† RIP Renfield #545 – C’mon SPRING †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,   you can contact me  at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield  #545 – C’mon SPRING †

March 27, 2010

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AMAZING HOW QUICKLY WINTER ENDED,
(blizzards to floods to suntan temperatures)

AND SPRING WANTS TO KICK IN!
(more flooding predicted though… spring flooding)

Less than 2 weeks ago
I was writing about tiny bits of green
poking out thru the brown in my lawn,
my neighborhood, my town…

GUESS WHAT ?
The massive rain (plus the time of year)…
has really brought the ‘green’ out !
THE BROWN HAS BEEN TOTALLY DISPLACED !
I can see myself having to mow the lawn
in about 2 weeks… I won’t have a choice !

SPRING HAS SPRUNG !!!

__________________

SPEAKING OF TAPE RECORDING…
Back when it was current, I did a taped high school report
ending with the tape ’self-destructing in 5 seconds’…

R.I.P

PETER  GRAVES

I grew up with Peter Graves being a ’serious’ actor,
brother of Matt Dillon (James Arness).
Head of the IMF after Steven Hill left the show.
(IMF = Impossible Missions Force)
Steven Hill was Mr. Briggs for 28 episodes.
Peter Graves was Mr. Phelps for 143 episodes,
becoming the ‘face’ of the show.

Married to the same woman since 1950,
he had 3 daughters with her.

A familiar face even to today’s audiences,
re-runs of the AIRPLANE movie,
and his commercial work even at 83
showed he still had what it takes,
and the will and desire to still be out there !

Say hello to… ” Manfreedy & Johnson ” for me…
(stalag 17 reference)
GRAVES PLAYED A HELL OF A BAD GUY !
So well it might have slowed roles offered to him !

__________________________

politics is a circle…

YOU GET THE JOKE EVENTUALLY…


Idealism is what precedes experience,

cynicism is what follows.

- David T. Wolf

_____________________

speaking of McDonald’s food

and my non-meat Lent…

I stopped for breakfast on the way to work.
Hadn’t been there for so long,
prices went up appreciably (probably missed 2 increases) !
Anyway… the bacon,egg,cheese biscuit & hash brown were fine,
but there was a new routine on the coffee…
Instead of putting cream and sugar on the side,
they used dispensers to ‘load’ my coffee !!!

I’ll always ask for on-the-side from now on…
I really like my coffee HOT,
and since I don’t drink it till I get to work,
I’D RATHER DO IT MYSELF !
(then let the cream/milk cool it off)

NOW THAT I THINK OF IT…

I’M PISSED AT THAT LADY THAT BURNED HERSELF
BY PUTTING HER ‘HOT’ COFFEE CUP
BETWEEN HER PANTY-HOSED LEGS
AND GETTING BURNED !

THEIR COFFEE WAS NEVER AS HOT AGAIN !
(and I loved that burning hot coffee)
Brought home?  I micro-wave it ’steaming’ !

addendum…

Get a coffee-caddy-holder from Burger King
if you only need it for 2 cups of coffee.
That 4 tray is hard to balance & keep cups inserted while walking.
The 2-cupper from BK, with a handle, is much better !
I went so far as to use paper-masking-tape
to make the caddy more ‘indestructible’
and keep one in the car always !
(so, I’m wierd… like you never noticed before?)

coffee-heart explode?

In addition to my very bad reaction to MSG,
I’m also a cheap drunk (2 or 3 beers does it),
and illegal drugs? like speed?
NO NEED AT ALL…
I CAN BARELY HANDLE CAFFEINE !
If I have a large, caffeinated, McD coffee when I wake up…
my feet don’t touch the ground for the day,
and I don’t sleep that nite !
(If I get a large, it’s half de-caf, and I don’t finish it)

THIS TIME?  THE SMALL COFFEE THEY GAVE ME
MUST HAVE RUN THRU THE EXPRESSO MACHINE !
Not only was my heart beating notice-able  harder,
my runny nose had a slight red tinge to it…
and tissues came back a bit red !

