† RIP Renf #510 – SUMMER DAZE †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger…
come visit, we can trade ‘adds’ as friend at…

www.MySpace.com/RIPRenfield

or for email subscriptions, or to contact me…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield #510 – SUMMER DAZE †
July 25 th, 2009

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TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE NEWS…

The kid that’s been cutting my lawn for the last 2 years
had a motorcycle accident and broke an arm & a leg !!!

WAIT… THAT’S NOT THE BAD NEWS…

The bad news is that I, GARY RENFIELD,
WOULD HAVE TO CUT THE LAWN MYSELF !!!
(and it was a hot day)

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SYMPATHY…
I’LL BE FINE !!!

Actually, it was the only aggravating part
of my week’s vacation from work…
I found out Monday about the kid…
then the lawn doctor treated the already high grass…
then it rained the next day…
the ‘treatment’ soaked in good, but there was more growth…
THURSDAY  EVENING…
I get my 2 year unused lawn mower out to make sure it starts…
IT  DIDN’T  !!!
Then I can’t get my landscaper neighbor on the phone…
figuring he could either make it run ‘magically’…
or take it to his shop, so I could get it back quickly,
and do the needed cut before Monday !

Can’t get a hold of him Friday morning either…
so I find a local fix-it guy (thru google)…
and before I could bring it to him…
the lawn kid arranged to have HIS friends
come over and cut the lawn… NICE !

I get the mower to the fixit guy a little after noon…
(I figured it would take days, a week maybe)
HE HAD IT BACK TO ME BY 5 PM !!!

So I didn’t have to cut the grass on vacation,
the repair was done in hours,
the mower works as good as ever,
and the cost of cut and repair were extremely reasonable !!

I’M BACK TO HAPPY FOR THE END OF MY TIME OFF !!!

______________________

R.I.P
MOLLIE  SUGDEN

I’m surprised at how many people (in the USA)
I’ve mentioned her name to
KNOW who Mollie Sugden is…

I know her from the Brit-com…
ARE YOU BEING SERVED?

A comedy set in an aging, once elegant, dept. store
by a group of ‘carricatured’ sales staff…
She played… MRS. SLOCOMBE
Mollie was in ‘ladies undergarments’…
and her hair color changed weekly…

Mollie was able to get away with ‘pussy’ jokes
decades ago in the UK… the likes of which
haven’t made it to the USA yet !!!
(She often spoke of her ‘pussy’ (cat) – double entendres)

Personally…
I preferred the re-union series…
ARE YOU BEING SERVED AGAIN ?
set in a country manor converted to an inn
run by the same staff as the store, now retired.

SOME VERY UNIQUE COMEDIC PERFORMANCES…
A VERY TALENTED WOMAN… (and cast)

EXPECT ME TO TRIBUTE CAST MEMBERS OF
‘REGGIE PERRIN’ & ‘BUTTERFLIES’ & ‘THE GOOD NEIGHBORS’
AND, OF COURSE… TO THE MANOR BORN
when the time comes…

______________________

From The Times (via Bizarre News):

A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of inflata-
ble teeth, was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster.

A coast-guard spokesman commented,
“This sort of thing is all too common these days. ”

(and I am ‘unanimous’ in my opinion)
(mrs. slocombe)

_________________

not fer nothin’ but…

DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE HOW FAST,
HOW PERSONAL, & HOW HEARTFELT…
President Obama’s video comments
about the death of  WALTER CRONKITE  was ?

I’m thinking this might not fly-so-well
with the legion of Michael Jackson fans
who had to be satisfied with a non-personal, written(read)
press release.. walking-the-political-line…
TO KEEP THE PEACE BETWEEN
the FANS & those who consider him ’sinister’(?) !

I UNDERSTAND THE POLITICAL NECESSITY…
BUT SO CLOSE TOGETHER…
THE REACTIONS ARE A STARK CONTRAST !

and from the back-story…
Obama should have done his homework better
before criticizing that cop for ‘racist’ attitude
at the big press conference…
HE PICKED THE A, NUMBER 1, WRONG GUY
TO TRY TO HANG FAULT ON !!!
On top of that, it sounded like the harvard professor
was being disrespectful and an a-hole !

