† RIP Renfield #561 – Summertime BLUES †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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† RIP Renfield  #561 – Summertime BLUES †

July 17, 2010

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Well, I’ve had the last week off from work…
and I haven’t done a DAMN THING !

(I’ve barely left the air-conditioned house)

The Summertime BLUES ?

Too ‘blue’ to do anything,
and ‘blue’ that the return to work is looming !


VACATION SCHEDULE…

Sleep till 10am, RON & FEZ 11-3pm, dinner,
and the day is pretty much shot !
It’s very easy to get into the lazy lifestyle…
but I have plans for the weekend…
I’m going to Walmart on saturday
and mowing the lawn on sunday !

Maybe I’ll get more out of my 2 weeks

off work in august (a month from now) !

(I still have 3 lottery drawings between now & work)

__________________

YOU CAN’T SAY I HAVEN’T MADE-UP GROUND

BY ‘RIP-ing’ ALOT OF FEMALES LATELY…


3 down, 1 to go !!!
another ‘golden girl’ bites the dust !

R.I.P

Rue McClanahan



Another actress who found her greatest success
as she got older…  I sort of ‘eye-balled’ her back-in-the-day…
First time I ever saw her was on Bea Arthur’s show.. MAUDE
and I must admit that she caught this young man’s attention !
(HEY IT WAS 35 YEARS AGO ! I was just a kid.)

Her GOLDEN GIRL slut role did nothing for me in that area…
but she played the part of BLANCHE to the hilt.
Picking one of the ‘girls’ out of the ensemble
isn’t something I care to do…

THEY EACH WERE GREATER AS A WHOLE !

SHE WENT OUT ON TOP…

er… top, bottom… you know what I mean…
ANYWAY, I HOPE SHE HAD A WILD RIDE
AND ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF IT !!!



_____________________

sarah palin

New Palin biography

aimed at 9- to 12-year-olds

Too bad it was originally written for adults.
The finished product was more in line
with the reading skills of 9-12 year olds !

TURNING LEMONS INTO LEMONADE !!!


_______________

headline prediction from STANFORD UNIV.


Folks sweating out the heat wave battering parts of the country
may just have to get used to it. As global warming continues
such heat waves will be increasingly common in the future…


THE QUESTION ARISES…

IF THIS PREDICTION IS ‘WRITTEN-IN-STONE’,
WHERE ARE THE PLANS TO INCREASE CAPACITY
ON THE POWER GRIDS WE USE TO COOL US ?

oh… S.E.P for the current officials…
Someone Else’s Problem


____________________

SITUATION  WANTED

I’m looking for an entry level position in management.

Requiring little or no experience.

AND CAN LEARN, HOPEFULLY, ON THE JOB !


I’ve called the WHITE HOUSE to inquire,
but the one opening they had is already filled !!!

________________

LINDSAY LOHAN IS SCHEDULED

TO REPORT TO JAIL
JULY 20th…

MY VACATION ENDS AND I GO BACK TO WORK
JULY 20th

IS THERE A SIMILARITY HERE ?


________________

I’m practicing my ’spells’ for the new

HARRY POTTER THEME PARK…


” IMMOBULUS  “

” IMPERIO – PANTIES OFF ”

” EXPECTO – ERECTO “



I REALLY DIDN’T NEED THAT LAST SPELL…

I WAS READY TO GO AFTER THE FIRST 2 !!!


_____________________

I was reminded the other day

about the tv commercial where someone litters,
and gradually a group gathers around the SINGLE piece of litter,
each complaining about the litter,
and all agree-ing that something should be done !

They are interupted by rushed young man
who, barely breaking stride, picks up the litter
and deposits it in the nearby rubbish bin !

GREAT PIECE OF VIDEO !!!

Instead of complaining about it,

DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT !!!


BACK TO MY REMINDER…

It was dark, I was taking out the last bag of trash to the curb,
and I hear my next door neighbor (exclaiming to the wind)
that a dog (a little, yappy one, not a dangerous one)
had gotten out of another neighbor’s yard
and was in the street, nearly getting hit by a car !

