† RIP Renfield #565 – VACATION – from work †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield  #565 – VACATION – from work †

August  14, 2010

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I always threaten…

but this issue WILL BE shorter than normal…

Still extremely hot this week… humid too !!!
Thursday did turn out cooler…
and these strange droplets of water
fell out of the sky for a short time…
(haven’t seen them in a long time)

BUT…
I am officially on vacation (from work) for 2 weeks !!!
I’m not going anywhere except

CASA de RENFIELD

but it will be air-conditioned and out of the sun !

One of my excursions will have to be my yearly visit
to my hair stylist… my pony tail needs shaping…

IT’S QUITE UN-RULY THESE DAYS !


Nice to be away from work & people…

as ART LINKLETTER used to say…

” PEOPLE  ARE  PHONY “

(or something like that)

Phony? Of course… BUT…

Will include a few gratuitous girly pics
for your viewing pleasure…

____________________

Ohhh…

PEOPLE ARE FUNNY
PEOPLE ARE ALSO DEAD

R.I.P

ART  LINKLETTER



First of all… how does someone named
Gordon Arthur Kelly from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan
decide to dump that ‘neutral’ actor-type name for
ART  LINKLETTER ?

More famous & popular than younger people think…
His HOUSE PARTY ran (on radio & tv) for 25 years !
His PEOPLE ARE FUNNY ran for 19 years !
He also had time for 2 movies…
One, a favorite of mine…
CHAMPAGNE FOR CAESAR
where he played the love interest !!!

AND IF THAT’S NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU…
He became a major investor & promoter of the hula hoop.
Later endorsing Milton Bradley’s Game of Life…
with his picture appearing on the box
and also on the $100,000 bills featured in the game.

__________________

the MOSQUE at GROUND ZERO…

One thing that I’m especially ‘embarassed’ about
is that this damn mosque will probably
be built in the next year or so…

WHILE, AFTER NEARLY 10 YEARS,
GROUND ZERO IS MOSTLY
A HOLE (crater?) IN THE GROUND !!!


——–

THINKING TOO SMALL ?

I put forth the lack-of-sensitivity proposition
by proposing that a business
using ‘unclean’ pigs as a theme
and locate it next to the ground-zero mosque…


SEEMS THERE ARE ‘LIKE’ THINKERS OUT THERE…
I HEARD BACK EVERYTHING I SAID
about the mosque at ground zero by this guy…
but in addition he’s actually working on this…


Comedian Greg Gutfeld is planning to open a

gay bar

catering specifically to Muslim men
next to the Ground Zero mosque.
ALL IN THE NAME OF TOLERANCE
AND ALL OF US GETTING ALONG…
(I thought they claimed there weren’t any)

www.DailyGut.com

AND JUST TO SHOW ‘SENSITIVITY’…
it will be a non-alocoholic bar
in deference to their religion…

NO GIRLS ALLOWED !!!



GIRLS ARE YUCKY !!!

IT’S MORE THAN A JOKE…
THE MONEY IS THERE FOR THE ENTERPRISE !
(call it a first amendment issue)

—————

the website is looking for suggestions
for a name for the new bar…

THEY INCLUDE…

GagDad
Gay-had
The Pecca Mecca
Sandlicker’s
Git Mo’
In Fidel’s
Mayor Bloomburg’s Office
“Dude Drop Inn”
The Love Goat
You Mecca Me Hot
“The Queer’an”

and I find it funny that the notion of a ‘bar’
be criticized by ONLY a few at the site
for being insulting & insensitive…

SHOULDN’T IT GO BOTH WAYS ?


BUILT A HALF-MILE AWAY…
IT GETS NO NOTICE…

WHY IS THIS LOCATION
SO IMPORTANT TO THE BUILDERS ?

DON’T YOU THINK THEY COULD HAVE
ANTICIPATED THE REACTION AND AVOIDED IT ?

(unless it’s what they wanted?)

___________________

steve slater… folk hero !!!

I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore !!!



The offender was the rude, crude, a-hole
of a passenger who treated Steve like a servant !
(or worse)

Shouldn’t that woman who caused the ruckus
on the plane have been arrested by air marshalls ?
(a man would have been arrested for not obeying flight crew)
I can’t wait fo them to reveal her identity
and see the shit she gets from the public !!!

