†RIP Renfield #502 – It’s still SPRING†

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger…
come visit, we can trade ‘adds’ as friend at…

www.MySpace.com/RIPRenfield

or for email subscriptions, or to contact me…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield #502 - It’s STILL Spring †
May 30 th, 2009

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This past Memorial Day ?
Monday holiday, 3 day weekend ?
I LOVED IT AT THE TIME…
but have been off schedule since back to work…

TUESDAY seemed like MONDAY
WEDNESDAY seemed like TUESDAY…

I really had to force myself into reality
or I’d have never gotten this issue
of RIP Renfield finished for scheduled posting !!!

___________________

R.I.P
mickey carroll
(89 years old, former munchkin)

Considered a very ‘big’ man…
Mickey had a very humble beginning…
Born to parents who were yellow-brick-road cleaners…
He was a good student who excelled at sports…
(he was not known for his slam-dunk)
There WAS an incident with the girls
from the LULLABYE LEAGUE…
but no charges were ever filed…
A ROGUE & BON VIVANT…
He was later accused of looking UP Dorothy’s dress,
but the evidence showed he had no choice…
(she towered above him)
After his return from Emerald City University,
and a ’short’sting as a soldier…
Mickey became a member of the LOLLIPOP GUILD
(until his voice changed)
the ‘guild’ connections served him well in his bid
to get elected TOWN CRIER of MUNCHKINLAND !
where he was responsible for instituting
a HOMELAND SECURITY response team for falling houses…
and a FEMA team to deal with the aftermath…

MICKEY WILL BE MISSED…
He had alot of friends in ‘low’ places…

I’ll think of him whenever I buy munchkin do-nut holes
when I get my coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts…

_________________

IT TAKES SO LITTLE
(not a munchkin jab)
  TO MAKE ME HAPPY…
(yeah, yeah.. I know.. my wife says the same thing)

I found out I could now get my 90 day prescription
from CVS drugstores instead of mailing for it…
So I gave it a try… (worked great)…
but while I was in the store…
(don’t know if I was ever in a CVS before)
I saw some great sales on junk I shouldn’t be eating…
One item was the BIG Hershey Choclate bar (with almonds)…
for  $1.99 (buy one get one free)…

Now they aren’t as big or thick as they used to be…
(yeah.. I know.. that’s what my wife must say… you bastards!)
but it’s still a good sized candy bar… meant for more than 1 person.

It appealed to me for 2 reasons…
I’m too cheap to pay exhorbitant money for
overpriced candy or cupcakes…
and 2nd… I couldn’t think of the last time
I had my FILL of chocolate candy !!! (years?)
(cake, pudding, snickers bars.. sure, but not straight chocolate)

Ashamedly… I ate an entire one when I got home…
(it was great)
and, double ashamedly…
I ate the 2nd one watching tv before bed…
I figured it would interfere with my sleep
knowing it was in the house, and so nearby…

ONE GOOD THING…
the CVS store is far enough away
that I won’t make a special trip
for things I should have in moderation !

Oh.. I very rarely end up in a supermarket
or chain drug store where these items are priced reasonably,
more likely a very convenient, convenience store…
I usually ‘hit’ a Walmart every few months
and load up on necessities…
(soap, deodorant, razor blades, vitamins, etc.)
((I MAKE A LIST & WHEN IT GETS BIG ENOUGH.. I GO))
(yeah, yeah.. BIG ENOUGH? .. the wife again ? .. geesh)

(((I’m not what you’d call a recreational shopper)))

______________________

SLUM DOG MILLIONAIRE KIDS…

I’m totally sympathetic to poverty
and the ills of the poor in the world…

BUT THOSE GUYS THAT MADE THE MOVIE ?
IT NEVER ENDS !!!
THEY HAD NO IDEA WHAT THEY WERE IN FOR !!!

Those kids are in the news constantly
because they weren’t made real millionaires
from appearing in the film !!!
The success of the film makers didn’t translate
into THEM becoming wealthy…
(the way BORAT must have showered money on actors)
THEY RETURNED TO THEIR LIVES !!!

Somehow the makers of the film will have a lifelong
obligation to some kid actors…
(and they have been very generous when not mandatory)
who, under any other circumstances,
would have collected their paycheck…
slid back into oscurity…
and never had another moment of contact
with the film makers !!!

IT’S A SHAME THINGS ARE SO HORRIBLE
FOR MORE THAN JUST THOSE KIDS IN INDIA…

BUT I HAVE A FEELING THAT THE NEXT TIME…
PROFESSIONAL KID ACTORS
INSTEAD OF LOCAL NON-ACTING KIDS
(and giving them a thrill)
WILL BE THE ONLY CHOICE FOR THEIR FILMS !!!

________________________

ARE OVERSEAS STUDIES FOR REAL ?
or do we only get the ‘tabloid-type’ stuff ?

NEWEST STUDY…
Drinking excessive amounts of COLA
can lead to lethargy, muscle weakness, and PARALYSIS !!!

