† RIP Renfield #567 – SUMMER- `this is the END †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

+++++++++++++++++++

Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

**********************

† RIP Renfield  #567 – SUMMER – this is the END †

August  28, 2010

———————

IT MAY NOT BE THE ‘OFFICIAL’

END OF SUMMER…

(but close enough)

My summer vacation if over,
the kids are back to schook,
it’s getting dark earlier,
their has been some relief from the oppressive heat,
and even a few hurricanes are around…

ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE !!!

The calendar may say SUMMER,
even the weather might say it…

BUT YOUR BODY CLOCK IS SAYING ‘OVER’ !

—–

The vacation was running so smoothly,
I decided to put off the inevitable laptop reformat to factory new…
(I have a few days off in october, maybe then)
So I didn’t do it in my leisure…
and 3 days before I go back… BOOM !!!
The aol copy that holds my life & RIP crashed !
(almost taking the computer with it)
I did a SYSTEM RESTORE, a SCAN DISK,
DELETED 13 GIGS (of backed-up stuff)
and took an older, saved version of the AOL I use,
and recreated the PFC (personal filing cabinet)
to the form I use and keep standard templates
and backed-up fodder items in…
(plus my purchase folder & contact addresses)

SO I AVOIDED THE REFORMAT AGAIN,
BUT IT’S ONLY BEING DELAYED !

At least I’ll be able to find out HOW
to hook up with a NORTON SUITE I pay for,
that can be used on multiple computers…
I couldn’t use it because of using
WINDOWS SERVICE PACK 1
(don’t ask)
I need to use at least SERVICE PACK 2 for the Norton Suite…
but why not go to SERVICE PACK 3 ?
I’m not sure I can, I’ll check into that too…
(16 vs 32 bit stuff, I can’t find it)

ONE GOOD THING ?

I was fortunate to have saved the entire
PFC from AOL8 to file the nite before…
SO  I  LOST  NOTHING !!!  NADA !!!
But I have to use a few extra clicks to get to it…
(NOT A PROBLEM, A GOD-SEND)

I GUESS IS PAYS TO BE ‘ANAL’
WHEN IT COMES TO BACKING UP FILES !
(I’ve already multiply backed up my ‘new’ necessities)
(( OFF THE COMPUTER  ))

Well… that was excitement I didn’t need
right before a RIP issue needed writing,
and didn’t need at the END of a vacation.

and on top of that I picked up a cold somewhere…
a deep, hacking cough…
(better now than when back to work)
and feel like shit in the later part of the day…
(percocet helps)
but still could manage some yard work in the hot sun
in the earlier part of the day….

Hmmmm…

That should take up some ’space’ to fill out the issue…

NOW … ON TO THE ENTERTAINMENT !!!

_____________________

AND NOW..

MISTER ENTERTAINMENT…

R.I.P

MITCH  MILLER

An american icon of early 60’s television…
who knew he was still alive at 99 ?

An original, enjoy-able alternative for the folks
who never ‘got’ rock-and-roll !
A mostly male chorus, singing fun songs
and standards, while Mitch ‘woodenly’
conducted them… as did all his ‘imitators’…
and you could ‘follow-the-bouncing-ball’
and sing along with Mitch at home !

REGULARLY A TOP 2O SHOW !!!
(hey, look how long Lawrence Welk lasted)

But if you didn’t know…

he was a key executive at Columbia Records,
both producer and arranger…
and was largely responsible for the ’sound’
and the fame of some really big names of the day…
Tony Bennett, Patti Page, Rosemary Clooney,
Frankie Laine, Jo Stafford,
and was responsible for switching
Johnny Mathis from jazz to romantic ballads !

Miller’s square reputation in the post-rock era brought
his name and music to unexpected places.
In 1993, one of his “Sing Along” records was used by the FBI
to drive out the Branch Davidian cult from itsTexas compound.

In recent years, Miller returned to his classical roots,
a frequent guest conductor with symphony orchestras.

In 2000, he won a Grammy Award for lifetime achievement.




ALL-IN-ALL A GREAT LIFE !!!

(he had his mind & wits to the end)

((if you plan to be around, that’s the way to do it))

_____________________________

Interesting arguments

from the pro-mosque at Ground Zero camp…


Re:  the ‘victory’ symbolism ?

NOT AT ALL…

“To me and many Muslims, this mosque is like
any other mosque in any part of the world,”
said Houriya Baleegh, a 55-year-old Cairo housewife.
“It does not mean much to Islam having a mosque at ground zero.”

IF THAT’S THE CASE…

Build it at another (nearby) location !
It ‘does not mean much’ to YOU…
but it does to others…
THE WORD ‘COMPASSION’ COMES TO MIND !

