† RIP Renfield #558 – ENOUGH SUMMER ALREADY †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield  #558 – ENOUGH SUMMER ALREADY †

June 26, 2010

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I had a different Summer Banner for this issue,

but I decided to go with ’summer seas’

while some of the seas are still BLUE…
(oil slicks, sludge, and tar balls to come later)

ENJOY YOUR BEACHES NOW…
who knows how far this oil ‘leak’ will spread !
So far the Pacific west coast is in the clear…
but with judges ruling FOR oil drilling…
THEY COULD BE NEXT !!!

While writing this I got news of ‘cap’ trouble
and oil is spilling out as fast as it ever did !

THE BRIGHT SIDE ?

SUMMER HAS HIT WITH FULL FORCE !!!
and its come to the point where I’d just rather sit in an
air-conditioned room to avoid the excessive heat !

ANOTHER BRIGHT SIDE…
After a week or 2 of upper 90’s (35C+),
lower-to-mid 80’s actually seems cool !


DO WHAT YA GOTTA DO…

STAY COOL or GET BURNED !


___________________

R.I.P

LITTLE  ORPHAN  ANNIE



Talk about a hard-knocks life:
And she’s just a kid…
more precisely, a red-haired girl named Annie.

Over 86 years, the spunky (and forever young) orphan
has endured hundreds of curly hair-raising adventures.
She’s even survived the death of her creator.

Annie, the character, has survived.
But Annie, the comic strip, will not.

Facing the closing or shrinking of newspapers,
less fan interest in print comics, and alternatives,
Tribune Media Services has determined
there will be no more newspaper tomorrows for Annie.
(but other avenues may open for her)

For me.. I’ll always remember the Sunday morning comics
as done by TV Host CHUCK McCANN…
which included ‘annie’…
Done in costume, red dress & ‘alka-seltzer’ eyes…
theme song, and total sillyness.

and, as her dog SANDY, always said…

” ARF !!! “



(except this time)

(don’t expect ‘nudity’ in an Orphan Annie issue,
I’m not THAT morally bankrupt, but AM running-on-fumes)

and be happy that LITTLE ANNIE FANNIE is still ‘chugging’ along…

_________________________

this headline is a joke… good for a laugh…

Barack Obama ‘angry’

over McChrystal claims

Obama’s idea of angry is a concept,
not an emotional reaction !
IT’S A PUBLIC RELATIONS ‘FACE’ TO PUT ON !
The public called on him to be angry,
so he has to ‘attempt’ (badly) to put on a ’show’?
(I heard a spokesman talk about his ‘clenched’ jaw)

I’m reminded of the reaction my toddler children
had of me when I put on my ‘mad’ face…
THEY’D START LAUGHING AT ME !!!
They never knew me to be angry (for real)
and to see me ‘put-it-on’ ?
They had a natural reaction of finding it humorous !

SOMETHING, IT SEEMS, I HAVE IN COMMON
WITH THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF !

Playing a role for the public that doesn’t come naturally…
and states his anger matter-of-factly, rather than erupt !

TO BE PRESIDENTIAL ?
I’d speak extra-quietly & never show public anger…
I’d take meetings in private and heads would roll !!!
I’d get everyone’s attention !!!
ALOT OF HEADS WOULD ROLL !
(I wouldn’t present it as tv entertainment, as if for ratings)
THAT would get the ’strong’ president message out !

——

I recently told someone that I grew some facial hair
so that (along with my ponytail) it would make me look
like a tough guy, a real mean ‘mutha’ !

I was told to forget it…

that there was nothing that I could do to make myself
look threatening…  it wasn’t in me, or in my appearance !
OH WELL… AT LEAST I WON’T GET CHALLENGED TO FIGHT
FOR RIGHTS TO KING-OF-THE-HILL !
(and get my ass kicked, I’ll stay at the bottom thank you)

____________________

BY THE WAY…
I’m cynical enough to think that the general
was ordered to ‘fall-on-his-sword’
for a change in ‘war’ leadership that was already finalized !
so the President could look like HE was in charge !
Oh wait… he IS in charge…

Make that… to look ‘bad ass’ !!!