PARALYSIS ?
Cola has been around for a very long time…
Ya think this problem might have come up before ?
or is it one (or very few) rare cases out of billions ?
(maybe like a peanut-over-the-top-type allergy)

AND WHAT IS EXCESSIVE ?
A tanker truck-full of soda every day ?
Bread will eventually kill you too if you eat 20 loaves every day !
Those cigarette smoking mice get a pretty hefty dose
to prove THAT point too…

IF YOU’RE WORRIED…
REPLACE THE COLA YOU DRINK
WITH ANOTHER 5 or 10 CUPS OF COFFEE EACH DAY !
(oh wait… problem there too)

YOU’RE FUCKED ANY WAY YOU TURN !!!

____________________

I must be missing something here…

PEOPLE ARE POOH-POOH-ING
THE SWINE FLU DEATHS
BECAUSE…
The DEAD victims had OTHER medical issues.
(heart disease, diabetes, respiratory problems, etc)

Uh.. they seemed to be managing just fine…
at least they were ALIVE !!!
And had they NOT contracted the SWINE FLU…

THEY’D STILL BE ALIVE !!!

Seems the SWINE FLU is a KILLER !!!
AND IT MAY START ‘LIKING’ MORE HEALTHY PEOPLE
OR YOU MIGHT JUST HAVE A RUN OF BAD LUCK…
AND END UP DEAD !!!

But don’t worry, it’s not as bad as the media
would like you to believe ?

___________________

MONEY IS STILL COMING MY WAY…

Unexpected little sums from out of the blue…
and a streak of them
that don’t naturally come my way…

THE LATEST ?

A woman I gave a hand to…
SLIPPED ME SOME FOLDING MONEY !!!

I didn’t know how much at the time…

I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE RUDE
TO REACH INTO MY UNDERWEAR
AND PULL OUT THE MONEY SHE LEFT
WHILE SHE WAS STILL STANDING THERE !!!

(So I danced over to the ‘dressing’ room to check)

__________________

IT HAPPENS FOR REAL !!!

‘I was visiting an office, speaking to the receptionist…
turns out her last name was the same as someone
I sort of knew in high school… (not run-of-the-mill name)
(we occasionally hung out… but ran with different crowds)
I questioned her to see if she was a relative
(she played it cool’ & was non-commital),
but her eyes lit up when I mentioned the high school,
and my year of graduation….

AND SHE SAYS…
” THAT’S THE YEAR I GRADUATED FROM THERE TOO ! “

Now… there were over 460 in my graduating class…
(1200 in the high school)
Even though… I thought I knew most of them
at least casually, the rest by name or face…
I HAD NO IDEA WHO THIS WOMAN WAS !!!
I had never heard of her or seen anyone she might resemble…
and I was ‘friendly’ with her brother, or cousin, or who-ever !!!

SO MISTER SILVER-TONGUE HERE
HAD TO DO SOME FAST TALKING TO
GET OUT OF A STICKY SITUATION…

I SUGGESTED THAT SHE MUST HAVE
HUNG AROUND WITH THE SMART KIDS
(and I didn’t)
AND THEN CHANGED THE SUBJECT
AND THEN GOT OUT OF THERE…

IT ACTUALLY WENT PRETTY SMOOTHLY…
WHEW…
I haven’t run into anyone from my high school in years…
not even ones I know !!!
(unless they’re all old people now & my memory is failing)

____________________

not coming my way this time !!!

ebay-paypal dispute…

I guess it’s my turn.. finally…
I bought a clothing item for my daughter
from what looked like a store-type operation
(multiple item listings and a web site)…
paid with PAYPAL the same day…

NEVER GOT ANY COMMUNICATION
FROM THE SELLER !!!   NADA !

So I have to go thru a month long procedure,
as if there was some mis-representationm,
or disappointment with the item…
THEY WANT US TO HASH IT OUT !!!

I’m willing.. but have no one to ‘hash’ with !!!

I wonder if I’ll ever get my $27.10 back !!!

THE BASTARDS !!!!

(it turned out to be a moving day screw-up… all is well)

______________________

MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC
and be sure to
PLAY THE WEEKLY 2-FER…
NAME THAT TUNE QUIZ !!!

formerly…. MYSTERY LYRICS !!!
  dave, the exiled !!!

http://en.davidscott.de/
GO TO THE SOURCE, FOLLOW THE LINK

 WEBMASTER DAVE’S PERSONAL CREATION….
(A GREAT PLACE TO ‘HANG’)

___________________
 

I was thinking how future generations
would ‘understand’ music of the last 60 or 70 years…

I’m talking far off future.. or alien archeologists
going over cultural relics of an old civilization(?)…

The WORDS, or ‘poetry’, might remain…
but the actual music might be lost…

HOW WOULD THAT WORK ?
(if only the printed word part of songs lasted)

There IS the poetry, there IS the storytelling…
but there’s alot of ‘nonsense’
that could never be considered poetry…
but is popular, or a hit…
because of a catchy melody, or hook !