PRESS CONFERENCE ?
OBAMA seemed very ill-at-ease…
fumbling for answers that said nothing…
OFF-THE-CUFF ISN’T HIS STRONG POINT !

__________________

POLITICAL SEX SCANDALS…

I read with incredulity a news article noting that
sex scandals are a part of the political game…
I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT STATEMENT…
They listed many who had trysts & affairs…
As long as they are discreet and-or long-term,
you can at least understand how it happens.

BUT TO INCLUDE IDAHO SENATOR
LARRY CRAIG
in a story that seems to diminish the importance
of a politician’s personal behavior ?
THAT’S CRAZY TALK !!!

The man didn’t fall in love and have an affair,
the man wasn’t weak when tested,
he didn’t hire an escort…

HE WENT TROLLING IN AN AIRPORT BATHROOM
FOR ANONYMOUS SEX WITH A NEVER-TO-BE SEEN
AGAIN STRANGER IN THE NEXT STALL !!!

TO INLCUDE HIM IN THE STORY
AS JUST ONE-OF-THOSE-THINGS…
NEGATES THE INTENT OF THE STORY !
(ie.. politicians not revered anymore.. just ‘tough-it-out’)

_________________

GAY PEOPLE…
STOP YER WHINING…
AND DO SOMETHING POSITIVE FOR YOUR IMAGE…
PRO-ACTIVE ?

I heard.. AGAIN... how homophobic the USA is
because of AMERICAN IDOL ‘backlash’(?)
costing Adam Lambert the championship !

The same way this country is ‘over-all’ racist
even though a black man was elected president
of the whole-ball-of-wax… & the USA too !!!

AMERICAN IDOL…
The ones who watch the show, buy the cd’s,
and vote in-numberable times…
are TEEN & PRE-TEEN FEMALES !!!
They show their ‘love’ for their IDOL,
their fantasty boyfriend, by supporting him !
(with their every breath, in everything they do…yawn)
DO YOU THINK KIDS JUDGE FOR ARTISTIC MERIT ?

Be gay.. you think I care ?
(I got enough trouble getting myself thru the day)
But ‘coming out’ might just hurt your ’sales’
to hormone-crazed little girls
imagining their lives as your lifetime lover !
You think adult, non-related americans,
are cramming the voting box ?
I THINK NOT !!!

And if gays got off their asses to support him,
to vote 500 times EACH like a young girl…
LAMBERT WINS !!!

__________________

TALK  SOUP

I only see bits from channel surfing…
a good show… clips of odd or humorous video
from the previous week’s regular tv…
but one of those shows that I like
that are too much trouble to watch…
(just don’t have the time to ‘veg’ out?)

On a saturday afternoon, I also ran into another show
based on Candid Camera called… JUST FOR LAUGHS
Less talk than ‘candid’… some amusing stuff…
I won’t look for it, but I’d not turn it off if I ran across it !

BACK TO TALK SOUP…
(made me laugh)

LINDSAY LOHAN is being sued by a Florida woman.
She claims to have approached Lohan with a
tanning product idea… and Lohan took her formula
and put out her own product claiming it to be her own !

IN THE WOMAN’S LAWYER’S STATEMENT,
THE FOLLOWING WAS INCLUDED…

” … LOOKING FOR THE PROFITS … ”

The host of the show was standing there,
holding a doctor’s medical instrument in his hand,
while they highlighted…’looking for the profits’…

IT was one of those lighted things,
the doctor uses to look up your nose !!!

AS IN…
THE PROFITS WENT UP LOHAN’S NOSE !!!
(uh.. cocaine?)

(bon mot)

HEY… If LOHAN can’t sue…
Good luck to Sarah Palin !!!

