†RIP Renfield #530 – KWANZAA, early? †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,  you can contact me at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield #530 – KWANZAA, early? †
December 12, 2009

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This weekend I’ll be getting the…

The CHRISTMAS TREE

My mother ALWAYS had an artificial tree,
we go back to the silver ones with the illuminated,
rotating color wheel that was a horror to put together…
I said that I would NEVER have anything but a REAL tree
when I had a place of my own…
At school?  a real tree
First apartment?  a real tree
Girlfriend’s apartment? a real tree
EVERY PLACE I’VE EVER CALLED HOME ?
A REAL LIVE FRIGGIN’ TREE !!!
(and I’ve had some beauty’s over the years)

My wife for years has been ‘working-on-me’
to get an artificial tree… (they’re really nice now) !
After ALL these years… I’m worn down.. FUCK IT !
So I tell her that this is the year to get an artificial tree !

GUESS WHAT ?
She researched it somewhere along the way
and found out that the trees aren’t ‘green’…
even if you get 10 years use out of them,
they still won’t bio-degrade in the landfills…
THE REAL TREES COME FROM FARMS,
THOSE TREES ARE CREATED FOR XMAS,
REAL TREES BIO-DEGRADE !!!

So NOW she ends up saying…

GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS
AND GO BUY & DRAG
A LIVE TREE HOME, YOU BASTARD !!!

(or something like that)

I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN IN SOONER !!!

Oh well.. at least my tree is ALWAYS spectacular !

_____________________

for Kwanzaa?  WHY NOT ?

The Moors DID invade Sicily…
‘NUFF SAID !!!


R.I.P

Al Martino aka Johnny Fontaine

Al Martino, the Italian  crooner charted 37 times in his long career.
Besides acting in the Marlon Brando classic “The Godfather,”
Martino sang  the 1972 film’s title score,
“The Love Theme From The Godfather.”
His Johnny Fontane  character is a singer & occasional actor
and is the godson of Brando’s Mafia  boss , Don Vito Corleone.

and like the Don would say…

“A man who doesn’t spend time with his family
can never be a real man.”

“You can act like a man! (slap) What’s the matter with you?”

Johnny did have ‘control’ problems on occasion…
“She was beautiful! She was young. She was innocent.
She was the greatest piece of ass I ever had,
and I’ve had’em all over the world!”

AL’S AT PEACE NOW…

SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES…

(say ‘hi’ to Luca Brasi for us)

____________________

oh boy…

I HAD A SUNDAY AFTERNOON TO MYSELF…
(everyone gone… all alone)

I had gotten up early (no fault of my own),
did some yard work, some xmas lights, posted RIP to the web,
did my wash, vacuumed, etc.
(yes, I know.. I’ll make someone a good ‘wife’)

EVERYONE GONE ?
FOOD?   Take Out time !!!
Chicken parmesan on a toasted bun…
a few ‘cold’ pizza slices…
and what the heck… onion rings too !
(and some shitty cheesecake)

THEN I WATCHED A BUNCH OF ONLINE PORN…
SEVERAL YOUPORN.com SHORTS !
(milf and mom-college boy type cougar stuff)

UNTIL I ‘LOST INTEREST’ ABOUT 15 MINUTES LATER…
(you know how it is)

A LITTLE LATER…
My eyes were feeling a little heavy,
so I got a few pillows on the floor,
put on the television… and relaxed…
OF COURSE.. I DOZED OFF…
I figured it was only a few minutes…
everytime I half-opened my eyes the same show was on…
PERRY MASON
Turns out I slept for over 3 hours…
IT WAS A PERRY MASON MARATHON !!!

OH… SHORTLY AFTER WAKING…
THE OTHER RESIDENTS OF MY HOUSE
WALKED IN THE DOOR…
(it was nice while it lasted, even if I slept most of it away)

_______________________

THIS SWINE FLU (H1N1)
is starting to get serious enough for ME to take action !

