† RIP Renfield #560 – the HEAT IS ON †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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†  RIP Renfield  #560 – the HEAT IS ON  †

July 10, 2010

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GREAT  NEWS !!!

(for me, not YOU… ha ha)

I’m off work for the next 11 days !!!
I’ll be doing ‘home confinement’ (no ankle bracelet),
or as some call it… VACATION (or holiday) !

NO DRINKING, NO BEACH…

Last time I passed-out on the beach,
I woke up with my bathing-suit on backwards !
(nasty sunburn on my ‘privates’ too)

and I’ve made a commitment….
IF THE TEMPERATURE DROPS BELOW 95 DEGREES,
I WILL GO OUTSIDE !
(amazing how cool 89 degrees can feel)


The heat makes my mind go in even wilder circles…

I’m considering re-cycling an old NATIONAL LAMPOON bit…
SEND ME (for publication) PICTURES OF…

YOUR NAKED WIFE WITH A BUCKET ON HER HEAD
(or girlfriend)

AND THE COMPANION PIECE
(don’t bother sending… I’m all man, not interested)

SEND A PICTURE OF YOUR GUY’S BARE BUTT !
(legs together)

———-

HONOR RICHARD BELZER ?

or as known to his friends and fans…

THE BELZ !

(not exactly)

______________

R.I.P

Jimmy  Dean

To most younger than me…
Jimmy is just the ’sausage guy’…
GIVE THE MAN HIS DUE…

HE WAS A BIG, BIG STAR !!!

but I’m just old enough to remember his variety show
on Wednesday nites,  right before the DANNY KAYE SHOW.
More famous as a personality and singer in his day…
Jimmy was a natural for a tv show…
Slow-talking, good-old boy humor…
and the extra treat that kept a young kid’s attention ?
MUPPETS !!!
Or more specifically… one muppet,
although he wasn’t called a muppet in those days…
ROWLF (as in Ralph in ‘bark talk’)
Jimmy would end the show with an interaction
with Rowlf ala the way Ed Sullivan did with Topo Gigio !

I LOVED IT  & STAYED UP FOR IT !!!



THE MARKER OUTSIDE THE MINE
(in the song)
IS EASILY USED FOR JIMMY TOO…

“… at the bottom of this mine lies a big, big man… BIG JOHN “

or … BIG JIMMY DEAN !!!


___________________________

HEY…
THANK YOU EVERYBODY…

I got a great response in my email last week…
seems a few of my items REALLY
hit a common chord with alot of you…
(nice to know someone’s out there)


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The Law-and-Order marathon,
with Richard Belzer notice-ably written out of many episodes,
gave me the idea of a ‘ BELZ’ ISSUE !
(He’s known as.. ‘the Belz’ to his friends)

MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT BELZ
IS HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE… HARLEE McBRIDE…

who, to his never-ending embarassment,
starred in a PORN MOVIE !!!
(argues Belzer… ‘ it was SOFT porn ‘)

for more pics ?
http://www.hollywoodassets.com/h/harleemcbride/index.htm

SOME OF THE STILLS
SHOW A SCARY AMOUNT OF ‘BUSH’…
(and I’ve seen some scary ‘Bush’.. like in the White House)
WAS THAT EVER THE STYLE ?
(or lack of style because of less-revealing fashion?)

Mrs. Belzer’s ‘bush’… forrest?
Why bother? Can’t see past the ‘trees’ anyway !
((most can’t grow hair that thick on their heads))

EITHER WAY… YOUNG LADY CHATTERLY 2
was shown on cable tv years ago…
and she did get a ‘rise-or-2′ out of me !!!
(adam west of tv’s batman fame was in it also)

I MAY HAVE TO LOOK THAT MOVIE UP ONE OF THESE DAYS…
THE STORY SUCKED… BUT SO DID SHE (wink, wink) !!!


BELZER SHOULD LEARN TO ‘SHARE’ GRACEFULLY !

The ‘Mrs.’ sure isn’t shy about sharing !

____________________

IT’S BEEN NEARLY 100 DEGREES or MORE
EVERY DAY THIS PAST WEEK !

I’m thinking that global warming is worse than
we are being led to believe…
If the end of the world is near,
no reason for AL GORE to NOT go outside marriage
and have a little fun before it’s over…

HE’S FEELING… ” HOT, HOT, HOT…”

WHO CARES ABOUT LEGACIES ANYWAY ?


__________________

CHINA IGNORES OBAMA

LOCKS UP AMERICAN

An american citizen of Chinese descent
has been given an 8 year prison sentence
for ’sharing’ some mining data…

OBAMA TRIED TO INTERVENE !
(but was ‘ignored’)

Welcome to the club CHINA,
you have more and more in common
with the many one-time believers over here !

A UK RIP reader wondered why the Gov. of NJ
joined NY officials to
help greet Queen Elizabeth on her rare visit to NYC
and Obama was nowhere to be seen ?