Wasn’t there something about the soldiers
coming home from an un-necessary deployment?

WHERE ARE THE PROTESTERS ?


______________________

I NEVER thought I’d be thinking this…

but…
TOO BAD WE DIDN’T ELECT HILLARY !!!
The times really call for a ‘bitch-on-wheels’ !!!

AND I CAN’T IMAGINE HER NOT BEING
ALL OVER BP AND THE CRISIS !
and I can’t imagine the person on the other side of the desk
NOT shaking in their boots while she ’speaks’ to them !
SOMEONE’S GOING TO END UP WITH A
BIG, FAT ANKLE UP THEIR ASS !!!

SHE’S A FIGHTER…
(she can scare the hell out of you, Clinton’s protect ‘their’ territory)

SOMETIMES  NASTY  WORKS  !!!

(and her camp seems to be angling (ankling?) for next election)

_______________________

THE GULF OIL DISASTER ?
I knew there was an agenda…

I found out from one of my ‘contacts’ (don’t ask),
that the ‘fix’ to the spill is being delayed on purpose !

It’s part of an alien project to terra-form the earth
so the ‘new tenants’ will have oceans
that are ‘hospitable’ to their metabolisms !
(the changes to the ‘air’ are right on schedule)

SURE MAKES MORE SENSE
THAN US BEING IMPOTENT TO STOP IT !




CNN reports that the aliens REFUSE to comment !

THEY CLAIMED TO BE AT A YACHT RACE AT THE TIME !!!


______________________

I went to a Lowe’s Home Center after work on saturday
to pick up a couple of cheap, sale tools…
Seems my ‘kids’ stole a few standare ones from me to have
when needed after they moved out…

I’m a little pissed !!!

Those tools had sentimental value…
THEY WERE THE SAME ONES I ‘STOLE’
FROM MY FATHER WHEN I MOVED OUT !!!

ANYWAY…
While I was searching out the tools,
a REALLY OLD salesman approached me…
tells me he thinks he recognizes me
and calls me by name !!!

TURNS OUT WE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER !
(geez… HE really went to hell & HE got old!)

______________________

SPEAKING OF OLD….

MY DRINK OF CHOICE ?

DIET PEPSI

and I’ve always noticed that no matter how many brands,
or varieties of sodas in a store…
(either convenience, supermarket, or mega-store)
most everything will be in stock…
but the DIET PEPSI area will be either empty or near empty !

I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS ANOTHER THING
THE REST OF THE COUNTRY CAUGHT UP TO ME ON !
(and made it harder to get mine, espec. at the sale price)

I GOT INTO A CONVERSATION WITH A PEPSI ‘REP’…
(finally, after all these years, someone in-the-know)
After MY rap, and suggesting they stock MORE
of the popular brand, beneficial to both of us…
HE EXPLAINED THE REASON…

SEEMS THE ARTIFICIAL-SWEETENER USED
IN THE DIET PEPSI THESE DAYS,
HAS A RELATIVELY SHORT SHELF-LIFE !

So the trick isn’t to stock MORE…
but to make & stock the nearest amount needed,
so as to always have ‘fresh-product’ available & on the shelf !

IF HE WAS BULL-SHITTING ME…
HE DID A GREAT JOB…
THE STORY EXPLAINED A MYSTERY OF LIFE TO ME !

_________________________

Not particularly easy to make me laugh…

and yes, I know, I DON’T need to work ‘blue’…

BUT…
this gave me a chuckle…


I went to the doctor’s the other day and found out my new
doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous!

I was embarrassed but she said,
“Don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before.
Just tell me what’s wrong
and I’ll help you in any way I can.”

I said,

“Well, I think my cock tastes funny…”


_______________________

I was reading a BRITISH study that makes so much sense,
I can’t imagine why people aren’t alerted
to ‘replace’ at least yearly… kinda like the way
you are alerted to change smoke detector batteries
twice a year (at the change to DST and back again).

