† RIP Renfield #547 – TAX TIME †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield  #547 – TAX TIME †

April 10, 2010

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NICE DAY ?

ACTUAL SUMMER WEATHER.. NEAR 90 DEGREES !
but there are other fish to fry…

LIKE THE BEATLES SANG…

PREDICTED ?

Let me tell you how it will be,
There’s one for you, nineteen for me,
‘Cause I’m the Taxman,
Yeah, I’m the Taxman.

(If you drive a car ), I’ll tax the street,
(If you try to sit ), I’ll tax your seat,
(If you get too cold ), I’ll tax the heat,
(If you take a walk ), I’ll tax your feet.

Taxman.

(I’M THINKING THE BEATLES WERE
FAMILIAR WITH NEW JERSEY & WASHINGTON !)

BACK TO THE SUMMER WEATHER…

The funny thing?
I haven’t gotten around to mowing the lawn yet.
When I got home from work that Tuesday,
I WAS SHOCKED TO SEE THAT…
from the time I left in the morning,
till the time I got home…
THE GRASS WAS AT LEAST AN INCH TALLER !!!

I thought it was an optical illusion, or bad memory…
but my wife confirmed the extreme grass growth !!!

I’M THINKING THE EARTH HAS SLIPPED INTO
‘BIZARRO’ EARTH TERRITORY !!!
(some strange things are going on)

__________________

R.I.P

JOHN FORSYTHE

Dead at 92 !!!  WOW, who even knew he was still alive?
To later generations, he’s either the voice of
CHARLIE, on CHARLIE’S ANGELS…
or BLAKE CARRINGTON on DYNASTY…
but, even though I was too young
and only saw it in re-runs…
FORSYTHE will always be BENTLEY GREGG,
BACHELOR FATHER !
Playboy lawyer thrust into the role of ‘parent’
of a teen niece recently orphaned…
with a wise-cracking chinese house boy (man?)

(and later on THE JOHN FORSYTHE SHOW
and TO ROME WITH LOVE)

HE ALSO WORKED WITH ALOT OF
HEAVY-WEIGHTS IN ALOT OF MOVIES…

FORSYTHE HAD A KNACK FOR
BEING INVOLVED WITH LONG-RUNNING WINNERS !



_____________________

easter complaint…

Not really my place for an exotic gift…
(I don’t want to ’start’ a mandatory exchange)
I bought my nephew’s 3-year-old girl a little easter toy…

It only cost a few dollars, but I have a knack for
picking out toys with high ‘play-value’ or kid interest !
This one was a 6 inch, plastic bunny on a bicycle,
with a big, clear egg full of jellybeans on the back…
In the old-style, you pulled a string,
and the bunny would pedal the bike while moving
it’s head back-and-forth…
I KNEW SHE’D LOVE IT !!!

At the family holiday gathering,
I held off giving her the toy till we ate and things calmed down…
(lots of things for her to do and people to smile for)
The only LITTLE ONE of her generation…
expensive gifts from aunt, grandmother, great-grandmother
were going to come the kid’s way !

In MY day… you got your easter stuff early…
like when you woke up…  or arrived at the family gathering…
I waited… and waited… 4 hours… we were practiclly leaving…
figuring to catch the kid in a ‘quiet’ moment
after all the BIG excitement !!!
So I called the kid over for the toy…
figuring she’d been paraded around enough,
and about to get bored (like I was)…
AND ?
She loved it.. and played with it, fascinated…
FOR ABOUT A MINUTE !!!

IT SEEMED ME HANDING HER A GIFT
WAS THE SIGNAL FOR EVERYONE ELSE
TO BURY HER WITH 4 FOOT TALL EASTER BASKETS !

WHAT’S THE DEAL-I-O ?
5 PM Easter afternoon ?
IT’S NOT XMAS EVE !!!  HOURS BEFORE XMAS DAY !!!

PICK AN OPPORTUNE TIME (early)
AND GIVE THE KID HER GIFT…
OPPORTUNE, LIKE I THOUGHT I DID !
(although I tried to wait enough to be the last one)

THEY NOT ONLY STOLE MY THUNDER,
but their gifts, ALL AT ONCE,
went under-appreciated !
THE KID DIDN’T KNOW WHERE TO GO FIRST !!!

