† RIP Renfield #557 – SUMMER DADDY-O †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield  #557 – SUMMER DADDY-O †

June 19, 2010

———————

SO FAR…

this looks to be an abbreviated issue…
(maybe I’ll take the easy route and ‘roast’ BP OIL !)

CALL IT A FATHERS DAY GIFT TO MYSELF
that I didn’t waste ALL my time
writing a bunch of nonsense that no one will ever read !

but even in brevity…

IT’S HARD TO HIDE TALENT !!!

(where did it go?  hmm… easier to hide than I thought)

——-

I’m giving FATHERS DAY a rest this year…

and going with a summer theme this week…
I usually do very well for fathers day
& get a call or a card from at least 75% of my kids !
HEY ‘75′ IS A PASSING GRADE !

Summer is always welcome… (mostly welcome)
so I figure to get right into the ’swim’ of the season…
But NOT one of those GULF COAST swims…
I don’t like to be ‘touched’ and all those volunteers
scrubbing the oil residue off me isn’t a pleasant thought !

We have some great beaches in southern New Jersey
and they will most likeley benefit from the oil disaster
in the more distant states
where the water quality will be questionable…
(this situation dwarfs the Exxon Valdez spill)
HELL… EVEN THE ‘GUIDO’ NORTHERN NJ BEACHES
WILL GET GREAT CROWDS…
(although you rarely find any NJ people there)

I WONDER WHAT EXCUSE THE BOARDWALK BUSINESSES
WILL USE THIS YEAR TO CLAIM THAT
THIS IS THE WORST YEAR THEY EVER HAD !!!
(they say that every year)

SO… A NICE DAY FOR THE DADS OUT THERE…
and good luck to the oil-plagued states !

________________________

famous for portraying a legendary american

(WHO GOT THINGS DONE)


R.I.P

FESS  PARKER

If you didn’t grow up with him,

he’s no big deal…

BUT IF YOU DID ?

FESS is ICONIC !!!

Biographical Information…
He was born on a mountain-top in Tennessee,
and killed him a bear when he was only 3,
and was considered the KING of the Wild Frontier !

Although his much later DANIEL BOONE
was very successful, and the reason
I got to meet MINGO (ed ames)…
FESS REALLY MADE HIS MARK
WITH DAVEY CROCKETT !

WHO DIDN’T HAVE A COONSKIN CAP ?
Who didn’t follow his serialized exploits on Disney?
I can still see (and hear) Jimmy Dodd singing..
BANG !  WENT OLD BETSY
(davey’s trusty rifle)

and I made sure my kid grew up
knowing and idolizing DAVEY…
I was trying to find the pics of my Michael
hunting in the front yard of our suburban home,
wearing his coonskin cap, his ‘davey’ vest,
and carrying one of those banned toys…
a rifle who’s barrel you stuck in dry dirt,
cocked the handle, pulled the trigger,
and shot a small cloud of ’smoke’ out of the barrel…
DAYS YOU’LL NEVER SEE AGAIN…

BUT IN RETROSPECT… WERE GLORIOUS…

REST in PEACE

by the way…

I kept the souveneir… a very small sized
coonskin cap is hanging on the wall
with some other of my ‘collectibles’…
(baby shoes, baby bottles, communion tie, etc)

BUT I COULDN’T FINE A JPG WITH THE ‘CAP’…
So you’ll have to settle for another fantasy ’shoot’…

THE TERMINATOR !!!

(Hey… we have a ‘rich’ fantasy life around here)

__________________

OBAMA ‘ROUSING’ THE PEOPLE ?

As far as Obama’s televised speech the other night,
the one to show his ‘rage’ & ‘answers to’ the BP problem,

I WAS UNDER-WHELMED !

I didn’t hear anything out of him that I hadn’t heard
dribble out of Washington for the last 2 weeks !
At best it was a summary, or greatest hits !

