† RIP Renfield #527 – THANKSGIVING †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,  you can contact me at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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†  RIP Renfield #527 -  THANKSGIVING  †
November  21,  2009

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING…
I hope you have lots to be thankful for…
(parole is a wonderful thing)
but c’est la vie… life goes on…
and so does  RIP Renfield (.com)

The sunday after Thanksgiving ?
I will be spending it with MISTER ARLO GUTHRIE
at the Performing Arts Center in Newark, NJ….
(14th row, center, aisle)
Nice place, a regular Lincoln Center

—-

I went out the other night… got some coffee,
then went for my lottery tickets for the week,
and then some ice cream…

While in the 7-11 getting my lottery tickets,
I noticed they put in ‘new’ machines (printers too).
There was a new glossy paper, and laser print !
I told the owner that maybe this would change my luck…

IT DID !!!
When I got home I realized that I must have
dropped a $10 bill in the parking lot when I stopped for ice cream…
(could have been worse… only $10… but it sucks anyway)

SO MY LUCK DID CHANGE…
FROM BAD TO WORSE !!!

___________________

R.I.P

Soupy Sales, a comedian and actor,
was born Milton Supman in 1926.

THE 60’s era TV host was adored by kids &
their parents for his wild sense of humor.
Sales once said he took more pies in the face -
probably 25,000 – than any man who ever lived.

He recorded a novelty song “Do the Mouse” which became a
pop culture hit and a dance he came up with, The Soupy Shuffle.

“The Soupy Sales Show” aired from 1959-1962 and from 1962-67.
His show, a precursor to Pee Wee Herman’s Playhouse,
featured cartoons, and rotating “friends” like Mask, White Fang,
Black Tooth, a naughty gorilla, Pookie the tiny lion,
& a mob figure named Onions Oregano, known for his bad breath.

By the 70s, Sales often showed up on game and trivia panels
& appeared on shows like “The Love Boat” & “Love American, Style.”

ONE MORE THING…
Later on, he had a short career on WNBC-AM radio
as a talk show host… I used to listen… it was decent…
BUT DIDN’T LAST !

____________________

does DICK WOLF have anything to do with
the show…. CRIMINAL MINDS ?

I’ve offered him the (gary) RENFIELD name
to use in a Law & Order show…
(they have to name the characters something)

WELL… I just happen to have  CRIMINAL MINDS on…
an accident, I never watch it…
and the first 10 minutes is all about
RENFIELD’s SYNDROME
and then a big explanation of who Renfield is…
and later a news show on the program talks Renfield…

PERHAPS DICK WOLF GAVE ME AWAY ?
(or MY time has finally come !)

_____________________

WHICH STAGE ARE YOU ?

Some psychologists in modern times recognize a disorder
called clinical vampirism (or Renfield Syndrome,
from Dracula’s insect-eating henchman, Renfield)
in which the victim is obsessed
with drinking blood, either from animals or humans.

Renfield’s Syndrome
is described as having four stages:

* a trauma or “critical incident” in childhood the patient
discovers that the taste and sight of blood is
“exciting” or attractive; “autovampirism”,

* the drinking of one’s own blood (autohemophagia);

* “zoophagia”, or the consumption of blood from animals;

* “true vampirism”, the patient must have human blood,
& may resort to stealing blood from medical facilities,
or resort to serial murder.

IF IT WASN’T FOR THAT TV SHOW… CRIMINAL MINDS
I’d have never known that I had a ’syndrome’ !!!

and hey.. it’s not like the name RENFIELD
comes up all that often on network tv…
(especially non-dracula show related)
RIP Renfield.com HAS MADE contact with some
celeb types… perhaps the name ‘inspired’ one of them ?
(yeah.. in my dreams)

____________________

speaking of ‘nice’ asses…
photos have leaked, supposedly of,
JESSICA  ALBA’s  ASS
something she’s avoided showing off (naked) for years ?
In a movie NOT to be released for a year… way early !
(it might be a ’stunt ass’, face & ass not in same frame)

In a discussion about… ‘was it shown before?’
the final word was that…
she was in a G-string, but not bare-assed…

AND I WAS THINKING…

HOW MUCH DIFFERENCE IS THERE
BETWEEN G-STRING & BARE-ASSED ?
Unless she’s spreading her cheeks for the camera..
ISN’T THE VIEW THE SAME ?

UH-BOY…
I’d never want to be a girl…
Walking on high-heels, dancing backwards…
(now the real stuff)
WHERE WOULD I FIND THE TIME FOR…
daily make-up
‘doing’ hair
shaving nasty hairy-ness away
keeping up with fashion
cold wind blowing up your skirt in the winter
preventing ugly feet maintenance
nail & toe polish
(manicures, pedicures)
THIS WOULD REALLY CUT INTO MY SLEEP !!!