(although, it didn’t take her long to go back to my ‘cheap’ gift)

OLD MEMORY KICKING IN…

On the day my older sister got married,
(I think I was 16 years old)
MY plan was to shower and get ready around 11am…
I went into the shower right on cue…
Upon coming out, my father was pissed at me
for tie-ing up the bathroom he needed to use for himself !
Claiming the I was dis-organized and needed to plan better !!!

I walked away mumbling…

I PLANNED JUST FINE, POPS…
YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SCREWED UP !!!
(I was a regular Rusty Hamer -
the wise-acre kid from tv’s ‘make room for daddy’)

________________________

EXTREME  EXCITEMENT

IN THE DOCTOR WHO UNIVERSE !!!

THE ‘NEWEST’ INCARNATION OF ‘THE DOCTOR’
is set to premier Saturday, APRIL 17th on BBC AMERICA !
They must know the internet (and UK friends that snail mail)
will defeat the usual year long wait for the new shows
to premier in the USA !

SO HERE HE IS…

played by MATT SMITH

I’m not thrilled that such a young man will be
taking over the role of THE DOCTOR…
but I have to admit that I’ve hated the ‘new’ guy
everytime he re-generated into a new actor !

AND AFTER A FEW EPISODES ?
I adapted to the new guy very well,
helped along by some great story lines !

Personally, I think they should have gone ELDERLY,
or even regenerate into a WOMAN…
but ANY Doctor Who is preferable to NO Doctor Who !!!

I’ve kinda invested in 40 years worth of shows,
so I can’t see myself abandoning the show now…
ESPECIALLY SINCE THE BBC FINALLY
INVESTED THE MONEY INTO THE SHOW
USING ALL THE SPECIAL EFFECTS & SCENERIES
THAT MAKE THE NEWER SHOWS
RIVAL THEATRICAL RELEASES !
(at least in presentation)

WHAT  HO,  DOCTOR  !!!

” The game’s afoot ! “

_________________________

I heard a story on the tv news before work…
it was my ’story-of-the-day’ when I got there…

In Bergen County, NJ… the worst ravaged flood area
(and they got hit twice in 2 weeks),
some vandals opened some ‘valve’ at a reservoir,
and 150 million gallons of water was released
into an already over-saturated, non-used area…

THE WATER IS GONE !!!

THEY DON’T KNOW YET IF THE FLOODED PEOPLE
WILL HAVE ENOUGH WATER FOR LATER IN THE YEAR !

You would think that there would be daily checks
of key (un-guarded) reservoirs & equipment !
They only found out because someone noticed
the water level VISIBLY getting lower !
(ever hear of HOMELAND SECURITY?)

WHAT A COUNTRY !!!

I only tell you that, so I can tell you this…

I’VE HAD A ‘BLACK CLOUD’ OVER ME
THE LAST MONTH-AND-A-HALF…

OR DID I CAUSE THIS?  OR PREDICT IT ?

THAT NIGHT… AFTER MY ‘WATER’ STORY AT WORK…
I’m relaxing about 10 pm in front of the tv…
My daughter comes to tell me…
THE WATER IN THE BATH-TUB WON’T SHUT OFF !
She was right… the stem inside the tap broke
and there was nothing to stop the fast flow of hot water !!!
(some coincidence… same day?)

I NEVER HEARD OF ANYTHING LIKE THIS
HAPPENING TO ME OR ANYONE ELSE
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE !!!
(ie.. my mother is in the same house since 1957)

ALTHOUGH THERE ARE SHUT-OFF VALVES
ON ALL MY SINKS & TOILETS…
THERE IS NONE ON THE TUB !!!
I was forced to shut off the water to the entire house…
In addition, I was smart enough to shut-off
the oil burner we use for hot water !
NO DRINKING WATER, NO FLUSHING,
NO BATHING, NO NOTHING !!!

I had a plumber coming the next day,
but for the time being ?

IT WAS LIKE LIVING ON THE TV SHOW

GREEN ACRES in HOOTERVILLE !

For my COLD shower in the morning…
I had to go to the basement, turn on the water…
go back up, shower… I got in a flush…
then back to the basement to shut off the house again !