I had to agree with one radio pundit…
OBAMA PRESENTED NO SOLUTIONS,
NOT EVEN A HINT OF ANY…
After each sentence of the speech,
you could ask… ” HOW ? “
There was no ‘how’, only a re-telling of problems !

and that, as before… WE WILL SURVIVE THIS TOO !

WE KNOW WHAT NEEDS DOING,
‘HOW’ ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT ?
WHAT’S THE PLAN ?

AND as far as his call for ALTERNATIVE ENERGY ?
He basically repeated the same speech
JIMMY CARTER (and everyone since) GAVE IN THE 70′S !!!
ALTERNATIVE ENERGY ?

AGAIN I SAY… “HOW?”
WHAT’S THE PLAN ?

Oh.. I’ve noticed there seems to be PLENTY of oil.
THIS IS ONLY ONE WELL !
and if not allowed to drill here… the rigs will go elsewhere !
Alternative energy probably won’t be ‘pushed’ for real
until we’re down to the last 100 years of oil…
AND THAT SEEMS A LONG WAY OFF
IF THIS ‘MINOR’ MISHAP IS ANY INDICATION !

POLITCS… POLITICS… POLITICS…

Obama inherited the problem?
Plenty of blame to go around…

FIX IT !!!
(BEFORE the shore-lines & eco-systems are destroyed)
((not 20 or 50 or 100 years from now))

CASH (and taxes) ISN’T THE SOLUTION !!!

YOU FIGURED OUT HOW
TO GET TO THE PRESIDENCY
BUT DON’T SEEM TO KNOW WHAT TO DO
NOW THAT YOU ARE THERE !

Some say…

WHAT ACTUALLY DO YOU EXPECT OBAMA TO DO ?

If Obama can’t figure out a ‘concrete’ plan…
(with all the ‘tools’ he has at his disposal)
IS HE ‘IN’ OVER HIS HEAD ?

Congress won’t cooperate?

Maybe that’s why the president should be an old-timer
who got ground-up in the mill that is congress,
knows how it works, & how to ‘attmept to’ get things done !

YOU HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD
(after it’s fixed)
TO INVESTIGATE & POSTURE FOR THE MEDIA
(and the voters)

We don’t need a feel-good president right now,
we need one to rise to the occasion !
Someone who ‘attacks’ a challenge,
not ‘diagnose’ the obvious !

SOME RUN TO THE FIRE,
SOME RUN AWAY FROM IT…

MISTER PRESIDENT…
IF YOU ARE ‘RUNNING AWAY FROM IT’…
GET OUT OF THE WAY
FOR SOMEONE ELSE HEADING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION !

POLITICAL MY ASS !!!

It’s not democrat, it’s not republican…
THIS IS ABOVE POLITICS, THIS IS A CRISIS !

_________________

CRISIS IN WASHINGTON, DC !!!
Problems are critical !
Leadership may be lacking !
IT’S GETTING DESPERATE !!!

AMERICA NEEDS A RALLY-ING POINT !!!

Looks like it’s time to call in…

MONICA LEWINSKY !!!

AT LEAST IT WILL GET THE BP OIL DISASTER
OFF THE FRONT PAGE OF THE NEWS !!!

_______________________

WISH ME LUCK…

I have an interview for a new job next week…
PUBLIC RELATIONS DIRECTOR FOR BP OIL !!!

They say it’s a great opportunity for someone
who can really bullshit
and has a limited relationship with the truth !!!

A ’situation’ made (for me) in heaven…

WHERE DO I SIGN ???

___________________

the ECOLOGICAL DISASTER of the ages ?

2 MONTHS LATER…
After consulting with the top scientists
and the experts in the field,
and using the power of the US gov’t for the answer…
the best answer they came up with is…

PRAY !!!

———–

WELL.. LET’S GET THE PARTY STARTED !


Since there is a $20 BILLION FUND
for the ‘victims’ of the BP oil disaster…

I’D LIKE TO APPLY FOR $137,000 FOR MYSELF !