FLIES CHEAP & CAN’T BEHAVE LIKE A HUMAN BEING !
She should have at least been arrested for assault !
SHE KISS HER KIDS WITH THAT FILTHY MOUTH ?

addendum…

A woman witness spoke to the press
and claimed that SLATER was the rude one…
as an example?
He wouldn’t get a napkin to clean coffee off her seat !
Uh… seems he rolled his eyes as he said
(with a gash in his head),
” I’m going to take care of myself first, honey ! ”

Talk about rude…

HIS INJURY SHOULD WAIT
WHILE HE ATTENDS TO A COFFEE SPILL ?

(I have a feeling this woman was travelling with
the a-hole who started the whole thing)

THEY’RE HAVING TROUBLE FINDING SOMEONE
ON THE PLANE TO DEFEND STEVE…
BUT HEY… EVERYBODY HAS A BAD DAY !
You DON’T have to be an additional A-Hole !!!

___________________

RENFIELD

PROFESSIONAL JOKE SELLER !!!

I’m thinking that JACKIE (THE JOKE MAN) MARTLING
has better things to do than read RIP Renfield…
So, to toot my own horn (behind his back)…
I was thinking that his kind offer of his new comedy CD

SNART

was in return (I’ll consider it payment)
for a joke I sort of wrote and sent to him…

ONCE ‘compensation’ IS RECEIVED…

I’M A PROFESSIONAL WRITER !!!

Woo-hoo !!!

F. JACKIE ?

Hell… THANKS JACKIE !!!

www.JOKELAND.com

(check him out… SNART & other good stuff there)


addendum…

as a ‘PROFESSIONAL’ COURTESY…
My pal Jackie and I are exchanging
t-shirts with ‘OUR’ corporate identities !

(upon receipt, I’ll scan it for you guys)

______________

call the girls back in when the couch is ready…

COUCH COLOR BLINDNESS ?

Years ago when I was single & had my own ‘pad’,
I had a GREEN couch (fold-up bed inside)
that came with the apartment…
New enough to take it with us when I ’shacked-up’
with my wife just previous to our marriage.

ONE ARGUMENT WE HAD ABOUT THE COUCH ?

I called it GREEN, she said it was GOLD (almost yellow).
Although it seemed to amuse her,
I was FINALLY content to ‘disagree’ !!!

FAST-FORWARD 20-or-so YEARS…
THAT couch is long gone…
I’m in a position where I was ‘assigned’
my own room to keep my ’shit’
out of site from my ‘bare-bones’ house designer wife!

I call it THE MEDIA ROOM.

Two-TV’S (separate cable hook-ups,
computer, several vcr’s, dvd player, air conditioner,
lots of shelves and shelving units…
nicely stacked piles of audio cassettes,
video tapes, dvd’s, and audio cd’s…
my nearly full-sized keyboard, satellite radio,
RIP Renfield merchandise and choch-keys…
(everything in it’s place, not messy.. just alot of it)

and the room set up in more-or-less
BLACK & WHITE
Black couch, black curtains, room darkening shades,
lots of black pillows & cushions…
the ‘wood’ shelf units & dressers
in light colored wood…
VERY NICE, VERY COMFORTABLE

YESTERDAY…

MY daughter asked me why I call MY ‘futon-ey- couch,
the BLACK couch when it’s GREEN !!!
(she has no knowledge of the ‘old’ couch)

Where the ‘old’ couch was ‘GOLDEN’,
this one is BLACK, faded BLACK
(the slipcover faded like denim)

AND THE ARGUMENT STARTS…

She thinks I’m ‘goofing’ on her…
THAT THE COUCH IS ABSOLUTELY GREEN !
(the other end of the spectrum.. DARK green)

(I still can’t see it as anything but BLACK)

I asked her… if the couch is GREEN,
why did I buy BLACK hand-towels
to use as doilys on the arms of the couch ?

HER REPLY ?

SHE ALWAYS WONDERED WHY I USED BLACK ONES
INSTEAD OF GREEN ONES !!!

ARGHH !!!

I can see green grass, green trees,
I just bought 4 forest green t-shirts
(that’s what started the discussion)…

SO I CAN SEE GREEN !!!

I’m thinking I may have a ’selective’ form
of color blindness !  Or females related to me do !

EITHER THAT OR I’M JUST BEING FUCKED WITH !!!

