Renfield #537 – WINTER REBOUNDS !!!

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS  IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive  mis-information about)

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† RIP Renfield  #537 – WINTER REBOUNDS †

January 30th, 2010

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NOT lazy, hazy, crazy days…
but shut-in, freeezing, snowy days are here again…
(”you’ll wish that summer would always be here”)

Afterall, it’s still winter…
still FEBRUARY (at least) to get thru…
There have been some pleasant breaks in New Jersey,
but one day 60… and the rest of the week under 30 degrees !
Even some snow.. but nothing like the midwest is getting !!!

I DON’T MIND SHOVELING IT…
BUT DRIVING OR WALKING ON ICE?
THAT’S ANOTHER STORY !!!

LIKE THEY SANG IN GODSPELL…

I’ll take it…

DAY-BY-DAY

Hmmm… they say something similar

in ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS too !!!


It’s going to be a cut-corners issue this week,
I ran out of time for the finer touches…

___________________

R.I.P

Kate McGarrigle



http://www.mcgarrigles.com/

(a terrific website)

Kate was an influential and popular Canadian folk singer
who sang with her sister Anna as the McGarrigle Sisters.
McGarrigle was married to Loudon Wainwright III
and is the mother of singers Rufus and Martha Wainwright.

from sister Anna…
Kate departed in a haze of song and love
surrounded by family and goodfriends.
She is irreplaceable and we are broken-hearted.

Til we meet again dear sister ?



___________________

NEWS HEADLINE…

Obama Would Rather Have Good One-Term
Than Mediocre Two-Terms

Who wouldn’t ?

But the best he can get NOW is one-and-one…
(the current one has already shit-the-bed)
and that’s only if the american people
are forgiving enough to give him another chance…


HE HAD A GREAT OPPORTUNITY
BUT HE APPEARS NO DIFFERENT
THAN ANY OTHER POLITICIAN !

THE ONLY CHANGE HE’S BRINGING
IS THE ONE WHEN HE LEAVES !

_______________

I’ll take my chances with some lottery millions…


Money can’t buy happiness,

but neither can poverty.
- Leo Rosten

About the time we think we can

make ends meet,

somebody moves the ends.
– Herbert Hoover


_______________


state of the union address…

(didn’t see it but can summarize)

OBAMA IS A WONDERFUL SPEAKER
and
THE COUNTRY IS GOING TO HELL,
OBAMA WILL TRY WORKING ON CAMPAIGN PROMISES
TO GET SOME OF HIS POPULARITY BACK !

(words just don’t seem to get the job done)

A BIGGER NEWS CONFERENCE THE SAME DAY
WAS THE INTRODUCTION OF THE i-PAD !
Great… no matter what they sell it for…
the at&t connection fee will be $130 a month !!!

YIKES !!!!
and that’s with NOT adding any spectacular enhancenent,
basically an i-phone with a bigger screen !
(and I can’t justify the cost of an i-phone now)

BY THE WAY…
the i-pad as a reading instrument?
Isaac Asimov made use of what he called..
BOOK READERS back in the 1950’s… (the same device)
(the flip of a switch changed the language written in)

OH.. ONE MORE THING…

Friggin’ NANCY GRACE, who badgered a woman
with a missing child so badly with accusations
(ambushing her)
that the woman committed suicide?

backstory…
CHILD MISSING, MOTHER PROBABLY INVOLVED,
LURED TO SHOW TO APPEAL FOR HELP,
AMBUSHED AND BADGERED BY
ENTERTAINMENT REPORTER LOOKING TO CRACK HER,
AND GET HER TO CONFESS ON-AIR…
VERY FRAGILE MOTHER KILLS HERSELF !!!
(could have walked out?  every hear of shock?)
AND THE MOTHER DIES… GRACE MOVES ON
‘MAKING BELIEVE’ SHE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT !
(Grace NOT affiliated with law enforcement… a ‘carny’ show)


SHE IS FINALLY BEING SUED IN CIVIL COURT !
(it should be criminal court)
She asked the judge that her deposition
NOT be video recorded…
SEEMS SHE THINKS THAT THE MEDIA
CAN MIS-REPRESENT HER STATEMENTS
BY EDITING TECHNIQUES !!!