SHOWER-HEADS !!!

Regular petrie dishes for bacteria to grow,
and a ’spray’ delivery system to get disease
into your respiratory system in an extremely effective manner !

(it may be on the inside and not show)

They claim you can get diseases all the way
up to LEGIONAIRES DISEASE in this manner !

AND IF YOU’VE REPLACED YOUR USUAL BATH
WITH THAT QUICK, REFRESHING SHOWER…
(especially in public gyms or beaches)
((you don’t go barefoot into the shower, why? FILTH!))

IT’S SOMETHING TO TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION !

____________________

next time I’m in the POST OFFICE…

I’M GOING TO ASK…

DO THEY STILL MAKE LICK-ABLE STAMPS ?
I don’t think I’ve personally used anything
but the self-stick (or sticky) stamps
that have been available for years !!!

LICK-ABLE SOUNDS KIND OF DIRTY !
I hope the ‘glue’ is made to dis-infect
from all the neanderthals that may use them !

(perhaps on a roll of stamps?)


__________________

I HOPE I DON’T JINX MYSELF….

but for months I’ve been complaining that my laptop,
once a speed demon (3.2 gig processor)…
now takes 5 or 6 minutes to boot up for full use !
Shutting down takes a while too…
I was thinking that someone was remotely using
my computing power for their own ends !
Finally, those extra programs that needed ‘ending’
registered in my brain enough to ‘google’ them…

Since I still use SERVICE PACK 1 with WINDOWS XP,
I used an older version of Norton Anti-virus software…
(they take my money for yearly update subscriptions)
and it turns out that the ‘ccAPP.exe’ that slows me down,
is a function of NORTON and necessary for its operation !

THEY SNUCK IT IN IN ONE OF THEIR DEFINITION UPDATES !
and it seems to be enough of a problem
(that they aren’t addressing)
that there are tons of ‘not happy’ customers out there…

BEST ADVICE GIVEN ?
Look for OTHER anti-virus software !!!
(or get used to the loss of speed)

NOT GREAT NEWS… BUT AT LEAST I KNOW
I’M NOT QUICKLY APPROACHING A CRASH, DATA LOSS,
AND RE-CREATING MY ‘FOOT-PRINT’ FROM SCRATCH !

addendum…

I just dis-abled NORTON temporarily…
I booted up in a minute-and-a-half like the old days !
(and programs load quickly, and shuts off quickly)

MOTHER-EFFER !!!
The T-baby (toshiba laptop) was NEVER the problem !

I’m thinking I may still ‘re-do’ the laptop this summer
while vacationing, but update to SERVICE PACK 3 for XP,
and then use the compatible NORTON INTERNET SECURITY
which I pay for on my wife’s laptop and can use on 3 computers.

__________________________



HERE’S A PLACE THAT’S REALLY ‘HOT’…

BUT REALLY ‘COOL’ TOO…



http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/

GO TAKE A LOOK AT FORGOTTEN HITS…
(They’re not fussy… I’m even allowed to post with the BIG SHOTS!)

________________________

ARE PEOPLE THIS STUPID ?

IS SALE OF THIS ON TV (or wherever) LEGAL ?
Why hasn’t my doctor ‘ordered-for-the-table’ ?

A $20 BRACELET that…

Balance Your Body, Balance Your Life

Experience INSTANT RESULTS the moment you begin using
the iRenew®Energy Balance System™ products.

Users report results that include:

More Energy
Improved Mental Focus
Increase in Strength
Greater Flexibility
Enhanced Balance

IT HAS TO DO WITH…

ElectroMagnetic Fields (EMF)
ElectroMagnetic   Radiation (EMR)

(YEAH, RIGHT)

The legalities?
Since the company claims NOTHING,
and ONLY reports what USERS claim…
I GUESS IT MAKES IT COPA-CETIC WITH THE LAW !!!


