made aware…

FUCK THEM !!!
There was previous video footage of the harassment,
there was a bus driver in-charge(?)
EVERYBODY LOOKED THE OTHER WAY !

THE BASTARDS !!!

Everybody has a good time at some kid’s expense…
EVER THINK THAT KID MIGHT WANT TO
HAVE A POSITIVE SCHOOL EXPERIENCE TOO ?

No one raised their kid to be a punching bag !!!

__________________

Segway company owner

dies in apparent Segway accident !!!

The body of James Heselden was pulled from the River Wharfe
in northern England on Sunday, police said.
A Segway-type vehicle was recovered from the river.

HA HA HA HA HA !!!
I never thought those things were safe…
(maybe he was planning to ‘walk’ on water)

_________

The weather people predicted
up to 6 inches of rain in this last super-storm…

Got on tv at 4:30 in the morning like a blizzard was coming.
(they were wrong… the rain was nearly a day late)

One weatherman used this analogy…

TO PUT IT IN PERSPECTIVE,
THE RAIN WOULD TRANSLATE
TO A SNOWFALL OF 6 FEET !

duh !!!

What does that have to do with anything?
I was wondering how it translated to fire !

HEY.. HE HAD A LONG (incorrect) DAY !!!

BUT THEIR INACCURACY

COST ME ‘CRED’…

My co-workers asked ME about the day’s weather…
All I did was repeat (chapter & verse)
what I had heard on several tv weather reports…

AND NOW ?

I’M considered weather-predicting ‘kryptonite’ !!!

__________________

nancy sinatra in MY town ?

I left my mp3 player home (big rain) ?

ANYWAY… listened to ‘regular’ radio instead…
a commercial on NJ101.5 FM
happened to be advertising an appearance
by NANCY SINATRA at a local liquor store (a big one)…
Call ahead to reserver your
bottle of SINATRA VINO ($113 per)
and she will sign it for you…

NANCY, NANCY, NANCY…

what hath god wrought?  has it come to this?

(and she looks great for 100 years old, like hell if younger)

http://woodbridge.injersey.com/2010/09/27 /

nancy-sinatra-coming-to-joe-canals-in-iselin/

I have a feeling that the supply of wine
is NOT as limited as they imply…

THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR ‘STOMPIN’
(grapes)?

___________________

anybody out there ‘warming up’ to

BOARDWALK  EMPIRE on HBO ?

I’ve been hearing some great things about it
from a source I usually respect…
Plus a respectable cast, scorcese behind the camera…

BUT IT JUST ISN’T FOR ME !!!

(so far, anyway… maybe I’ll have another look one day)

_________________

I was in a convenience store one afternoon…
and overheard an exasperated dad tell his little son that…

“When we get home,
you can drink yourself to sleep”

I turned and said…

“ME TOO !!!”

HEY, I’M QUICK…

I was telling a co-worker about a buddy in Tennessee…
A NYC boy by birth and a good chunk of his life…
(his big italian family local to NYC too)
The guy’s lived in Tenn. for the last 20 years…

The co-worker wanted to know…

” HOW DID HE END UP IN TENNESSEE ? ”

and, without missing a beat, I say…

” WITNESS  PROTECTION “

Mikey said he’s asked that all the time
and plans to ‘adopt’ my reply…

_______________________

there’s good…
and then there’s GOOD !!!

____________________________

I needed a DVD player

as the input device for my DVD-VHS recorder.
The ancient one I was using (an APEX)
had a problem with sound towards the end of a dvd.
(only happens when you try to record from it)

SO I WENT TO WALMART (easily return-able if is sucked),
and bought a SONY for $39.
Tiny thing… smaller than a laptop computer.

I like to read manuals before setting up ANY device…

I read this one TWICE…

IF I READ IT ONE MORE TIME
I’LL BE QUALIFIED TO ‘PILOT’
THE SPACE SHUTTLE !

(all this for $39?)

THE SET-UP, THE FEATURES,
THE FEATURES YOU’LL NEVER USE,
LEARNING ALL THE BUTTONS ON THE REMOTE !!!

ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS
PUT IN A DVD AND PRESS PLAY !

Luckily, when I hooked it up,
and pressed buttons in conjunction with the manual,

IT MADE ALOT MORE SENSE !
(I think I’m going to be happy with the SONY)

___________________

did they ever do it this way ?

GAMESHOW – NAME THAT TUNE

Instead of guessing how few notes
you can NAME THAT TUNE in…
(along with a BIG clue)

WHY NOT HAVE PEOPLE

(panel of 3 ?)