WELCOME TO THE CLUB…
It’s a common technique shows like hers
have used for decades ! (for ratings)

THE JUDGE DENIED HER REQUEST !!!

I’m hoping the court tv competition
broadcasts the entire proceeding !!!
(in my opinion, she should be in criminal court)


___________________

I FOUND MYSELF
NEEDING A LITTLE EXTRA CASH…

SO I GOT A PART-TIME JOB…
IT’S BEEN A LITTLE SLOW SO FAR…

I’M (trying to) SELL TOYOTA CARS !!!


___________________

The entire economy of the Western world

is built on things that cause cancer.

- From the 1985 movie “Bliss”


__________________

who knew it was on ?

THERE WAS A WONDERFUL PROGRAM ON TV
ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON…

There was a tribute honoring LIONEL RICHIE
hosted by the UNCF (.com)

UNITED NEGRO COLLEGE FUND
(They seemed to prefer calling it ‘UNCF’)

It was funny, great musical performances,
it was a real classy affair !

BUT… I CAN ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING
TO NITPICK ABOUT…

While thanking (and advertising) people,
groups, and companies…
that had been very generous with contributions…
Walmart, Google, IBM… I understand.

BUT AMTRACK ?
How does AMTRACK come up with half-a-million dollars
to donate to anyone, no matter the cause ?

BY DEFINITION…
Amtrack is a gov’t owned corp. organized in 1971.
ALL of it’s stock is owned by the US federal gov’t.
Members of the board are presidential appointees,
confirmed by the US Senate.

IN ADDITION,
they’ve ALWAYS run at a loss,
and constantly have their ‘hand’ out
for operating funds to keep the trains rolling !


WHERE DID THE HALF-MIL COME FROM ?
Donations from board member salaries ?

SHAME ON THEM FOR LAVISHING TAXPAYER MONEY
AS IF THEY HAD A RIGHT TO !
(and it’s probably the tip of the iceberg)

——

THIS COULD BE MY PULITZER PRIZE !!!

I SUBMITTED THIS TO THE DRUDGE REPORT…
They might think it worth investigating…
(and give me credit?  who knows?)
who else is getting donated money ?

It’s kinda like AIG or another ‘bailed-out’ company
donating millions to ‘cancer kids’…
If you got money to donate,
you don’t need bailing out !!!

and while on the subject of ‘bail-outs’…
if your compensation includes a guaranteed bonus…

THAT’S SALARY !

A BONUS is portioned out from the PROFITS !!!


____________________

wow…

I SENT XMAS GIFTS TO A FEW OVERSEAS FRIENDS…
They were ALL mailed DECEMBER 10th…
plenty of time to get there for Christmas…
(so I thought)

They all averages about a week getting there…
England, Australia, Brazil, Oregon (okay not overseas)…
but the one to Germany NEVER arrived !

I finally asked when there was no acknowledement…
THAT was AFTER New Years !
It kinda looked like I sent nothing,
but was making up a strory to my friend…
I could only think some Customs person
opened it, and decided to keep it for himself !

WELL… IT FINALLY ARRIVED IN GERMANY !!!
JANUARY 25th… 46 days later !!!
(and yes, it was air mail)

AIR MAIL ?
It probably circled the globe a more than a few times
before it finally arrived !!!

WELL.. THAT’S MY RECORD !
(but I’m glad it finally arrived)

_____________________

BACK TO THE USA…

We were babysitting my nephew’s daughter
the other night… (she’ll be 3 years old in March)
She’s been able to converse with you
intelligengly for nearly a year…

So she and I were watching YO GABBA GABBA…
and I ask her the question…

WHERE DOES YOUR DADDY
KEEP HIS MONEY ?
(adding)
Shhh.. IT’S A SECRET !!!