IT SURE BOTHERED HER…
BUT DID SHE TRY TO ‘CORRAL’ THE DOG
OR GET IT’S OWNER’S ATTENTION ?

NOPE… SHE WAS FINE STANDING BACK
AND CRITICIZING THE SITUATION !

Me?  After SHE brought the situation to my attention…
I never hesitated. In my stocking feet,
I chased the dog back to it’s property,
rang his “father’s” bell… and all ended well !

IF YOU GOT THE TIME TO COMMENT,
YOU CAN GO THE EXTRA STEP AND GET INVOLVED !

(that’s why I like action better than speeches)

_______________________

One Saturday off for me
one of the tv stations was having a

HARRY POTTER WEEKEND

I happened to ’surf’ past it as they were
running into the side of the brick archway,
(un-able to be used by non-magic people),
that allowed them to pass to the ‘magic’ train station
un-harmed by running into a wall !

At the dinner table, coincidentally, my daughter
wondered aloud if the train station really existed…
(my english wife said .. YES)

The next question that had occured to me & the kid was

DOES ANYONE GET HURT RUNNING INTO
THE ‘REAL’ BRICK WALL TRYING TO PASS THRU
TO THE NON-EXISTANT  ‘PLATFORM 9 3/4 ?



If so, the simple solution would be
to put a sign on the wall…

PLATFORM 9 3/4

OUT-OF-SERVICE

but the capitalist in me thinks that the same brick wall
could be ‘gimmicked’ to open into a ’secret’ entrance
that allows admittance to a gift-souveneir-shop
with a HARRY POTTER THEME !


THERE’S EVEN MORE MONEY TO BE MADE !!!

___________________

WE LIVE IN EXCITING TIMES !!!

(off-planet anyway)



The FIRST direct image of an extra-solar planet
orbiting a star similar to our Sun has been confirmed.
Located 500 light-years away toward the constellation Scorpius.
The planet is estimated to have a mass 8 times that ofJupiter,
and orbit 330 times the Earth-Sun distance from its parent star.

__________________

WE LIVE IN IGNORANT TIMES TOO !!!
(on planet)

The large sex offenders ‘prison’ in New Jersey
(the ONLY one… all the ‘experts’ are there)
was in the news the other day…

SEEMS THAT A 9 YEAR OLD GIRL
WAS INAPPROPRIATELY TOUCHED ON FAMILY DAY !!!

FAMILY DAY ???

Yep… seems the ‘experts’ think it’s good for the inmates
to have an informal, get-together type picnic
that includes both adults and CHILDREN !

You’d think they’d either have the pedophiles incarcerated
totally isolated from children (they aren’t cure-able)…
or guarded, one-on-one, by security or parents !

GOOD FOR THE INMATES?

NO THOUGHT GIVEN TO THE LIFETIME TRAUMATIZATION
A CHILD WITH IDIOT PARENTS MIGHT HAVE !

LOTS OF FINGER-POINTING NOW FOR BLAME !!!
The facility for having the affair.
The experts for thinking it a good idea.
The guards for not having eyes in the back of their heads.

AND THE NUMBER ONE BLAME…
PARENTS WHO JUST DON’T GET IT !!!
Do you REALLY take the chance with YOUR kids ?
YOU GO THERE WITH THE ‘FUSE’ LITE ALREADY !
AND THEN BRING THEM TO THE SACRIFICIAL ALTAR ?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ?


Send the kids to ‘knife-juggling’ school,

don’t worry.. how could they get injured ?


comment about the ‘wardens’…

A woman in the number 2 position in the ENTIRE facility
resigned before she was brought up on charges…
(to salvage her license for another state?)
CHARGES ARE STILL PENDING !!!
Seems that even with her, ‘dis-connected’ expertise
with sexual offenders… they claim she gave unusual,
private sessions to one inmate, gave him reports
good enough to get him early release into society…
and then was spotted in south jersey, by a guard,
who saw her in a ’social’ situation with said released inmate !

