† RIP Renfield #505 – FATHERS DAY †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive mis-information about)

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come visit, we can trade ‘adds’ as friend at…

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RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield #505 - FATHERS DAY †

June 20 th, 2009

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happy father’s day !!!
a mere shadow of mother’s day…
but at least it’s something…

i have things to do,
places to go…

so here we go with this week’s issue…

(lots of (wink,wink) pics this week)

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a dad choice that might surprise you…

R.I.P
DOM DELUISE

Dom had appeared in scores of films,
TV shows and Broadway plays
and provided voices for numerous cartoon characters.

DeLuise is best known for his performances in
many of Mel Brooks’ successful comic films.

Later on, he also became known for his cooking,
authoring 2 cook books & demonstrating recipes on tv.

A FUNNY, FUNNY MAN…
I’m going to go to roles others might not mention…
An under-rated tv series… LOTSA LUCK
(great stuff)
a serio-comic role in  FATSO….
(”get the honey junior”),
and, with George Peppard & Mary Tyler Moore…
WHAT’S SO BAD ABOUT FEELING GOOD?
(hard to keep a straight face when he’s playing
a comedic role that requires him to ‘look’ serious),
every tv series…
from THE MUNSTERS to STARGATE SG-1.

Dom could ‘flit’ around for laughs as good as anyone…
(married 40 years, 3 sons)

YOU DID GOOD DOM…
YOU USED WHAT YOU HAD FOR A GREAT CAREER !

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THE 72 YEAR OLD GREAT GRANDMA
THAT GAVE THE COP SUCH A HARD TIME ?

ENDED UP GETTING ‘TAZED’ AFTER DARING THE COPS ?
(IT’S ON YOUTUBE)

(my kids were taught to be polite & obey the cop)
((if they-re a-holes & it’s on video.. you can’t argue the beating))

FIGHT A COP AND 99.9% OF THE TIME…
YOU LOSE !!!

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THE SIRENS OF TITAN
(kurt vonnegut)

(ALSO A GREAT SONG BY AL STEWART)

There was a character in the book named ‘UNK’…
he was originally recruited to supposedly
command a Martian army against the Earth…
He ended up getting his mind erased a few times…
and starting over…
He would find notes of ‘truths’ hidden that were really
from him before the mind wipes…
(not knowing they were his own words)

I’M THINKING THAT WHEN I’M OLD
AND MY MIND IS GONE…
(or is it already?)

Whenever I have a moment of ‘clarity’ from the alzheimers…
Someone I just ‘met’ (probably family)
will read to me from RIP Renfield… MY words !!!
and hearing them for the ‘FIRST’ time…
I COULD BE ‘UNK’ !!!
I’ll be amazed at what that idiot (me) had to say !!!

and be really impressed if they are able to convince
me that it’s me that wrote all that crap !!!

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MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC
and be sure to
PLAY THE WEEKLY 2-FER…
NAME THAT TUNE QUIZ !!!

formerly…. MYSTERY LYRICS !!!
  dave, the exiled !!!

 http://en.davidscott.de/
GO TO THE SOURCE, FOLLOW THE LINK

or dave’s…
PLACE FOR LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE
WHO LOVE THEIR MUSIC

http://www.TotalOldies.ning.com

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NEW  PRODUCT…

This new, soon to be available, product
claims to predict sex of a fetus at 10 weeks…
IT’S AN AT-HOME TEST !!!

The ‘responsible’ company will NOT sell
the product in India or China
where the desire for male children
would, most likely, lead to female fetus abortions…
EVER HEAR OF THE BLACK MARKET ?
 
and the company CAN’T except
that couples might use the results to abort…
(it’s informational only… like what color to paint the baby room)

COUPLES WANT ONE OF EACH ONLY ?
THREE GIRLS, WHY TAKE A CHANCE FOR THE BOY ?
(or vice versa)

THE COMPANY CHOOSES TO IGNORE THESE USES !!!
CLAIMING THAT PEOPLE AREN’T THAT SHALLOW !
(but you can’t put the genie back in the bottle now)

PEOPLE WILL USE IT
FOR WHATEVER PURPOSE THEY CHOOSE !!!