She laughed, but a finger to her lips
to make the ’shhh’ sound…
then came over to me
and whispered in my ear…
(letting me in on the secret)

” IN HIS POCKET “

She couldn’t wait to show off and tell me…
Always be careful of little kids over-hearing
conversations in the house
that you think are in private…

IT’S PRETTY EASY TO GET INFO OUT OF THEM !
NEVER talk private info in front of little kids,
they don’t know any better and repeat !!!

____________________

I was just checking into donating HAIR…

(wigs for cancer patients usually)

I figured it would get people off my back
for the ‘getting-there’ pony tail
I started growing about a year back…
(not my first one)
I had a mini-nervous breakdown
around the time a buddy died…
So I said ‘fuck it’ to my usually coiffed,
and colored hair !

(ya think it would look better on the back of my head?)

I’m still waiting for the sides to reach the back…
another month or 2 should do it…
but it’ll take another year
to get to the minimum length required
for all donations… 10 INCHES !!!

Hey.. if I had 10 inches,
I wouldn’t have to worry about my hair !!!
(rim shot)

They accept hair from all ages and races…
(80% of donated hair from kids)
and it has to be clean, dry, ponytailed or braided,
and sent in a sealed plastic bag…

I MAY NOT DONATE,
BUT I GOT A GREAT ANSWER
FOR THOSE GIVING ME ‘LOOK’S !!!
(and not from ‘admiration’ or my ‘attractiveness’)


_________________

IT FINALLY PAID OFF !!!

I’ve made it a life-time habit to check seals.
In the supermarket, I’ll unscrew the lid of peanut butter
to make sure the inner seal is intact with no punctures !
ANYTHING with a seal is examined !!!

I NEVER found anything amiss in ALL my travels !
On the way home from work,
I stopped at a CVS drug store to pick up a treat…

PERCODAN !!!
(actually honey-roasted cashews)
Going thru my routine…
and taking a can from the back of the pile…
(they rotate the older ones to the front)
I lifted the plastic lid…
AND THE EDGE OF THE FOIL SEAL WAS OPEN !!!
Not enough to get a nut out…
but enough to contaminate the cashews !!!

I TOOK A DIFFENT, SEALED CAN…
TOLD A STORE EMPLOYEE…
AND WAS THANKED FOR MY DISCOVERY…
AS HE RAN TO REMOVE THE CAN !!!



DAMN NICE BEING A HERO !!!
(I nearly blushed)

___________________

THIS IS A MUST SEE…

I do a daily check of the
ASTRONOMY PICTURE OF THE DAY…

If link doesn’t take you there…

click on the archive, Jan. 20, 2010

THE KNOWN UNIVERSE
an amazing 6 minute video !!!

AFTER SEE-ING IT…

YOU’LL UNDERSTAND WHY THERE PROBABLY
HASN’T BEEN ANY ALIEN CONTACT,
BUT WILL DOUBLY, DOUBT THE CHANCE
OF ANY ALIEN CULTURE FINDING US !!!
(we’re not a real stand-out in the scheme of things)

http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap100120.html

THERE’S AN AWFUL LOT OF SPACE OUT THERE !!!

Plus… when OUR telescopes find ‘new’ worlds…
we’re not see-ing them as they are now…
we’re see-ing the ‘light image’ from perhaps millions of years ago…
Anyone looking at our earth might just see a hostile world,
with no atmosphere…
WE’RE NOT SEE-ING PLACES IN REAL TIIME !!!

____________________

the TV is on…

and in the background I hear a cop show…

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS PUT A ‘WIRE’,
one that invariably has a problem,
ATTACHED (discoverable?) to some jerk,
to spy, & broadcast, criminal activity to the cops ?

WOULDN’T IT MAKE MORE SENSE
TO JUST GIVE THE GUY AN OPEN-LINED CELL PHONE
WITH A 2nd LINE (no cop talking) TO SPY WITH ?
(a few failures, but you’d get away with it alot more)

ALSO…

When Captain Kirk (STAR TREK) came back in time
(tv & movie)
the crew had to ‘hide’ their communicators…
a few years later? JUST another cell phone !