(campaigning out west, I think… but for which side?)


_______________

As far as the BP OIL situation

being on the back burner ?

I saw a news interview with one of the many
people ready to combat the oil spill…
Like most of them, his people were ready-to-roll
but  STILL waiting for paperwork to be processed
and gov’t permits to be issued before they can start !

This particular interviewer was with a
confused emergency worker waiting for the ‘word’ !
The ‘word’ wasn’t coming anytime soon…
Seems the ARMY CORP of ENGINEERS
had shut down operations for the 3 day holiday weekend…

THEY ALL WENT HOME !
(confirmed by the reporter)

Hopefully, they were back Tuesday,
and only took the rest of the week
to get back up to speed(?) !!!


psst… no matter who the president is & the problems that ensue,
hurricance or oil spill,
Washington always give me plenty of material for RIP…

AIN’T POLITICS GRAND ?



_______________

HEY BELZER…

Here’s your wife being ’slammed’,

er, I mean… being ‘artistic’

in the back of a limo !!!

IT’S NICE TO SEE SOMEONE
WHO ENJOYS HER ‘WORK’ !



(did he bring the ‘weed-whacker’?)

videosurf.com/video/harlee-mcbride -nude-young-lady-chatterley-
(video)

and this isn’t even nearly ONE of the best sexy scenes
that thread through-out the ENTIRE movie !!!!


___________________

some people just have a ‘fashion sense’…

KISS THE BRIDE ?

They’ll be lucky if this one ONLY gets dragged into the bushes
for a ‘quickie’ by the wedding attendants !!!

“STAY OUT THE BUSHES !!! ”
(that ‘old line’ works sexually as well as politically)

__________________________________

MARRIAGE  ENCOUNTER

I don’t know why I was reminded of this outfit.
I thought it was a fad from the 1970’s !
My parents went away for a marriage encounter weekend
once upon a time…  You are ‘locked-up’ at a place where
you are cut-off from all forms of commication…
(phones, computers, newspapers… all of it)
and left to COMMUNICATE with your spouse
so you can bring the love back to your relationship
or enhance the love you have for each other !
YOU RE-DISCOVER EACH OTHER !
(also it’s catholic, so you get a dose of God’s plan for you too)

Sounds like a good deal I guess,
but my brother and I joked that it was mind-control…
brain-washing…
Like the Star-Trek episode with Landru…
you become.. ” OF THE BODY “
and become ‘controlled’ !

I THINK MY MOTHER USED IT TO GET A CHANCE
TO OPEN HER MOUTH ABOUT WHAT ATE AT HER !
SHE USED THE WEEKEND TO LET MY FATHER
KNOW WHAT AN A-HOLE HE WAS !!!

(dad came away apologetic, ‘cowed’ for awhile, & with a glassy look)

WE DON’T NEED NO ‘MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER’ AT MY HOUSE !

My wife has never been shy about telling me

what an a-hole she thinks I am !!!


That’s why ‘it’ works at my house…

SHE NEVER LETS ME FORGET

WHAT AN A-HOLE I AM !!!

BY THE WAY…

Even though I’ve not heard them mentioned since the 70’s
(it was quite the thing to do for a short while)
MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER GROUPS STILL EXIST
ONLY IT’S THE WORLD WIDE VERSION !
http://www.wwme.org/faq-for-couples.html

_______________

TO HIS CREDIT…

BELZER DID FINALLY SETTLY DOWN WITH HARLEE…
but they almost re-named ‘wedding bells’ to ‘wedding Belz’…
since HARLEE was wife NUMBER THREE !

IS THAT A WEDDING BELL?

OR IS THAT A FIRE ALARM ?

(ding, ding, ding)


____________________

The AIR CONDITIONING at my workplace
was out-of-order for the friggin’ HOTTEST DAYS,

THE DANGEROUS HEATWAVE HEAT !!!

It was sweltering in there with 40 people…
actually cooler to leave & go OUTSIDE the building !

The problem, as I understand it,
is people FUCKING with the thermostat !

There’s always ONE person who is un-comfortable…
One IDIOT is always TOO cold !
So every one else in the building has to suffer !

(THE BASTARD)

AS IT’S HAPPENED IN PREVIOUS SUMMERS…
I JUST REALIZED…
WHY DOES THE THERMOSTAT ALWAYS BREAK
IN THE ‘OFF’ POSITION !!!
WHY CAN’T IT BREAK IN THE ‘ON’ POSITION
AND GIVE US A FRIGGIN’ BREAK !!!

(I’m thinking of getting Lindsay Lohan fingernails

to show my displeasure to the ’situation’)

____________________

and speaking of the HEAT…

Some IDIOT tv news reporter.. a female
commented on how hot her car’s digital thermometer reported…
(she said it was 103F)
like she was a soldier out there putting up with the heat…
saying it was RUGGED but BEAR-ABLE !!!

