† RIP Renfield #566 – LAZY DAYS †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield  #566 – LAZY DAYS †

August  21, 2010

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Still hot-as-hell outside,  so…

I’m glad I’m off work for 2 WEEKS !

BUT, I TOTALLY WASTED THE FIRST ONE !!!
Seems the first week I spent
sleeping late, listening to Ron&Fez, some TV,
staying up later than usual…

AND THAT’S ABOUT IT !!!

I already wrote out a schedule for next week,
giving myself something daily to do…
(I’ll force myself… hopefully)

One thing I did do ?

My wife cleaned out the basement…
left ALOT of wood on the side of the house…
We have the ‘2 can’, 1 man garbage truck now,
so you can’t pile stuff at the curb & have it taken away.
After confirming that all the ‘driveway’ stuff was trash,
I called my (nearby) nephew (with the pickup truck).
His garbage collection is still the old system.
We put a hutch, some big pieces of wood,
and some dresser drawers in his truck
and they were taken the next day.

The FOLLOWING day…
My wife asks me to bring in a ‘dresser’
she has on the driveway…
(one that is missing it’s drawers)
I ask if she has them in the car…

NOPE,
SHE LEFT THEM ON THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE !

(oops)


Hey… it could happen to anyone !

NOW I have to get rid of the dresser too !


I do ‘bad’ even when doing ‘good’ !

__________________

R.I.P

Patricia Neal was an American actress of stage and screen.
She was best known for her roles as
World War II widow Helen Benson in The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951),
wealthy matron Emily Eustace Failenson in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961),
and middle-aged housekeeper Alma Brown in Hud (1963),
for which she won the Academy Award for Best Actress

Neal was offered the role of Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate (1967),
but turned it down, feeling it too soon after her 1965 strokes.

She often appeared on the Tony Awards telecast,
she was the last surviving winner from the first ceremony.

__________________________

the man is just exasperating sometimes…

HOW CAN A PRESIDENT
WITH A DWINDLING POPULARITY
(due to inherited problems or whatever),
OFFER ANY KIND OF OPINION
ON THE GROUND-ZERO MOSQUE ISSUE ?

IT’S A NO-WIN SITUATION !!!
Either you offend the people of the USA
you are out of touch with,
or you may effect foreign relations !

BE VAGUE or KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT !
(or think it out better, too many ‘yes’ men ?)

Negotiating, or attempting,  a compromise
would have been the ‘politician’ move !
(like that idiot Gov.Patterson of NY did)

HOW CAN SOMEONE ALLOW HIMSELF
TO BE PUT IN SUCH A POSITION ?
BACKED INTO A CORNER !
Having to further explain what he meant
after the damage has been done !

The ‘LOCATION’ is creating a much larger bias
that wasn’t there before !

No one said NOT to build a mosque,
or practice your religion…
You were asked to spare feelings,
and we were given the ‘finger’ instead !

(and the president ‘appears’ to side with you.. geesh)

I’M JUST NOT SEE-ING THE ‘LEADER-SHIP’ !!!
(or a ‘great compromiser)

__________________

TOO HOT FOR A BATHING SUIT ?

Geez… you think the photographer
would tell her there’s some ’sea-weed’
stuck to her ‘private’ area !!!

______________________

I just saw a TV commercial that asked…

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH THE MONEY
IF YOUR SCHOOL WERE GIVEN
A HALF-MILLION DOLLARS ?

Spend it on :

ART ?

SCIENCE ?

ATHLETICS ?

There’s only ONE place for it to go
if it comes to a vote by the school…

BONUS MONEY FOR THE TEACHERS !!!

I was ’round-tabled’ with several teachers
at a recent house-party…
and these teachers could not understand
why THEY should be effected by the economy !
WHY SHOULD THEY BITE-THE-BULLET
LIKE OTHER PEOPLE & INDUSTRIES ?
Not them… vital and hard working,
they should be above it all !
(and with tenure they are employed for life)

I pointed out they were off for 3 months every summer…

I WAS CORRECTED… ONLY 6 WEEKS

But they forgot to include…

FALL BREAK
XMAS BREAK
SPRING BREAK
JEWISH HOLIDAYS
SNOW DAYS
EVEN MORE FOR SICK DAYS !!!

I can understand wanting more, not less…
but I’ve had to take less.. others have had to take less…
and still others lost jobs completely !

POWERFUL UNION JOBS OF YESTERDAY ???
Be happy you got what you got when you got it…
FOR THE FORESEE-ABLE FUTURE ?
THOSE DAYS ARE OVER !
(and trashing the unions bring everyone down)

WELCOME TO THE CLUB
(none of us are happy to be members)

___________________

We ‘RIP-ed’ Judith last June… R.I.P

Did you see the pic of the Times Square 65th Anniv. of V-J Day ?
a 26 foot statue of the iconic sailor & nurse kiss…
and tons of people putting on sailor hats and nurses caps
and kissing inTimes Square… cool…



(sailor-nurse, sailor-sailor, nurse-nurse)

(( HEY.. IT IS, AFTERALL, NEW YORK ))

____________________

VISIT TO THE DOCTOR…

I had this bruise on my lower leg
that became infected, it was a little painful…

I went to see a doctor, he bent to look,
and I jumped & said “ouch” when he touched it…

while still bent, he muttered to himself…

” PUSSY “



“HUH?   ‘SCUSE ME ?”

” WHAT DID YOU SAY ? “

The doctor stood up,
looked me right in the eye,
and said…

” YEAH… PUSS-EEY…

YOU KNOW, FULL OF ‘PUSS’ ”

I apologized for my outburst

and he gave me a lollipop on the way out !