IF ANYONE SHOULD KNOW BETTER, IT’S HER !
AND THESE ARE THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE !!!


____________________

I’m not such a bad guy…

I’ve offered plane tickets to several of my enemies…
A place where you can really get ’stoned’…

IRAN !


____________________

as long as I brought up HARRY POTTER…

My daughter disagreed with me when I said that
Hermione (emma watson) won’t suffer as much
from type-casting as she will from having a ‘baby-face’…
She’s 20 or so ?  Still looks like pedophile fodder !



WHICH IS NOT TO SAY THAT SHE CAN’T BE
‘MADE-UP’ TO MAKE HER LOOK OLDER…
Hell, they do that to baby-beauty contest entrants,
and it’s hard to tell a 15 year old sometimes !
(until they open their mouths)

(one reason guys get in trouble with young girls)

TAKEN TO THE RIDICULOUS POINT,
SOMEONE TALKED HER INTO THE ‘GLAM’ PIC…

(just silly, you can still see the ‘jon benet’)

I’M NOT SAYING SHE’S UN-ATTRACTIVE,
SHE’S A CUTIE… JUST ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE A KID !


I ALWAYS THOUGHT THE VICTORIA SECRET PEOPLE
TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THE LOOK-ALIKE-NESS
OF THE MODEL THEY OFTEN USE
ON THEIR CATALOG’S BACK COVER…

emma could always play ‘this one’s’ little sister,
or her at an earlier age in flashbacks..

THIS ONE LOOKS THE WAY EMMA
WISHES SHE TURNED-OUT…

THE MATURE, GROWN-UP VERSION OF HERSELF !


______________________

REPORTERS ACTING LIKE PAPPARAZZI ?

A familiar site, reporters chasing down
someone in the news (criminal, victim, or whatever)…
getting ambushed leaving their house or car…
by a reporter and a camera crew
shoving a microphone in their faces…
shouting questions… and basically antagonizing them,
(bully them into an assault?  a bonus)

DEMANDING A COMMENT !!!

I HAD A BRAINSTORM !!!

My plan is set… If I’m ever in that position,
I plan to become a YOUTUBE sensation !

EVERY time a microphone is thrust at me…
I’ll be grabbing it…
and ‘belting’ out a tune !!!

With full bravado, I’ll give them MY version of

” I’VE GOT YOU UNDER MY SKIN “
(ala Sinatra)
Can you imagine BERNIE MADOFF pulling that crap ?

It would be a hoot !

If it doesn’t dissuade reporters with tons of useless ‘tape’…
I can at least use it in my ‘insanty defense’ !!!


_____________________

MOLDAVITE

Moldavite is an olive-green or dull greenish vitreous substance
possibly formed by a meteorite impact.
It is sometimes cut and polished as an ornamental stone
under the name of pseudo-chrysolite.

FOUND ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY
IN THE CZECH REPUBLIC & SLOVAKIA.



We have relatives over there, and ones from here
who visit over there. My son, the rock hound & jewelry maker,
has asked in the past that someone who goes
bring him a ‘tray’ of stones if priced reasonably.

My boss is going to Europe, stopping in the area,
and I asked him (not going out of his way)
to see if $50 would get me a tray(24) or a good deal.

He wanted to write down the name,
but I gave him a ‘mind trick’ to remember it…

VENEREAL DISEASE

TREAT WITH PENICILLIN

MADE FROM MOLDY-bread

MOLDY-VITE.. MOLDA-VITE !

HOW COULD HE FORGET THAT ?


BUT I DID TELL HIM NOT TO GET CONFUSED
AND COME BACK WITH VENEREAL DISEASE
INSTEAD OF THE MOLDAVITE !!!


____________________

I used to play this trivia game daily…

but the PRESSURE got to me…

(each game lasts a month for total score)
NOW I PLAY… WHENEVER…


CATEGORIES CHANGE DAILY
QUESTIONS RANGE FROM EASY to DIFFICULT
BUT ‘TIME’ IS THE KEY !!!
You gotta be extremely quick & accurate to rate !