AND WHAT’S THE PAYOFF ?
Partnering up with some guy you’re going to hate in 5 years ?

NOW?
wake up, shower, maybe shave…
get dressed… go to work…
then check out the sleep-deprived, fashionable women…
with the nice make-up, coiffed hair, and nice feet !!!

AND THE PAYOFF ?
She’ll make believe everything I say is smart or funny,
that I’m the most important thing in the world to her…
Be classy in public & a whore in the bedroom…

THEN  MARRY…
and then find out it was all a trick
and NOW getting to meet the ‘real’ her !!!

BY THE WAY…
I’ve been notice-ing how women (and girls)
seem to instinctively know how to place their legs & feet
when they are in the sights of a camera !

DO THEY LEARN TO STRIKE-A-POSE ?
OR IS IT INSTICTIVE ?
(leg placement seems most important, especially in a skirt)

_______________

the ‘BLAME GAME’ on the Maury Povich Show ?

DON’T GET ME WRONG…
The guys banging these whores are whores too !
I concede… MEN ARE DOGS !!!

BUT… men aren’t the ones that get pregnant !!!
The woman gets stuck with the bundle-of-joy(tears),
and the penniless jerk goes onto another ’score’ !!!

THE YOUNG GIRLS NEED THEIR ‘PARENT’
TO DO THE RIGHT THING…
THE OLDER LOSERS?
There are OTHER options available YOU can choose !!!
(you’re old enough to figure it out yourself)

AND WHY DO YOU WANT TO HAVE THE BABY
OF SOMEONE WHO HAS NO INTEREST
IN YOU & HAS ‘LOTS-OF-WOMEN’ ?
(lots-of-women ‘friends’, but no job)

____________________

I asked a girl in work if she wanted
a free trip to Chicago ?
She asked… HOW ?

I TOLD HER THAT ALL WE HAD TO DO…
was to have her accuse me of being
the father to her child and Maury would fly us out !!!

She pointed out that Maury was now in Connecticut,
and that it was JERRY SRPINGER that was in Chicago !!!

NO PROBLEM…
I suggested we alter our game plan…
INSTEAD… MAYBE I COULD SLAP HER AROUND A LITTLE !!!
(sounds like a show to me)

_________________

OR I COULD TURN UP ON SPRINGER
WITH SOME OF THE FOLLOWING…

EVER NOTICE ON THE COP SHOWS…

that a question often asked of a suspect is…
” HOW DID YOU GET THOSE SCRATCHES ? “

and the smart-ass answer is alwasy…
” FROM THE CAT ! “

Well… I’m glad I wasn’t a suspect in anything this last week…
One my MY cats flicked a paw at my face while I was lifting it…
and gave me a few scratches near my chin !
I didn’t think them much until I looked down
and saw the blood drip-drip-dripping onto the floor !!!

IT TOOK A WHILE TO GET THE BLOOD TO STOP…
BUT IT WAS NO BIG DEAL…
(unless, of course, a dead body turns up in the neighborhood)

Pssst…
You do it in the fall…
seal the body in plastic…
find a swimming pool that’s been winterized…
hide the body under the pool cover…
and move it at your leisure sometime before the pool opens…
(next spring? next summer?)
after the ‘heat’ is off and the investigation stalls !
(or just leave it to be found & point YOUR finger at the neighbor)

GOOD THING I’M NOT EVIL…
(THAT KIND OF THINKING JUST COMES NATURALLY TO ME !)

____________________

the  SUSAN BOYLE hub-bub…
Re:  SHARON OSBOURNE COMMENTS

I get it.. that she was on an over-the-line type radio show,
I get it that she was being one-of-the-boys…
and I get it that she’s very opionated & speaks her mind…
(when not being paid to give PC opinions)
and I heard the Boyle comments live…
(”face like a slapped-ass”)
and I didn’t flinch, didn’t sit up, or take particular notice…
and it’s not a medium that the world has access to…
and they talk like regular people, not censored or PC…
(satellite radio is still a ’specialty’ outlet)

But for ‘3rd mic’, comedian, uber-ozzie/sharon-fan,
Jim Norton
(opie & anthony satellite radio show)
to DEFEND Sharon, AD NAUSEUM, & NOT very well,
for not being   TWO-FACED ?

SO SHE’S TWO-FACED !!!
It’s not like she’s a kid-toucher, or killer…
IT  ISN’T  THE  WORST  INSULT…
actually, it’s much tamer than ‘ass-slapped face’ !
GO ‘WITH-IT’ & LAUGH, INSTEAD OF DENYING IT…

Jim Norton’s kiss-ass, can-do-no-wrong defense
of Sharon was mis-placed !
Although unkind, the comments would not have gotten
world attention if not for  ‘celebrity news shows’
circling like vultures for ANY piece of carion !
It would have been another obscure comment…

On  DOES BRITAIN HAVE TALENT…
Sharon had nothing but praise for BOYLE,
on a radio show (giving her ‘opinion’),
she’s the complete opposite… (true, but?)