I GOT LUCKY THAT THE PLUMBER
COULD GET THE OFFENDING PART OUT
WITHOUT SNAPPING IT OFF !
(then the tiled wall would have had to be opened)

MY LIFE IS GETTING RIDICULOUS !!!

WHAT NEXT ?

Everytime I figure nothing else could happen,
I’m VERY un-pleasantly surprised !!!
Actually, I’m not surprised anymore…
I’m almost afraid to leave the hous !


____________________

not for the feint-of-heart…

HOLD YOUR NOSE !

I was out-and-about for the day…
and the feeling came over me…  and I had to take an
EMERGENCY SHIT !!!
I wasn’t going to make it home or to a familiar bathroom !

So I stopped at the QUICK CHECK convenience store
(the one I ALWAYS use, where they know me),
they have a fairly nice, clean, lock-able, one-person bathroom…
I’m in there just finishing my ‘business’
when someone attempts to get in the locked bathroom…
I call out.. ” BE OUT IN A MINUTE ”
and when I DO open the door who do I see ?
(after I stunk up the place?)
THE FEMALE MANAGER, A YOUNG FEMALE CLERK,
AND A YOUNG MALE CLERK !!!
They push past me to get in so the manager
can show them the remnants of some old graffiti
while giving them instructions on how to clean graffiti !

I WOULD HAVE RATHERED IT BE SOME ANONYMOUS
MALE CUSTOMER I’D NEVER SEE AGAIN,
ALSO NEEDING THE BATHROOM,
INSTEAD OF PEOPLE I SEE AND DEAL WITH EVERY DAY !!!

I WAS TREMENDOUSLY EMBARASSED !!!
AND ME USING A STORE BATHROOM
IS A VERY RARE OCCURENCE (even rarer in the future) !!!

(and next time I might just ‘hold it’ till I can get home)


________________

I’m not sure if you always can pick-up-on
when I’m struggling for material…

SO I’M GIVING YOU WARNING !

I’m channel surfing and come across a movie
on TURNER CLASSICS with Olivia DeHaviland,
Yvette Mimieux, Barry Sullivan, & a young George Hamilton…
(it had already started, I wasn’t sure how deep I was into the film)

LIGHT IN THE PIAZZA

It caught my attention, I was curious…
Yvette was being treated like someone mentally challenged,
and all I saw was a hot, young available babe
who seemed to get along very nicely in the world…

(see what I mean? that’s no kid)

Olivia kept her away from romance & all things adult,
Barry wanted to put Yvette in a ‘home’ & get his wife back…
(very selfish by today’s standards)
GEORGE HAMILTON… an affluent italian from an uppity-family,
loved her and wanted to marry her !
(Olivia left town with Yvette when it got serious)

OH… THE FAMILY HAD MONEY TO BURN…
TRAIPSING ALL OVER EUROPE WITH YVETTE…

It took a long while to find out what Yvette’s problem was…
I was thinking she MUST be murderous,
or prone to violent outburts…  but NO !!!
Seems she was kicked in the head by a horse
when she was younger, and it left her child-like…
although she was 26 now… she was more like a young teen !
(still.. what’s the problem?)
Her mom DID count on the vapid ignorance of the italian elite,
so as not to notice she has a screw loose !

BARRY (at work in the USA) was pushing
to get Yvette committed somewhere…
Behind his back, Olivia decided to arrange a marriage !
(and making Barry extremely generous in the dowry)

THERE WAS ROOM FOR ALL KINDS OF TWISTS !!!
THERE WAS ENOUGH FODDER FOR A MINI-SERIES !!!
Father-in-law puts the moves on Olivia,
the bride’s father finding out about the wedding?
Wedding almost called off because of Yvette’s age…26
(not her secret to George’s family mental problems)…
while mom thinking they found out the ’secret’…
The SECRET never being revealed to the in-laws…
EVEN AFTER THE WEDDING !

The problems that COULD ensue afterwards?
Mental problems are cause for annulment
(even in the catholic church),
will Yvette freak out on her wedding night ?
She was supposed to be EXTREMELY virginal !
She could have no idea about sex !
and Yvette’s father was not aware of the wedding, still in the dark !
WHAT WILL BE HIS REACTION ?