I PLEDGE THAT FROM THIS DAY FORWARD
I WILL WASH MY HANDS AFTER USING THE TOILET
WHETHER I NEED TO, OR NOT !!!

And I mean EVERY bathroom visit !!!

(what can I say, I’m a classy guy that way, a real hand-shaker)

______________________

SPEAKING OF THAT…

I heard an early report that when MEREDITH BAXTER
came-out and announced that, after 3 marriages,
she decided, as a senior citizen, that she was a lesbian !!!

IT REALLY LEFT MICHAEL J. FOX SHAKING !!!
(his TV mom)

———————————-

I HELPED TO RUIN SOMEONE’S DAY !!!
(payback.. so many of mine are ruined)

Happening to be on the scene near a minor fender bender…
(both cars damaged… minor = $1000 these days)
I was looking the wrong way when the young woman
decided to move her car to a safer location…
THAT LOCATION WAS ANYWHERE ELSE !!!
She hit the gas, ran a red light, & left the scene of the accident !
Another guy was more on-the-ball and gave chase on foot…
He was able to call out the license plate…
(he might have forgotten it just as quickly)
but my reaction was to get paper in hand.
AND WRITE IT DOWN FOR THE OTHER, OLDER WOMAN !
(and for the soon to be arriving police)

SO SOMEONE IS GETTING A VISIT FROM THE POLICE
COURTESY OF 2 GOOD SAMARITANS…
At least a leaving-the-scene ticket…
but I’d bet there will also be one for driving without insurance !

I wish they could YOUTUBE her reaction when she opens the door !

____________________

JUSTICE…

Re: The police shooting & killing outside a downtown,
tourist hotel at Times Square in New York City.

On a crowded street where con men & illegal vendors
were hustling. A pair of un-licensed CD sellersc (thugs)
(probably selling by intimidation),
ran off when confronted by the police…
One drew an ILLEGAL automatic pistol and fired on the police.
Luckily it jammed after 2 shots (leaving dozens un-used).
Returning fire, the police ended up killing the suspect !
(it’s not the legal guns that are the problem)

HERE IT COMES…
The CRIMINAL’s mother is upset that the police
shot to kill and not just ‘wing him’ in the leg !!!
SHE THINKS HER BABY A VICTIM OF THE POLICE !!!
(I’m glad I don’t hand around on HER planet)
IMAGINE SHOOTING TO KILL SOME POOR, INNOCENT KID
WHO WAS SHOOTING AT THEM (on a crowded street) !

IT REMINDED ME OF ANOTHER CASE…
ELEANOR BUMPERS
Years ago, NYC police responded to reports of a crazy woman.
Upon entering her apartment, the very large woman came at them
with a meat cleaver in the ‘i’m going to kill you’ position…
THEY SHOT HER DEAD !!!

People interviewed on the street were upset…
HOW DARE THE POLICE SHOOT & KILL HER !!!
They should be trained to take the knife away from her
without shooting… (like in a karate movie)
PERHAPS THE COPS WANT TO END THE DAY ALIVE ?

LET IT BE KNOWN…
POLICE SHOOT BACK
AND THEY SHOOT AT THE LARGE AREA,
THE TRUNK OF THE BODY !!!
(that’s the best way to protect us all from the animals)

AFTER THOSE LAST FEW HORRIBLE COP SHOOTINGS,
IT’S NICE TO SEE THE GOOD GUYS WIN ONE !!!

__________________

I DON’T HATE THE GUY…

but I got a good (out loud) laugh at Obama…

BUSH SENDS THE TROOPS TO WAR…
HE’S AN A-HOLE DELUXE !!!

OBAMA CAMPAIGNS ON BRINGING
THE TROOPS HOME…
AND INSTEAD ENDS UP SENDING MORE !!!
(the same day he’s receiving the Nobel Peace Prize)

FOR SOME REASON…
OBAMA SENDING TROOPS IS RIGHTEOUS

” I WILL DO WHATEVER IS NECESSARY ! ”

HUH ?
If a Republican did what was NECESSARY…
HE’D BE DEMON-IZED !!!