THAT, TO ME, IS PRESENTING 2 SIDES, 2 FACES !!!
Nothing particularly wrong with her ‘paid for’ comments…
Nothing particularly wrong with her ‘non-paid-for’ comments…
IF THE RADIO SHOW WAS ‘HER’…
SHE SHOWED A DIFFERENT FACE (2nd one) ON TV !
and that’s TWO-FACED !!!

A JOKE?  SURE…
but I didn’t see her making that joke on
BRITAIN’S GOT TALENT…
You saw the ‘joke’ on the faces of the audience,
& the a-holes they cut-to backstage for comment during her song…
even the judges reacted to Boyle’s appearance…
(How dare someone with her looks sing like an angel)
BUT ONCE IT CAME TO JUDGING ?
NOTHING BUT PRAISE !!!

I’m now waiting for SHARON OSBOURNE
to give ‘her opinion’ on the looks of other famous…
(there’s a few ’slapped-ass’ faces in the royal family)

The easiest way to have de-fuse the ‘bad press’
would be to just admit you ARE 2-faced when asked?
” SURE, IF YOU SAY SO…”
but (usually) polite to someone’s face
as to not hurt their feelings (in-person)…
and shame on the THE MEDIA FOR MAKING IT a ‘hurtful’ story !
(Boyle must know she’s not attractive, why print it ?)

sidenote…
I’m not an Ozzie Osbourne, or Sharon, hater…
I’m more of an ‘ignorer’…
Music ? OK... Off-stage ? Who cares ?

Sharon ?  She ain’t no beauty either…
(there’s a little ‘ass-slapping’ on her face too)

Not all that much difference when not ‘dolled-up’…
SISTERS PERHAPS ?

as for SUSAN BOYLE product ?
Why criticize for type-of- music ?

THAT’S WHY WE HAVE VARIETY…
SHE AIN’T EVERYONE’S CUP-OF-TEA…
(neither is ozzie)

——————–

MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC
PLAY THE WEEKLY 2-FER…
NAME THAT TUNE QUIZ !!!
——
dave, the exiled !!!

http://en.davidscott.de/

GO TO THE SOURCE, FOLLOW THE LINK

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I CONFESS…
I NEVER liked Barbra Streisand… I don’t see reason for the ‘awe’…
pleasant enough voice… had a hit or 2…
(adequate…  nothing to separate her from other good singers)
but her ’stylings & ‘interpretations’ of ‘covers’
have always left me scratching my head !!!
(MY FAVORITE THINGS? Listen to it, she murders that song)

BUT I DON’T (as a rule) PISS ON ANYONE ELSE’S PARADE,
GO AHEAD AND LOVE STREISAND,
don’t listen to Sharon Osbourne comparing odd-looking Barbra’s
face to an aardvark (when not in her presence of course) !

______________________

WEATHERMEN  REALLY  SUCK !!!

I got up for work & checked the tv news for the weather report…

After listening to the weather on 5 different channels…
I KNEW THERE WERE GIANT WAVES IN SEA GIRT, NJ…
I KNEW THAT IN WILDWOOD, THE BAY AND OCEAN CONNECTED…
AND THAT LONG ISLAND COULD EXPECT A POUNDING !

BUT I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I COULD EXPECT IN MY AREA !!!
(I finally looked out the window)

NY & NJ Weather-people were reporting rain…
reporting from outside… where it WASN’T raining !!!
I finally left for work instead of building an ark !!!

Turns out we had a dark, cloudy day…
some misty sprinkles of rain…
and lots of gusty wind…
not a great day, but not weather history either…
SINCE THEY NEVER COMMITTED,
I GUESS YOU CAN’T SAY THEY WERE WRONG !

AND I’M SURE LATER REPORTS CLAIMED ACCURACY…
PERCENTAGE WISE, BUT OF NO USE TO ME !!!

THE ‘DOUBLE’ BASTARDS !!!

AND AFTER ALL THAT GUSTY WIND ?
It might have blown your hat away…
but I STILL have a ton of leaves in my yard,
‘pasted’ to the ground by the little bit of rain !!!

THOSE  TRIPLE  BASTARDS  !!!

___________________

wow.. first time for a ‘triple-bastard’…

I THINK I’D BETTER STOP…
I’M LOSING CONTROL…

MUST BE TURKEY-RELATED…
(not me the turkey, the eating kind !!!)

WHAT HO !!!
HAPPY HUNTING !!!

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

opposing opinions are welcome,
but since i’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS & ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist
TISH (PILLBUG)
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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