AUGUST 26th is the date for
the annual RENFIELD PHYSICAL EXAM !

Like some of my readers say…
YOU may ‘enjoy’ RIP Renfield, but it’s ‘killing me’ !!!

__________________



I’m scratching my head too…

I GIVE UP… WHAT’S SHE DOING ?


_____________________________

“You know those controversial

full-body scanners they use at the airports ?

Great.

Normally I take a Xanax before I fly,
now I have to take a Viagra.”

- Jimmy Fallon

__________________

HEADSTONES !

I just got a call…
the girls are having a family meeting
(mom & 2 sisters)
trying to decide what ‘adjectives’
to put on the new (larger) headstone for dad…

They needed me to tell them EXACTLY
what was on the current one…
(I have photos stored on my computer)

IT SAYS….   ” FATHER “



(I added the pic and color… and the RENFIELD)

For the new one, they want to include

BELOVED
FATHER
HUSBAND
GRANDFATHER
WW2 – ARMY AIR CORPS

(and they were throwing around son & uncle)

BEFORE THEY LET ME GO…

I was asked what I want on MY headstone…
(I’m being cremated)

So, of course, my request was…


RIPRenfield.com

(that says it all)

____________________

JACKIE  MARTLING

www.jokeland.com


The more I think about it, the more I feel that
I really should have asked THE JOKE MAN for
an 8 x 10 headshot and put it with my ‘gallery’…
(autographed to R.I.P of course)


LOOK AT THE COMPANY HE’D BE WITH….

RON & FEZ
ANN JILLIAN
JEFFREY ARCHER
E J PEAKER
CARO
VANNA WHITE

(and a couple KELLIE MARTIN’S that I purchased)


Hey… with MY life

I WAS LUCKY TO GET THOSE  !!!

(they only count if you get them personally)

___________________

the AIRLINE MELT-DOWN…

The rights to the story were purchased
by a major star who plans to star
in the production with himself as the main character…

A ‘treatment’ has already been written
about the BIG arrest scene at the suspect’s home…
Left the airport with 2 beers,
drove home to his gay lover,
and interupted in the ‘act’ by the arresting police…
(having exchanged his ‘HEINEKINS for another HINY)
the star is heard by police outside the home moaning…

” HEY YO… ADRIAN “
(over and over)

Casting is hoping to re-unite the stars of ROCKY 3 !!!
(with  MISTER T  taking over the Talia Shire role)


FLY ME…

PLENTY OF ROOM IN MY REAR COMPARTMENT !!!



” Go ahead & kiss me… you know you want to ! “

_____________________

STAY WITH ME HERE…

My wife visited the hospital for a sore shoulder.
While there, a hospital employee approached her,
and mentioned that she recognized the name…
and upon confirming it was me…
revealed that she knew the name because of her father…
Seems I worked with him for decades,
and he’s since retired…

The part I still don’t ‘get’ ?

She was probably born during the time we worked together.
I had never met her, never even knew he had a daughter,
and, although friendly with him, I never really ‘hung out’
with him or could be considered ‘close’ friends…
nice guy and all…
and we DID interact socially upon occasion…(rarely)
(I think I met his wife once in the 80’s)

The part I  REALLY don’t get ?

WHY WAS MY NAME THROWN AROUND
IN THEIR HOUSEHOLD ENOUGH
SO THAT DURING HIS DAUGHTER’S LIFETIME
SHE WOULD BE ABLE TO ‘LATCH’ ONTO MY NAME
AND HAVE IT ‘FILED’ FOR RETRIEVAL LATER ?

WHAT THE HELL WAS HE SAYING ABOUT ME !!!
WHAT MADE ME SUCH A TOPIC OF CONVERSATION ?

__________________

YOU SAW HER LAST WEEK ?

I JUST HAPPEN TO LIKE THIS PICTURE…

_________________________

A BIRTHDAY PARTY ?

I was received an invitation to a cousin’s
suprise birthday party !  (in a nice restaurant)
As one-of-six children, I’m sure that,
even if no one else shows up…
it’s going to be a very big affair !

I never go to anything, even miss half the funerals…
(and nearly ALL the weddings)
I don’t drink, I don’t dance,
& I don’t want to schmooze relatives !
(with family, I’m considered anti-social)

But it’s not that I don’t want to go to a party
for a cousin I haven’t seen since her father’s funeral,
and can’t think of the last time we spoke…
(I’m not going)
It’s actually nice that they waste a stamp
to invite me… (the proper thing to do)…

THIS IS THE MEAT OF IT…

I am VERY suprised that they are having

the party at all since it’s for a woman’s

60th BIRTHDAY !!!

Every other woman I’ve known that’s turned 60
has requested that there not be a party !
I guess it’s a HUGE reminder that
not only are you not young anymore…
but that you’re ‘crashing’ into senior citizen territory !
(smaller parties at home are the norm for number 60)

THIS SURPRISE COULD BE DEVASTATING TO HER !!!

Actually… I think most women would want to skip
the BIG party for 30, 40, 50, & 60 !

AFTER 60, WHO REALLY CARES ?

(you’re on your way out)

THEN IT’S REALLY ABOUT TRIBUTING YOU
WHILE STILL ALIVE, SO YOU CAN STILL ANSWER BACK !

____________________

SPEAKING OF ‘WHO CARES’ ?

I’m continue-ing my lazy, vacation ways
and just ending this issue here…

I’m surprised I got as much done for this issue as I did…

BUT.. I’M NOT CONFIDENT FOR NEXT WEEK !


So… here I am…

CHECKING OUT !!!

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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