I’m being effected terribly…

the ’strain’ is ‘killing’ me !!!

It’s like ’something’ is hanging over my head !!!

_______________________

SO BP OIL ‘PONIED-UP’

$20 BILLION !!!

What kind of interest are we getting
on that pile of loot ?
You can’t let it just sit there !

(MAYBE WE CAN FINANCE ANOTHER WAR?)


___________________

COMPLETELY  ARROGANT  !!!

An ecological disaster of never before seen proportions
is continue-ing in the Gulf of Mexico as we speak…

The destruction of animal life, real estate,
and the ocean will take multiple decades to overcome !!!
(if it’s at all possible in that  SHORT a run)
There’s talk of the east coast & arctic being effected !

AND OBAMA HAS TO WASTE TIME
‘coochy-coo-ing’ BRITS ?

” BP criticism not about nationality says Obama !!! ”
(not that he’s doing anything else anyway)

DO THE BRITS HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT’S GOING ON ?

THE SCOPE OF IT ?

OR WILL THEY SAVE THEIR OUT-RAGE
FOR WHEN THE OIL HITS THEIR SHORES ?

(or WORLD CUP performance?)

THEY have the luxury to worry about ‘feelings’ !

TO LOOK FOR SOOTHING WORDS
BECAUSE A UK (multi-national) COMPANY FUCKED UP
(and having been caught being less-than-the-truthful)
IS NOT TAKING THE ‘BIG PICTURE’ INTO CONSIDERATION…
(take BRITISH out of the company name for less nat’l ‘heat’)

WE HAVE BIGGER FISH TO FRY !!!
(oh wait… most of the fish are either dead or un-fit to eat)

Save your ’sensitivity’

until AFTER the problem is solved !

IF YOU WANT TO CLAIM & DEFEND BP NOW…

YOU WON’T FIND ANY SUPPORTERS IN THE USA,
OR THE COUNTRIES THREATENED,
SOON TO BE EFFECTED BY THE OIL !!!

AND IF YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT THE USA
THINKING ‘BP’ EXECS ARE A-HOLES ?

STOP WORRYING…

THEY ARE A-HOLES !!!

The reason for un-kind ‘words’
is washing up on our shores !!!

So calm down, make a pot of tea,
you be ‘mother’…

for me?  just ‘white’, not sweet…

GO WORRY ABOUT THE ‘WORLD CUP’…

(You can expect a presidential apology for us tie-ing the game)

____________________

BREVITY IS THE SOUL OF WIT

Okay… so I’m soul-less !!!
(and a half-wit)



BUT WILL PROVIDE ‘TIT SHOTS’ IN LIEU OF SOUL & WIT

__________________

OBAMA & OIL DON’T MIX…

Doesn’t anyone proof-read his prepared comments ?
Is there sabotage afoot in his camp ?

HOW DO YOU COMPARE ‘ANYTHING’
TO THE TOO RECENT 911 TERROR DEATHS ?

BP OIL SPILL vs. 3800 DEATHS ?

I DON’T THINK SO !
(financial, enviromental, yes… nobody dead yet)

911 ?   THE COUNTRY WAS NUMB…
AIR TRAFFIC STOPPED COMPLETELY…
THERE WAS DAILY FEAR ABOUT MORE ATTACKS !

I get the effecting the ‘american psyche’ bit…
but many won’t…
if you have to explain it,
you’re better off NOT saying it !

WAS HE GOING TO MENTION THE ‘HOLOCAUST’ TOO ?
There are ‘places’ you don’t go…
unless you’re totally insensitive to horror & tragedy !

THESE ARE TIMES THAT TRY MENS SOULS…
(and we could use some non-inflammatory rhetoric, like the above)

SPEECHES ARE NICE FOR SOME…
BUT I’D SURE LIKE TO HEAR THE SPEECH ‘AFTER’
THE PROBLEM IS WELL ON THE WAY TO BEING SOLVED !
Not the world is fucked… but we’ll give you money !
or pray for a solution (you can, but that’s desperation).
(and really… how much of the money will get to the little guy?)