Re:  a ‘bridge’ to better understanding & relations ?

I think this ‘bridge’ is pretty well tainted…
YOU want to appear to be the ‘voice-of-reason’ ?
YOU can show US(A) that YOU are the
BIGGER, BETTER PERSON !
Much like the Pope moving a nun’s convent
away from a nearby NAZI conentration camp.


The PR move would have been

to show-up the barbarians !

(and find your victory there)

Now the USA appears to have joined
the growing list of countries
that sees a fanatical religion that doesn’t get along with others !


THIS IS A CLUSTER FUCK

AND NO ONE IS GOING TO COME OUT OF THIS
LOOKING (or smelling) GOOD !

(and THIS created MORE discrimination, NOT less)

BUT WASN’T THAT THE PLAN ALL ALONG ?
TO JUSTIFY VIOLENT ACTIONS AGAINST US ?

JUST WONDERING?

THEY USING UNION LABOR ON THIS PROJECT ?

____________________

tiger’s ex-wife…

WHAT DID HE EVER SEE IN HER ?

Anyway… I’m at the cash register in a pharmacy & see
the EX pasted all over the magazine covers telling HER story !

WHAT’S WITH HER ?

Everybody knows the story, it’s yesterday’s news…
They are divorced, she probably got a half billion dollars,
WHAT IS THE REASON FOR THE PUBLIC DISPLAY ?

(since she’ll be soon crying about her privacy being invaded)

THERE IS NO REASON FOR HER TO BE OUT THERE,
IS SHE LOOKNG FOR TV OR MODELING WORK
TO SUPPLEMENT HER BANK ACCOUNT ?
AND MORE IMPORTANTLY,
THER IS NO NEED TO DRAW ATTENTION TO THE KIDS !

SHAME ON HIM ?

SHAME ON HER TOO !!!

______________________

TASTE vs. the RIGHT TO BE AN A-HOLE…

A video game that allows players to adopt the role of the Taliban
is a “tasteless product,” Britain’s defense secretary said Sunday,
calling on retailers to show their support for troops by not selling it.

Liam Fox said he was “disgusted and angry” by “Medal of Honor,”
produced by California-based Electronic Arts Inc.

“At the hands of the Taliban, children have lost fathers and wives
have lost husbands. It’s shocking that someone would think it acceptable
to recreate the acts of the Taliban against British soldiers,”
he said in a statement. I would urge retailers to show their support
for our armed forces and ban this tasteless product.”

PRESIDENT OBAMA & NYC MAYOR BLOOMBERG
MUST THING THE BRITS ARE BEING
A LITTLE TOO SENSITIVE…
(So ?  It’s a slap in the face of victims… deal with it)

ELECTRONIC ARTS IS IN BUSINESS TO SELL…
SELLING TO THE TALIBAN SUPPORTERS
IS JUST ‘BUILDING-A-BRIDGE’…
(more like blowing up that bridge)

IT’S NICE TO SEE A SOMEONE OF HIGH POSITION,
A NON-PUSSY,
EXPRESSING SOME OUTRAGE OVER
A TASTELESS SITUATION
IN A COUNTRY THAT ALSO HAS
‘FREEDOM of SPEECH’
but who is excercising HIS own use of ‘free’ speech
to tell-it-like-it-is !!!

THE ‘ELECTED’ OFFICIALS DISTANCED THEMSELVES
AND BACK-PEDALED…
BUT WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ?
(the taliban have rights that don’t exist in their own countries)

BUILD A MOSQUE, PRACTICE YOUR RELIGION
AND STOP HIDING (incorrectly) BEHIND
THE FIRST AMDENDMENT !!!
Just build it a half-mile away…

THE ‘VOICE OF REASON’ FOR THE MOSQUE
(the ‘holyman’, project spokesman),
BLAMED THE USA FOR THE ATTACK
(a justified reaction from the taliban)
AS RECENTLY AS 5 YEARS AGO…
(well AFTER the bombing)

At least they can’t blame us for ’stoning to death’
a rape victim, inflicting paralysis as punishment, etc…

A VERY REASONABLE PEOPLE, NO ?

(YOU REALLY DON’T HEAR AN OUTCRY
AMONG THEMSELVES FOR CHANGE)

__________________

JACKIE (The Joke Man) MARTLING

is ‘aces’ with me these days…

www.JokeLand.com

The legitimacy he gave to my many years
of writing crap was totally un-intended by him…
but, in my delusions ?

I’M WALKING ON AIR !!!


I just picked up my ‘gifts’

(or as I like to call it PAYMENT for jokes)

and Jackie definitely has some great merchandise !