DOESN’T SEEM TO BE MUCH OF A FUSS OVER THIS…
DO YOU THINK THE ‘GAY TEST’ FOR A FETUS
MIGHT GET A LITTLE MORE ‘HEAT’ ?

WHOA BOY !!!

Just like the 90 year old woman that just got ‘taser-ed’…
She WAS asking for it (it’s on video),
and it was probably the least injurious way to subdue her
(grab her? old bones snap easily)
and keep her out of traffic…

BUT HAD IT BEEN A MINORITY WOMAN ?

IT WOULD BE ‘INVESTIGATED’
AND NO MATTER WHAT THE EVIDENCE SHOWED…
THEY’D CALL IT A HATE CRIME !!!

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‘borrowed’ argument from a radio show…

Woman driving in her neighborhood,
following the laws-of-the-road, including speed limit…
On one (busier?) street…
the moms have (illegally, I’m sure) signs in the road
telling the drivers to slow down
because their little darlings play in the street !
They go so far as to follow the woman to her door,
and yell and hassle her !

As you can tell, the argument (that I agree with)
was AGAINST the moms with the signs…
first of all.. play in your backyard, or front yard…
NOT ON THE STREET !!!
Many of your tax dollars are spent on parks
and other play areas to keep the kids off the streets !
If the kids are young-ish… they aren’t being supervised…
MOMS… KEEP THEM OFF THE STREETS !!!
YOU want them on the streets ?
Live on a dead end, or cul-de-sac, or less used street,
not one of the main ones…
YOU WOULDN’T LET THEM PLAY ON A HIGHWAY ?

NOT A GOOD PLACE FOR MAN, CHILD, or BICYCLE

IF YOUR DOG IS OFF THE LEASH
AND RUNS IN THE ROAD…
THE OWNER IS WRONG, NOT THE DRIVER !
If the kid is too young to know safety?
KEEP HIM IN SIGHT.. OFF THE STREET !!!
No one wants to hit a kid with a car,
but fewer cars come up on your front lawn to get you !

I CAN REMEMBER OUR SYSTEM AS KIDS
PLAYING ON THE STREET…
As soon as one of us saw a car coming…
We’d yell.. ” CAR ”
and all of us would move to the side of the road…
and give the car the right-of-way…

If your kid is too young to be able to do this…
YOU HAVE TO WATCH (and keep) HIM CLOSER !!!

NOT PUT UP YOUR OWN SPEED LIMIT SIGNS,
AND HASSLE LAW ABIDING PEOPLE !!!

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 WOW…
DOUBLE WOW !!!

I READ THAT THE NEW ‘GOOD-NITE KISS’
FOR TEEN DATERS IS A BLOW-JOB !!!

THAT MUST BE SOME SIGHT FOR POOR DAD
WHEN THE PORCH LIGHT COMES ON !!!

the PONY-TAILS had it all wrong…
(unless they didn’t ’swallow’)
in their hit…
BORN  TOO  LATE  !!!

THEY may have been born too late…
but I’m thinking I was born way too early !!!

in my day the question was…
HANDSHAKE INSTEAD OF A KISS ?
(your (bad?) breath was the least of your problems)

NOW IT’S…

or at the very least…

HAND-JOB INSTEAD OF A HAND-SHAKE !!!

The down-side to the end of the ‘modern’ teen date?
FOR THE GIRL…
She’d better get her ‘fill of’ kissing out-of-the-way
before the blow-job…
I really can’t see a teen boy swapping spit(?)
without his sweetie brushing & gargling…
(mouthwash this time)

__________________

speaking of (swapping) spit…

YOU SWALLOW THE SPIT IN YOUR MOUTH
ALL DAY LONG !!!
(without even thinking of it)

So how-come if you dribbled your own spit
into a drinking glass…
YOU WOULD BE TOTALLY REVOLTED
IF SOMEONE SUGGESTED YOU DRINK IT ?

