†RIP Renfield #519 – BACK-to-SCHOOL ISSUE 3 †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger,  you can contact me at…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield #519 – BACK-to-SCHOOL Issue 3  †
September 26, 2009

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Well… here we are…
the final back-to-school banner, number 3
(and they were all great)

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I told you the classroom was heating up !!!
(you can tell by the banner above)

I guess I’ll have to start recognizing the Fall,
summer is gone & I’ve beaten back-to-school to death !
BUT THERE IS GREATNESS ON THE HORIZON !!!
In 2 weeks, another milestone…
YEAR NUMBER 11 of RIP Renfield BEGINS !!!
(yes, I know… I suck.. but I have great staying power!)

I’ll try to put something special together…
but aren’t they ALL special ?
(blushing)

WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR ?
(maybe I could lighten-up & do it for laughs this week?)

________________________

R.I.P
‘Laugh-In’ actor
Henry Gibson


Henry Gibson, the veteran comic character actor best known for
reciting offbeat poetry on “Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In,” was 73.
His Henry Gibson comic persona was a pun
on playwright Henrik Ibsen’s name.
On “Laugh-In,” he delivered satirical poems
while gripping a giant flower.

Gibson appeared in several films,
including “The Long Goodbye” and “Nashville.”

His most memorable roles included the menacing neighbor
with Tom Hanks in “The ‘Burbs,” the priest in “Wedding Crashers”
and voicing Wilbur the Pig in the animated “Charlotte’s Web.”

Gibson’s Laugh-In poem (he added to it each time)…
had the catch-phrase… ” KEEP A-GOIN’ “
and I thought it a great touch in NASHVILLE
that his country music superstar,
clad in tacky, over-the-top, country stage garb…
(a composite of Roy Acuff, Hank Snow, and Porter Wagoner)

got to sing HIS big hit…  the song?
KEEP A GOIN’ !!!
(I’ve tried in vain to find a copy of it over the years)

_____________________

I was wondering why JIMMY CARTER
sees more racism than most people ?

(I’m such s cynic, I think he’s trying to get the heat off Obama…
get people talking about something else, no matter how stupid)

QUITE A FEW WHITE PEOPLE HAD TO VOTE OBAMA
FOR HIM TO BE ELECTED PRESIDENT…
(a majority of them in fact)
So Carter’s racism argument, as far as it goes, is ridiculous !
The opposing party knocking the president goes with the territory,
and it’s been that way sinced George Washington !!!

If Carter sees more RACISM than the average american…
IS IT PART OF HIS HARD-WIRING?
OR
IS IT HIS PART OF THE COUNTRY ?
OR
IS IT JUST HIS CIRCLE OF FRIENDS ?

In MY circles… (home & work)
I DON’T SEE THE RACISM CARTER THINKS
IS HOLDING BACK OBAMA !
(his lack of a ‘W’ in the win column since elected
might slow him a bit though)

HELL… 20 (or so) years ago,
when my kids had birthday parties in our house…
it looked like the friggin’ UNITED NATIONS was in session !!!
WE HAD NO PROBLEM EVEN BACK THEN !!!
Kids are kids… and mixed very nicely,
and we’re nothing special, thank you very much !

I was explaining to my daughter,
how, if the racism of 1970 was a ‘10′…
the racism of today is probably less than ‘3′ !!!

AND I WON’T SAY THERE ISN’T RACISM !!!
But please include the black racists, spanish racists,
non-american black racists, asian racists, religious racists,
and the anti-arab racists along with the white ones !!!
EVERYONE HAS A BIT OF RACISM IN THEM,
THE ONES THAT SAY THEY DON’T ARE LIARS !!!

You can’t stop the thoughts that ‘fly’ thru your head,
but you can control your actions & your mouth !!!

CARTER WOULD HAVE A BETTER ARGUMENT
IF OBAMA HAD LOST THE ELECTION
AND CERTAIN STATES CONSIDERED MORE RACIST
WERE THE ONES THAT TIPPED THE ELECTION AGAINST HIM !!!

SHAME ON CARTER…

LUSTS IN HIS HEART ?

WHAT ABOUT ROOM IN HIS HEART FOR RACISM ?

____________________

ONE OF MINE…

I WAS IN THE LOCAL HILTON HOTEL
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A DECADE…
The lobby had been redone since the last time I was there…
and it looked fanastic… I complimented the staff !

I was telling a co-worker about how nice the lobby was…
and wondered if the rooms had been redone too?
I told him that I asked his wife…
and she DIDN’T know…
but suggested I ask HIM (her husband) !!!

____________________

While I was in the HILTON (office complex),
I saw the door of an office called… TALENT-TROVE !!!
(”do YOU want to be discovered?)