INCLUDED IN MY PARCEL…

His NEW comedy CD… SNART

also … HAPPY ENDINGS…
the comedic, musicial musings of a true entertainer…
(including my favorite… THE BEER SONG)

A copy of his…
DUSGUSTINGLY dirty JOKE BOOK

And a great promotional item…
A BUSINESS CARD WITH 4 PUSH-OUT GUITAR PICKS.



(I might have to get-onboard with these for RIP)

AND SOMETHING I’VE WANTED FOR 20 YEARS…
ONE OF HIS T-SHIRTS (he got a RIP one)…
that clearly states…

” I STUMPED JACKIE THE JOKE MAN !! ”


(usually given at night club appearances)

It’s like an AWARD…

YOU HAVE TO EARN IT !
(okay… you can buy one for $20,
but I didn’t have to)


I’M TOTALLY IMPRESSED WITH JACKIE’S GENEROSITY…
(and the great laughs he’s provided for decades)

GO VISIT JOKELAND

CHECK OUT HIS MERCHANDISE
AND JOIN THE REST OF US
THOROUGHLY ENTERTAINED FANS !

___________________

While wasting the days away…

I found myself watching alot of cable court shows…
(or the ‘chase’ and trial of the criminal)

AND I HEARD THIS
MORE THAN A FEW TIMES…

OUR SYSTEM IS SET-UP SO THAT
IT’S BETTER TO LET 10 GUILTY MEN
GO FREE RATHER THAN PUNISH
ONE INNOCENT MAN !



WHEN DID THEY RE-DO THE MATH ?

I seem to remember the ’saying’ claiming
it was better to let 100 MEN GO FREE,
and I think I’ve heard it as…
better to let 1000 MEN GO FREE !

I GUESS THE ‘FIGURER’
FIGURES THE SAME WAY AS ME…

1000, or 100, CRIMINALS OFF THE STREET,
OR PUT TO DEATH,
AT THE COST OF 1 INNOCENT MAN ?
(10 guilty on the street I can live with)

KINDA SOUNDS LIKE A BARGAIN…

(unless YOU are the 1 innocent man, of course)

_____________________

from LAFFADAY…

My girlfriend and I were making love last night
when she looked up at me and said,
“Make love to me like in the movies”.
So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her ass,
pulled it out, flipped her back over
and came all over her face and hair.

She cried.

I guess we don’t watch the same kind of movies.

__________________

Rolling Stone’s Top 10 list

of Greatest Beatles songs are:

1. “A Day in the Life”
2. “I Want to Hold Your Hand”
3. “Strawberry Fields Forever”
4. “Yesterday”
5. “In My Life”
6. “Something”
7. “Hey Jude”
8. “Let It Be”
9. “Come Together”
10. “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”

GREATEST 10?

Seems more a personal list than a factual across-the-board one…

With no basis for choosing, EVERYONE’S TOP 10

would be unique…

Out of THEIR 10, Renfield would only include:


1. “A Day in the Life”
4. “Yesterday”
5. “In My Life”
6. “Something”


I’d add…

WHEN I SAW HER STANDING THERE
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET
I WILL
HERE COMES THE SUN
BLACKBIRD
I’LL FOLLOW THE SUN
I’M HAPPY JUST TO DANCE WITH YOU
THERE’S A PLACE

(and have trouble eliminating 2 to get to 10)

ADDITIONALLY…

I COULD COME UP WITH A FEW MORE…
THOSE WERE OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD.

_________________________

I’M   INNOCENT   OFFICER…

I heard this again…

During a TV show police investigation,
the police were very suspicious of a suspect’s alibi
because the story was…



WHO USES A CELL PHONE

TO CALL SOMEONE IN THE SAME HOUSE ?
(or apartment)

er.. well… ME !!!

I’M TOO LAZY TO GET UP

and

TOO POLITE TO YELL

so if I need to speak to my daughter,
I speed-dial her from my cell phone to hers…
(and since we’re both VERIZON… minutes are always free)

MAKES SENSE TO ME,
WHY WOULD A COP FIND THAT SUSPICIOUS ?

________________

from the
JOKELAND@aol.com
mailing list…

What’s the most disgusting thing
about eating while you’re taking a shit?
The look the waitress gives you.

A truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge.
He stops, gets out, goes up to her and says,
“What are you doing?”
She says, “I’m going to commit suicide.
My parents both hate me.”
He says, “Well, before you jump,
why not jump in the cab of my truck and give me a blow job?”
She’s so forlorn, she figures what the hell.
They hop in the cab of the truck, she sucks his dick,
and takes the whole charge with a huge glurrppp.
The trucker says, “Man. Now that’s talent. I sure hate
to see it go to waste like this. Why do your parents hate you?”
She says,
“They’re ashamed that I’m always dressing up like a girl.”