___________________

I was sat,
waiting in the car on a residential street…

When an ‘older’ woman squeezes past my car
on the passenger size because of NO sidewalk…
She had her small, white dog on a leash.
In her leash hand she carried plastic bag for the dog shit
(that was probably the point of ‘walkies’),
in her other hand, she carried a paper towel
to pick the dog shit off the ground,
fresh out of the dog’s ass,

and immediately place it in the plastic bag
that she carried for later disposal…

OLD LADY WITH DOG SHIT NOT AS NICE A PICTURE
AS YOUNG LADY WITH DOG SHIT…

(not this young lady’s sexiest moment)


AND IT GOT ME THINKING…

IF I WERE AN ALIEN WHO JUST LANDED ON EARTH,
I WOULD HAVE TO ASSUME THE DOG WAS
THESUPERIOR FORM OF LIFE
IN CHARGE OF THE ‘ATTENTIVE’ DOG-SHIT TOTER !

(and CATS superior to BOTH of them)

((them & their ‘dean martin’.. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ATTITUDE))

_________________

DAMN…

I was so excited that

Jackie (The Joke Man) Martling
answered my original email
and kindly offered me his new comedy CD…

SNART

(available at www.JokeLand.com )

I forgot to ask him to autograph it
for my very ‘tiny’ RIP collection…

I have a few scattered around here
that are inscribed…

R.I.P

or

‘Rest-in-Peace, Gary’

or

‘To RIP Renfield’…

(with the autograph underneath)


___________

from the mailbag…



Speaking of Chelsea’s wedding,
the night before the wedding,
Hillary and Chelsea were having “the talk”
and Hillary asked “Have you and Mark had sex yet?”
and Chelsea responded “Not according to Dad.”

Mike (aka Daddyo)

________________________

http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/

GO TAKE A LOOK AT FORGOTTEN HITS…

(They’re not fussy… I’m even allowed to post with the BIG SHOTS!)

_____________________

So I’m at my online BBC news service…

The story is about ‘pierced’ tongues….
Seems a study has shown that ‘fiddling’ with the stud
results in front tooth gaps & also brain abscesses !

(ohhhh… that explains alot)

BUT WHAT CAUGHT MY ATTENTION ?
The TONGUE on the girl in the accompanying photo !!!

IF YOU SUSPENDED MY BY MY TONGUE ONLY…
(with my entire body weight pulling on it)
MY TONGUE STILL WOULDN’T BE AS LONG
AS THE TONGUE ON THIS WOMAN !!!

I CAN’T IMAGINE SHE’S EVER HAD TROUBLE
GETTING A DATE !!!

(the things you could do with a tongue like that)
((and not just lick your own eyebrows or clean your ears))

I THINK MY LIFE WOULD HAVE TURNED OUT
VERY DIFFERENTLY, HAD I A TONGUE LIKE THAT !!!

GREAT MAKE-OUT ARTIST ?

HELL, IN ONE EAR & OUT THE OTHER !!!



__________________

I ran out of stuff…

so the issue runs a bit short
(by my standards)…

The UPS guy just dropped off the new
Toshiba DVD-VHS recorder I ordered…
My wife blew thru 2 VCR’s in 2 weeks…
and suggested we join the 21st century & go DVR !

FINE WITH ME…
It’ll make it easier to convert old family movies to DVD.
I’m out-sourcing them now at a per-disk cost,
and I’m not able to edit… they roll the whole thing !

The TOSHIBA DVR620 is a pretty good deal.
No tuner.. but with cable, digital tv it’s a waste anyway.
Otherwise, the rest of the inards are state-of-the-art.
(I HOPE)
For $159 plus $10 shipping (JR.com – J&R MusicWorld)
it’s a deal I couldn’t pass up !
($229, same unit, but a fancy tuner)

I plan to spend a few hours today
reading the operation manual…
I need to know it well enough to be able to
operate it in it’s simplest form for my wife…
(she wants to use the DVR capability instead of tape)

SO INSTEAD OF ENTERTAINING MY READERS FURTHER,
I’LL HAVE MY NOSE IN A MANUAL,
HOPEFULLY ABOUT TO UNDERSTAND IT MYSELF !

SHORT TONGUE, BURIED NOSE

I HAVE TO GO CRY IN MY COFFEE,

BYE

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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