YA THINK IT WAS BLOOD PRESSURE ?

I CAN’T IMAGINE HOW PEOPLE MANAGE
TO DRINK.. BOTH ALCOHOL & COFFEE,
OR DO HEAVY DRUGS !!!
I’m not capable of doing any of them !

PASS THE ASPIRIN PLEASE…
(live a little?  okay, PARTY TIME, give me an advil)

______________________

kids can be so funny…

I STILL REMEMBER LAUGHING
LONG & HARD
WHEN MY DAUGHTER ASKED ME
HOW MUCH MONEY WAS IN HER COLLEGE FUND !!!

____________________

formerly of MysteryLyrics.info,
Dave’s gone off in another direction,
that is a daily stop for me…

http://en.davidscott.de/
GO TO THE SOURCE, FOLLOW THE LINK

———

and DAVE still has time

for the social networking site

with an obvious theme…



http://www.TotalOldies.ning.com

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eggs…

I remember as a young kid enjoying soft-boiled eggs.
We never had eggs cups, but chipping away at the top
‘cap’ of the egg and spooning out the warm, near-liquid egg
was a treat, or at worst something that was ‘normal’ fare.

Maybe it came with age,
but it’s several decades since I even thought
of a soft-boiled egg, let alone eat that
disgusting, half-cooked (bacteria laden?) concoction !
(we could handle bacteria in those days)

AND I COULDN’T SEE FEEDING IT TO A KID NOW !

HARD-BOILED-EGGS ?

I’ve changed my eating habits there too…
I WILL use them for my egg salad…
criss-cross cut in my egg slicer with mayo, lettuce, & tomato…
but gone are the days when my dad would take us fishing,
we’d prepare a load of food for the boat…
drinks, sandwiches, snacks… and HARD-BOILED EGGS
to be peeled and salted when ready to be eaten.

BUT THESE DAYS ?
I kinda find it revolting to bite into a ‘plain’
HARD-BOILED-EGG
without benefit of making it into egg salad !

CALL ME PICKY…

BUT IT’S JUST THE WAY I ROLL !!!
(eggs roll kind of wobbly)

I GUESS YOU DON’T KNOW ANY BETTER
IF THEY CATCH YOU EARLY ENOUGH !

____________________

THIS IS FOR ALL YOU ASS-WIPERS !!!
(you can include me)

HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW NARROW
SOME MANUFACTURERS STARTED MAKING
TOILET PAPER ROLLS ?
(we use SCOTT BRAND, the fluffy kind)
YOU WOULD THINK THE MAJOR MANUFACTURERS
WOULD STICK TO AN AGREED UP ON SIZE STANDARD !


TEST IT FOR YOURSELF…
When re-loading the bathroom wall paper holder,
push the roll to one side…
SOME BRANDS ARE THE SAME WIDTH
(probably less paper on the roll)
AND OTHERS NOTICE-ABLY NARROWER !

As far as use & effectiveness…
the use of the narrow toilet tissue works as well as ever.
They probably should have done this years ago…
except that if they did…
FUTURE NARROWINGS WOULD HAVE LEFT THE PAPER
BARELY WIDE ENOUGH TO ROLL A JOINT !

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the things they think of…

DALLAS
A guy fired from an auto-dealership,
used a colleague’s password to access
an internet service that de-activates car ignitions
(on GPS equipped cars they sell),
and set off the horns on said cars on over 100 vehicles,
leaving owners stranded, having cars towed,
missing work, and not knowing what was going on !

THE REASON THE CARS HAD THE DEVICE ?
If you’re over-due on payments,
they strand the car to make repossession easier !
If you try to hide it (nearby), they sound the horn !!!

A LOVELY BUSINESS TO BE IN !!!

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MAL-WARE ?