BUZZ IN WHEN THEY CAN

NAME THAT TUNE ?

The difference would be that
a single note would be played,
a pause…
the first TWO notes are played,
a pause…
then 3, pause, 4, pause, etc…

UNTIL SOMEONE GUESSES CORRECTLY

It kinda gives the tv audience a ’sporting chance’
to play along at home, and not ‘cheat’
by using clues to answer in ONE note !

____________________

I HAD THIS RECENTLY POINTED OUT TO ME…

WHY DO YOU NEVER (almost never?)

SEE REALLY OLD GUYS

THAT ARE VERY TALL ?

I’m 6 foot – 3…

I have kids and nephews a few inches taller than I am.
I often see guys 3-6 inches taller than I am.
I mentioned this to this one guy on line
at a convenience store who had relatives as tall as he was…
AND HE EVEN HAD TO ADMIT
THAT NONE OF HIS ELDERLY MEN RELATIVES
WERE ESPECIALLY TALL !!!
Look around for 75-80 year old’s over 6 feet tall !

DO WE DIE EARLY ?

or

JUST SHRINK ?

I know women tend to ’shrink’…
If my mother continues the way she is…
she’ll be able to join the road company
of THE WIZARD OF OZ as one of the munchkins !

SPEAKING OF ROAD COMPANIES…

THE MUSIC MAN ?

Robert Preston OWNS the title role.
BUT… Shirley Jones as MARIAN the librarian…

Ooh baby !!!
Beautiful and made for the styles of the day !

One of my guilty-pleasures is this dance number
from THE MUSIC MAN…
(I have a thing for Susan Luckey (ZANEETA)  too)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1iZarUHt04

Very nicely choreographed… great steps…
and they make it look like fun…
and SHIRLEY’s a go-er too !

___________________

After I re-did my laptop computer…

(back to factory new)

The anti-virus I put in was NORTON SECURITY.
(it was on my wife’s, you can use it on 3 computers)

It’s CONSTANTLY running and updating…
I run a quick-scan after each session…
takes minutes & eliminates dozens of tracking ‘cookies’ !

ANYWAY…

I noticed the computer running a bit slowly…
it had me concerned…
when I went to run the NORTON,
it showed that my CPU power used
was well-over 50% !!!
(it’s usually in low single digits at this stage)

I RAN THE QUICK SCAN…

REMOVED 45 ‘COOKIES’ AUTOMATICALLY…
AND THE CPU READING DROPPED,
DRASTICALLY, BACK TO LOW SINGLE DIGITS !
(and speed was back up)

I guess I found the ‘cure’ for power eating cookies !

NICE… THANK YOU SYMANTEC !

___________________

I LIKE VIRTUAL GIRLS…

My ‘equipment’ is somehow magically transformed

into ADULT-SIZED in the virtual world !

__________________________

Due to the tremendous amount of rain predicted,

I thought it a good idea to leave my mp3 player home.
It’s probably 3 or 4 years now…
but I record the RON & FEZ replay during the nite
(sirius-xm satellite radio),
and listen to the ‘talk’ show almost exclusively…
(a little O & A, songs I pick, are the only exceptions)

TODAY I HAD TO LISTEN TO THE (gasp) RADIO !!!
The regular, terrestrial one !
AND IT REALLY SUCKED !!!
Between the news shows, the talk shows,
and the music channels (with commercials)…

IT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME AS IT WAS
THE LAST TIME IN 2006 or 1980 !
(even the playlists were the same)

ANOTHER GENERATION OR 2
AND THE RADIO SHOW OF TODAY
WILL BE HISTORY… HORRIBLE STUFF !
(and I’m in the NYC market)

_________________

I’d like to tell you some ‘war’ stories
about how we weathered the BIG storm
and the ensue-ing flooding…

BUT SOMEHOW IT PASSED US BY !

It’s kinda cool now… the sun is shining…
I have the day off…

SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS…

CUTTING THE G-DAMN GRASS
THAT SEEMED TO GET ENOUGH RAIN
TO GROW 6 INCHES IN A FEW DAYS !
(I should be so lucky)

I’D GO LAY OUT IN THE RAIN ON MY BACK,
NAKED, IF THAT WORKED ON MEN !

SO…

I’ll see if I can come up with something ’special’
for the next issue… the RIP Anniversary Issue !

Like QUICKDRAW McGRAW might say…

I’M GOIN’ TO DO SOME THINNIN’ ON THAT !

(and NO… girlfriends never nicknamed me ‘QUICKDRAW’)

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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