__________________

speaking of TV…

I heard (saw) a historical ’story’
completely new to me…

It was an old 1-reeler from 1938
that was shown as filler on Turner Classic Movies…
(it ran 11 minutes)

THE MAN ON THE ROCK
Seems that Napoleon used a look-alike
(like in the movie DAVE)
whenever he could get away with it,
for whatever reasons (ie, sex)…

AFTER he was exiled to St. Helena
(also surprising it was 500 miles away & equatorial),
his ‘double’ went back to his farm & a boring life…
Powerful friends & family plotted to free Napoleon…
and this story implies that the ‘double’ was recruited
to switch places with the REAL Napoleon…
(’friendly’ jailers & staff had been inserted to aid the plot)

The look-alike disappeared (his farm abandoned)
and his sister went to live a life of luxury elsewhere…
and a strange man appeared in Verona,
operating an optician shop he had no flair for,
but was the spitting-image of Napoleon !!!

Two years after the exiled ‘Napoleon’ died…
the ’strange man’ closed his shop,
and ended up being shot & killed by a guard
at the estate where Napoleon’s son was being ‘re-educated’ !

He left a note in Verona to be sent to the King of France,
and had some ‘incriminating’ final words !!!
ALL THIS FOR ALL TO SEE
IN POLICE RECORDS OF THE DAY !

A pretty good fiction, or conspiracy theory,
or perhaps historically accurate…
I’M JUST VERY SURPRISED THAT AT MY,
AHEM, ADVANCED YEARS,
I HAD NEVER HEARD THIS STORY BEFORE !!!
(either in school or as entertainment)

______________________

I think I may have addressed this recently
(too lazy to check)
so I’ll mention it again(?) briefly…

WATCHING POLICE SHOWS ON TV,
I’ve oft-times heard them ask to check the TELEPHONE  LUGS.
Not familiar with the term, I assumed they were saying
TELEPHONE  LOGS and I was mis-hearing…

WHEN I FINALLY HAD TO KNOW !!!
It wasn’t obvious, but not difficult to find that

LUG = Line Usage Data

an all encompassing term that includes,
calls, texts, & internet activity !

SO MY HEARING IS STILL INTACT !!!


____________________

That BARNY MILLER SHOW from the 80’s
is a cornucopia of ideas use-able for RIP items…

I caught a show the other day that had
FISH (Abe Vigoda) dress in drag
(they took turns?)
to go on undercover patrol in parks
and dangerous areas, to ‘entice’ thieves
(and perverts) that preyed on either
OLD ladies, or vulnerable younger ones…

I’M WONDERING WHEN THIS PRACTICE STOPPED !
It was probably considered much too dangerous
for police-women of the day (delicate, ya know),
so men took over DRAG DUTY…

or as some of them call it…

THE GOOD OLD DAYS !!!
I can see it an attractive duty for a certain
type of cop with a predisposition to cross-dressing !

I seem to remember an episode of a game show…

I’VE GOT A SECRET
There were 3 mannequins in dresses,
and the woman’s secret was that the dresses
were her husband’s (a cop) work clothes !

IN THOSE DAYS…
You felt embarassed for the cops,
never thinking it was ‘pleasure-able’ duty for some of them !

BY THE WAY…
VIGODA REALLY LOOKED THE PART
OF THE HELPLESS OLD LADY…

SCARY !!!

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one last item on another group of
NEW YORK’S FINEST…

FOOTBALL LAST WEEK,

NONE THIS WEEK…

SUPERBOWL STILL TO COME…

BUT A TIP-OF-THE-HAT

TO THE NY JETS  !!!

They lost, but didn’t embarass themselves…
3 teams that belonged there…

one a Cinderella team…
(any combination for the final 2, a fine Superbowl)

WHAT THE HELL…

GIVE THE UNDERDOG THE FINAL WORD !!!
(or banner)

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

Opposing opinions are welcome,
but since i’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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