THERE’S AN AWFUL LOT THAT WON’T
GO IN THE FOLDER NEXT TO SHAKESPEARE !

(I’m thinking more in terms of the ‘pain’ of Chaucer)

_____________________

 alien concept…

Public television showed one of the old
JACK BENNY PROGRAMS…
His guest was a young, new host of THE TONITE SHOW…
JOHNNY CARSON

Johnny showed off a bit…
Card tricks, magic, played the drums,
sang and danced…
and then mocked his own show…
HE HAD MORE TALENT THAN YOU’D THINK !

ANYWAY…
At the end of the show, in the dressing room…
Jack Benny’s ‘crew’ gave away the reason
for his never-aging appearance…
THEY TOOK HIM APART, LIKE A ROBOT !
His voice supposedly came from a record player…
and, as part of the joke… the record skipped !

SKIPPED ?
Does that even have any meaning
for anyone who grew up on cd’s and mp3’s ?
Sure CD’s skip to a later part of the CD…
but the damaged groove repeating the same ‘circle’
until you gently tap the record player arm…
or for later playing put a weight of folded paper
on the tone-arm needle shell ?

YOU MIGHT AS WELL DROP THE REFERENCE
FROM THE NEWER DICTIONARIES !!!

OH.. TONITE ?
I’m watching an episode of
OZZIE & HARRIET
on the same public tv station…
(the ones when ricky & david were kids still hold up)

___________________

 CHECK  OUT   CARO…

http://www.caro-im-inter.net/?language=en
(info, audio, & video)
DON’T FORGET THE GUESTBOOK

Caro has signed to CDBaby,
Her album “Eternity” is now available !

Eternity was released to critical acclaim !

 http://www.cdbaby.com/caromusic
YOU can listen to, and/or buy, at CDBABY !!!

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a challenge on the
RON & FEZ sirius-xm satellite radio show
sounds like a great idea
for a new tv game show…

INFORMATION on a live radio show
is needed at the snap-of-your-fingers…
computer searches are done constantly…
one listener claimed they could search faster
than the producer who thought it a specialty of his…

SO.. FIRST TO REACH FIVE WON in the challenge…
Random questions were read, call out when you have it…
read aloud, and be judged…
The answers were found extremely fast…
I’d slow it down for the tv version…

TV  VERSION …

Like ‘WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE’…
an elimination round…
10, 20, 50 people at computers going for the fastest times…
the top 2 or 3 go head-to-head
in the same type of ’search’ competition…
but with harder, or multi-part questions…
or a list of questions with time constraints…
with bonus questions for right answers…
with over-sized monitors showing their techniques,
and answers, to the studio & home audiences…

YOU COULD HAVE GOOGLE or YAHOO AS THE SPONSOR,
USING ONLY THEIR SEARCH ENGINE…
or the contestant would be free to use
any site they can think of…
(you could steal elements from OTHER game shows)

YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO PLAY ALONG AT HOME
WITH YOUR OWN COMPUTER…
racing against the contestants to see how good YOU are…
there could be team competition or college challenges…

I’M SURE THERE ARE FINER POINTS
THAN I’VE COME UP WITH…
but the ’seed’ for a game show for today’s
computer savvy audience is definitely here !!!

I’d put MY own production company on the job immediately…
except I don’t have a production company…
HOW ABOUT….  GOODSON-RENFIELD ?

___________________

I’m still ‘giddy’ from breaking
the 500 issue barrier with RIP Renfield !!!
(RIPRenfield.com)

SO… A CONTEST !!!

Tell me how wonderful I am
and you may win a RIP t-shirt or tote bag…
(nah, that won’t work… I want winners)

 IF you think my writing sucks…
I’ll just pick 3 names out of a hat
and award them that way…
SO JUST EMAIL …
 RIPRenfield@aol.com  … SUBJECT: RIP CONTEST ENTRY)

 (Uh, 500 issues? it’s once a week, not once a day!)

____________________________

  
 I REALLY DIDN’T HAVE THE TIME THIS WEEK
TO DO A PROPER ISSUE…

BUT, VIOLA…
THE KID COMES THRU AGAIN…

AND THE ISSUE IS NOT TOO SHABBY…
SOME GOOD STUFF HERE…

THE ONLY PROBLEM ?
THE BIGGER PROBLEM ?

I SHOT MY LOAD !!!

I’ve used up ALL my saved up material…
and it will be interesting to see what excuse
I come up with for the NEXT issue
for why the length of the issue may be less than usual…

WELL.. TUNE IN NEXT WEEK..
AND SEE HOW I GET OUT OF THIS PERDICAMENT…

TALENT WILL TAKE ME ONLY SO FAR !!!!
(I may have to rely on nudity)

_______________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

opposing opinions are welcome,
but since i’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS & ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist
TISH (PILLBUG)
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RIP Renfield available on the internet at…
www.RipRenfield.com
and also featured at…
www.MysteryLyrics.info
and make sure to ’surf’ the site…
follow the links and explore… lots of good stuff…
or visit me at…
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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