† RIP Renfield #570 – FOOTBALL †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield  #570 – FOOTBALL †

September 18, 2010

———————

IT’S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE YEAR…

for FOOTBALL ?


I kinda like to get the Baseball World Series

out of the way before entering football mode…

(pretty soon they’ll extend the football season
all the way back to the fourth of July !!!)


but the banner is pretty,
and I find myself caught between seasons…

SO THIS WEEK IS…

THE PIGSKIN EXTRAVAGANZA !!!

(although there isn’t another mention of football in this issue)

((the issue was almost called YOM KIPPUR ‘light’))

______________________

Football ?

I’m still singing about

WILLIE, MICKEY, & the DUKE

http://uk.video.yahoo.com/watch/456784/2533611

(psst.. bobby thomson had done it !!!)

R.I.P

Robert Brown Thomson

“bobby”



“The Staten Island Scot,”
was a Scottish American Major League Baseball outfielder
and right-handed batter who played for the New York Giants (1946–53, 1957),
Milwaukee Braves (1954–57), Chicago Cubs (1958-59), Boston Red Sox (1960)
and Baltimore Orioles (1960). His season-ending three-run home run
for the Giants in 1951, known as the “Shot Heard ‘Round the World,”
is one of the most famous moments in baseball history.

In the 1990s, over forty years after his famous home run,
Thomson received a letter from an ex-Marine
who had been stationed in Korea in 1951:

“I was in a bunker in the front line with my buddy listening to the radio.
It was contrary to orders, but he was a Giants fanatic.
He never made it home and I promised him if I ever got back I’d write
and tell you about the happiest moment of his life.
It’s taken me this long to put my feelings into words.
On behalf of my buddy, thanks Bobby.

___________________________

WORLD WAR 1 re-visited…

At least 8,000 visitors
were asked to evacuate
the British Museum after
what was described as a “gas” incident.


In a related story…

the TACO BELL next door

is doing a ‘boom-ing’ business !!!


___________________

READ THE FOLLOWING
AND SEE IF YOUR REACTION
IS THE SAME AS MINE…

… regulators already have been investigating complaints
alleging that Google has been favoring its own services
in its results instead of rival websites.


“DUH… of course ! “

Who would YOU give preference to ?
You give every advantage to YOUR company ?
Unfair? Create your own search engine !
You’re not allowed to be successful anymore ?

It reminds me of the movie 2010

When it comes down to a choice between
THEM or HAL, the computer for their survival…
John Lithgow very quickly says…

” I CHOOSE US ! “


__________________

GROUND-ZERO MOSQUE

is a little out of the news these days…
but this got my attention…

ONE OF THE DEVELOPERS (for the project)
RECENTLY MADE COMMENTS
CONDEMNING THE US GOV’T FOR THEIR PART
IN THE BOMBING OF THE TWIN TOWERS !!!

Asked to respond…

he was ‘happy’ to clarify his statement…

NOT THE ENTIRE US GOV’T DID IT…

IT WAS ROGUE ELEMENTS
WITHIN THE US GOV’T !!!

HUH ?

THAT’S CLARIFICATION ?

That’s meant to appease the bad feelings
felt by the victims of an enormous terrorist act ?

WHY NOT PUT THE BLAME WHERE IT SHOULD GO ?
If not representative of MOST muslims…
BLAMING IT ON ROGUE ELEMENTS WITHIN
THEIR OWN RELIGION WOULD BE
THE ‘BRAVE’ (and truthful) THING TO DO !!!

He’s made it clear to me where he’s coming from !
I think it would be very fair to say that THEIR religion
was not under as much scrutiny until THEIR violent acts
brought attention to their barbaric leanings !
(most would choose to ignore them,
if contained in THEIR countries)

______________________

They’ve been repeating a commercial on radio

for LARRY the CABLE GUY… (A LOT)

(I laugh everytime)




MY HORSE BROKE HIS LEG

I HAD TO SHOOT HIM

NOW I HAVE A HORSE WITH A BROKEN LEG

AND A GUNSHOT WOUND !

__________________

I MISSED IT…

but afterwards I heard
about the calendar coincidence
that came around the other week…

SEPTEMBER 2nd, 2010 ?

or

90210

(like the tv show… beverly hills 90210)

and the day after ?

THEY CALLED IT  ‘THE OC’  !!!

_________________

hurricane EARL aftermath ?

The ones claiming to be
the VICTIMS of  HURRICANE EARL
are alot of the tourist industry in MASSACHUSETTES…
the ones that over-price every last damn thing,
and make a fortune every holiday weekend !!!