____________________

another million dollar idea…

I’m reading a story about ‘chipping’ ID
The law (since June 1st) requires imbedded ‘chips’
in driver’s licenses & passports to show validity.
They can also be scanned by identity thieves
with equipment available on ebay for @$200 !
YOUR movements can also be tracked !
(inside a purse or backback at 30 feet)
With high-tech gov’t spy equipment…
they can track your movement better
than they can with an e-z pass on your car…
FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT WILL BE JEOPARDIZED !!!

but on the bright side..
maybe they can have a pay service
that can tell you where you hid your passport
in the house between uses…
or misplaced your wallet or purse with driver’s license…
or the cops Lo-Jack the guy that mugged you !!!

THE IDEA ?
A WALLET, PURSE, PASSPORT HOLDER
IMPERVIOUS TO BEING READ
INSIDE THE HOLDER !!!

WOW… I DID IT AGAIN !!!

_____________________

MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC
and be sure to
PLAY THE WEEKLY 2-FER…
NAME THAT TUNE QUIZ !!!

formerly…. MYSTERY LYRICS !!!
dave, the exiled !!!

http://en.davidscott.de/
GO TO THE SOURCE, FOLLOW THE LINK

or dave’s…

http://www.TotalOldies.ning.com

A GREAT PLACE TO MEET
FOR LIKE-MINDED INDIVIDUALS

___________________

THE UZI



It might be me just not notice-ing…
but I can remember when ‘automatic-pistols’
were the weapon of choice in most action movies…

I’m sure they’re used here and there…
but, back-in-the-day… like in…
THE NIGHT OF THE COMET
The valley-girl survivors gleefully used their automatic pistols,
mentioning Uzi by name (as the better choice)…
and there was the death of the 8 year old recently…
(dad left him with an uzi unattended at a shooting range)…

but… in my mind’s eye…
I mostly see rifle-sized automatic weapons…
not pistol sized…

AM I ON TO SOMETHING HERE ?
OR AM I JUST NOT NOTICE-ING ?
Has there been an effort to make them less glamorous
to the public-at-large ?

(there is that segment of RIP readers that know THEIR guns)

______________________

the SWIM CLUB FIASCO…

I agree with the 4 year old kid on the news
that said “I thought this kind of behavior was behind us..”
(very well spoken kid… he may have been coached)

But when a co-worker prodded me into ‘debating’ it…
She thought some of my comments came out racist !!!
(me?  c’mon… I’m one of the good guys)

My point was that you can’t ignore that there IS
racist behavior in the country (and world)…
And to come down on the owners of the pool ?
They seemed to be the only ones NOT to have a problem
with kids of any color… (they knew who was coming)
It’s more the treatment by individual (a-hole) members
of the swim club…  and in a capitalistic world…
the easiest way out ….
(appease those members.. and keep the kids from being
treated poorly by the a-holes) was to make an excuse
and bow out of the community service use aspect
of their facility for ALL groups of kids
they had previously agreed to have come in…

I’D LIKE TO THINK THAT THE PEOPLE
WHO OKAYED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE
ARE THE LEAST RACIST !!!

AND I SEE SOME BLAME
FOR THE DAY CARE GROUP TOO…
Knowing the world we live in…
AND CONSIDERING IT’S KIDS…
(I hate to see kids mistreated in ANY manner)
The DAY CARE that arranged the swim-time-rental…
SHOULD HAVE MADE SURE THE KIDS
WOULD NOT BE EXPOSED TO BOOR-ISH BEHAVIOR !!!
THAT THEY WOULD BE WELCOME…
WHY TAKE THE CHANCE ?
A visit to the pool during the ‘rental time’
BEFORE bringing the kids should have given them the hint
that THERE COULD BE A PROBLEM !!!

SHAME ON THE A-HOLE MEMBERS…
They have a problem?  Don’t ‘rent’ to them NEXT year !
AND SHAME ON THE DAY CARE LEADERS…
You could have avoided the kids having
a really bad experience that they should never have had !!!
(kids are kids… they come in all colors… & are fun to be around)
You can’t trust the other guy (white or black) to do the right thing…
DO YOUR HOMEWORK NEXT TIME !!!

MY  PERSONAL  RULE  OF  THUMB ???