BUT WHILE I’M HUNKERING DOWN FOR ALL THAT…
The happy couple walks out of the huge church ceremony,
get in the limo, drive away…
and OLIVIA repeatedly remarking to herself that…

” I DID THE RIGHT THING ! “

THE END

HUH ?  THE END ?
Seems the ‘real’ story was just beginning !
(and they didn’t run the sequel afterwards)
DID THEY JUST MAKE THEIR DAUGHTER
SOMEONE ELSE’S PROBLEM ?
JUST WASH THEIR HANDS OF HER ?

Up until that point…

Olivia was holding her breath, crossing her fingers,
praying that no nutty episode expose the ’secret’ !
(probably ready to leave the country, so they don’t give Yvette back)

IT’S REMINISCENT OF THE PEOPLE IN THE NEWS
WHO SENT BACK THE ADOPTED RUSSIAN KID !
WILL HER HUSBAND SEND HER BACK TOO ?

THE QUICK ENDING ACTUALLY MADE ME LAUGH !
And made me think how times have changed…
The parents of Yvette were the selfish kooks
keeping a functional daughter a child
and were embarassed by her
instead of counting-their-blessings
that she was as ‘normal’ as she was
and wanting her out-and-about, and in a family setting !

BUT I MIGHT JUST WATCH IT AGAIN ONE DAY
(from the beginning)

______________________

AS LONG AS I WAS ‘WAXING’ POETIC
ABOUT CLASSIC (old) MOVIES THIS WEEK…

It’s the perfect time to give MisterHill a plug…
(A good game to ‘tax’ your mind.. and april 15th is coming)


if movies are your forte….

MYSTERY MOVIE QUOTE  WAV’S ARE E-MAILED DAILY….
a Wav & a Clue, is it New ?, a Classic ?, or a Rarity ?…
to get in on the fun (and the mailing list)
email  —>   TheOneBuff@aol.com
OR USE THE LINK—> Sign Me Up For Buffery
join the BUFFERY, AND GET BUFFER-IZED…
(remember to open your e-mailboxes to game senders)



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I talked my daughter into watching the end
of a movie I thought might amaze her…

The ever-lovely Shirley Jones, Gig Young,
and a long list of familiar faces in the cast of…

A TICKLISH AFFAIR

A nice, little love story about a navy commander
who runs afoul of a navy widow with 3 kids…
The REALLY interesting part is at the end.
The smallest of the kids attached to a bunch of
weather balloons and flying, tethered, in his yard…
cuts himself loose and gets chased by every piece
of police and navy equipment, including an
aircraft carrier and a blimp as he flies out to sea !!!



EVEN MY DAUGHTER COULDN’T HELP BUT
CALL HIM… ” BALLOON  BOY “
and theorize that watching the movie  probably
gave BALLOON BOY’S dad the idea for the stunt !

LIFE IMITATING ART ?

_______________

must be tough for the ladies…

I’m used to shower, dress, and leave…
I don’t know where I’d find the time
to make myself presentable if I were a woman…

I find even THIS annoying…

I stopped cutting (& coloring) my hair Jan. 2009
(since my buddy Vince died & for other reasons).
I figured I’d grow it out and long…
parted to the side, down to my ears,
make a turn to the back, and just tie it…
(haircuts would just be nipping off the end occasionally)

I’M SHOCKED AT HOW SLOW MY HAIR GROWS
(in my old age it grows slower, or in spurts)
I have several inches of ponytail,
but the sides are taking forever
to make it all the way to the back of my head !
Unless right out of the shower…
my hair can be pretty un-ruly.

NEXT PROBLEM…
Since I do have SOME length…
I shed like crazy… and the ‘whiter’ hair
shows up very notice-ably in my ALL black hang-out room !
AND I’M ALWAYS CLEANING MY BRUSH !
I might have to invest in a bottle of
NO MORE TANGLES or a better CONDITIONER
to make brushing a bit less knotty !

AH ME…

THE TROUBLE ONE HAS TO GO TO
TO MAKE ONE-SELF BEAUTIFUL !!!

BUT ‘PONY-TAIL-TALK’ IS A GREAT ICE BREAKER…
I’m having some indepth ‘hair’ conversations
with a cute, little japanese young woman
I run into nearly everyday
and have no OTHER business with her !
WE JUST TALK HAIR !!!


_______________

turns out…

I’M OUT THERE !!!