Ya know.. SCREW YOU !
It only read 103 until you got in and turned on the air conditioning…
I really don’t think she took a chance with her hair and make-up !

Us ‘mostly outside’ people can really take offense
by someone who walks from one air conditioner
to the next and thinks they have a handle on the temp !

GO SIT IN ONE OF THOSE STUCK COMMUTER TRAINS,
NO A/C, CAN’T GET OUT, A WAITING GAME
THAT REDUCED PEOPLE TO TEARS…
or FOLLOW A MAILMAN FOR a 4 or 5 HOUR WALK !

AND THEN COMMENT ON YOUR ‘HEAT-RESOLVE’ !!!

____________________

I was on the phone with a recently retired co-worker…

we had a nice chat
and he asked me to say ‘hi’ to a few people at work for him…

I DID… and they asked how ‘Frank’ was…
what he was up to ?

I TOLD THEM HE WAS GOING TO COLLEGE !!!

(they were impressed and wanted to know ‘where’)

I HAD TO CONFESS THAT I DIDN’T KNOW THE SCHOOL,
BUT THAT IT WAS A MEDICAL SCHOOL,
AND HE WOULDN’T BE GOING RIGHT AWAY…
HIS CADAVER WAS APPROVED FOR DONATION !



________________________

Not really James Bond types…

or TELEFON (or were they?) types…

BUT THE RUSSIAN SPIES ARRESTED
WERE JUST HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT !

Nothing fancy… but most of whatever info you wanted
is probably available on the internet.

This seems more like a
OUR MAN IN HAVANA type scenario…

Live the good life on the payroll…
but really don’t do any ’spying’ at all !
If forced, make something up !
(hey, that sounds ALOT like RIP Renfield)
Like paying for vacation for a college kid,
but do us a favor and drop this off…
A SPY or A ‘CONNED’ HOME GOV’T ?


WELL, I’VE DECIDED TO USE THE MASSIVE
RENFIELD BRAIN-POWER AVAILABLE TO ME…
AND TURN IT TO UN-COVERING MORE OF THESE SPIES !

As an American, I want to do MY part !!!

SO… I will be spending most of my vacation

checking porn sites for hidden messages,
or images made of code !

I WILL GIVE THIS PROJECT MY FULL ATTENTION !
(then have a smoke, and some down time)

I CONSIDER IT MY DUTY !!!


_________________



BP

You’ll be happy to know that a letter was written to BP
by the Obama administration asking for quick results…

AT LAST, SOMETHING IS BEING DONE !!!


______________

You ask…

” WHAT ELSE COULD BE DONE ? “

How about asking experts ?

Russian sub ‘could stop oil leak’

There are only 4 vessels in the world that can go down to 6,000m -
the 2 Russian Mirs, French Nautile and Japanese Shinkai.
The Mirs being recognized as the best !

…the subs had already worked in much harsher conditions,
such as the Arctic.   The submersible’s pilot also said that the
Russians were very surprised that BP and the US government
had not asked them for help from the beginning.

“And we would not refuse to help…
But it doesn’t look like anyone seriously wants our help.”.

news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science_and_environment/10564798.stm

________________

DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO

TO BEAT-THE-HEAT !!!



ACTUALLY, I’M ‘BEATING IT’ RIGHT NOW !!!

(psst.. hey Harlee, now that’s a well-trimmed bush)

________________

time flies when you’re having fun…

but now it’s time to go

WOW…

THIS WAS A PRETTY DECENT ISSUE…
(sometimes you hit a home-run)

I work with someone that has a relative who works on Belzer’s show…
He should get a kick out of my treatment of him…
Claims ‘the Belz’ is a prima-donna (nee.. a-hole)
and not all that personable to be around !
(DON’T WEAR ANY ‘LADY CHATTERLY’ T-SHIRTS AROUND HIM)

MY SPECIAL DAY ?
After an ‘interesting’ sunday at my house…
I ended up isolating myself in my air-conditioned lair…
(it was over 100 degrees outside & the rest of my house)
and spent my monday holiday there too !

Took my meals there…
(McD breakfast, take out pizza… some junk)
I went online, did my ‘dailies’… napped a little…
went to bed early.. but my ‘creativity(?) went into overdrive !
I had a nice day all by myself !

IT TURNED INTO A 3 HOUR CORNUCOPIA OF…
items, graphic projects, spot-on searches…
from my head, not prepared notes…
AND I HAVE NEARLY ENOUGH FOR NEXT WEEK TOO !
(all i need is a person, or 2, of note to die)
I HOPE IT HAPPENS AGAIN SOME DAY !
(I usually work harder (struggle harder) to get inspiration)

SO I’LL BE SEE-ING IF I CAN CONTINUE THE ‘MAGIC’
AS I LAZE AROUND IN MY SELF-IMPOSED ISOLATION,
OR VACATION, IF YOU PREFER…

SEE YA WHEN I COOL OFF !!!
(literally, not literary-ily)

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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