Basically, calling the media & weather people
A-HOLES  for their ‘iffy’ weather danger report !
MOST TOURISTS CHOSE TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY.

AND IF THE HURRICANE HIT WITH FULL FORCE ?
(ala New Orleans?)
and there wasn’t the preparation & caution ?

C’MON, YOU MONEY GRUBBERS !
Everybody did what they had to do…
be happy that death & destruction was at a minimum !

———–

tourist shop owners would put THEIR
troubles ahead of this guy’s family…

DEATH ?

Unless we were speaking about a 10 year old
(and it’s not MY relative),
I found little sympathy for some adult idiot
who went SWIMMING in the ocean,
in the ‘hurricane’ surf, with his friends,
who disappeared in the surf,
and whose DEAD body turned up a few days later !



THAT’S  CALLED…

ASKING FOR TROUBLE !!!

Sympathy?

Yeah, for the rescue people who had to risk THEIR lives
for some idiot with NO common sense !!!


(but I DO have a tiny bit more sympathy for him than shop-keepers)

__________________

LOUIE

best show on tv right now
(Fx -11pm- tuesday)

ANYWAY…

LOUIE MAY SWALLOW,
BUT HE DOESN’T INHALE !

Perhaps they just did it for the character,
but Louie was ‘coerced’ by a neighbor to smoke pot
for the first time in decades (been longer for me).

I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO MY DAUGHTER
THAT WAS NO WAY TO TAKE A ‘HIT’ ON A BONG !

Louie would take a long draw on the ‘tube’,
but when he was done… it was still full of smoke !



Isn’t the idea to let the smoke fill the tube
(filtered thru the liquid),
and when full (or ready), let go of the little hole
you’ve been plugging up…
and draw the smoke, ALL the smoke,
into your lungs with ONE short burst !


IF ON PURPOSE.. OKAY…

IF NOT?

PAY MORE ATTENTION TO THE LITTLE THINGS !!!

—–

I got away with one the other day…

At my mother’s birthday party (86)
she told of how disappointed a lady friend of hers was
after she found out her grand-daughter is a go-go dancer…
I mentioned that my daughter’s high school friend
was now a ’shot-girl’ in a go go bar !!!

I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO THEM WHAT  A ‘SHOT-GIRL’ WAS…
Test tube of whiskey placed between the boobies,
take your straw, get your drink, & a faceful of tits !
(they were disgusted)

LUCKILY…

I WASN’T ASKED HOW
I CAME BY THE INFORMATION !!!

________________

I WAS A PRETTY PRECOCIOUS KID…

I found an older brother’s playboy magazines
and had it all figured out by the time I was 7 years old !

NOPE.. DIDN’T LEARN ABOUT SEX ON THE STREET,
I FIGURED IT OUT ALL BY MYSELF…


ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS HAVE THE GIRL
GET COMPLETLY NAKED ON A BED,
AND THEN THE GUY PUT ON A TUXEDO
AND SMOKE A CIGARETTE !!!

HEY… NO PROBLEM… I COULD DO THAT !!!
(although the cigarette might be a problem)



(HALFWAY THERE ALREADY)

I GOT THE TUX BABY,

YOUR MOVE !!!


(I stole that… thanks Mr. Benningtgon)

___________________




Egotism is the anesthetic

that dulls the pain of stupidity.
– Frank Leahy


I’m not sure where,
but I must be in there somewhere !!!
- Renfield

___________________

IT MIGHT JUST FIT HERE…

speaking of your old school teachers

(the ones you wanted to ‘bang’)

I should really look-up the one that got away.
(got away? she didn’t know then, she doesn’t know now)
… SHE’S STILL AROUND …
(and according to my spies),
still works in the same school system, and remembers me !

(it was high school & she’s in my dating age range
from when I was single… probably my wife’s age)

SHE TOOK UP SO MUCH OF MY ‘HORNY’ MIND
I DON’T KNOW HOW I EVER PASSED THE COURSE !!!

but memories might be best…

SHE MIGHT HAVE AGED BADLY,
OR HER LOOKS WENT TO ‘GOOFY’ !
(although I’d probably still take-one-for-the-team)

That ONE teacher still ‘with me’ & some of the other women
I have lusted for over the years have something in common…
(not your usual.. not just simply blond)

BUT THERE’S A CERTAIN NICHE OF MINE…

IF A GIRL HAS THE ‘LOOK’ THAT SHE COULD PLAY

A LIVE ACTION VERSION OF UNDERDOG’S GIRLFRIEND…

SWEET POLLY PUREBREAD

(I’ve ONLY known 2 that fit the bill perfectly)

I WANT YOU !!!