I live with an ‘Obama-walks-on-water’ supporter…
who pointed out that BUSH started the war !
(I’d argue that is was a mis-placed response to terrorism
that was originally supported by nearly EVERYONE)

BUT.. BUSH STARTS A ‘BAD’ WAR ?
YOU CAMPAIGN TO BRING THEM HOME, AND DON’T…
YOU EVEN SEND MORE SOLDIERS ?

I’D SAY IT LOOKS ALOT DIFFERENT
FROM THE BLEACHERS THAN IT DOES
FROM THE MANAGER’S BENCH !!!
(and implies that there was some ‘right’ to the war)

- ANYONE ELSE NOTICE-ING THAT THE PRESTIGE
ASSOCIATED WITH ‘PRIZES’ ISN’T WHAT IT USED TO BE ? -

(the Nobel Prize lost alot of credibility… going cool intead of correct)

_______________________

ONE, TWO, THREE

A very lauded comedy film of 1961

concerning the cold war,

east-west Berlin, Communism,

and, the star of the show… COCA COLA !!!

(along with CAGNEY, Arlene Francis, Pamela Tiffin, Horst Bucholtz)

Some very snappy dialog
(you have to pay attention to keep up)
and a ‘biting’ satire of corruption !
—
Just between us, Schlemmer, what did you do during the war?
I was in der Untergrund: the underground.
Resistance fighter?
No, motorman. In the underground, you know, the subway.
—-
(Ingeborg is in her slip in MacNamara’s office)
You better put something on. Your goose pimples are showing.
(looking down at her chest) That’s nothing. You should see my sister.

(Liselotte Pulver)
—

I don’t think I’ve run across a movie with
more quote-able quotes on the Internet Movie Data Base (IMDB) !

SEE FOR YOURSELF…

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055256/quotes

BUT THE READING OF THEM,
THOUGH ENTERTAINING…
IS NO WHERE NEAR THEIR EFFECT IN CONTEXT…
and with ‘finger-snapping’ delivery !

_____________________

OKAY…

a novelty item…

The I-SLEPT-WITH-TIGER t-shirt !

ADDING TO THE INCREASING NUMBERS…
HARD TO FIND ONE ?
Once all his ‘conquests’ get theirs, it should be easier !

________________

MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC
PLAY THE WEEKLY 2-FER…
NAME THAT TUNE QUIZ !!!
——
dave, the exiled !!!

http://en.davidscott.de/
GO TO THE SOURCE, FOLLOW THE LINK

or dave’s

BRAND NEW, RE-WORKED…

http://www.TotalOldies.ning.com

______________________

Whenever I hear this one regular caller on the
RON & FEZ  – XM-SIRIUS Satellite Radio Show…
it reminds me of the movie FATSO
with dom deluise & ron carey (a very funny movie).
This guy could be the inspiration for the
gravelly voiced guy with the famous line…
” GET THE HONEY JUNIOR… ”

see the dieter’s nightmare scene…

(it picks up about 3 minutes into it)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar9HNDDcMgQ
(I’m always tempted to try the heated do-nut with reese cup filling)


_________________

You can’t wait for inspiration.

You have to go after it with a club.

- Jack London

JACK LONDON?
Sounds more like Mrs.TIGER WOODS

____________________

DECEMBER 19th.. bbc america  9pm

DOCTOR WHO: The Waters of Mars

BBC America will be showing the first
of the last 3 DOCTOR WHO specials
starring (popular) DAVID TENNANT !!!

EXCITING STUFF FOR ME !!!
you can see the trailer at…

http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/123/index.jsp

___________________

DOES OBAMA HAVE BAD LUCK OR WHAT ?
or do YOU make your OWN luck ?
(faux pas deluxe, and he has ‘planners’?)

The GOLF MAGAZINE COVER with
OBAMA & TIGER WOODS ?
It was in the pipeline, couldn’t be stopped…
but it’s the first cover TIGER’s done in a long time…
and happens right after his scandal !
AND HIS PARTNER ?  OBAMA !!!