———————–

TIME FOR THE END-OF-YEAR RECKONNING

AT THE RIPRenfield.COM WEBSITE

Each year, the map counter is archived and re-set
at the end of June… (the empty map is scary)
IT SHOULD BE RE-SET ANYTIME NOW !

But I’m kinda proud to have done as well as I have
over the past year (not enough to make money though) !

THE COUNT ?

33,905 HITS as of June 19th, 2010

(nearly 4000 spam comments blocked)

If you include… AND I DO… estimated sends
to email subscribers to RIPRenfield.com…
conservatively… I make it another… 12,000
and it could be as many as 20,000 !
(REMEMBER, IT’S 52 WEEKS, 52 ISSUES)

and I’ve weaned out the email non-openers,
and ‘bad’ email addresses…

SO…

I GIVE MYSELF A FINAL COUNT
FOR THE LAST RIP-FISCAL-YEAR of…

(over) 45,000 (nearer to) 50,000
VISITORS or READERS in the last year !!!

CONGRATS TO ME…
(hey.. is anyone out there?)

I’m almost respectable !!!

I might be a STAR !!!

(or at least a ’sparkler’)

______________________

I VIEWED THE ‘LIVE FEED’
OF THE OIL ESCAPING INTO THE GULF…

Did anyone else notice that there’s an out-cropping,
a wider-than-the-pipe connection ?
I guess there are reasons…
but why can’t a ‘collar’ be put around the ‘nub’ ?
it could be connected to a giant open-ended balloon
type device that would allow it be attached
regardless of the force of the oil spewing out…
then draw in the other end of the mile-long ‘balloon’
like you would a fishing net…
as you draw it in it basically becomes a flexible hose…
connect the hose to some other fitting
that would allow the oil to be pumped into tankers…
or at least contain the spill !
YOU NEED TO BUILD IT, OF COURSE…
BUT SITTING ON YOUR ASSES ISN’T GETTING ANYTHING DONE !
or just use the pressure of the escaping oil
as the driving force keeping the cap on the collar !

BUT I’M JUST ONE SOLITARY IDEA MAN…
(fairly smart, talented, of course… but not handy enough to do it)
THEY PAY PEOPLE ALOT OF MONEY
TO BE MORE STUPID THAN ME !!!

MY OTHER PLAN ?
and the beauty of this one is that no one
will care if it works or not…

TRY PLUGGING UP THE PIPE

WITH A ‘VANDERSLOOT’
(I recommend head first)

__________________________

a moral conundrum…

If your daughter was missing (presumed dead)
ala NATALIE HOLLOWAY…
As a parent, would you rather…
HER KILLER BE TORTURED & LATER KILLED
IN A HELL-HOLE PRISON IN PERU
or
HE SERVE HIS SENTENCE IN A ‘CIVILIZED’ COUNTRY,
IN A MUCH LESS SEVERE PRISON SITUATION…
(not ‘gen pop’, books, tv, ala manson)
AND HE REVEALS WHERE THE REMAINS
OF YOUR DAUGHTER ARE…
SO YOU CAN BRING HER ‘HOME’ FOR A PROPER BURIAL.


A NON-PARENT MIGHT BE QUICKER TO CHOOSE
TORTURE & DEATH…
but I really would have to think long & hard
to come to a decision…

THE PERFECT CHOICE ?

TORTURE & DEATH AFTER HE REVEALS
HER WHERE-ABOUTS (and they ARE found) !


_____________________

This just occurred…
and I thought it would be nice little story
considering its Fathers Day…

It’s monday… I’m at work… having a near-solitary moment…
Something that happened to me a short time before
reminded me of the following and I wanted to share.