My ex-wife. What an asshole.

And her tits weren’t bad, either.

______________________

I CAN’T WIN (ever)…

MOWING THE LAWN…

I have a chain-link fence around my backyard.
They border my driveway on one side
and my neighbor’s driveway on the other…

I’ve ALWAYS been responsible for the grass
that grows along my NEIGHBOR’S driveway
(the far-side, not seen part of MY property along side of the house)
A little difficult to keep it trim close to the fence, but I manage.

Now, for the other side?
MY property ends at the asphalt (& fence) of the driveway.
HIS grass, not seen from HIS backyard,
but making MY driveway look like hell,
isn’t part of his grass cutting agenda !
So it’s a foot tall… grass & weeds… poking thru the fence !

IT WAS MENTIONED…
BUT IT SEEMS IT’S STILL MY RESPONSIBILITY
TO KEEP IT NEAT & TRIM…
(I guess because I get the benefit)
So I take my mower around to the other side of his house,
and find myself not only cutting MY side,
but having to cut the OTHER side too
since both neighbors see it as MY job, MY problem !

LIKE I SAID.. I CAN’T WIN…
(even on the little stuff)

Oh.. it’s easier just to do it, than wait,
or start a war !!!


(IT’S BETTER THAN HAVING ONE OF THEM
BUILDING A MOSQUE ON THEIR PROPERTY)

_________________

I THINK THE SECRET IS OUT…

A new sit-com-type show on the Fx Channel
was highly recommended to me
by Ron of RON & FEZ on satellite radio…
(Fx – tuesday nites – 11pm-12 – one new, one repeat)

I gave it a 2 minute look once and wasn’t impressed…
(they throw in a few minutes of comedy club stand-up by the star)
One sunday afternoon, with nothing on tv,
I found it on the ON-DEMAND menu & put it on in the background…

I MUST HAVE CAUGHT THE RIGHT SCENE…

IT TOOK ONLY ONE…

AND I WAS HOOKED !!!

LOUIS C.K. starring as LOUIE
is the best-est, funny-est thing I’ve seen in a long, long time !

If you have ON-DEMAND try one of these episodes…
THE ONE WITH HIS MOTHER (and mom’s new wife)
THE AIRPORT-AIRLINE-TRIP DOWN SOUTH

They all aren’t laugh riots like these…

but once you know the show…

IT DOESN’T TAKE A ‘SLEDGE-HAMMER’ !!!
(it’s adult, but not filthy… kinda like RIP Renfield)

I talked my daughter into watching the episodes
I had just seen… and SHE WAS HOOKED !!!
She now comes to find me on Tuesday nites
so we can watch it together !
(never happened before in her adult life)

AND NOW ?

She knows the show for 10 days
and all she hears (online & real life) is positive chatter
about LOUIE on Fx from her friends !

SEEMS HER OLD MAN HELPED HER DISCOVER A SHOW
BEFORE THE REST OF HER CROWD…
PUTTING HER ON THE CUTTING EDGE !!!

IF I’M REPEATING MYSELF
IT’S JUST SO YOU GIVE THE SHOW A CHANCE
TO WIN YOU OVER LIKE IT DID US !

(and I’m not a sit-com kinda guy anymore)

((never saw a FRIENDS & don’t care for SEINFELD))

THIS IS THE REAL DEAL !!!

_____________________

LOUIS IS THE REAL DEAL ?

I’M A PRETENDER TO THE THRONE
(the one in the bathroom)

Sorry for the lack of lovely ladies this week…
but I’ve been ‘hitting’ them pretty well lately…
and I don’t want to spoil you…

and with the aggravation of the last 36 hours…

I’M JUST GLAD TO HAVE THIS ISSUE DONE !!!

SQUEEZE IN AS MUCH SUMMER AS YOU CAN
IN THE LAST FEW DAYS TILL LABOR DAY….

but there is something to be said about day trips
once the little darlings are back in school…

I USED THE OPPORTUNITY A COUPLE OF TIMES…

Once.. I was finally able to get to the top of the
STATUE OF LIBERTY (the line was much shorter).
and another?
I went to a NJ Devils practice… empty of kid fans…
and was able to mingle with the guys…

THERE’S SOMETHING TO BE SAID

FOR ‘TRIPPING’ AFTER SEPTEMBER ARRIVES…

SO…

I’LL SEE YOU IN SEPTEMBER..

(unless I lose you to a summer love)

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

*******************************

OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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