As a man of color (european caucasian)…
I’VE FOUND THAT THERE ARE PLACES
I AM NOT WELCOME, AND FOR MY OWN SAFTEY,
I SHOULD AVOID AND NOT GO !!!

AND I’M NOT NECESSARILY TALKING
ABOUT ETHNIC NEIGHBORHOODS…
Chris rock said in a bit…
that at 2 in the morning at an ATM…
black people are looking out for the same thing
as white people…. THE ‘N’ WORD !!!
THERE’S PLENTY OF WHITE PEOPLE
THAT AREN’T SAFE FOR ME TO BE AROUND !!!

SAD.. BUT THAT’S THE WORLD WE LIVE IN…
SO UNLESS YOU PLAN TO BLAST OFF…
FOR THE TIME BEING… YOU HAVE TO ADAPT TO IT !!!

___________________

now for something completely different…

http://japanesebugfights.com/

AMAZING !!!
ONLY THE STRONG (or sneaky) WILL SURVIVE !!!

_________________

IT MIGHT JUST BE MY DARK & EVIL MIND…
but when I saw this editorial cartoon on the opinion page
in the Sunday NY Times (July12)
MY MIND TURNED TO ‘FAMILIAR’ THINGS…

(uppity? me?  nah… the wife gets the paper for the crossword)
(( I WAS USING THE NEWSPAPER AS A DOILY ))


WAS THE CARTOONIST HAVING FUN
AND SLIPPING ‘ONE’ BY ?



TROUSER SNAKE ?
The background looked like a pair of pants to me…
with the snake dangling in the ‘penis position’…
or is the ’snake’ performing a sexual act on a penis
while the hand pulls is further down ?

ANOTHER ANGLE…
YOU TELL ME…



KINKY STUFF FOR THE NY TIMES !!!

____________________

SPEAKING OF SNAKES…

Their already granting special treatment to
ULTIMATE  SWINDLER  BERNIE  MADOFF !!!

For no apparent reason they knocked 20 years
off of his 130 year sentence,
giving him something to look forward to !!!

HE’LL BE OUT IN 2139 !!!
Not only will I be dead by then,
but probably my kids… and maybe THEIR kids !!!

2139 MY ASS !!!
We’ll ALL live to see him released from prison…
whether a pardon, a sickness, or compassionate release…

_________________

CRIMINAL ACT ?

I THINK I HELPED SOMEONE COMMIT A CRIME !!!

The country has been ‘privacy happy’
for a long while now…
All kinds of inserts in your mail, or billing,
from all kinds of service type outfits…
PROBABLY TO SHIELD THEMSELVES FROM LAWSUITS !

I phoned the BUREAU OF VITAL STATISTICS
in the town where I was married…
and using the Renfield charm & glib tongue…
(that man has the ‘gift’)
I ‘charmed’ some clerk into giving me
personal information from my marriage license !
(I wanted to confirm the year… my mother didn’t believe me)
(( and I was starting to have my own doubts  ))

I started with… ” I’m sure the answer is NO…”
I said she could save me a trip to the safety box at the bank…
Told the ‘mother’ story… (embellished a bit)
and the story how my wife and I were given
a surprise party a year early !!!
I was the only one who knew.. including my wife !

It took her a good long time to find the info…
I joked that I thought it wasn’t on file
and I finally had a way out !!!

ANYWAY… THE INFO WAS GIVEN OUT OVER THE PHONE !
I COULD HAVE BEEN ANYONE, INCLUDING A BAD GUY !

SHE SHOULD HAVE NEVER, EVER,
GIVEN ANYTHING OUT OVER THE PHONE !!!

I COULD PROBABLY GET HER FIRED !!!
(but I got MY info… and am grateful)
(( and proud that… ” I STILL got it !!! ” ))

OH… I WAS RIGHT… I DID HAVE THE CORRECT YEAR !!!