NOT AS FAMOUS AS THESE BABIES…

BUT

I showed my daughter the item/comment,
and the response (Kent ran with it),
that appeared on FORGOTTEN HITS recently…

She glanced at the FORGOTTEN HITS site and said…

” Oh, I’ve been to that site before ! ”

HUH ?  HOW DID SHE FIND IT ?

Seems she was googling some information
about an off-beat 1960’s movie…
and the FORGOTTEN HITS site came up first…
She scanned until she found exactly what she was looking for…
but in the process of scanning, ran across an item
from some jerk using the name  GARY RENFIELD !
She was initially upset (for me) because
someone else was using MY name !

THEN SPOTTED THE   www.RIPRenfield.com
IN THE SIGNATURE & REALIZED IT WAS HER OLD MAN !!!

IT IS ESPECIALLY COOL TO BE ‘FOUND’
BY SOMEONE YOU KNOW…
(and you didn’t send them to the site)

ALMOST AS COOL AS RUNNING INTO SOMEONE
WEARING A RIP RENFIELD T-SHIRT
OR CARRYING A RIP RENFIELD TOTE BAG
OR WEARING A RIP PATCH ON THEIR HAT !!!



I told you they let even ME post

with the big shots !!!

You could always try (and subscribe) to…

FORGOTTEN HITS !!!

http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/
http://www.forgottenhits.com/

_____________________

HOMELAND SECURITY…

My daughter got stopped by a cop

and got 2 traffic tickets…

(one for speeding, one for an expired license)

THE DRIVER’S LICENSE
is the harder one to take care of…
You need your birth certificate and other ID
(adding up to 6 points of identification),
and need to do it in person…

SO OF COURSE HER BIRTH CERTIFICATE
IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND !
(and she’s been driving (as little as possible) without)

SO… getting the license from motor vehicles ?
You have to stand on one leg,
while juggling flaming indian clubs !

NEXT…

I CALLED THE BUREAU OF VITAL STATISTICS
TO GET A REPLACEMENT BIRTH CERTIFICATE…

I called, thinking there might be trouble,
providing the necessary documentation
to prove who she was…

I called… said I needed a copy of a birth certificate…
and it WASN’T FOR ME…

WHAT DO I NEED TO BRING ?

THE ANSWER?

BRING CASH !!!

That’s it, I could basically get anyone else’s birth certificate
(AS LONG AS I HAD $25 IN CASH),
and go get a driver’s license with it !
(the other ‘little’ proofs are easy to provide)

WHAT  A  SYSTEM  !!!

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as long as i’m doing movies…

and John Forsythe is the RIP Dead Tribute this week…
this particular one came to mind…

There was a nice, little movie he did called…

THE AMBASSADOR’S DAUGHTER
(1956)

John was about 38 years old.
Olivia DeHavilland (the daughter) was 40.
and Olivia’s mother, played by Myrna Loy
was 51… a little too close in age to Olivia,
but, hey, it’s a movie !

He’s an american soldier who, thru a comedy of errors,
becomes the escort of a ‘common’ girl,
who is on a mission by her father (& a congressman)
to see if american soldiers are animals or gentlemen !
He starts to love her, she starts to love him,
he starts to hate her for the deception…
and it all works out in the end… (movie style)

IT’S NOT OSCAR CALIBER, BUT I WAS AMUSED…

IT’S NOT SHOWN ALOT…
If you see it on, give it a try!

_________________

time to close out this issue
and I’d like to leave you with a smile…

A NICE WHITE ONE !!!

teeth whitening ?

I just saw a tv commercial about a woman
who’s teeth could be whiter for her wedding later that week…

THE PROBLEM ?
Her teeth are shown to be VERY white in her
mouth agape, toothy smile…
but it also shows that her teeth are all ‘caps’ !!!
(no canines)

WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO SAY ?
She picked ‘caps’ that weren’t white enough ?
I’M JUST A BIT SUSPICIOUS OF THE PRODUCT NOW !!!

HONESTY IN ADVERTISING ?

AT LEAST AS HONEST AS I AM…
Just ask the internal revenue tax man !!!

SO, ON THAT NOTE…

I BID YOU ADIEU !!!

REMEMBER TO PAY YOUR TAXES ON TIME…
THEY DO NOT FORGET !!!!

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since i’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist

TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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