I update my NORTON definitions a few times a week.
I run a virus scan once a week… ALL GOOD ?
Someone suggested that my computer’s ’slowness’
is probably from some ‘adware’ or ‘malware’…
COULD BE ?

He suggested the FREE version of MALWARE BYTES…
and guess what ?
IT FOUND 5 MALWARE’S INSTALLED ON MY COMPUTER
THAT THE VIRUS SOFTWARE OVERLOOKED !!!

www.MALWAREBYTES.com

(check it out and report)

My ’starting’ slowness is slightly improved,
but at least I know the machine is clean !

__________________

back-to-back
night-after-night
re-runs of

LAST COMIC STANDING
I didn’t have the patience to watch it weekly
back when they did it 6 years ago…
but I really liked it in this ‘fast’ version…

ONE GUY THAT STOOD OUT ?

Alonzo Bodden…

WHY ISN’T HE A NATIONAL ‘SWEETHEART’ ?
HE GOT THE GOODS !!!

He never really got into ICE HOCKEY…
You can understand though…
the only thing black was the puck…
with a bunch of white men with sticks whacking at it !!!

BUT… GOLF ?

NOW THAT’S A GAME HE CAN GET BEHIND !!!

(bon mot)


____________________

I GOTTA GET OUT MORE…

I went to use the bathroom in the ‘new’ deli…
Great bathroom… clean & modern & spacious…
To flush the toilet, I’m used to a single-action lever or button…

THIS toilet has a large silver button,
with an off-center smaller blue button on it…

Not quite like this, but you get the idea…

So I’m thinking, one is regular flush,
both are pushed when you REALLY drop a load !

A few days later, on a slow Sunday late nite…
I’m channel surfing and happen to glimpse
a cut-away toilet being retro-fitted with a new device…

THE TWO-BUTTON FLUSHER SYSTEM !

I had it backwards… (no surprise there)…
You push the little button to flush pee,
the larger part of the button when you need
a bit more ‘push’ to your flush…

LIKE WHEN YOU SHIT !

Makes sense and is supposed to save water
(so they can raise the price),
but initially a family of 4 can save $100 a year.

MY ONE RESERVATION?
The ‘button’, pressure flush toilet?
It had to be switched back to the old system at work
(it was a one button flusher),
seems a gravity boost was needed for it to work properly !
This type of toilet didn’t work right
when based on the ground floor, or basement !
SO KEEP THAN IN MIND WHEN YOU SWITCH…

I can see this being added to the building code
for all new construction and remodeled bathrooms.
I’M TOLD THIS SYSTEM HAS BEEN AROUND
FOR ABOUT 3 YEARS OR SO…

_____________________


http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/

GO TAKE A LOOK AT FORGOTTEN HITS…
(They’re not fussy… I’m even allowed to post with the BIG SHOTS!)

________________________

LET ME SEE…

I hit on  LENT
HARD (and soft) BOILED EGGS
TOILETS
TOILET TISSUE

KINDA TELLS A STORY…

BUT THE STORY IS OVER…
IT’S ALL I GOT FOR THIS WEEK…

I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO FOR EASTER NEXT WEEK !

I don’t want another fiasco like the one
withthe playboy playmate that committed suicide…
I ‘dead tributed’ her and got un-characteristically flippant,
and ended it a bit callous-ly…
(take away the last 2 lines and it was actually nice)

HER DAUGHTER ‘RIPPED’ ME A NEW A-HOLE
(rightly so)
AND I’VE BEEN A GOOD BOY EVER SINCE…
(since realizing some of my shit gets read)

So.. HAPPY HOLY WEEK !

(flaggelation optional)

SPEAKING OF GETTING ‘SHIT ON’…

Did THIS pope get left holding the bag or what ?
2000 years of criminal acts on HIS doorstep !!!
AND HE MAY BE FORCED TO RESIGN !
(it’s happened a few times already in history)

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since i’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS
& ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist
TISH (PILLBUG)
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