I’m going to go out on a limb here…

If Clinton could keep on being president after HIS transgressions…
TIGER CAN KEEP PLAYING GOLF !!!

OKAY.. I HAVE TO COMMENT ON TIGER,
but should be more appropriately called… ‘PUSSY’ !!!
If he wasn’t so afraid of his wife, he’d tell her that
this is the way it is.. DEAL WITH IT or LEAVE !
(OUR mistress is prettier then THEIR mistress)
Pay the pre-nup money in the divorce,
and then let ‘mom’ date him… (get in line)
HE’S THE (BILLION DOLLAR) BREAD WINNER !
Not that he’s right, but, if he chooses…
He can afford to do pretty much what he pleases…
with, or without, anyone else’s approval !

THE WHITE HOUSE PARTY CRASHERS ?
I don’t know how you could criticize them…
or charge them with a crime…
They did a public service by showcasing the chinks
and problems with security for the commander in chief…
THEY SHOULD BE APPLAUDED !!!
(better them than an assasin)

CALL ME OLD FASHIONED…

BUT…
KENNEDY CENTER HONORS FOR MEL BROOKS ?

SURE, ABSOLUTELY !!!

But with President Obama, tons of other top
politicos in attendance, & Washington’s elite !!!
DID THEY HAVE TO DO A TRIBUTE NUMBER
FEATURING PERFORMERS IN NAZI UNIFORMS ?

(to thunderous applause?)

Mel’s body of work is enormous…
is a NAZI song & dance appropriate for that audience ?
(even if comedic?)
WHAT MADE THE CHOICE EVEN WORSE
WAS DOING IT IMMEDIATELY BEFORE
THE ANNIVERSARY OF PEARL HARBOR…

A DAY THAT WILL LIVE IN INFAMY !!!

I woudn’t be surprised if veteran’s groups are pissed !!!

IT WAS AN ENORMOUS SCANDAL
WHEN ENGLAND’S PRINCES
DRESSED AS NAZI’S FOR HALLOWEEN !!!

IN GERMANY… ANY NAZI DISPLAY
IS VERY MUCH AGAINST THE LAW !!!
(a never used verse to the german national anthem
accidentally sung almost started a riot)

IN THE USA ?
THE NAZI’S SING & DANCE
AND OUR PRESIDENT APPLAUDS THEM !!!

WHAT A COUNTRY !!!

______________________

DAMN,  IT GOT COLD & WINTERY FAST…

THIS LAST STORM PROVES THAT…

“April is the cruelest month,

But December can be a son-of-a-bitch, too.”
- Marimba

http://dontgetthewrongidea.blogspot.com/

__________________

THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS FRIGHTFUL !!!

huh ?  outside ?  frightful ?

I’D BE VERY CONTENT TO STAY INSIDE
and keep this poor baby warm !!!

__________________

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT…
We’ll be hitting & passing December 21st…
AND THAT MEANS…

THE DAYS GET LONGER !!!
One minute per day longer…
(in the northern hemisphere anyway)

THE DARK MONTHS, LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE,
SEEMS TO FLY BY THESE DAYS…

The only thing to slow down time ?

READING RIP Renfield, of course…
Sometimes that can seem like an eternity !!!


But this ‘eternity’ is officially over,
if it had been an ‘eternity’,
you would have been informed that you’d find no help here,
you may now return to your regular life !

So.. go ‘kwansa-size’ or whatever

…or as they say in Swahili…

Kwaheri

(SLAM BANG XMAS ISSUE NEXT WEEK, BE THERE !!!)

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS & ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist
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——————————————–
other renfield links…
Northern Exposure: “The Eagle Has Landed” (an alternate ending)
over 100.000 combined NX hits…
RetroWeb Classic Television: Northern Exposure
read both NX stories…the alternate final episode and a christmas episode.

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RIP Renfield available on the internet at…
www.RipRenfield.com

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