OF COURSE, I WANT TO BE DISCOVERED…
so I went right in, ‘bulled’ my way in, and introduced myself !
I gave the startled office staff a quick spiel
of the glories and long-lasted-ness of RIP Renfield…
I was in a hurry and couldn’t stay long…

BUT I THINK I REALLY IMPRESSED THEM !!!
They were so excited they tried to arrange an escort for me !
The whole time I was there…
someone kept calling out…
” SECURITY, SECURITY, SECURITY !!! “

It was too much… I got embarassed, and left !!!

___________________

MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC
PLAY THE WEEKLY 2-FER…
NAME THAT TUNE QUIZ !!!
——
dave, the exiled !!!

http://en.davidscott.de/

GO TO THE SOURCE, FOLLOW THE LINK

I just listened to a song on one of my old compilation tapes…
(yes, TAPES)

THE BEATLES
I SAW HER STANDING THERE
(she was just 17, YOU know what I mean…)

AND IT TOOK ME BACK…
Back to the days when 17 was SO old to me…
(now I like them younger… just kidding)
As a horny boy of 10 or 11…
a 17 year old girl seemed the height of sophistication…
A woman… someone who knew what it was all about !
(and looked down on younger boys like the garbage we were)
I DIDN’T FIND OUT WHAT ‘KIDS’ THEY WERE
UNTIL I PASSED THEM BY, AGE-WISE !

I WISH I FIGURED IT OUT SOONER…
it might have affected my future relationships with girls/women !

SIDENOTE…
I’m suprised more MALE teachers aren’t caught
having relationships with high school girls…

HAVE YOU BEEN TO A HIGH SCHOOL LATELY ?
I can’t figure out who struts-their-stuff more
GIRL STUDENTS discovering how to bait-the-hook?
GIRL STUDENTS at their pher-mone-iest ?
(the ‘tease’ doesn’t stop with ONLY the teen boys)

or the FEMALE TEACHERS who aren’t shy
about looking good and feeding
male student mastabatory fantasies !!!
(even more so than in my day)

I KNOW THIS HAS ALWAYS GONE ON…
Even after decades… I’m still HOT FOR TEACHER !!!

(one in particular STILL holds a top spot in my ‘fantasy league’)

THE TEASE GOES ON AT MANY LEVELS !!!
but it’s the female teacher jumping on the male student
that seems to be the most action-able crime !

EITHER THE HETERO-MALE TEACHERS
KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE THEMSELVES…
or they are discreet & leave their ‘dally-ances’ contented,
happy, and with good memories !

In my high-school…
one of the male gym teachers got ‘friendly’
with a 4th year female student…
I’m not sure if they consumated…
but after she graduated and turned 18,
they were out-of-the-closet…
AND LATER MARRIED !!!

A GOOD THING ?
BUT IT’S STILL SCUMMY
THAT AN ADULT PERSON DROPPED-HIS-HOOK
IN A CROWDED LAKE OF UN-SOPHISTICATED GAME !!!
(taking advantage comes to mind)
BRINGING IN THE CATCH-OF-THE-DAY
JUST AS SHE’S ‘BLOSSOMING’ !!!

______________________

one more thought on the subject…
Hot little girls with raging hormones might ‘dress-for-success’…
but so do other women… for instance…
A woman working in an office situation might dress provacatively
to get the attention of a particular someone…
(like the teen girl?)

THE ONLY PROBLEM ?
She can’t ‘aim’ her ‘presentation’ at ONE person !
There WILL be ‘COLLATERAL DAMAGE’ !!!
She’s strutting her stuff to…
the guys in the mailroom, the security guards, the janitor, etc.
and ONLY attention from THE ONE gets her giggly…
the others are insulting, low-life scum for checking her out !!!
(HEY… MEN ARE ONLY HUMAN !!!)

I’M SO HAPPY THAT I’M OUT OF THE ‘GAME’ !!!
IT’S NOT ONE I’D BE GOOD AT !!!

____________________

BARBARA WALTERS COMPLETELY INSANE NOW ?

I was channel surfing around the time of Patrick Swayze’s death.
I stopped at a recent Barbara Walter’s interview of him,
mainly to check out how bad he might look…

I happened to catch BaBaWaWa asking him about his
CIGARETTE SMOKING !!!

Cigarette smoking ?
The guy has pancreatic cancer !
A cancer with a 2% recovery rate (and I think that’s optimistic) !
Swayze is a walking dead man !!!
(I’ve personally seen how fast relatives declined)

AND SHE THINKS HIS SMOKING IS A CONCERN ?
Bring him some hookers, some fatty foods,
caffeine drinks, let him do effin’ heroin or LSD !!!