________________________

just reminiscing…

Channel surfing… I was remined of SPIKE TV’s origin…
Originally.. TNN  -  The Nashville Network
they had some down south and interesting programming…
like a train wreck… you had to stop and look…
and that brings me to…
CLUB  DANCE
One of the most popular dance shows to ever air,
Club Dance features recurring characters
and has a soap opera-like fan following.
The seven-hundred one-hour episodes are
filled with music, romance, and dance.

Some very ‘practiced’ dancers of all ages
would ‘glide’ along to the country music played…
Some in ‘costume’, some in regular clothes, like jeans…
One thing… it just never looked right to me
for touch dancing with a woman wearing pants…
CLOSE DANCING REQUIRES HER IN A SKIRT OR DRESS !!!

BUT… I DON’T KNOW OF ANYONE WHO COULD TURN IT OFF…
(ie.. my father.. and howard stern)

ONE IMPORTANT THING I LEARNED FROM THAT SHOW…
Dancing is horrible & useless for exercising !
This program showed that there was a place
for fat, ugly people  to hang out !!!
And with the intricate routines
they must have practiced for a lifetime…

WHATEVER RESULTS FROM DANCING…
DID NOT SHOW ON THEIR PHYSIQUES !!!
(not on the older ones anyway)

THEY SHOULD BRING THE SHOW BACK…
(busloads of dancing groups in similar attire would show up)
IT WAS A GREAT AFTERNOON GUILTY PLEASURE !!!

FORGOTTEN  HITS ?

Featuring history, updates & present day reviews
of songs & artists that you just don’t hear anymore !
(and special original music series as well)
Sound interesting???
You can now read great stories, and add comments… at…
http://www.forgottenhits.com/
and get on the mailing list !!!
forgottenhits@aol.com
AND DON’T BE AFRAID TO ADD YOUR COMMENTS
TO THOSE OF THE FAMOUS & IN-FAMOUS !!!

_________________

I heard a very elegant metaphor
for STRING THEORY in physics…
on the original CSI show…

GOING WITH THE WE’RE ALL CONNECTED…
AND WE’RE ALL STAR-STUFF…

You were asked to imagine a COSMIC VIOLIN…

SIMPLY PUT…
Playing notes thru the vibrations of the strings…
unique notes.. but ones that can be combined,
and also re-combined to make up
everything in the universe(s) !

VERY  ‘TRIPPY’  STUFF  !!!

AND AT THIS POINT…
I’d like to present one of MY theories again…
Not a stretch (might have been prove-able)
that EVERYTHING is made of waves..
ENERGY, LIGHT, SOUND, EVEN SUB-ATOMIC PARTICLES…

Light waves have been known to be ‘bent’…
which explains MIRAGES…
it allows the image of something far away
to be imaged at a distant site…

GHOSTS ?    UFO’s ?

Instead of waves of light…
why not mirages from WAVES of TIME ?
SOME PLACES WHERE THEY REPEAT ?
Perhaps the focus of the waves
is stronger in some places…
AND THE WAVE JUST AN UN-TOUCH-ABLE IMAGE?
Sounds like a standard light wave mirage to me !
THAT GHOSTLY IMAGE OR LIGHT IN THE SKY
MIGHT JUST BE A ‘MIRAGE’ FROM A DIFFERENT TIME…



HOW’S THAT ?
TRIPPY-AND-A-HALF ?

_____________________

WELL…
TIME FOR ME TO ‘TRIPPY’ ON OUT OF HERE…

I had bigger plans for this issue…
but I had a rough week at work…
and did I mention ?
I HAD TO CUT THE LAWN !!!

I’VE BEEN WRITING UP A STORM…
IF I CULLED THE REALLY GOOD STUFF FROM THE CRAP…
NOW THAT WOULD BE AN ISSUE !!!

BUT IT’S NOT TO BE FOR THIS WEEK…

SEE YA ON THE TURN-AROUND !!!

(WAIT UP… I LOVE TO WATCH GIRLS SURF AT THE NUDE BEACH)

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

opposing opinions are welcome,
but since i’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS & ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist
TISH (PILLBUG)
——————————

RIP Renfield available on the internet at…
www.RipRenfield.com
or email
RIPRenfield@aol.com

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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