___________________
 

THIS DOESN’T EXIST ALREADY ?

I saw a news story about companies
developing paint that fights…
germs, bacteria, mold, etc…
WHAT A GREAT IDEA !
It can’t lose !

MILLIONS CAN BE MADE
JUST SELLING TO THE
 GERMO-PHOBIC TYPES !
(even it’s bullshit)

AND IF IT ACTUALLY WORKS ?
WOW !!!

This should have been a priority decades ago…
If just for hospitals and health-care facilities !!!

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ONE MORE AGGRAVATION SAVER ?

Old people seem to have a major problem
when kids in the next yard
lose their ‘ball’ over the fence into the old guy’s yard !

Instead of yelling, screaming, boiling blood-pressure…
even strokes and heart attacks …

A SENSOR NOTES THE BALL ENTERING THE YARD
AND A BOOMING RECORDING
(aimed in the offending direction)
CALLS OUT…

” JESUS CHRIST… NOT AGAIN !!! ”
or
” YOU DAMN KIDS ”
or whatever your particular outburst is…

I SHOULDA GOT ONE FOR MY DAD !!!

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WOMEN HAVE SUCH GREAT IMAGINATIONS
 WHEN IT COMES TO MAKING DAD’S HAPPY…
(now if they’d only act on them)

the RIP Renfield staff is always good to me on
FATHER’S DAY…
or  CLOTHING-is-OPTIONAL DAY
as it’s become known as…

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then they seranade me…

I’m a sucker for that long-haired stuff !!!

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GOING OUT TO DINNER ?

CHECK THE MENU THOROUGH-LY
for DAILY ‘SPECIALS’ !!!

or maybe just an intimate picnic..?

OR JUST TAKING A LATE NITE DRIVE ?
(remember to dress for fun)

DON’T DO ANYTHING
I WOULDN’T WANT DONE-TO-ME !!!

_____________________

 
 
THE KIDS IN BED ?
(we already know what the kids do on the porch)

Mom should do something ’special’ for dad…

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by the way…

I WOULD NEVER BE ‘CAUGHT’ IN A POSE
 (in death or life)
like DAVID CARRADINE…

for one thing…
I’m not sure ANY closet rod
could hold my weight !!!

secondly…
I LOOK TERRIBLE IN FISHNET STOCKINGS !!!

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‘fishnets’ DO work for some people…

the OLSEN TWINS are all grown up !!!

(okay… 4 foot, 11 is the best they can do)

ask and you shall receive ?

“YOU GOT IT DUDE”
takes on a whole new meaning now !!!

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A cynic is not merely one who reads
 bitter lessons from the past,
he is one who is
prematurely disappointed in the future.
  – Sidney J. Harris

Well Sid.. very good definition…
but when your life’s experience is your proof…
(and you’re not a kid anymore)

HOW COULD YOU NOT BE A CYNIC ?
The non-cynic is very rare…
or else is a brain-dead tree hugger type.

BUT I’M SURE THAT IF A TON OF MONEY
THAT I DIDN’T EARN
DROPPED INTO MY LAP…
I MIGHT RE-EVAUATE MY VIEW !

AM I A CYNIC ?
Do you REALLY think my Father’s Day ’suggestions’
for ‘taking care’ of dad have a snowball’s chance in hell ?

(and I ain’t talkin’ about the hand-made cards)

GO KISS YOUR KIDS…
It’s a bigger day for them,
than it is for dad !!!
(take the love while you can)

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

opposing opinions are welcome,
but since i’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS & ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist
TISH (PILLBUG)
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RIP Renfield available on the internet at…
www.RipRenfield.com
and also featured at…
www.MysteryLyrics.info
and make sure to ’surf’ the site…
follow the links and explore… lots of good stuff…
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>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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