SMOKING WAS THE LEAST OF HIS PROBLEMS !!!

I HOPE SOMEONE WILL BE AS INSIGHTFUL,
AND SENSITIVE, WHEN IT’S BARBARA’S TURN
TO BE INTERVIEWED ABOUT HER
‘HITTING-THE-BIG-CASINO’ !!!

“Do you ‘weally’ eat saturated fats ?”

__________________

NEW REGULATION FOR SMOKERS
to take effect soon…

FIRST, you had to smoke outside.
NEXT, you couldn’t smoke near the door of the building.
FINALLY…
Soon you will have to stand on one leg while smoking !

I’m not a smoker, but once you’re outside…
I THINK THERE’S ENOUGH AIR FOR EVERYONE !

FUTURE SMOKING RESTRICTIONS ?
In the near future, the movements of smokers will be restricted
more than the movements of registered pedophiles !!!

UNLESS YOU’RE IN A STATE RUN CASINO
AND ‘NO SMOKING’ CUTS INTO THE PROFITS !!!

___________________

http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/

GO TAKE A LOOK AT FORGOTTEN HITS…
(They’re not fussy… I’m even allowed to post with the illustrious)

________________________

I heard this one on Ron & Fez…
(but a real product)

BEN & JERRY ICE CREAM MAKERS
ARE CELEBRATING GAY MARRIAGE
BY RE-NAMING ONE OF THEIR ICE CREAMS…

CHUBBY  HUBBY
will now be
HUBBY  HUBBY !!!

A caller to the radio show offered…

” I HEARD IT TASTES LIKE SHIT !!! ”

(maybe you had to be there)

___________________

some footballers just can’t wait
for the ‘game’ to end…

BUT ON THE FIELD ?
At least wait till the clock runs out !!!


_____________________

HAIR TODAY… GONE TOMORROW ?

I’ll intro this next item by reminding you readers
that last January, I decided to NOT color my hair anymore
(I’ve colored it for nearly 20 years… pre-mature gray)
no need to go into the reasons here…
BUT.. at the same time… I also decided to let my hair grow out
(only white, no color when I’m done).
It’s taking alot longer than I thought… might be another year !
I’m also letting my hair grow long… pony-tail length !!!
I’ve had one before from just the back…
(ala John Travolta in Pulp Fiction)
but I want to involve my side and top hair,
and go for the whold enchilada !
If I mousse the sides, it looks styled…
(I don’t own any mousse)
so I wear a baseball cap mostly,
and my hair turns to fly-away & sloppy as the day goes on…

DOESN’T BOTHER ME AT ALL…
I DON’T HAVE TO LOOK AT ME !!!


OKAY…
NOW THAT YOU HAVE THE BACKGROUND…

I went to my mother’s house for her birthday (85th),
and still in great shape… (her, not me).
My sisters were there with their families and we had a good time.

Monday, the next day, was her actual birthday…
I phoned to wish her a Happy Birthday… again…

AND I WAS ABLE TO GIVE HER ANOTHER BIRTHDAY GIFT…

She gave me ’shit’ for 10 minutes… (she’s done it before)
She covered… the way I raise my kids, my non-church going,
my health… AND…..   MY HAIR !!!
(”you weren’t raised to be that way”)

HER GIFT WAS MY LISTENING IN SILENCE TO HER…
NOT INTERUPTING, NOT ARGUE-ING,
NOT DEFENDING MYSELF…
(I’m sure she noticed and took advantage)

MY HAIR SEEMED TO BE THE
BIG-BONE-OF-CONTENTION THIS TIME…

I was informed that my birthday gift this year
will be the money to get my hair cut & colored ($55 with tips).
I said to not bother, I’m going ahead with my ‘hair’ plans !

AND THEN SHE TURNED ON ME…

I’m not allowed in HER house till I get it cut.
In addition…
” DON’T COME TO MY FUNERAL THAT WAY !!! ”

(she really loses it when I laugh at her ’seriousness’)

I said that it’s only temporary…
and in 5 years I’ll probably shave my head !!!

(I COULDN’T RESIST)

TOO MANY PEOPLE WAY TOO INVOLVED WITH MY HAIR !!!

SOME HAVE TOLD ME IT LOOKS GOOD,
SOME SAY IT WILL BE ‘BAD-ASS’ WHEN GROWN IN…
(I know that I’ll look like some creepy, old a-hole with a pony-tail)

one positive…
I had a funeral to go to… my mother let me off-the-hook…
I don’t think she wants me making public (or family) appearances)

____________________

This RIP Renfield is done…

IT’S TIME TO GO…

GET READY TO BOW AFTER THE FINAL ENCORE…

(in  your  dreams)

____________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

opposing opinions are welcome,
but since i’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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