I’ve never confessed that before,
figuring the girl would be insulted..
(or I’d be considered a ‘nut’),
BUT  IT’S  TOTALLY  A  COMPLIMENT !!!
(in my circles)

_______________

WHY TAKE CHANCES ?

Just got an official looking blocked update from mozilla firefox…
said it caused instability… recommended ‘blocking’
and asked for you to click for a restart to complete the block…

I’m thinking it’s the same bullshit that got my daughter her virus..
I ‘x’-ed it out.. and won’t use their button for a restart..
it’ll start next time I turn on…

if it’s blocked, it’s blocked…

WHY DO I NEED TO DO MORE ?

and my ’shell-shocked’ reaction to the windows 7 upgrade
that also includes their MALICOUS SOFTWARE  REMOVAL TOOL
is to email SYMANTEC to see if it conflicts with my NORTON anti-virus…

WHEN THINGS ARE RUNNING SMOOTH,

WHY ROCK THE BOAT ?


______________

speaking of boats….

‘MURDER SHE WROTE’ MARATHON
(LABOR DAY TV)

Simple stuff, not too hard on the brain…
but…
I noticed something obvious…
The show had something very much in common with
THE LOVE BOAT !

They both provided acting jobs for groups of
aging, or forgotten, or fringe one-hit-wonder stars
that the public might be curious to see !
(in small doses)
JUST  LIKE  THE  LOVE  BOAT !
They both crammed as many ‘visitors’ as they could
into each show… recognize-ing them was ’sport’ !
If you made JB Fletcher a crew member,
and killed a ‘cruiser’ weekly…
you could have combined the 2 shows into 1 !

Old, or former celebs, new young ones on the scene,
minor ’stars’ or small-time tv actors…

ALL FOUND NETWORK EXPOSURE
LONG AFTER THEY WERE ‘REPLACED’
BY A NEW CROP OF ACTORS !

COME ON BOARD,

WE’RE EXPECTING YOU !

(please pass thru the security scanners first)

_________________

I heard a very interesting concept the other day…

The argument was that people are much happier
with fewer, rather than more, choices…
and if you think back in your life…
to ’simpler’, pre-modern-tech days ?
(3 tv networks, limited radio stations, no cell phones)
The less there is to choose from,
the easier to find YOUR point of being happy !

HARD TO ARGUE WITH THAT
(although I’m not giving up nuthin’)

ONE EXAMPLE…

If you found out the guy next to you
was getting better air than you…
(and it was purchase-able)
you’d feel ‘left behind’ & want it too !

VERY COMPETITIVE…

WE WANT WHAT WE WANT
WHEN WE WANT IT !!!

AND IF SOMEONE ELSE HAS IT,

WE WANT IT MORE… AND NOW !!!



__________________

I had been fighting that ‘cold’…
so I haven’t mowed my lawn in a while…
due to the oppressive heat recently…
it really didn’t need it… (I can still get away with it)…

I HAD A WEDNESDAY OFF WORK…
My BIG job of the day would be the lawn…
It was warm, but not oppressive.. a small breeze…
pleasant enough.. and the grass not all that high, or thick…

I MADE THE MISTAKE OF GOING OUT FOR COFFEE
(thought I’d treat myself, I had a 2-for-1 McDonalds coupon)

I couldn’t have been gone more than half-an-hour.. at most !
I get home, see the little flag in my lawn, the bill on my door-knob,
and realize that in the short time I was gone…
The LAWN SERVICE guys had been there !
(great timing, huh?)

Mowing the lawn now would be like running
a vacuum cleaner over the ‘new’ chemicals !

SO I WENT IN THE HOUSE, HAD MY COFFEE,
AND FIGURE I’LL TRY AGAIN ON SUNDAY

I’m not sure if I was happy or annoyed…

BUT IT WAS A NICE DAY !

(next day had an un-comfirmed tornado in the area)
((we don’t usually get those in New Jersey or New York)

__________________

SO…

AS THE FOOTBALL SLOWLY FADES PAST THE UPRIGHTS,
and you get beer spilled on you by un-apologetic fans…
(as they shout obscenitis at you and your kids)

I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS ISSUE…
to begin the long wait to get out of the parking lot !
(having just paid $150 a seat next to the sky,
and watched the game on a giant TV screen)

THERE’S GOTTA BE A BETTER WAY !!!

(buy a giant tv, watch the game at home)

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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