GO AND READ THE CLAIMS (or non-claims) FOR YOURSELF…
http://www.seentvcanada.com/irenew-bracelet-p-497.html
(BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE… $10 each, separate handling)


IN GENERAL… NOT SPECIFICALLY THIS OFFER…
That ’separate’ handling charge is genius…

I assume that’s where profit is made for some of these tv offers…
RETURN ‘WHATEVER’ FOR FULL REFUND ?
I would suspect the ‘handling charge’ isn’t refund-able…
So they don’t care if you keep it or not…

THEY STILL MAKE MONEY !

_______________________

SPEAKING OF STUPID…


REAL  HOUSEWIVES  ON  TV  ?
(shoot me now if those are the only kind available)

I’ve seen a minute or 2 of the various shows
walking thru a room while my daughter was watching…
and all I see is
ALL THE REASONS TO DIS-LIKE WOMEN
ALL CRAMMED INTO ONE SHOW !
(annoying, whiny, petty, scatter-brained, won’t shut-up, etc)
AND THOSE ACCENTS… OY !!!
(thinking there was some ‘worth’ to what they had to say)

IS THAT A LIFE ?

Junior High mentality forever ?

40-50 years old & still the minds & actions of middle schoolers !!!

I had a good time with the ‘WIVES’ OF NEW  YORK…
My ‘out-loud’ commentary was better than the show !
See-ing the sexual tension between enemies…
sitting way too close to each other… usually on a bed…
I kept asking.. ” WHEN TO THEY START MAKING-OUT ?”

It would be a great end to the show…
throw 2 or 3 of the wives on a bed
for a make-out session with the credits rolling !

AND WONDERED IF THE SEX & DRUG TALK
TO A MUCH TOO OLD TO BE TALKED-TO DAUGHTER
was going to be more about technique
than love & the biology of sexual interaction !

And I could see why one particularly annoying ‘wife’
was asking the kitchen help (yeah, that happens, sure)
about HER social life and asking dating advice…
BECAUSE SHE MUST GO ON ALOT OF FIRST DATES !!!
ONE IS TOO MANY, UNLESS YOU GET ACCESS
TO THE HOT, OLD BODY… (please, shut-up for a minute)

and there’s the jewelry store OLD-TIMER
who HAS TO mention that she’s 51 years old…

51?  try 71 !!!

I GUESS THE ‘WIVES’ ARE EXTREME IDIOTS
LIKE THE JERSEY SHORE JERKS…
and they must interview plenty to find
brain-dead people who think they are ‘wonderful’
and will be ‘circus geeks’ for entertainment value !

THEY PROVIDE LOTS OF LAUGHS…
THEY CERTAINLY AREN’T ADMIRED !!!

PLEASE  PLEASE  PLEASE

DON’T BE REAL !!!

_____________________

AND WHEN YOU NEED REAL ???

the lottery…

I usually figure that I need $5 million (after taxes)
and I’d never have another money worry…
(I’d live good, no worries, probably leave some)

Out of nowhere (for the last 2 weeks or so)…
I would occasionally mention that I needed
to win $17 million… why that number? No idea !

My wife had some ‘nasty’ dental work done…
was swollen and out of it…
and sent me to the supermarket… the fancy one…
for some ice cream and italian (water) ices…
on my way out I passed their lotto machine…
and big as could be, on the wall…
the MEGA-GAME PRIZE was  $17 MILLION !!!
I figured it was a sign from God…
so I bought one quick-pick ticket for the cash prize !

AND GUESS WHAT ?

DIDN’T WIN A DAMN THING !!!

(maybe I was supposed to buy 17 tickets?)

_____________________

I guess I shot my load for this issue…

So….

AS THE SUN SLOWLY SETS…
(and I’m sitting in a 65 degree room)

WE SAY FAREWELL TO ANOTHER ISSUE OF

RIP Renfield (.com)

BUT DON’T DESPAIR…

Like Frosty the Snowman…

” I’LL BE BACK AGAIN SOMEDAY ! ”

(psst… I’ll be back next week)

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist & resident genius
TISH (PILLBUG)
——————————

>>>>>INDOCTRINATE YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

(they may just like MY brand of bullshit)

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