I approached a Korean woman I work with…
(VERY religious, a choir singer… a true believer)
I ask her if she’s ’spiritual’…
DOES SHE BELIEVE IN SPIRITS ?
ARE THEY ALL AROUND US ?

She says… ” OF COURSE “

So I proceed to tell her of my father visiting me
the previous saturday nite.
I was sat on the floor, leaning back against a couch…
and he sat down beside me…

She says… ” SO?”

And I tell her that my father died in 1997 !

and Ms. Spiritual’s head snaps back
and says (in that great accent)…

” YOU STARTING TO GO CRAZY ? ”

I guess, in her head, HER make-believe God
has precedence over MY make-believe God !

FOR THE RECORD…
I didn’t actually SEE him, or HEAR him…
But I had a first time, unique, waking, non-high experience,
that ‘grandpa’ (when you have kids your dad becomes ‘grandpa’),
or his ’spirit’ had sat down next to me and I knew he was there !

I SPOKE TO HIM… SAID ‘HI POPS’…
and a few short sentences…
Just to let him know I was aware of him
and that maybe he was able to hear me !

AND THEN I MUST HAVE DRAWN
ON MY ‘STONER’ EXPERIENCE FROM DECADES AGO…
AND THOUGHT…
” What if I was making an appearance in one of HIS dreams
back when he was still alive ? ”

PASS THE DOOBIE !!!
Wow… imagine if that’s the explanation of dreams !!!
The dreams of the person in the past,
happen in a real future !!!
You just have to believe in such things
and be sensitive and open to the experience !

(I think I need to rest my head)

SOME DAD DAY STORY, HUH ?

——-

What can I say ?

I’M A DREAMER !!!

and I’m pretty sure that some of my dreams
are real and happening somewhere !

(my mother has ‘witchy ways’ about her)
((and I think it’s passed thru my line of the family))
(((my daughter shows signs too, I always encouraged her)))

IN THE 13 YEARS THAT MY FATHER HAS BEEN DEAD…
I’VE ONLY DREAMED (or remembered dreams)
ABOUT HIM TWICE…
He always stands (or sits) ’stone-faced’,
never saying anything,
more an observer than a participant in the dream.

BUT REAL & VIVID !!!

I THINK HE CHECKS UP ON ME WHEN HE CAN…
JUST TO LET ME KNOW HE’S OUT THERE !

(HEY, YOU KNEW I WAS NUTTY… I NEVER HID IT)

(was RENFIELD serious?  or just having fun with a story?)

((they usually use a different phrase to describe me…
something that uses the word ’serial’ instead of ’serious’))

___________________

A long, hot summer can really suck…

I always answer people who say it’s better than winter with…
NOT FOR ME !!!
I can dress for the cold… and anything down to 30 degrees?
I’M FINE WITH !

As long as there isn’t ice under-foot and it’s not slippery…
I’LL TAKE THE COLD EVERY-TIME !!!

Of course there are benefits…
like those exhibitionist females showing some ’skin’…
but I kinda like spring or fall fashion better !
It suits more women… and I think a nice ‘wrapping’
more sexy than just sticking tits in my face !

BUT I’M WILLING TO DO A SIDE-BY-SIDE COMPARISON !

I’M FAIR THAT WAY !!!

OKAY… BAD COMPARISON !!!

OH.. ONE MORE THING…

If you can still pull it off …
Fathers Day is a great time for a blowjob !!!

(and that’s GETTING not GIVING)
((if dad is ‘giving’, you got bigger problems than dad day treats))

NOW IT’S TIME TO GO…

TO ENJOY MY ONE DAY A YEAR…

GIVE ME WHAT I WANT !!!

LEAVE ME THE ‘EFF’ ALONE !!!

I plan to hide most of the day
reclined in an air-conditioned room
online with 2 televisions going…
just wasting the entire day…

LIKE YOU ARE…  READING THIS CRAP !!!

SO

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

HAPPY SUMMER

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since I’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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