THIS ONE STUNNED ME FOR A PRECIOUS SECOND OR 2
WHEN I SAW MY NAME IN THE QUESTION…





(not really my category… but I got a 9 of 10)


The ‘pressure’ came from the HIGH scorers
who answered 10 questions in less time
than I could randomly answer without reading.

So I introduced a local friend to the game.
She plays nearly daily.
I play to beat HER, the rest I ignore !
(we’re pretty evenly matched)

WANT TO TRY ?
The cast of characters is pretty static,
Renfield could use some ‘new’ blood !

http://www.funtrivia.com/private/main.cfm?tid=32852
(BOOKMARK IT)

______________________

CAR INSURANCE ADVERTISEMENTS ON TV…

GEICO started the ball rolling with some
very successful, goofy commercials
that must have brought them a ‘barrel’ of business.

PROGRESSIVE has a very successful
and recognize-able campaign too !

ALLSTATE seems to be the PC company
targeting their ads mostly to the minority community.

The ‘newest’ ad campaing for E-SURANCE
is making their play with tv ads now too.

and there are assorted other companies
advertising on tv also…

THE ONE THING THEY HAVE IN COMMON ?

EACH OF THEM PROMISES THE LOWEST RATES !
They compare THEIR prices to that of the OTHER companies,
and show the hundreds in savings you MAY get !

SOMEBODY IS LYING !!!

Either you ARE the cheapest, or you ARE NOT !
The ‘OUT’ is probably in the phrasing…
but some watchdog, regulatory agency should really investigate
whether there is false advertising going on !!!
(false or mis-leading.. either one is less than the ‘whole’ truth)

________________

another TV show
I never warmed-up to…

and the WORST THING is that enough shows
were made to ‘haunt’ me in re-runs,
keeping OTHER shows off the (re-run) air !!!

(that happens alot)

THE CLOSER

I really have a problem with Kyra Sedgwick.
I’ve heard some people describe her as very beautiful
(I guess not my type.. don’t see it).
Her character’s accent is just plain annoying to me !
Like her version of a supposed ‘interesting’ accent
ala Jody Foster in SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
(which took me some getting used to)
THE ACCENT IS HORRIBLE & DISTRACTING !

But the most disturbing thing about her (to me)…
is that she always looks like
she forgot to put in her (full-set-of) dentures !

SHE’S ALL GUMS…

a ‘Donald Duck’ mouth…
ala a toothless Walter Brennan smacking his gums !

I don’t mind un-attractive actresses in major roles…
most times they are great !
I DO have a problem with the ‘tooth-less’ look though !
I CAN’T GET PAST IT TO ENJOY THE SHOW !

A PHOTO EXAMPLE?
See the show, seems all her publicity shots are ‘normal lipped’.

____________________

ON the RON & FEZ sirius-xm satellite radio show
they brought up an interesting thought…

WHY IS THE SIGHT OF A PLASTER CAST
ON A BROKEN BONE or STRAIN SO RARE THESE DAYS ?

I must admit… I can’t think of the last time I saw one.
At first, Ron was concluding that medical science
must have made some major strides in the area…
but came to his sense when a caller said…
” HOW CAN YOU BREAK A BONE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES ? ”
If you never leave the house…
or are always escorted to your safe, monitored ‘play-dates’…
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO BREAK ANYTHING  ?

ADDENDUM…

Since I wrote this item, I’ve seen 5 or 6 people on crutches,
with either ‘air’ or ‘plaster’ casts !

_________________________

DID I MENTION THAT I HAD

‘ENOUGH SUMMER’ ALREADY ?

(oh yeah.. that was a couple of issues ago)

NOW WITH A WEEK OF 100 DEGREE WEATHER…

I’M FEELING A KINSHIP TO MARGARET HAMILTON




” I’M  MELTING “

Time to end this issue
and go pour myself back into the Renfield ‘mold’…

Hopefully, I’ll ’set’ !!!

and be back in action to return to work…

I’M JUST NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO IT…

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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